issue108 television对politics, 第一篇政治类 28号就考了，请各位指教，必回

wicwawaUID: 199056

Issue108  第10 篇 三月超高频题 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分1秒     453 words
从2004年2月10日0时52分到2004年2月10日1时45分
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In many countries it is now possible to turn on the television and view government at work. Watching these proceedings can help people understand the issues that affect their lives. The more kinds of government proceedings—trials, debates, meetings, etc—that are televised, the more society will benefit.
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Does the mass media always play a positive role in political affairs as the statement claims? As my point of view, the enrollment of television in political affairs and government proceedings radiates  much more positive light on society and the public, although sometimes it may have some defects.

To begin with, the fundamental reason that I support the speaker is that the process of wide broadcasting government proceedings and political affairs, such as live show about trials, debates, meetings could  make the public understood about politics largely build a political sense which could enable people to have responsibility of participating in politics ,especially those social affairs relating closely to their daily lives. In China, this merit of television could already be observed clearly. Nowadays, price testimony has gained popularity even many cities which enable the public tell their own attitude about acceptable price of a certain public services .It obviously contributes to a more rational decision of city government to the fee of public service. In this sense, we can see that it is due to television's broadcasting that creates a sense of participation of politics in society and makes the government's policy more reasonable as well as the public more beneficial.

Moreover, the widely broadcasting of government proceedings could greatly give a supervision of society on government officials and force them to fulfill their promise and  better understand  their duties. The public supervision could also to a certain extent prevent officials from abusing their authorities and  corruption  as well as derelicts. In China , a television program called Focus Interview just serves a good example. It usually interviews some officials without revealing its status of reporter and thus could discover the genuine thought of them. Most of these interviews could explore some critical defects in social systems or derelict attitude of those interviewees. Consequently , it would raise an intensive controversy and criticism from  society on these problems it exposed. Certainly, it greatly contribute to the governments' alerts about certain issues and its officials' delinquency.

Nevertheless, I admit that the comprehensive broadcasting about government's working proceedings may have some passive even negative influence. Considering, if the governments' discussion about the plan of eradicating a certain group of terrorists is open to the public, how  could this plan take effectiveness ? Moreover, when the  information is about the critical interests of a nation or when the nation's interests is at stake, such  as wartime, some important meetings and debates should definitely withdrawn from the public, since  in fact this could really benefit the society.

velra2002ihUID: 128951

首先，说一下整体框架。
主体为后三段，前两段支持，后一段让步说缺陷。因为是立论文，感觉再加个结尾重申下自己支持的立场会使论证更完整。
其次，说下细节。
正文第一段，论点句似乎前后颠倒。
“As my point of view, the enrollment of television in political affairs and government proceedings radiates much more positive light on society and the public, although sometimes it may have some defects”
你的观点是支持，那么Although＋缺点似乎应该在前面，后面才是你的赞成的观点。要知道，although句型通常强调的是后半句，你这样写会让考官以为你要开始驳论文呢。
还有，这句话里的enrollment用的不好，我查了韦氏，也没有其它的意思。该词是一种新生入学注册、新兵入伍的感觉。虽然大词用比低级词汇好，但是用的不恰当反而不如小词传神，这里我觉得小词employ的动名词,或者大词exertion都好过用enrollment。
此外，我觉得你写完后看看自己的语法错误，比如语态、两动词不能并列等
“which enable the public tell their own attitude ,especially those social affairs relating closely to their daily lives”tell改为to tell吧。relating改为related，实际上是which is related
“Moreover, the widely broadcasting of government proceedings could greatly give a supervision of society on government officials and force them to fulfill their promise and better understand their duties. ”
understand改为understanding吧，否则主语不是动作发出者
呵呵，先抑后扬，45分钟写成这样，不错阿，加油
水平有限，指出的错误仅供参考

wicwawaUID: 199056

不好意思，我最后一段忘发了
To sum up, although sometimes denying some political affairs and government’s working proceeding is  a better choice, most of times, in most of cases, the mass media, especially television broadcasting, obviously benefits the people as well as society .

您说我语法错误我是要注意啊