issue93 第二次写

boyjimUID: 125249

超时20分钟
issue93 "The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."
----------正文--------------
In the course of time and life, responsibility develop in a strange continuity, which shape our thought and trap us at the bottom of deeply incised canyons of customs, morality, religions and legality. Responsibilities to us seem to be irresistible and inescapable, and we are endowed since the day we open our eyes and the day we close them. Although everyone is responsible for private behavior, and this obligation or rather a burden seems to be a reality, from my point of view, the concept of responsibility is totally a true lie. It is a necessity for society, reality for individuals, and a way to stabilize, harmonize, and regulate people for government.

Responsibility manifests a kind of obligation to do or not something for sake of moral gauge, custom limitation, faith of religions and a serious law. It spring from the day people can fully aware of themselves and the difference of others. There is a time when barren people are hardly in possession of literal word, devoid of formality, but they still were aware of what they should do or not in that their ancestors left them a series of behavior benchmark without logged only by told. These standards may seem naive to us and they cohered with these customs, what is more, with time pass by, they invent more to regulate, for the basic belief of fairness, safety and other principles we still are cherished today. Thus, since the day we come to the world, we are born to stick to the responsibility, and carry it for whole of our life, will ye, nill ye, and it is invariable inevitability for all mortal who are living in the world and who have evanesced. The only difference of them is the lives face a ponderous responsibility as a burden before them and the death paid off it.

Notwithstanding, although we born to be responsible, this responsibility more often than not are inherent but not what we are intrinsic in want of. One of the great tragedies in the world are the responsibility have been utilized by our government to guarantee and stabilize the well-balanced operation of the machine of society, as a consequence, responsibility for government is a tool for ruling and a fairy tale of people to follow, despite that it is really in existence. This ironic and paradox circumstance envelop responsibility with a vague and dilemma air which hard to tell whether or not it is a fiction or reality. But one thing is certain: it is necessity for everyone albeit we repulse and reluctant to accept it, and even our behavior are derived from our internal intuition, but it is imitated by our environment and taught by our parents, teachers, fellows and remote God. There is every possibility that these experiences and forces are rooted in our awareness and make us feel omnipotent and whenever we act unruly, we are treated as weird, geek, and crazy. Needless to say when people break the code, which contract with morality, legality and God, we will be punished thanks to violation of the criteria established.

With responsibility, we can be regulated harmony with others and endowed with numerous tasks to sustain this regulation. It seem to be a ridiculous big joke that when we want to breach through the forest of cliché, we plant more tree in it, when we want to thrive in this seemingly under control world, we can only survive, when trapped in an abyss of beautiful labyrinth cannot find the way out, we are still in want of making it more sophisticated and complicated. Such is responsibility, a connection with outside and a enigma hard to distinguish whether it is a bone or a boon. (618)

没有任何例子 完全说理 不知道是够可行

鬼谷子UID: 159645

超时20分钟
93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."

In the course of time and life, responsibility develop 【develops】in a strange【？】continuity, which shape【shapes】 our thought and trap【traps】 us at the bottom of deeply incised canyons of【又用trap又用bottom，你是要否定所有后面的customs, morality, religions and laws吗？】 customs, morality, religions and legality【laws】. Responsibilities to【of】 us seem to be irresistible and inescapable, and we are endowed 【endowed what？】since the day we open our eyes and the day we close them. 【since。。。and？该是from。。。to】 Although everyone is responsible for private behavior, 【his/her behavior】 and this obligation or rather a burden seems to be a reality, 【to be realistic】 from my point of view, the concept of responsibility is totally a true lie. It is a necessity for society, reality for individuals, and a way to stabilize, harmonize, and regulate people for government. 【否定了个人责任，认为是一种谎言，语言上的问题太多】

Responsibility manifests a kind of obligation to do or not 【to do】something for sake of moral gauge, custom limitation, faith of religions and the serious law. It spring【springs/ sprung】from the day people can fully aware of themselves and the difference of【from】 others. 【从我们意识到自己的时候就开始有了责任？这点需要进一步的论述的。而且，你提出这个论断的用意是什么呢？】There is a time when barren【？】 people are hardly in possession of literal word, devoid of formality, but they still were aware of what they should do or not in that their ancestors left them a series of behavior benchmark【复数】 without logged【？】 only by told. These standards may seem naive to us and they 【who？what？】cohered with these customs, 【你指前面说到的standard？】 what is more, 【另起一句】 with 【as】time pass by, they invent more 【more what？】to regulate, for【为什么用for，前后有因果吗？】 the basic belief of fairness, safety and other principles we still are cherished today. Thus, since the day we come to the world, we are born to stick to the responsibility, and carry it for whole of our life, 【our whole life】will ye, nill ye, and it is invariable inevitability for all mortal 【复数】who are living in the world and who have evanesced. 【这个词你要指什么？】 The only difference of 【between】them is the lives face a ponderous responsibility as a burden before them and the death paid off it. 【乱七八糟】

Notwithstanding, although we born to be responsible, but this responsibility more often than not are【单复数一致！！】 inherent but not what we are intrinsic in want of. One of the great tragedies in the world are the responsibility have been utilized by our government to guarantee and stabilize the well-balanced operation of the machine of society, as a consequence, responsibility for government is tool for ruling and a fairy tale of people to follow, despite that it is really in existence. This ironic and paradox circumstance envelop responsibility with a vague and dilemma air which hard to tell whether or not it is a fiction or reality. But one thing is certain: it is necessity for everyone albeit we repulse and reluctant to accept it, and even our behavior are derived from our internal intuition, but it is imitated by our environment and taught by our parents, teachers, fellows and remote God. There is every possibility that these experiences and forces are rooted in our awareness and make us feel omnipotent and whenever we act unruly, we are treated as weird, geek, and crazy. Needless to say when people break the code, which contract with morality, legality and God, we will be punished thanks to violation of the criteria established.

With responsibility, we can be regulated harmony with others and endowed with numerous tasks to sustain this regulation. It seem to be a ridiculous big joke that when we want to breach through the forest of cliché, we plant more tree in it, when we want to thrive in this seemingly under control world, we can only survive, when trapped in an abyss of beautiful labyrinth cannot find the way out but still in want of making it more sophisticated and complicated. Such is responsibility, a connection with outside and a enigma hard to distinguish whether it is a bone or a boon. (618)
【没有看完，语言问题实在太多，以至于影响我对于你文章的理解了，希望你首先解决好最基本的语法，时态，单复数，介词等问题】

boyjimUID: 125249

不胜感激！！

鬼谷子UID: 159645

刚刚语气不好，向你表示歉意，下面已经全部修改过了。


超时20分钟
93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Although societies must hold individuals accountable for their own actions, people's behavior is largely determined by forces not of their own making."

In the course of time and life, responsibility develop 【develops】in a strange【？】continuity, which shape【shapes】 our thought and trap【traps】 us at the bottom of deeply incised canyons of【又用trap又用bottom，你是要否定所有后面的customs, morality, religions and laws吗？】 customs, morality, religions and legality【laws】. Responsibilities to【of】 us seem to be irresistible and inescapable, and we are endowed 【endowed what？】since the day we open our eyes and the day we close them. 【since。。。and？该是from。。。to】 Although everyone is responsible for private behavior, 【his/her behavior】 and this obligation or rather a burden seems to be a reality, 【to be realistic】 from my point of view, the concept of responsibility is totally a true lie. It is a necessity for society, reality for individuals, and a way to stabilize, harmonize, and regulate people for government. 【否定了个人责任，认为是一种谎言，语言上的问题太多】

Responsibility manifests a kind of obligation to do or not 【to do】something for sake of moral gauge, custom limitation, faith of religions and the serious law. It spring【springs/ sprung】from the day people can fully aware of themselves and the difference of【from】 others. 【从我们意识到自己的时候就开始有了责任？这点需要进一步的论述的。而且，你提出这个论断的用意是什么呢？】There is a time when barren【？】 people are hardly in possession of literal word, devoid of formality, but they still were aware of what they should do or not in that their ancestors left them a series of behavior benchmark【复数】 without logged【？】 only by told. These standards may seem naive to us and they 【who？what？】cohered with these customs, 【你指前面说到的standard？】 what is more, 【另起一句】 with 【as】time pass by, they invent more 【more what？】to regulate, for【为什么用for，前后有因果吗？】 the basic belief of fairness, safety and other principles we still are cherished today. Thus, since the day we come to the world, we are born to stick to the responsibility, and carry it for whole of our life, 【our whole life】will ye, nill ye, and it is invariable inevitability for all mortal 【复数】who are living in the world and who have evanesced. 【这个词你要指什么？】 The only difference of 【between】them is the lives face a ponderous responsibility as a burden before them and the death paid off it. 【乱七八糟】

【感觉你的语言问题影响到了你的思想的表达，而且，论证上面也有问题的。你应该从moral gauge, custom limitation, faith of religions and the serious law对于我们责任的要求，行为的限制上面来论述的，这样才符合你的论点】

Notwithstanding, although we born to be responsible, 【这个论断还没有证明，不能直接拿来用的】 but this responsibility more often than not are【单复数一致！！】 inherent but not what we are intrinsic in want of. 【两个的意思都是内在的，不太明白你这个比较的意思】 One of the great tragedies in the world are the responsibility have been utilized by our government to guarantee and stabilize the well-balanced operation of the machine of society, 【政府机器？是这么说的吗？】 as a consequence, responsibility for government is tool for ruling and a fairy tale of 【for】people to follow, despite that it is really in existence. This ironic and paradox【paradoxical】 circumstance envelop 【envelops】responsibility with a vague and dilemma air which hard to tell whether or not it is a fiction or reality. But one thing is certain: it is necessity 【necessary】for everyone albeit we repulse and reluctant to accept it, and even our behavior are derived from our internal intuition【will】, but it is imitated by our environment and taught by our parents, teachers, fellows and remote God. 【这里还是应该继续你上面的思路，从政府社会的控制的角度来说的，不应该说是家长老师等因素的影响】 There is every possibility【？】 that these experiences and forces are rooted in our awareness and make us feel omnipotent and whenever we act unruly, we are treated as weird, geek, and crazy. 【这句是要说明什么呢？】Needless to say when people break the code, which contract with morality, legality 【law】and God, we will be punished thanks to violation of the criteria established. 【问题差不多说出来了，但是你只是从社会政府一个方面来说明问题，没有交代个人的行为是在社会政府的控制限制之下，人们根本无法对行为负责，所以个人责任是一个lie】

With responsibility, we can be regulated harmony with others and endowed with numerous tasks to sustain this regulation. 【是要说明政府虚构出责任的用处吗？】 It seem to be a ridiculous big joke that when we want to breach through the forest of cliché【我觉得这里应该说是谎言】, we plant more tree in it, when we want to thrive in this seemingly under control world, we can only survive, when trapped in an abyss of beautiful labyrinth cannot find the way out but still in want of making it more sophisticated and complicated. Such is responsibility, a connection with outside and a【an】 enigma hard to distinguish whether it is a bone or a boon. (618)
【这段不像是一个总结】
【首先，语言问题实在太多，以至于影响我对于你文章的理解了，希望你首先解决好最基本的语法，时态，单复数，介词等问题。然后，论证上面也是有缺陷的，注意围绕论点，注意论证的逻辑。加油吧！】

bcomerUID: 182621

最初由 鬼谷子 发布
[B]刚刚语气不好，向你表示歉意，下面已经全部修改过了。


超时20分钟
93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Al..

以下省略...... [/B]

确实是好评改，好细致:)

boyjimUID: 125249

最初由 bcomer 发布
[B][QUOTE]最初由 鬼谷子 发布
[B]刚刚语气不好，向你表示歉意，下面已经全部修改过了。


超时20分钟
93"The concept of 'individual respo..

以下省略...... [/B]

辛苦了鬼哥！

boyjimUID: 125249

最初由 鬼谷子 发布
[B]There is every possibility【？】 that these experiences and forces are rooted in our awareness and make us feel omnipotent and whenever we act unruly, we are treated as weird, geek, and crazy.


超时20分钟
93"The concept of 'individual responsibility' is a necessary fiction. Al..

以下省略...... [/B]

The British Prime Minister, Tony Blair, has said there is every possibility
of reaching a peace deal in the Middle East.
there is every possibility 表示...什么的可能性非常的大