交同主题作业 issue 162，改过的！（留下链接互拍）

smartyrUID: 169453

Issue162  第8篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分3秒     557 words
从2005年2月11日10时30分到2005年2月11日11时45分
------题目------
One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.
------正文------
While it is true that individuals are conditioned by the social environment largely established long before they get awareness of it, thus the speaker concludes that the conception of personal responsibility is much complicated and unrealistic, I contend that individuals can alter their conditions more or less and the personal responsibility is unambiguous and realistic for the most majority. /承认环境对人们有影响，但是生活环境又是可以改变的，因而个人的责任明确的就是对所在的环境负责。

Admittedly, the circumstances that were established long before indeed exerted tremendous influence on the individuals, no matter how old or young, man or woman, he or she is Individually, it is the fact that one can hardly change the traditional customs and beliefs, which were handed down by their precursors, established for him when one was born, as well as their background and their nationalities. When he is growing up and his first and foremost needs are to accommodated the institutions and patterns set by the society as well as the community, or he will be eliminated by the regulations of social, just like a game. The Renaissance philosopher, Rousseau, once said that when people were born, he is essentially good but his characters were shaped by his experience and influenced by the conditions greatly. It apparent that the living style and thinking ways of the westerners and easterners are distinctively different which have been shaped by the geological conditions and also cultures accumulated by thousands of years respectively. For instance, Americans accustom using forks to have lunch while Chinese like their chopsticks for which will be operated dexterously for them. This difference was determined by the culture and long practices in their distinct circumstances. /生活环境对人类根深蒂固的影响

Nevertheless, individual can do some efforts to influence the conditions, even though he cannot change the circumstances completely, no matter spiritually or physically. No one can deny the fact that human is progressing in that the standards of morality and ethics are changing greatly, as well as their living conditions when retrospect to the long history of human civilization. The definition of one thing is different even in the same cultural background but the different periods. It cannot be altered itself, but human’s endeavors. For a political leader, one of his individual accountabilities is responsible for his nation and society firstly. Many effective leaders in the long history of human being have exerted profound influence on the society of their times for their noble characters, rectitude, honesty, braveness, perseverance, stimulate majority of individuals generation by generation, such as Abraham Lincoln, Martin Ruther King. These merits of human indeed improve moral or ethical levels of the whole society effectively. For another thing, human possess the unprecedented ability to change their environment physically with the fantastic speed of development of science and technology. For instance, air pollution has lead to the Greenhouse effect globally and nuclear bomb can even destroy the planet myriads of times on which their spiritual circumstances based. The tangible personal responsibility for scientist, therefore, is to ensure the primary survival condition and discovery and probe the nature of the unknown world. /精神生活还是物质生活环境人类或多或少都是可以改变的，且人类的责任是明确的

To sum up, the very personal responsibility serves as the vital foundations for the evolution of progress and civilization and also the orders and regulations on which whole society rests. Though I concede that the conditions that people live in were established long before they aware of them, I prefer to the individual accountability and obligations, which are also tangible and realistic contribute a lot to change the environment of human beings.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

把链接和思路想法发到同主题的帖子里面吧

smartyrUID: 169453

No Problem！！

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue162 第8篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：45分3秒 557 words
从2005年2月11日10时30分到2005年2月11日11时45分
------题目------
One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.
------正文------
While it is true that individuals are conditioned【这个词用的不错】 by the social environment largely established long before they get awareness of it, thus 【while，thus怎么这么搭配？】the speaker concludes that the conception of personal responsibility is much 【more】complicated and unrealistic, I contend that individuals can alter their conditions more or less and the personal responsibility is unambiguous【用这个词跟complicated相对吗？感觉不好】 and realistic for the most majority. /承认环境对人们有影响，但是生活环境又是可以改变的，因而个人的责任明确的就是对所在的环境负责。 【这句的内容没有体现】

Admittedly, the circumstances that were established long before indeed exerted tremendous influence on the individuals, no matter how old or young, man or woman, he or she is【罗嗦，而且，让步放在最前面是我不提倡的】 Individually【个别地？】, it is the fact that one can hardly change the traditional customs and beliefs, which were handed down by their precursors【该是ancestor/predecessor/antecedent】, established for him when one was born, as well as their background and their nationalities. When he【one】 is growing up and his first and foremost needs are to accommodated the institutions and patterns set by the society as well as the community, or he will be eliminated by the regulations of social【society】, just like a game. The Renaissance philosopher, Rousseau, once said that when people were born, he is essentially good but his characters were shaped by his experience and influenced by the conditions greatly. It apparent that the living style and thinking ways of the westerners and easterners are distinctively different which have been shaped by the geological conditions and also cultures accumulated by thousands of years respectively. For instance, Americans accustom using forks to have lunch while Chinese like their chopsticks for which will be operated dexterously for them. This difference was determined by the culture and long practices in their distinct circumstances. /生活环境对人类根深蒂固的影响【跟责任有什么关系呢？而且，让步段让了这么多，削弱你的观点了】

Nevertheless, individual can do some efforts to influence the conditions, even though he cannot change the circumstances completely, no matter spiritually or physically. No one can deny the fact that human is progressing in that the standards of morality and ethics are changing greatly, as well as their living conditions 【另起一句】when retrospect【这是名词】 to the long history of human civilization. The definition of one thing is different even in the same cultural background but the different periods. It cannot be altered itself, but human’s endeavors. For a political leader, one of his individual accountabilities is responsible for his nation and society firstly. 【跟改变环境有关吗？】Many effective leaders in the long history of human being have exerted profound influence on the society of their times for their noble characters, rectitude, honesty, braveness, perseverance, stimulate majority of individuals generation by generation, such as Abraham Lincoln, Martin Ruther King. These merits of human indeed improve moral or ethical levels of the whole society effectively. 【这个并不是人们改变环境从而实现个人责任】 For another thing, human possess the unprecedented ability to change their environment physically with the fantastic speed of development of science and technology. For instance, air pollution has lead to the Greenhouse effect globally and nuclear bomb can even destroy the planet myriads of times on which their spiritual circumstances based. The tangible personal responsibility for scientist, therefore, is to ensure the primary survival condition and discovery and probe the nature of the unknown world. /精神生活还是物质生活环境人类或多或少都是可以改变的，且人类的责任是明确的【论述的内容都是人类可以改变环境，例子的内容是人类对于社会的贡献。没有论证清楚责任的问题】

To sum up, the very personal responsibility serves as the vital foundations for the evolution of progress and civilization and also the orders and regulations on which whole society rests. Though I concede that the conditions that people live in were established long before they aware of them, I prefer to the individual accountability and obligations, which are also tangible and realistic contribute a lot to change the environment of human beings.
【整篇都偏离了题目，你主要论述的都是环境与人的关系，对于责任的问题没有交代清楚。重新考虑一下。加油！】

smartyrUID: 169453

[B]谢谢，鬼古子！我再改一下！[/B]

枫丹UID: 166492

Issue162 第8篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：45分3秒 557 words
从2005年2月11日10时30分到2005年2月11日11时45分
------题目------
One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.
------正文------
While it is true that individuals are conditioned by the social environment largely established long before they get awareness of it, thus the speaker concludes that the conception of personal responsibility is much complicated and unrealistic, I contend that individuals can alter their conditions more or less（感觉你这一句有点在削弱你的论点，并且最好明确说出来，把观点强化） and the personal responsibility is unambiguous and realistic for the most majority. /承认环境对人们有影响，但是生活环境又是可以改变的，因而个人的责任明确的就是对所在的环境负责。

Admittedly, the circumstances that were established long before indeed exerted tremendous influence on the individuals, no matter how old or young, man or woman, he or she is Individually（？？副词）, it is the fact that one can hardly change the traditional customs and beliefs, which were handed down by their precursors, established for him when one was born, as well as their background and their nationalities. When he is growing up and his first and foremost needs are to accommodated the institutions and patterns set by the society as well as the community, or he will be eliminated by the regulations of social, just like a game. The Renaissance philosopher, Rousseau, once said that when people were born, he is essentially good but his characters were shaped by his experience and influenced by the conditions greatly. (这句话本身不错，但是跟上下文的连接不是太好)It apparent（it is ） that the living style and thinking ways of the westerners and easterners are distinctively different which have been shaped by the geological conditions and also cultures accumulated by thousands of years respectively. For instance, Americans accustom using forks to have lunch while Chinese like their chopsticks for which will be operated dexterously for them. This difference was determined by the culture and long practices in their distinct circumstances. /生活环境对人类根深蒂固的影响

Nevertheless, individual can do some efforts to influence the conditions, even though he cannot change the circumstances completely, no matter spiritually or physically. No one can deny the fact that human is progressing in that the standards of morality and ethics are changing greatly, as well as their living conditions when retrospect （it is a n.）to the long history of human civilization. The definition of one thing is different even in the same cultural background but the different periods. It cannot be altered itself, but human’s endeavors.(这跟进步有关系吗？？？如果有的话是不是应该说明) For a political leader, one of his individual accountabilities is responsible for his nation and society firstly. Many effective leaders in the long history of human being have exerted profound influence on the society of their times for their noble characters, rectitude, honesty, braveness, perseverance, stimulate majority of individuals generation by generation,（这句似乎多余了， 你的重点应该在，突出责任上面） such as Abraham Lincoln, Martin Ruther King. These merits of human indeed improve moral or ethical levels of the whole society effectively. For another thing, human possess the unprecedented ability to change their environment physically with the fantastic speed of development of science and technology. For instance, air pollution has lead to the Greenhouse effect globally and nuclear bomb can even destroy the planet myriads of times on which their spiritual circumstances based. The tangible personal responsibility for scientist, therefore, is to ensure the primary survival condition and discovery and probe the nature of the unknown world. /精神生活还是物质生活环境人类或多或少都是可以改变的，且人类的责任是明确的

To sum up, the very personal responsibility serves as the vital foundations for the evolution of progress and civilization and also the orders and regulations on which whole society rests. Though I concede that the conditions that people live in were established long before they aware of them, I prefer to the individual accountability and obligations, which are also tangible and realistic contribute a lot to change the environment of human beings.
先不说是否应该这样写主题，首先让步太多了，你的观点是：人可以改变环境，不论是精神还是物质，可是你的精神方面，并没有突出出来。政治家的例子里应该说明：他们的责任是什么，他们如何改变的，从而证明你的观点。
还有我个人认为你的入手点有问题，题目是
One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.
由于环境先于人存在-》人不应该对其生活负责-》责任这个定义不存在。
我个人认为应该强调责任而不是环境因素。

下面是我的提纲，贴出来只是想和你讨论一下.
我想把live限定在成败和贫富的范围里。
   1, 解释题目的观点，进行反驳，环境不是决定因素
   2，给出自己的观点，人为因素才是最重要的
   3，承认人的作用，就应该意识到责任的存在，说明他的重要性
但是我这样写的顾虑是，第一段基本在顺成题目的观点，有点让步的味道，重点在后面，不知道这样写会不会削弱论证。

smartyrUID: 169453

Issue162 重写!!大家看看我的推理还是否能站得住脚！我都快崩溃了！------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：60分2秒 559words
从2005年2月13日9时37分到2005年2月13日10时45分
------题目------
One often hears about the need for individuals to take responsibility for their own lives. However, the conditions in which people find themselves have been largely established long before people become aware of them. Thus, the concept of personal responsibility is much more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed.
------提纲------
Reasoning:人建立物质和精神上的生活环境（精神上我主要定义为一系列的习俗，法规及道德和伦理），人是生活中的主体。尽管个人在生活中扮演的角色很多，但是对不同职业的人来说，必有一个是最重要。正是这个最总要的责任维系着社会的发展和稳定。因而，也是现实的。
1. 人建立物质和精神上的生活环境
2. 人是生活中的主体。尽管个人在生活中扮演的角色很多，但是对不同职业的人来说，必有一个是最重要。正是这个最总要的责任维系着社会的发展和稳定
3. 承认生活环境对人的重要影响，且它是在不断变化的，不同的时代赋予人不同的个人责任。
------正文------
Personal responsibility is one of key words of our time. But is it compelling as the speaker asserts that individuals are conditioned by the environment which is largely established long before they get awareness of it, and thus deems that the personal responsibility is more complicated and unrealistic than is often assumed? As far as I am concerned, I would prefer to contend that individual accountability is realistic and not so complex, and individuals should be responsible for their own lives, though the circumstances within which they live have been set long before and have tremendous influence on them.

To begin with, it is no doubt that the conditions are established by human beings, no matter physically or spiritually. The history of human development witnesses all. From the time when our ancestors live in the cave to today majority of human beings can enjoy their warm and comfortable home, from the fresh meat to today 's various of delicious food, from the rough clothes to the dazzling fashion today, all is based on human arduous labor. Besides, human beings not only established their material worlds, but also constituted many customs and regulations of their own on the moral and ethic standards. Such as every individual should not threaten the lives and properties of others and the stability of society, and should love their nations as well as communities. In short, human beings create the environment in the long process of human civilization.

Furthermore, human beings play the main role in the circumstances. Their responsibilities are necessary for the society's stability and development and are the prerequisites for individuals to abide by the moral and ethical standards of the society. Every individual should be responsible for his actions. Individual plays various of roles in his life, but one of which may be the most important. For instance, a teacher, a corporate executive or a political leader, must take charge of his/her family members as he/she acts a father or mother. However, the main role for a teacher is to impart students skills and infuse primary standards of morality and ethics-such as honesty, rectitude, braveness and patriotism in lives; for a corporate executive, is to account for the customers and laws of society; for a political leader, is to hold the entire nation together and keep order of the whole society. This is accountability, which individuals of all walks of life must face in their lives. So the personal responsibilities are not complex but realistic for all individuals.

Admittedly, conditions are exerting profound influence on individuals. Different conditions may foster different standards of morality and ethics. That may account for obvious different behaviors in western and oriental worlds. In addition, conditions endow individual responsibility with different contents in different times and are always changing with the development of human civilization. In time of Washington, the most important personal responsibility was to win the independence of the nation while ensuring the right equality for both white and black citizens of the nation became salient in time of Lincoln.

In the final analysis, individuals are persons who live within the conditions and the change of environment is the result of their myriads of social activities with initiative. Therefore, individuals should take responsibility for their actions. After all, personal accountability and obligations every individual confronted in his daily lives are realistic and not complicated.

coweiliangUID: 195905

先占个坐，马上要熄灯了