ISSUE10 三月高频 第一次限时成功 必回拍

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

10,Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
------------------------------------------------------

It is said by the author that government should ensure that their major cities receive enough financial support they need in order to thrive since it is primarily in the cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. However, I strongly disagree with this opinion. In my point of view, there is no need for the government to give any financial support to the major cities whereas they should pay their attention to the development of those regions far away from the center of the country.

To begin with, generally speaking, major cities are often able to survive all by themselves even to advance in a satisfactory way. It is known to all that in each country, in most cases, the major cities are centers of politic, economic and industry, etc. Therefore, they have many advantages for their advancement. For example, Shanghai, a metropolis in China, attracts millions of foreigners to invest in the city, which promote a vivid competition so as to stimulate the economic increase and the government could gain a higher tax to satisfy its own financial budget.

Given that the government are trying to offer some kinds of financial support to preserve the cultural traditions, not the major cities they should focus on but the small town or countryside. It is apparently that most of the traditional cultures only impact a lot on the lives of the people who live in small towns or villages. Since these regions are less open than the major cities, they have less chances to get in touch with the outside world so less influence the outside culture could impact to these people. Consequently, traditional cultures enjoy a lasting popular. Such as ballad, local opera, puppet play and paper-cutting, these kinds of Chinese cultures are merely prevailing in small towns and villages. As a result, if the government want to finance for the preservation of the traditional cultures, they should at first make it clear where is the right place.

Last but not the least, the government should pay much attention to the regions out of the center of the country. For instance, the western part of China have obviously much more difficulties than the eastern to develop for its mountainous terrain and not convenient traffic. However, it abounds of various sorts of resources, such as the natural gas, the petroleum, and plenty of water, which is able to produce enough electricity for the whole country. Hence, if the western part can be exploited and developed, it will be of great benefit to the country. So, it is wise for the government take a sound steps to develop the western part, although it is not major cities at present.

To sum up, before the government makes a decision to offer a financial support, it should consider seriously.

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

up

xuding_godUID: 179213

10,Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
------------------------------------------------------

It is said by the author that government should ensure that their major cities receive enough financial support they need in order to thrive since it is primarily in the cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. However, I strongly disagree with this opinion. In my point of view, there is no need for the government to give any financial support to the major cities whereas they should pay their attention to the development of those regions far away from the center of the country.

To begin with, generally speaking, major cities are often able to survivesurvive用在这里不好，develop似乎要好一点 all by themselves even to advance in a satisfactory way. It is known to all that in each country, in most cases, the major cities are centers of politic, economic and industry, etc. Therefore, they have many advantages for their advancement. For example, Shanghai, a metropolis in China, attracts millions of foreigners to invest in the city, which promote a vivid competition which stimulates the economic increase and the government could gain a higher tax to satisfy its own financial budget.

Given that the government areis trying to offer some kinds of financial support to preserve the cultural traditions, not the major cities but the small town or countryside should they focus on. It is apparently that most of the traditional cultures only impact a lot on the lives of the people who live in small towns or villages. Since these regions are less open than the major cities, they have less chances to get in touch with the outside world so less influencefrom the outside culture could impact to these people. Consequently, traditional cultures enjoy a lasting popular. Such as ballad, local opera, puppet play and paper-cutting, these kinds of Chinese cultures are merely prevailing in small towns and villages. As a result, if the government want to finance for the preservation of the traditional cultures, they should at first make it clear where is the right place.
这段的观点有点绝对了
Last but not the least, the government should pay much attention to the regions out of the center of the country. For instance, the western part of China have obviously much more difficulties than the eastern to develop for its mountainous terrain and ［convenientless traffic. However, it abounds of various sorts of resources, such as the natural gas, the petroleum, and plenty of water, which is able to produce enough electricity for the whole country. Hence, if the western part can be exploited and developed, it will be of great benefit to the country. So, it is wise for the government take a sound steps to develop the western part, although it is not major cities at present.

To sum up, before the government makes a decision to offer a financial support, it should consider seriously.结尾不好，过于简单，是限时了吗？

我觉得若果象楼主这样完全反对应该还是可以，如果再加上一点让步的话就更好了，因为如果单从一方面去谈的话给人的印象有一点绝对了．还有例子可以换换嘛，觉得全是用中国的情况老外不一定了解，比如韩国，日本和老美熟悉一点的法国在保护自己文化投资上的例子就可以嘛．
都是个人愚见，不当之处见谅．
楼主也是在武汉考吗？帮我看看这篇，谢了！
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=254843

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

最初由 xuding_god 发布
[B]我觉得若果象楼主这样完全反对应该还是可以，如果再加上一点让步的话就更好了，因为如果单从一方面去谈的话给人的印象有一点绝对了．还有例子可以换换嘛，觉得全是用中国的情况老外不一定了解，比如韩国，日本和老美熟悉一点的法国在保护自己文化投资上的例子就可以嘛．
都是个人愚见，不当之处见谅．
楼主也是在武汉考吗？帮我看看这篇，谢了！

以下省略...... [/B]

3Q!
这几天不能上网,今天我会看看你这一篇.

山涧风笛UID: 196557

最初由 深谷幽兰 发布
[B]
这几天不能上网,今天我会看看你这一篇.
[/B]

不能上网就好好练习写吧!加油!

Mars3000UID: 198477

10,Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
------------------------------------------------------

It is said by the author that government should ensure that their major cities receive enough financial support they need in order to thrive since it is primarily in the cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. However, I strongly disagree with this opinion. In my point of view, there is <no need >for the government to give <any financial support>是否如那位兄台所言过于绝对，这样容易自伤 to the major cities whereas they should pay their attention to the development of those regions far away from the center of the country.

To begin with, generally speaking, major cities are often able to survive all by themselves even to advance in a satisfactory way. It is known to all that in each country, in most cases, the major cities are centers of politic, 〈economic〉 economyand industry, etc. Therefore, they have many advantages for their advancement. For example, Shanghai, a metropolis in China, attracts millions of foreigners to invest in the city, which promote a vivid competition so as to stimulate the economic increase and <the government could gain a higher tax to satisfy its own financial budget>这句话看上去有些突兀，你要不做进一步的解释说明便显的与你要论述的提干无关，你不能让读者自己去想这里的潜台词.

Given that the government are trying to offer some kinds of financial support to preserve the cultural traditions, not the major cities 〈they should〉 should theyfocus on but the small town or countryside. It is apparently that most of the traditional cultures only impact a lot on the lives of the people who live in small towns or villages. how apparently?这里你没证明，想当然了Since these regions are less open than the major cities, they have less chances to get in touch with the outside world so less influence the outside culture could impact to these people. Consequently, traditional cultures enjoy a lasting popular. Such as ballad, local opera, puppet play and paper-cutting, these kinds of Chinese cultures are merely prevailing in small towns and villages. As a result, if the government want to finance for the preservation of the traditional cultures, they should at first make it clear where is the right place.这里似乎有些问题，保存的好反而要更加资助了，当然这需要一个前提即城市已没有文化传统或其岌岌可危拯救的意义已经不大，可是你这里都没有进一步说明

Last but not the least, the government should pay much attention to the regions out of the center of the country. For instance, the western part of China have obviously much more difficulties than the eastern to develop for its mountainous terrain and not convenient traffic. However, it abounds of various sorts of resources, such as the natural gas, the petroleum, and plenty of water, which is able to produce enough electricity for the whole country. Hence, if the western part can be exploited and developed, it will be of great benefit to the country. So, it is wise for the government take a sound steps to develop the western part, although it is not major cities at present.这段又从文化上跳出来了，所以我下面说你在文章中没有就你的意图做一个清晰的交代，因而读者有时不知自几将被引向何方

To sum up, before the government makes a decision to offer a financial support, it should consider seriously.

限时写成这样已经不错，至少偶还不成。 :D 总体上感觉似乎没有一条明确的逻辑主线感觉，B1，B2，B3似乎各自为政，互相间的照应与支持显的不够。

昨天刚刚写完这篇，所以就过来学习一下。
呵呵，这篇是当初用来练笔的吧，感觉没有现在写的好啊。
我水平有限，在这里胡言乱语一通，如有不当，请千万不要介意。

wx8348UID: 185363

It is said by the author that government should ensure that their major cities receive enough financial support they need in order to thrive since it is primarily in the cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. However, I strongly disagree with this opinion. In my point of view, there is no need for the government to give any financial support to the major cities whereas they should pay their attention to the development of those regions far away from the center of the country.

To begin with, generally speaking, major cities are often able to survive all by themselves even to advance in a satisfactory way. It is known to all that in each country, in most cases, the major cities are centers of politic, economic and industry, etc. Therefore, they have many advantages for their advancement. For example, Shanghai, a metropolis in China, attracts millions of foreigners to invest in the city, which promote a vivid competition so as to stimulate the economic increase and the government could gain a higher tax to satisfy its own financial budget.我也觉得尽量不要使用中国的例子

Given that the government are trying to offer some kinds of financial support to preserve the cultural traditions, not the major cities they should focus on but the small town or countryside. It is apparently that most of the traditional cultures only impact a lot on the lives of the people who live in small towns or villages. Since these regions are less open than the major cities, they have less chances to get in touch with the outside world so less influence the outside culture could impact to these people. Consequently, traditional cultures enjoy a lasting popular. Such as ballad, local opera, puppet play and paper-cutting, these kinds of Chinese cultures are merely prevailing in small towns and villages. As a result, if the government want to finance for the preservation of the traditional cultures, they should at first make it clear where is the right place.

Last but not the least, the government should pay much attention to the regions out of the center of the country. For instance, the western part of China have obviously much more difficulties than the eastern to develop for its mountainous terrain and not convenient traffic. However, it abounds of various sorts of resources, such as the natural gas, the petroleum, and plenty of water, which is able to produce enough electricity for the whole country. Hence, if the western part can be exploited and developed, it will be of great benefit to the country. So, it is wise for the government take a sound steps to develop the western part, although it is not major cities at present.又是China

To sum up, before the government makes a decision to offer a financial support, it should consider seriously.

上面的高手都说道点子上了，　我就没必要再重复了．
建议楼主，各段不仅是语言上连接，　思路上也应贯通．

时间不多了，共同提高吧

imjasonUID: 176604

楼主啊，你每天睡觉不？好强啊，每天写这么多

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

最初由 imjason 发布
[B]楼主啊，你每天睡觉不？好强啊，每天写这么多 [/B]

:( 汗！！！可惜没什么提高啊！
急得睡不着了 :mad:

zhouxuan_83UID: 203250

10,Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.
------------------------------------------------------

It is said by the author that government should ensure that their major cities could receive enough financial support they need (in order) to thrive since it is primarily in (the) cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated. However, I strongly disagree with this opinion. In my point of view, there is <no need >for the government to give <any financial support>是否如那位兄台所言过于绝对，这样容易自伤 to the major cities whereas(on the contrast,) they should pay their attention to the development of those regions far away from the center of the country.

To begin with, generally speaking,(两个短语放一起，读起来很怪) major cities are often able to survive all by themselves（句子结构太复杂，难理解。适当断句） even to advance in a satisfactory way. It is known to all that in each country, in most cases, the major cities are centers of politics, 〈economic〉 economyand industry, etc. Therefore, they have many advantages for their advancement. For example, Shanghai, a metropolis in China, attracts millions of foreigners to invest in the city, which promote a vivid competition so as to stimulate the economic increase and (consequently)<the government (could) gains a higher tax to satisfy its own financial budget>这句话看上去有些突兀，你要不做进一步的解释说明便显的与你要论述的提干无关，你不能让读者自己去想这里的潜台词.

Given that the government are trying to offer some kinds of financial support to preserve the cultural traditions, not the major cities 〈they should〉 should theyfocus on but the small towns or countryside. It is apparently that most of the traditional cultures only impact a lot on the lives of the people who live in small towns or villages. how apparently?这里你没证明，想当然了最好说明现存的文化多Since these regions are less open than the major cities, they have less chances to get in touch with the outside world （断句）so less influence the outside culture could impact to these people. Consequently, traditional cultures enjoy a lasting popular. Such as ballad, local opera, puppet play and paper-cutting, these kinds of Chinese cultures are merely prevailing in small towns and villages. Consequently, traditional cultures merely prevailing in small towns and villages（Such as ballad, local opera, puppet play and paper-cutting, those kinds of Chinese  traditional cultures） enjoy a lasting popular. So，if the government want to finance for the preservation of the traditional cultures, they should at first pay their attention to these area. As a result, if the government want to finance for the preservation of the traditional cultures, they should at first make it clear where is the right place.这里似乎有些问题，保存的好反而要更加资助了，当然这需要一个前提即城市已没有文化传统或其岌岌可危拯救的意义已经不大，可是你这里都没有进一步说明

Last but not the least, the government should pay much attention to the regions out of the center of the country. Let’s take China for instance, the western part of China have obviously much more difficulties than the eastern part to develop for its mountainous terrain and (not) inconvenient traffic. However, it abounds of various sorts of resources, such as the natural gas, the petroleum, and plenty of water, which is able to produce enough electricity for the whole country. Hence, if the western part can be exploited and developed, it will be of great benefit (to)of the country. So, it is wise for the government to take a sound steps to develop the western part, although it is not major cities at present.这段又从文化上跳出来了，所以我下面说你在文章中没有就你的意图做一个清晰的交代，因而读者有时不知自几将被引向何方

To sum up, before the government makes a decision to offer a financial support, it should consider seriously.结尾若能点明观点最好

个人觉得表达清楚意思最重要，不见得要用长句，老外也好用短句，长句把握不好结构，反而使本来清晰的文章脉络显得很散了，让人读不懂。段落之间连接不紧密，建议多分析题目。

因为觉得前一位平得很入理，为了便于你看，就直接在上面改了。

zhouxuan_83UID: 203250

问一下，为什么我的彩色版，贴上就黑白了？

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

最初由 zhouxuan_83 发布
[B]问一下，为什么我的彩色版，贴上就黑白了？ [/B]

谢谢拍砖！

在想要的地方点一下上面的色彩条，会出现类似“{color=#3f0000}{/color}”这样的控制符（其中的{ }实际上是[ ]），你在“] [”中间输入内容就可以了。 ;) 不知说明白了没？