argument 1 第一篇请多多指教

dragondreamUID: 181943

argument 1
The following appeared in a memorandum written by the vice president of Nature's Way, a chain of stores selling health food and other health-related products.
'Previous experience has shown that our stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. We should therefore build our next new store in Plainsville, which has many such residents. Plainsville merchants report that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs. The local health club, which nearly closed five years ago due to lack of business, has more members than ever, and the weight training and aerobics classes are always full. We can even anticipate a new generation of customers: Plainsville's schoolchildren are required to participate in a 'fitness for life' program, which emphasizes the benefits of regular exercise at an early age.'

dragondreamUID: 181943

The vice president of Nature's Way (NW) recommended that NW open a new store in Plainsville. To support his recommendation, the vice president point that there stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. And he or she also cited various facts to bolster the assertion that Plainsville has many such residents. However, close scrutiny of the facts reveals that they lead little support to the recommendation.

First of all, the mere fact that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs does not necessarily indicate that people in Plainville are concerned with leading healthy lives. Perhaps it is that running shoes and exercise clothing are cheaper compared with other clothes. Or perhaps these shoes and clothing are fashionable these days，or perhaps the main customers for these things are not local residents but are those who are those tourists. Anyway, without ruling out these possibilities, the vice president can not convince me that the residents there are fond of leading healthy lives.

Secondly, the president cited the fact that local health club has more members than ever assuming that these people would like to come to their new store. However, there is scant evidence that this is the case. It is entirely true that these people just like sports, and would like to do more exercises, but may not fond of healthy food. Even if they would like to have healthy food, they may not like the food the new store offers. In short, unless the vice president substantiates the assumption that these people who go to the club would like the food offered by the new store, I remain doubtful about his or her recommendation.

Thirdly, the fact that the local students are required to participate in a “fitness for life" program does not necessarily mean that they would buy the food offered by the store. They are too young to make any decision to buy anything, and perhaps when they have the power to decide what food to choose they may have changed their taste and may not like the healthy. Anyway, there are several years before they grow up, anything might happen.

Finally, profitability is a function of both revenue and expense, the president has not weighed the two respects. It's possible that the members of the club and the students may come to the store, but the number is so small that they can not make any profit considering the expense. If it is the case, it heavily undermines the recommendation.

In sum, the recommendation is unpersuasive. In order to bolster it, the president has to provide more evidences as follows:  the reason for the high sales of running shoes and exercise clothing, a study among the members of the club showing that they would like to have food in the new store, a survey indicate that the students would like to buy the food. To better assess the recommendation, I would also like to know the comparison of the possible expense and income of the new store.

dragondreamUID: 181943

求拍

comingsoonUID: 175137

The vice president of Nature's Way (NW) recommended that NW open a new store in Plainsville. To support his recommendation, the vice president point that there stores are most profitable in areas where residents are highly concerned with leading healthy lives. And he or she also cited various facts to bolster the assertion that Plainsville has many such residents. However, close scrutiny of the facts reveals that they lead little support to the recommendation.
最后一句挺模板化的，不过没办法，我也是这么写
First of all, the mere fact that sales of running shoes and exercise clothing are at all-time highs does not necessarily indicate that people in Plainville are concerned with leading healthy lives. Perhaps it is that 可以写it is highly possible that，个人意见 running shoes and exercise clothing are cheaper compared with other clothes. Or perhaps these shoes and clothing are fashionable these days，or perhaps the main customers for these things are not local residents but are those who are those tourists. Anyway, without ruling out these possibilities, the vice president can not convince me that the residents there are fond of leading healthy lives.

Secondly, the president cited the fact that local health club has more members than ever assuming that these people would like to come to their new store the president assumes that… based on the fact that … . However, there is scant evidence to show that this is the case. It is entirely true that these people just like sports, and would like to do more exercises, but they may not fond of healthy food. Even if they would like to have healthy food, they may not like the food the new store offers Even if adequate information is given to show that people would like to have healthy food, it is also possible that … 感觉这样顺些 . In short, unless the vice president substantiates the assumption that these people who go to the club would like the food offered by the new store, I remain doubtful about his or her recommendation.

Thirdly, the fact that the local students are required to participate in a “fitness for life" program does not necessarily mean that they would buy the food offered by the store. They are too young to make any decision to buy anything, and perhaps when they have the power to decide what food to choose they may have changed their taste and may not like the healthy food?. Anyway, there are several years before they grow up, anything might happen. 这句话结构有问题，anything might happen since there are…

Finally, profitability is a function of both revenue and expense, the president has not weighed the two respects. It's possible that the members of the club and the students may come to the store, but the number is so small that they can not make any profit considering the expense even if we concede that those club members and the students would come to the store, it is very likely that… . If it is the case, it heavily undermines the recommendation.

In sum, the recommendation is unpersuasive. In order to bolster it, the president has to provide more evidences as follows: the reason for the high sales of running shoes and exercise clothing, a study among the members of the club showing that they would like to have food in the new store, a survey indicate that the students would like to buy the food. To better assess the recommendation, I would also like to know the comparison of the possible expense and income of the new store.

感觉论证的还算清晰，第一篇已经不错了，比我好多了。