issue144同主题 艺术的价值

boyjimUID: 125249

题目"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
提纲
1伟大的艺术家总是疯子，疯子才能创造艺术，但是他们不善于表达，但艺术的价值是他们创造的
2评论家的工作负责把他们给我们翻译过来，他们有苦功没有劳功，所以艺术的价值不是他们创造的
3艺术是不是总需要一个评论家来给我们指手画脚呢？不需要
超时7分钟，粗略修改过，未修改前493字，修改后530字
正文
In the course of time and life, art develops in a glorious continuous value of beauty, which to us appears not only passed fragments but also future anticipation. Embedded with person's life and existing in unconsciousness, what invariably happened is that critics distort a multitude of arts, trapping talent artists in the abyss of poverty and forest of cliché. From my point view, this is indeed the case, it is the artists who create art and accumulate their sole wisdom to our flourish civilization and culture, instead of the so-called intellectual like critics.

Notwithstanding, one of the great tragedies in the world is that prominent and preeminent artists, nine out of ten, are talent and act a little nervous, treated as geek or crazy. But, it is their gifted idea and craving for originality that create excellence products and works which sometimes are even beyond our ability to construe and realize, upsetting the society and exploring a new area of art. Due to their intrinsic loneliness and unique characters, their contemporaries maybe understand them or not, but their true value of the works will not vanish or perish thanks to their contemporaries' ignorance. It is the smile of Mona Lisa of De Vinci, it is sunflower of Van Gogh, it is night watch of Rembrandt that demonstrate long lasting beauty to all mortal, although they are treated distinctively and diversely by their contemporary critics.

Admittedly, in the sphere of art, critics maybe the only one who have the ability to find, hear, construe the art, and eventually organize words revealing their exploration in the ocean of art. What is more, in most cases, artists take pride through critics’ comments on the mass media, which envelop the question with a vague air: artists create art of significant value, but devoid of critics, these works may never be demonstrated to the public as if they are shadowed in the river of history eternally. Nonetheless, query without solving, critics merely can be called art hunter, and artists are the beauty creator. It is possible that without any critics, without Grammy Award, without the movie Ray, Ray's greatness of music and his longing for manifesting his true music of heart and soul will be appreciated by mass and moved by the God.

In addition, more often than not, critics wrongly interpret art and commit immeasurable mistakes. Not only do their arbitrary minds demolish the talent of artists, but also misunderstand the profundity of meaning of art. Moreover, sometimes, art is unutterable, like C.E.M Joad said, "beauty, in terms of human meaning is meaningless", thus, do we still have to use our limited language to realize or even define a kind of art instead of showing to all the people? The answer is bitter and negative.

Retrospectively, despite of some positive functions of critics, of what import is art, critics and lasting value if there is no artist hook, line and sinker, if art only deserve a mass of craps, if artists have to turn to critics for flattering their works. Still, in my opinion, when artists create beauty, and "if beauty really means something, we must not seek to interpret it", said C.E.M Joad.

davidjackyUID: 135962

题目"It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value."
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
提纲
1伟大的艺术家总是疯子，疯子才能创造艺术，但是他们不善于表达，但艺术的价值是他们创造的
2评论家的工作负责把他们给我们翻译过来，他们有苦功没有劳功，所以艺术的价值不是他们创造的
3艺术是不是总需要一个评论家来给我们指手画脚呢？不需要
超时7分钟，粗略修改过，未修改前493字，修改后530字
正文
In the course of time and life, art develops in a glorious continuous value of beauty, which to us appears not only passed fragments but also future anticipation. Embedded with person's life and existing in unconsciousness, what invariably happened is that critics distort a multitude of arts, trapping talent artists in the abyss of poverty and forest of cliché不敢肯定考试时是否可以拼写出这个单词. From my point view, this is indeed the case, it is the artists who create art and accumulate their sole wisdom to our flourish civilization and culture, instead of the so-called intellectual like critics.挺好的开头，也表明了自己的立场

Notwithstanding, one of the great tragedies in the world is that prominent and preeminent artists, nine out of ten, are talent and act a little nervous, treated as geek这个词是形容词吗？如果是名词，是不是a geek，核实一下PM告诉我，我记得在friends这部影片出现很高的频率，但是我的确忘了到底怎么用，非常感谢 or crazy. But, it is their gifted idea and craving for originality that create excellence products and works which sometimes are even beyond our ability to construe and realize, upsetting the society and exploring a new area of art. Due to their intrinsic loneliness and unique characters, their contemporaries maybe understand them or not, but their true value of the works will not vanish or perish thanks to their contemporaries' ignorance. It is the smile of Mona Lisa of De VinciDa Vinci顺手改一下, it is sunflower of Van Gogh, it is night watch of Rembrandt that demonstrate long lasting beauty to all mortal, although they are treated distinctively and diversely by their contemporary critics.【这段说优秀作品本身就有价值，很好】

Admittedly, in the sphere of art, critics maybe the only one who have the ability to find, hear, construe the art, and eventually organize words revealing their exploration in the ocean of art. What is more, in most cases, artists take pride through critics’ comments on the mass media, which envelop the question with a vague air: artists create art of significant value, but devoid of critics, these works may never be demonstrated to the public as if they are shadowed in the river of history eternally. Nonetheless, query without solving, critics merely can be called art hunter, and artists are the beauty creator. It is possible that without any critics, without Grammy Award, without the movie Ray, Ray's greatness of music and his longing for manifesting his true music of heart and soul will be appreciated by mass and moved by the God.

In addition, more often than not, critics wrongly interpret art and commit immeasurable mistakes. Not only do their arbitrary minds demolish the talent of artists, but also misunderstand the profundity of meaning of art. Moreover, sometimes, art is unutterable , like C.E.M Joad said, "beauty, in terms of human meaning is meaningless", thus, do we still have to use our limited language to realize or even define a kind of art instead of showing to all the people? The answer is bitter and negative.

Retrospectively, despite of some positive functions of critics, of what import is art, critics and lasting value if there is no artist hook, line and sinker, if art only deserve a mass of craps, if artists have to turn to critics for flattering their works. Still, in my opinion, when artists create beauty, and "if beauty really means something, we must not seek to interpret it", said C.E.M Joad.
文章写的很美，行文流畅，论证也是层层深入，值得学习呀，能介绍一下写作方法和技巧吗？期待你的PM

boyjimUID: 125249

版主过奖了
刚才看过版主以前的文章
论证的有深度阿
我自己写文章很随机
提纲也列的一般，偶有文章议论的还到点子上
大部分的都是有想法组织不了语言
感觉思维比语言重要
~艺术类的文章适合抒情
刚好对了胃口了而已
前几天刚好看了Rembrandt悲惨的例子~今天就用上了 哈哈
cliche直接打进去就好了~我是在word上面他给自动修复的
geek确实是名字 应该改成geeks
寒假上了广州新东方的写作课~还在整理中~考完小弟归纳一下！

xuding_godUID: 179213

正文
In the course of time and life, art develops in a glorious continuous value of beauty, which to us appears not only passed fragments but also future anticipation. Embedded with person's life and existing in unconsciousness, what invariably happened is that critics distort a multitude of arts, trapping talent artists in the abyss of poverty and forest of cliché. From my point view, this is indeed the case, it is the artists who create art and accumulate their sole wisdom to our flourish civilization and culture, instead of the so-called intellectual like critics.

Notwithstanding, one of the great tragedies in the world is that prominent and preeminent artists, nine out of ten, are talent and act a little nervous, treated as geek or crazy. But, it is their gifted idea and craving for originality that create excellence products and works which sometimes are even beyond our ability to construe and realize, upsetting the society and exploring a new area of art. Due to their intrinsic loneliness and unique characters, their contemporaries maybe understand them or not, but their true value of the works will not vanish or perish thanks to their contemporaries' ignorance. It is the smile of Mona Lisa of De Vinci, it is sunflower of Van Gogh, it is night watch of Rembrandt It is the smile of Mona Lisa, the sunflower of Van Gogh and the night watch of Rembrandtthat demonstrate long lasting beauty to all mortal, although they are treated distinctively and diversely by their contemporary critics.

Admittedly, in the sphere of art, critics maybe the only one who have the ability to find, hear, construe the art, and eventually organize words revealing their exploration in the ocean of art. What is more, in most cases, artists take pride through critics’ comments on the mass media, which envelop the question with a vague air: artists create art of significant value, but devoid of critics, these works may never be demonstrated to the public as if they are shadowed in the river of history eternally. Nonetheless, query without solving, critics merely can be called art hunter, and artists are the beauty creator. It is possible that without any critics, without Grammy Award, without the movie Ray, Ray's greatness of music and his longing for manifesting his true music of heart and soul will be appreciated by mass and moved by the God.

In addition, more often than not, critics wrongly interpret art and commit immeasurable mistakes. Not only do their arbitrary minds demolish the talent of artists, but also misunderstand the profundity of meaning of art. Moreover, sometimes, art is unutterable, like C.E.M Joad said, "beauty, in terms of human meaning is meaningless", thus, do we still have to use our limited language to realize or even define a kind of art instead of showing to all the people? The answer is bitter and negative.

Retrospectively, despite of some positive functions of critics, of what import is art, critics and lasting value if there is no artist hook, line and sinker, if art only deserve a mass of craps, if artists have to turn to critics for flattering their works. Still, in my opinion, when artists create beauty, and "if beauty really means something, we must not seek to interpret it", said C.E.M Joad.

看完后觉得汗颜呀,楼主的文章比我好很多,思路很清楚,而且觉得论证的很有道理,能说服人,我的就差远的.你觉得我怎么改一下合适呢?还望楼主多多指教呀

boyjimUID: 125249

楼上的给你改了一下了~还不要脸的改写了一段结尾

xuding_godUID: 179213

哪里哪里,结尾是比我自己的强多了,呵呵

dream a dreamUID: 198106

I will type English to give my suggestions, and I cannot use the colorful tools here, so that I hope you do not mind it.

In the course of time and life, art develops in a glorious continuous value of beauty, which to us appears not only passed fragments but also future anticipation. Embedded with person's life and existing in unconsciousness, what invariably happened is that critics distort a multitude of arts, trapping talent artists in the abyss of poverty and forest of cliché.   

[I don't think this sentense clarify your view, for me, it is difficult to connect the sentense to your main point]   

From my point view, this is indeed the case, it is the artists who create art and accumulate their sole wisdom to our flourish civilization and culture, instead of

[instead of means take place of, do you mean that the artist take place of the critic's role to create value?]

the so-called intellectual like critics.

Notwithstanding, one of the great tragedies in the world is that prominent and preeminent artists, nine out of ten, are talent and act a little nervous,

[here, a grammar mistake, maybe you should get rid of "act"]

treated as geek or crazy. But, it is their gifted idea and craving for originality that create excellence products and works which sometimes are even beyond our ability to construe and realize, upsetting the society and exploring a new area of art. Due to their intrinsic loneliness and unique characters, their contemporaries maybe understand them or not, but their true value of the works will not vanish or perish thanks to their contemporaries' ignorance.
It is the smile of Mona Lisa of De Vinci, it is sunflower of Van Gogh, it is night watch of Rembrandt that demonstrate long lasting beauty to all mortal, although they are treated distinctively and diversely by their contemporary critics.

[Ithink these parallel sentenses are great]

Admittedly, in the sphere of art, critics maybe the only one [a grammar mistake]

who have the ability to find, hear, construe the art, and eventually organize words revealing their exploration in the ocean of art. What is more, in most cases, artists take pride through    [take pride in]
critics’ comments on the mass media, which envelop the question with a vague air: artists create art of significant value, but devoid of critics, these works may never be demonstrated to the public as if they are shadowed in the river of history eternally. Nonetheless, query without solving, critics merely can be called art hunter, and artists are the beauty creator. It is possible that without any critics, without Grammy Award, without the movie Ray, Ray's greatness of music and his longing for manifesting his true music of heart and soul will be appreciated by mass and moved by the God.

In addition, more often than not, critics wrongly interpret art and commit immeasurable mistakes. Not only do their arbitrary minds demolish the talent of artists, but also misunderstand the profundity of meaning of art. Moreover, sometimes, art is unutterable, like C.E.M Joad said, "beauty, in terms of human meaning is meaningless", thus, do we still have to use our limited language to realize or even define a kind of art instead of showing to all the people? The answer is bitter and negative.

Retrospectively, despite of some positive functions of critics, of what import is art, critics and lasting value if there is no artist hook, line and sinker, if art only deserve a mass of craps, if artists have to turn to critics for flattering their works. Still, in my opinion, when artists create beauty, and "if beauty really means something, we must not seek to interpret it", said C.E.M Joad.



Hi, I guess you have very good ideas, but it seemed that you cannot express your ideas very well. You express some out , but there are still more left, so that I even have a feeling that you did not finish it.  Anyway, I think your logic is very good and you are good at using complex words and examples.

boyjimUID: 125249

楼上的
thx!!!!!~
确实我有时候为了用那些句型和词把自己的思维也弄乱了
而且我的语法问题还是比较严重
修改过之后放上来还存在语法的毛病
而且开头的段落我也看到有人在用这个魔板了~
看来只要是印刷品
无论是不是出版物
只要有人用过 就肯定会有人模仿~
楼上的~您的意思是不是首段应该能够更加明显的表明自己的观点 而不是说一堆废话再表明观点？

dream a dreamUID: 198106

我觉得你的首段很难看懂，而且看不出于所要表达得主题有很好的联系。因此，这样反而不能突出主题。

龙非UID: 193190

跟boyjim握一下手，难得碰到个广州的。
占个位，待会交作业

dream a dreamUID: 198106

的确我也看到有人和你用一样的开头。觉得这样不太好的说。太太相似了。我认为斑竹应该在这里提倡自创，而不是模仿别人的开头。这样对大家都不好！而且会打击上文章的积极性。

boyjimUID: 125249

最初由 dream a dream 发布
[B]我觉得你的首段很难看懂，而且看不出于所要表达得主题有很好的联系。因此，这样反而不能突出主题。 [/B]

我比较习惯背景式开头吧~有一种高屋建瓴的感觉~实际上是骗自己  :D  哈哈~

龙非UID: 193190

In the course of time and life, art develops in a glorious continuous value of beauty, which to us appears not only passed fragments but also future anticipation. Embedded with person's life and existing in unconsciousness, what invariably happened is that critics distort a multitude of arts, trapping talent artists in the abyss of poverty and forest of cliché. 这一段莫非是直接copy的？cliché:DFrom my point ofview, this is indeed the case, it is the artists who create art and accumulate their sole wisdom to our flourish civilization and culture, instead of the so-called intellectual like critics. 恕我直言，论点并不够明确，艺术家创造艺术，地球人都知道，关键题目是问你谁给社会lasting value了，虽然论点有稍微擦到，但总是不够明确。

Notwithstanding, one of the great tragedies in the world is that prominent and preeminent artists, nine out of ten, are talent and act a little nervous, treated as geek or crazy. But, it is their gifted idea and craving for originality that create excellence products and works which sometimes are even beyond our ability to construe and realize, upsetting the society and exploring a new area of art. Due to their intrinsic loneliness and unique characters, their contemporaries maybe understand them or not, but their true value of the works will not vanish or perish thanks to their contemporaries' ignorance. It is the smile of Mona Lisa of De Vinci, it is sunflower of Van Gogh, it is night watch of Rembrandt that demonstrate long lasting beauty to all mortal, although they are treated distinctively and diversely by their contemporary critics.

Admittedly, in the sphere of art, critics maybe the only one who have the ability to find, hear, construe the art, and eventually organize words revealing their exploration in the ocean of art. What is more, in most cases, artists take pride through critics’ comments on the mass media, which envelop the question with a vague air: artists create art of significant value, but devoid of critics, these works may never be demonstrated to the public as if they are shadowed in the river of history eternally. Nonetheless, query without solving, critics merely can be called art hunter, and artists are the beauty creator. It is possible that without any critics, without Grammy Award, without the movie Ray, Ray's greatness of music and his longing for manifesting his true music of heart and soul will be appreciated by mass and moved by the God. 感觉我们写作的时候总是用错了Admittedly，admittedly后面应该有转折才是对的吧

In addition, more often than not, critics wrongly interpret art and commit immeasurable mistakes. Not only do their arbitrary minds demolish the talent of artists, but also misunderstand the profundity of meaning of art. Moreover, sometimes, art is unutterable, like C.E.M Joad said, "beauty, in terms of human meaning is meaningless", thus, do we still have to use our limited language to realize or even define a kind of art instead of showing to all the people? The answer is bitter and negative.

Retrospectively, despite of some positive functions of critics, of what import is art, critics and lasting value if there is no artist hook, line and sinker, if art only deserve a mass of craps, if artists have to turn to critics for flattering their works. Still, in my opinion, when artists create beauty, and "if beauty really means something, we must not seek to interpret it", said C.E.M Joad

行文流畅，优美，pfpf。但是，[鲁迅先生说但是之后没好话(and I paraphase)] 首先，文章没有明确什么是”something of lasting value”，看起来像是说“beauty”，但是不明确。其次，创造艺术价值和“give society something of lasting value“是否是一回事？未必，没有说清楚。这篇文章如果题目是谁创造了艺术价值，这是一篇棒棒的文章，但是题目不是这样的，是谁给了社会一些有永久价值的东西，这篇文章就有点beg the question了。如果重心稍微转一转，往题目靠，我相信以boyjim的语言功底，一篇优秀习作就要诞生啦。

xingzheliUID: 179907

见鬼，不只是机房机器出问题了， 还是我电脑水平太差， 改不了颜色， 哪些问题好像斑竹们都帮你改了，鉴于我的实力问题，只能提点建议了：
好像用不着写太长，这样把时间耽误了太划不来； 不确定的词千万不要用；根据我的经验，例子一定要举，外国人好像比较喜欢用例子说理。

boyjimUID: 125249

从艺术家创造了价值--到--给社会长久的价值~这个过程是怎么样的呢?
我的思维其实比较简单~想不到那么多呢~