issue141 同主题写作,作文处于瓶井状态，留联接必回

xuding_godUID: 179213

144．It is the artist, not the critic, who gives society something of lasting value. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------正文（514）

  All the human society history like a long river, quietly flowing and slowly elapse. But there must be something sparkling in the river, just like what speaker says in the issue that the lasting value in the society. And to my own opinion that it is the critic, not the artist that gives something of the lasting value for the society.
  
  Firstly, with my viewpoint, I suggest to say that how many artists are really making things for the social value. As we usually know that most of them are cynic and selfish. What they considered about are most themselves. They always regard the society with hostility because this world is not the ideal one they want and few realize their genius, they usually go ahead of time.  So they draw pictures to depict the perfect lives, they write novel to introduce their own experiences and complain the society they live in, they play music and movies to content their hollow spirits. That to say all the artist have done is seem to be a self-amusing, what they created, just like some imaginative works such as novels, plays, films…reveal us otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society, may be called works rather than values for the society, for only few people learn the deeply means with no help with others.

   Then, if the works really have potential values to the society, and want to be exhibit, the critic make the job well done. The critics are some people know the arts and history well and clearly understand what the society want. So they give some of the valuable works social value by evaluating the works with their skill and knowledge. Gong deep into the arts, the critic give out the hidden means in the works and a contemporary value related to the society. So with the critic’s analysing, the arts may have a more social useful means than it usually be. For example, one poetry, I hope you have once read it, called <the grass>, written by Whitman (惠特曼的草叶集)，it only sold no more than 100. But after a critic called …(忘了) makes a comment on the poetry, it become so popular that thousands people like it and let this poet as an immortal work. So I would like to say that the critic bring the social value out.

  However, there are still some arts create the lasting value directly by themselves. Just like Miclangro, Shakespeare… their works show highly value since it comes out. For me, those people go ahead of the normal artists, that they link the people’s value and the social value tightly. And still there is some critics appreciate their works to show more value, the more the works be analysis, the more people know deep about them, the more value for the society.

  In sums, with the discussed above, the valuable works like a golden, although the artists created them, but the critics let works show their brightness and make them more valuable for the society.

boyjimUID: 125249

占给位置先阿~哈哈~也要帮我改哦~

xuding_godUID: 179213

好的好的

boyjimUID: 125249

All the human society history like a long river, quietly flowing and slowly elapse [分词] . But there must be something sparkling in the river, just like what speaker says in the issue that the lasting value in the society. And to [in吧] my own opinion that it is the critic, not the artist that gives something of the lasting value for the society.

Firstly, with my viewpoint, I suggest to say that how many artists are really making things for the social value [你想反问？还是什么] . As we usually know that most of them are cynic and selfish [这个算不算攻击呢？] . What they considered about are most themselves [两个短句不如合并] . They always regard the society with hostility because this world is not the ideal one they want and few realize their genius, they usually go [去掉,they usally go] [are] ahead of time. So they draw pictures to depict the perfect lives, they [去掉they] write novel to introduce their own experiences and complain the society they live in, [and] they [去掉they] play music and movies to content their hollow spirits. That [is] to say all the artist have done is [去掉is] seem to be a self-amusing, [and] what they created, just like some imaginative works such as novels, plays, films…reveal us otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society, [ETS告你侵权哦^_^] [and they] may be called works rather than values for the society, for only few people learn the deeply means with no help with others.
[每个句子只有一个主语哦]

Then, if the works really have potential values to the society, and want to be exhibit [ed] , the critic make the job well done. The critics are some people [who] know the arts and history well and clearly understand what the society want. So they give some of the valuable [如果有价值还需要他们给么？去掉] works social value by evaluating the works with their skill and knowledge. Gong [gone] deep [ly] into the arts, the critic give out the hidden means in the works and a contemporary value related to the society. So with the critic’s analysing, the arts may have a more social useful means [meanings] than it usually be. For example, one poetry, I hope you have once read it, [很明显的鄙视考官，去掉] called <the grass>, written by Whitman (惠特曼的草叶集)，it only sold no more than 100 [copies] . But after a critic called …(忘了) makes a comment on the poetry, it become so popular that thousands [of] people like [太低级了吧favor,fancy什么不好哦] it and let this poet as an immortal work. So I would like to say that the critic bring the social value out.
[评论让他的作品变得流行，但是，是不是评论让他的作品变得永垂不朽呢？没有充分论证]

However, there are still some arts create the lasting value directly by themselves. Just like Miclangro, Shakespeare… their works show highly value since it comes out. For me, those people go ahead of the normal artists, that they link the people’s value and the social value tightly. [和人民联系紧密？就能证明他们的作品有价值么？] And still there is some critics appreciate their works to show [两个谓语了] more value, the more the works be analysis [analysed] , the more people know deep about them, the more value for the society. [这个more,more 的句型可以更加漂亮]

In sums, with the discussed above, the valuable works like a golden, although the artists created them, but the critics let works show their brightness and make them more valuable for the society. [这个抒情可以更好：评论家就像一个默默无闻的艺术地发现者，将raw金子擦亮，将艺术的内涵诠释，将无比的艺术价值阐述给全人类，^_^写成一个排比，增加字数又可以增加美感]

[论证有点不清楚，语法的错误有些，用词，句型都过于简单]

boyjimUID: 125249

看看我的结尾能不能帮你把这个提高一点点
Accordingly, if art can be compared with gold of great value, the critics will be the treasure hunter who industiously seek the meaning of perpetual beauty among ashes of time (王家卫要告我了), never imagining to win any pride of themselves. They polish the raw jade of art, enlight our inspirtion for the wonder, and illustrate the ceaseless beauty of human civilization.

xuding_godUID: 179213

恩,是比我的强多了,谢了谢了
既然论证点也不是很清楚那我再改改,你觉得以我这个思路从哪方面下手比较好?

boyjimUID: 125249

这个要问鬼哥哥了~ 你在第四期粘贴了他就会帮你改得了！
我的思路不清晰 通常想说什么都说不出个所以然~

onlyxiaobaiUID: 198198

144．It is the artist, not the critic, who gives society something of lasting value. ------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------正文（514）

All the human society history like a long river, quietly flowing and slowly elapse. But there must be something sparkling in the river, just like what speaker says in the issue that the lasting value in the society. And to my own opinion that it is the critic, not the artist that gives something of the lasting value for the society.(elapse用法错误，一般情况下，只有说道时间流逝，精力流逝才用elapse，另外，开头累赘。本issue讨论的是艺术家，而不是什么历史。不要用大的开头，因为这对后文根本没有指引作用。)

Firstly, with my viewpoint, I suggest to say that how many artists are really making things for the social value. （这一句话汉语模式太明显。改一下可能比较好: I would like to argue that few artists have ever had really made something with lasting values）As we usually know that most of them are cynic and selfish(你这一句我觉得不妥，artists都selfish吗？太武断，个人感情不能作为论述的基础，切忌！). What they considered about are most themselves. They always regard the society with hostility because this world is not the ideal one they want and few realize their genius, they usually go ahead of time. So they draw pictures to depict the perfect lives, they write novel to introduce their own experiences and complain the society they live in, they play music and movies to content their hollow spirits. That to say all the artist have done is seem to be a self-amusing, what they created, just like some imaginative works such as novels, plays, films…reveal us otherwise hidden ideas and impulses of a society, may be called works rather than values for the society, for only few people learn the deeply means with no help with others.（你既然说艺术家对社会充满敌意，你给出specific example了吗？你论述的首先就没有objective basis，然后也没有例子，这样不太好吧。）

Then, if the works really have potential values to the society, and want to be exhibit, the critic make the job well done. The critics are some people know the arts and history well and clearly understand what the society want. So they give some of the valuable works social value by evaluating the works with their skill and knowledge. Gong deep into the arts, the critic give out the hidden means in the works and a contemporary value related to the society. So with the critic’s analysing, the arts may have a more social useful means than it usually be. For example, one poetry, I hope you have once read it, called <the grass>, written by Whitman (惠特曼的草叶集)，it only sold no more than 100. But after a critic called …(忘了) makes a comment on the poetry, it become so popular that thousands people like it and let this poet as an immortal work. So I would like to say that the critic bring the social value out.（既然它们的作品没什么价值，那么这些价值是怎么来的？你没说清楚。你能把水变成石油吗？很显然这么困难的事情，你要有充分的理由。）

However, there are still some arts create the lasting value directly by themselves. Just like Miclangro, Shakespeare… their works show highly value since it comes out. For me, those people go ahead of the normal artists, that they link the people’s value and the social value tightly. And still there is some critics appreciate their works to show more value, the more the works be analysis, the more people know deep about them, the more value for the society.（这一段更加不行了，你明明时说artist没有给出lasting value的东西，却在这一段做出了巨大的转折性让步！）

In sums, with the discussed above, the valuable works like a golden, although the artists created them, but the critics let works show their brightness and make them more valuable for the society.

我觉得你的语言还可以，就是论证不够充分，有的地方论证自相矛盾。







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