作业：同主题4，写过的请指点！3ks

smartyrUID: 169453

Issue144  第12篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：46分7秒     455 words
从2005年2月15日9时30分到2005年2月15日10时17分
------题目------
It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value.
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
------提纲------
Position: 艺术家和批评家都很重要而且都是必要的
1.        艺术家创造的艺术作品是人类幸福和快乐源泉,还能提高修养
2.        许多艺术作品都反映当时的文化、习俗、生活、艺术家的哲学思想乃至宗教信仰，这些帮助历史学家、人文主义者更好地了解历史，社会。
3.        然而,尽管伟大的艺术作品是客观存在的，但是，需要评判家从一大堆作品中去选出优秀的作品，更要揭示作品内在的东西
4.        结论：没有艺术家的作品，评判家的存在是无意义的；但是他的存在使人们容易承认并接受伟大的作品，这是艺术家真正给人们永恒的东西
------正文------
People often are confused by the puzzle that whether the artist or critic brings society something of everlasting value. While, some advocate that the artist creates their artwork by their splendid wisdom, I am inclined to hold that both artist and critic are important and necessary to the works contributed lasting value to society.

To begin with, artist creates myriads of significant artwork in the long history of mankind, which becomes the source of our daily recreation and amusement. The pleasant melody of classical music not only bring one good sensation but also release one's tension and pressure aroused from their increasingly competitive work, while, the pastoral painting easily galvanizes the love of grandeur and harmony of great nature. In addition, artwork can also nurture one’s mind and quality.  

Furthermore, majority of artwork vividly depicts the customs, lives, the philosophical ideas and even religious beliefs in the time of the artists. A remarkable case in this point is the works of Western Renaissance deeply reflected the humanistic thoughts of that time. Mona Lisa, David, Romeo and Juliet, are the well-known characters in the works, which are vividly live in our heart even now. With the help of these artwork, historians and humanists of his cotemporary and future generations, can perceive this time's culture in acute eyesight. This is great spiritual treasure our ancestor leaves us.

Nevertheless, in spite that the works objectively exists and will never depreciate because of the criticism, the critic is indispensable for the lasting value of works. Firstly, with the development of science and society, more and more fashioned things, such as best-selling books, Hollywood movies, were born. No one can deny there many excellent works in these woks. But how could one choose the works of his taste?  The critic emerges, as the times require in this situation. They can easily discriminate the best one from tremendous of works with their professional and skillful experience, which is necessary for today's people deprived of abundant time by their work. What's more important, the critic usually presents his opinions and insightful viewpoints about the works and thus can reveal the hidden meanings of the works. Without the critic, one can hardly read the ambiguity of the smile of Mona Lisa; without the critic, one can even not know what the sling in the hand of the famous sculpture-David, would be used to do. Thanks to the critic, ordinary people can have chance to know even appreciate cultural background of these outstanding artwork of human being.

In the final analysis, the existence of the critic is meaningless without the artist creates great artwork. However, the critic makes people better understand the inside meanings of the artwork. Consequently, marvelous works can be acknowledged and appreciated by the entire society, and thus are more popular among ordinary people, that's what the art really matters.

枫丹UID: 166492

People often are confused by the puzzle that whether the artist or critic brings society something of everlasting value. While, some advocate that the artist creates their artwork （应该是create， 集体名词后面也是可以用复数的，你后面用their）by their splendid wisdom, I am inclined to hold that both artist and critic are important and necessary to the works contributed lasting value to society.

To begin with, (the)artist creates myriads of significant artwork in the long history of mankind, which becomes the source of our daily recreation and amusement. The pleasant melody of classical music not only bring one good sensation but also release one's tension and pressure aroused from their increasingly competitive work,（这句写的很抽象，应该展开，可是你下面的那句话，对它的support不太够哦） while, the pastoral painting easily galvanizes the love of grandeur and harmony of great nature. In addition, artwork can also nurture one’s mind and quality. (我认为你写艺术的重要性，关键在于对于修养的提高其次才是娱乐，)

Furthermore, （the）majority of artwork vividly depicts the customs(custom  是不可数), lives, the philosophical ideas and even religious beliefs in the time of the artists. A remarkable case in this point is the works of Western Renaissance deeply reflected the humanistic thoughts of that time（语法错误）. Mona Lisa, David, Romeo and Juliet, are（expunge） the well-known characters in the works, which are vividly live in our heart even now. With the help of these artwork, historians and humanists of his cotemporary and future generations, can perceive this time's culture in acute eyesight. This is great spiritual treasure our ancestor leaves us.( 注意句子的连接，你一段里面包含的内容太多，会影响论述的)

Nevertheless, in spite that the works objectively exists and will never depreciate ？？because of the criticism, the critic is indispensable for( to) the lasting value of works. Firstly, with the development of science and society, more and more fashioned things, such as best-selling books, Hollywood movies, were born. (前面还是精简一下比较好best-selling books, Hollywood movies are all art work???)No one can deny there are many excellent works in these woks??. But how could one choose the works of his taste? The critic emerges, as the times require in this situation. They can easily discriminate the best one from tremendous of works with their professional and skillful experience, which is necessary for today's people deprived of abundant time by their work. What's more important, the critic usually presents his opinions and insightful viewpoints about the works and thus can reveal the hidden meanings of the works. Without the critic, one can hardly read the ambiguity of the smile of Mona Lisa; without the critic, one can even not know what the sling in the hand of the famous sculpture-David, would be used to do. Thanks to the critic, ordinary people can have chance to know even appreciate cultural background of these outstanding artwork of human being.
这一段，我认为最失败，你的论题是contributed lasting value to society.到底在那里体现的呢？人们理解了就是lasting value了吗）
In the final analysis, the existence of the critic is meaningless without the artist creates great artwork. However, the critic makes people better understand the inside meanings of the artwork. Consequently, marvelous works can be acknowledged and appreciated by the entire society, and thus are more popular among ordinary people, that's what the art really matters
我认为你要先把lasting value 论述清楚的说
例子不错，词用的不错，只是有些小的语法错误，关键问题是论证。深度和力度都不够，感觉在顾左右而言其他。继续努力，你会越写越好的。

smartyrUID: 169453

觉得每次丹枫给的建议和批评都是很深刻的！！先谢谢了
我再改改

枫丹UID: 166492

哎,看来我拍人和写作不在一个水平上.郁闷!!

smartyrUID: 169453

[B]修改过了。大家再拍拍！！多提意见多交流[/B]

------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：46分7秒     455 words
从2005年2月15日9时30分到2005年2月15日10时17分
------题目------
It is the artist, not the critic,* who gives society something of lasting value.
*a person who evaluates works of art, such as novels, films, music, paintings, etc.
------正文------
People often are confused by the puzzle that whether the artist or critic brings society something of everlasting value. While, some advocate that the artist creates their artwork by their talented wisdom, I am inclined to hold that both artist and critic are important and necessary to the works of art contributing eternal value to society.

To begin with, more often than not/Always, the true/real value of art is to express the enthusiastic passion of the artist, which stemmed from his unique understanding of the essence of life and experience, hence, produce strong resonance from the deep of people’s hearts It is the most famous line in Shelly’s Ode to west wind, “If winter comes, can spring be far behind?”, it is the Fifth Symphony of the preeminent German composer-Beethoven’s works, that galvanize a multitude of optimistic and progressive youth to shape strong and independent personality from their time to now. Besides, a myriad of glorious works artist creates becomes the source of our daily recreation and amusement, and always the hot topics of the society focusing people’s eyes The pleasant melody of classical music not only brings one good sensation but also releases one's tension and pressure arise from their increasingly competitive counterparts, while, the pastoral painting easily escalates one’s love of grandeur and harmony of great nature. That is the very eternal charm of art rendering the society.

Furthermore, it is a common nature of mankind to cherish the spiritual wealth our ancestors handing down from their times. The majority of works of art vividly depicts the custom, lives, the philosophical ideas and even religious beliefs in the time of the artists. With the help of the works, the contemporary historian and humanist of the artist, even the future generations, can perceive the specific culture in the very period with much deeper and more unique eyesight. A remarkable case in this point is the works of Western Renaissance deeply reflected the humanistic thoughts of that time. From then on, a lot of well-known characters, such as Mona Lisa, David, Romeo and Juliet, in these works, which are firmly embedded in people’s heart.

Nevertheless, on the other hand, the most significant value of art depends on whether it can be accepted by the whole society and popular among people. After all, art is not limited and exclusive to fewer experts. Then, the critic emerges as the time requires, and the important task spontaneously shoulders on the shoulders of the critics. Firstly, with the inexorable advancement of science and society, people are dazzled by more and more modern fashions, such as best-selling novels, Hollywood movies, some of which may be excellent and mean a lot to our life and sometimes choose their blindly and go with the stream At the moment, the critic can easily discriminate the best one from tremendous of works with his professional and skillful experience, which is necessary for today's people deprived of time by their jobs. What's more important, the critic usually presents his opinions and insightful viewpoints about the works and thus reveals the hidden meanings of the works. That’s why there are hundreds of explanations to Mona Lisa’s mysterious smile. Without the critic, one can hardly read the ambiguity of the smile of Mona Lisa; without the critic, one can even not know what the sling in the hand of the famous sculpture-David, would be used to do. Thanks to the critic, ordinary people could get knowledge of the cultural essence of these prominent artworks of mankind. It is true that he does not create lasting value to society; however, the critic he indeed contributes to society, which is indispensable for ensuring the works can be lasting for long period.

In the final analysis, the existence of the critic is meaningless without the artist creates great artwork. However, the critic makes people better understand the inside meanings of the artwork. Consequently, marvelous works can be acknowledged and appreciated by the entire society, and thus are more popular among ordinary people, that's what the art really matters.

ivyshoulUID: 195537

People often are confused by the puzzle that whether the artist or critic brings society something of everlasting value. While, some advocate that the artist creates their artwork by their talented wisdom[说到create,应该是artist的事儿吧?和后半句有转折意味么?], I am inclined to hold that both artist and critic are important and necessary to the works of art contributing eternal value to society.

To begin with, more often than not/Always, the true/real value of art is to express the enthusiastic passion of the artist, which stemmed from his unique understanding of the essence of life and experience, hence, produce strong resonance from the deep of people’s hearts It is the most famous line in Shelly’s Ode to west wind, “If winter comes, can spring be far behind?”, it is the Fifth Symphony of the preeminent German composer-Beethoven’s works, that galvanize a multitude of optimistic and progressive youth to shape strong and independent personality from their time to now. Besides, a myriad of glorious works artist creates becomes the source of our daily recreation and amusement, and always the hot topics of the society focusing people’s eyes The pleasant melody of classical music not only brings one good sensation but also releases one's tension and pressure arise from their increasingly competitive counterparts, while, the pastoral painting easily escalates one’s love of grandeur and harmony of great nature. That is the very eternal charm of art rendering the society.

Furthermore, it is a common nature of mankind to cherish the spiritual wealth our ancestors handing down from their times. The majority of works of art vividly depicts the custom, lives, the philosophical ideas and even religious beliefs in the time of the artists. With the help of the works, the contemporary historian and humanist of the artist, even the future generations, can perceive the specific culture in the very period with much deeper and more unique eyesight. A remarkable case in this point is the works of Western Renaissance deeply reflected the humanistic thoughts of that time.[ From then on, a lot of well-known characters in these works such as Mona Lisa, David, Romeo and Juliet are firmly embedded in people’s heart.] [原来的是个病句]
[到这里为止,这么长的篇幅根本没提到artist. 也没有点出lasting value的问题]

Nevertheless, on the other hand, the most significant value of art depends on whether it can be accepted by the whole society and popular among people. [艺术最重要的价值在于能不能被社会接受?] After all, art is not limited and exclusive to fewer experts. Then, the critic emerges as the time requires, and the important task spontaneously shoulders on the shoulders of the critics. [怎么连续两个shoulder] Firstly, with the inexorable advancement of science and society, people are dazzled by more and more modern fashions, such as best-selling novels, Hollywood movies, some of which may be excellent and mean a lot to our life and [sometimes choose their blindly and go with the stream这里是不是写错了?] At the moment, the critic can easily discriminate the best one from tremendous of works with his professional and skillful experience, which is necessary for today's people [who are] deprived of time by their jobs. What's more important, the critic usually presents his opinions and insightful viewpoints about the works and thus reveals the hidden meanings of the works. That’s why there are hundreds of explanations to Mona Lisa’s mysterious smile. Without the critic, one can hardly read the ambiguity of the smile of Mona Lisa; without the critic, one can even not know what the sling in the hand of the famous sculpture-David, would be used to do. Thanks to the critic, ordinary people could get knowledge of the cultural essence of these prominent artworks of mankind. It is true that he does not create lasting value to society; however, the critic he indeed contributes to society, which is indispensable for ensuring the works [can be lasting] to last for long period.
[lasting value的问题没怎么说清楚啊]
In the final analysis, the existence of the critic is meaningless without the artist creates great artwork. However, the critic makes people better understand the inside meanings of the artwork. Consequently, marvelous works can be acknowledged and appreciated by the entire society, and thus are more popular among ordinary people, that's what the art really matters.

smartyrUID: 169453

最初由 ivyshoul 发布
[B]People often are confused by the puzzle that whether the artist or critic brings society something of everlasting value. While, some advocate that the artist cr..

以下省略...... [/B][ From then on, a lot of well-known characters in these works such as Mona Lisa, David, Romeo and Juliet are firmly embedded in people’s heart.] [原来的是个病句]
[到这里为止,这么长的篇幅根本没提到artist. 也没有点出lasting value的问题]

1.我是这么理解的，artist对社会的价值是通过他们的作品表现的。在第二、三段我写了他们作品的价值
2.写关于critic时，我认为他对社会的贡献时要让大家广泛接受艺术作品。是否有点牵强？？
谢谢建议！

smartyrUID: 169453

你提到前面两段中的内容问题。我是这样论证的
To begin with, more often than not/Always, the true/real value of art is to express the enthusiastic passion of the artist, which stemmed from his unique understanding of the essence of life and experience, hence, produce strong resonance from the deep of people’s hearts

Besides, a myriad of glorious works artist creates becomes the source of our daily recreation and amusement, and always the hot topics of the society focusing people’s eyes

Furthermore, it is a common nature of mankind to cherish the spiritual wealth our ancestors handing down from their times. The majority of works of art vividly depicts the custom, lives, the philosophical ideas and even religious beliefs in the time of the artists. With the help of the works, the contemporary historian and humanist of the artist, even the future generations, can perceive the specific culture in the very period with much deeper and more unique eyesight