issue87 有感于87井喷现象~

arhooUID: 180462

In the ceaseless history of human being, science ushers in glory and rational system, which to us manifests not only academy but also our daily life. Wedged with person's life and existing in awareness, what invariably happened is that scientists, nine out of ten, make important discoveries when they were young. As a consequence, there are multitudes of people who under the hallucination that in every field of inquiry, the beginners are more often than not can find important discoveries. Notwithstanding, in my opinion, this is not the whole story.

To dispute this seemingly easy problem, we have to define the beginner and the expert. If the beginner is equated with younger scientist and expert is identical with the older one, there may arouse another weird question: how old shall we define young and old. As a result, apart from all the complicated consideration, I would rather believe that beginners are someone who just embark upon their research devoid of experiences, with which experts boasted.那你的just embark又是多久呢？这个定义够明确吗？可能对ETS够明确了，哈哈

Looking back on the science history, a myriad of scientists made names for themselves when they were young, but they are not beginner. What is more, they might be already experts. 说得好Obviously, although nobody can match old scientists in terms of experiences, young scientists are superior to the old scientists for they are in possession of uncontrollable ardent, magic ideas and are more energetic without so many private problems as old scientists. Most important discoveries are found in these scientists’ youth. When DNA structure, double helix, is found, Watson and Crick, one of them is only 25 and another is 35. Moreover, Einstein formed his idea when he was about 30. Multitudes of scientists are rewarded Nobel prizes for their achievement and discoveries made early years.仅用年龄太苍白了。要支持你这段的意思，起码要在例子中说清楚：1.他们是不是beginner，2.不要仅说结果，把他们的uncontrollable ardent, magic ideas and energy秀出来。否则起步到支持作用啊

However, one of the great tragedies in the sphere of science is that because of some famous scientists, a great mass of tyros are under the shadow of so called old experts. Chances are good that these experts pursued fame in their early years, thus they lead a numerous doctors or post doctors in a certain research. But this area may have been widely exploredwidely explored是坏事吗？又不可能explore光的嘛, thus一窜thus下来并不见很强的推理关系 these doctors have little chance to make a paramount discoveries, which exert a psychedelic to society that new scientists are inferior to the old ones. What is more, although they might be already experts but still treated as a beginner, and when they discovered something significant, the mass catch an illusion called "beginner's success", which trigger the given statement.这段是在讲什么？是不是说beginner一般出成果很困难，除了成果的已经不是beginner了？

Admittedly, there are rare instances that few scientists without experiences or profundity of research can make groundbreaking discoveries, and Faraday may be one of these distinguished ones. However, in the era of rapid developing world, it is impossible for an undergraduate to discovery something unparalleled.让步后的转折缺乏论证，这个admittedly虚的

If our science is entirely discovered by beginner, why shall we take this long journey of science research, why shall we still need so many experts, why shall we still cherish our accumulated knowledge and spend years studying it? Retrospectively, as far as I amconcerned, experts are invariably beyond the beginner although there are times when expert may be young, and all discoveries are the accumulations of previous knowledge with creative and aspiring sparks.一段做年轻和年老之比，另一端却讲beginner。是不是没有focus？其实本来把你beginner和expert再定义得“容易操作”一些然后紧扣住来对比比较好。这篇文章我觉得对比一定是一个重点。

boyjimUID: 125249

楼上的~偶就知道论点散了~~~

鬼谷子UID: 159645

87"In any field of inquiry, the beginner is more likely than the expert to make important discoveries."
正文-----------------
1定义beginner
2很多年轻专家有新发现-但是他们不是beginner
3但是很多人认为年轻专家就是beginner
4现在begnner能获得成功的机会已经很少了~例子都是死掉的人【看你的提纲是反对的观点，不过，1，expert是否也应该定义呢？3似乎不是很有力，4死掉的人指什么啊，我还是看了后面再说】
In the ceaseless history of human being, science ushers in glory and rational system, 【这两个能并列吗？】 which to us manifests not only academy but also our daily life. 【什么意思啊？】Wedged with【in】 person's life and existing 【一个是过去分词，一个是现在分词，似乎有点不一致】in awareness, what invariably happened is that scientists, nine out of ten, make important discoveries when they were young. 【what invariably happened 应该是主语，但是前面的Wedged with person's life and existing in awareness似乎不是描述这个的】As a consequence, there are multitudes of people who under the hallucination that in every field of inquiry, the beginners are more often than not can find important discoveries. Notwithstanding, in my opinion, this is not the whole story. 【那么你反对的是哪一点呢？观点不是很明确】

To dispute this seemingly easy problem, we have to define the beginner and the expert. If the beginner is equated with younger scientist and expert is identical with the older one, there may arouse another weird question: how old shall we define young and old. As a result, apart from all the complicated consideration, I would rather believe that beginners are someone who just embark 【embarks】upon their research devoid of experiences, with which experts boasted. 【定义的很好】

Looking back on the science history, a myriad of scientists 【主语不一致】made names for themselves when they were young, but they are not beginner. What is more, they might be already experts. Obviously, although nobody can match old scientists in terms of experiences, young scientists are superior to the old scientists for they are in possession of uncontrollable【这个词不太像是褒义的】 ardent, magic ideas and are more energetic without so many private problems as old scientists. Most important discoveries are found in these scientists’ youth. When DNA structure, double helix, is found, Watson and Crick, one of them is only 25 and another is 35. Moreover, Einstein formed his idea when he was about 30. Multitudes of scientists are rewarded Nobel prizes for their achievement and discoveries made early years. 【made early years？】
【虽然，这段论述的不错。但是，你上一段已经定义了，新手不是指年龄，而是看经验，那么这里你又是从年龄来说的，似乎把年轻人等同为新手，岂不是自相矛盾了吗？】
However, one of the great tragedies in the sphere of science is that because of some famous scientists, a great mass of tyros are under the shadow of so called old experts. 【是想从外部的原因来论证吗？】Chances are good that these experts pursued fame in their early years, thus they lead a numerous doctors or post doctors in a certain research. 【追求了好多年名声，就能带博士，有因果吗？】But this area may have been widely explored, thus these doctors have little chance to make a paramount discoveries, which exert a psychedelic to society that new scientists are inferior to the old ones. 【根据这个论据，新手的不成功是因为领域没有发展，那你前面为什么要说是because of some famous scientists 呢？】What is more, although they might be already experts but still treated as a beginner, 【你第一句提出这些人的时候用的是tyro，明明就是新手了啊，这里怎么又否定，然后说他们已经是专家了呢？而且，按你所说，他们的机会不多，那么经验也可能是很少的，又怎么能成为专家呢？这里是否把专家太广义化了】and when they discovered something significant, the mass catch an illusion called "beginner's success", 【这个论断对于你整段的论述都很重要，需要有根据的，这样说没有说服力】which trigger 【triggers】the given statement. 【这段与上段都是在论述人们对于新手的误解，到底什么是新手，什么不是新手的问题，而不是对于新手和专家的比较的问题。似乎你已经默认了一个前提就是专家一定能够创make important discoveries，所以，如果人们认为的新手实际上是专家的话，那么他们认为新手make important discoveries的想法就是错的。我觉得这个还是要论证和比较才能得出的结果】

Admittedly, there are rare instances that few scientists without experiences or profundity of research can make groundbreaking discoveries, and Faraday may be one of these distinguished ones. However, in the era of rapid【rapidly】 developing world, it is impossible for an undergraduate 【这个不还是时间性的区分吗？】to discovery something unparalleled.

If our science is entirely discovered by beginner, 【这个就错误了，题目没有这样说，题目说的是more，你把问题极端化了】why shall we take this long journey of science research, why shall we still need so many experts, why shall we still cherish our accumulated knowledge and spend years studying it? Retrospectively, as far as I 【am】concerned, experts are invariably beyond the beginner although there are times when expert may be young, 【这个的暗示不还是从时间上对比而不是经验？】 and all discoveries are the accumulations of previous knowledge with creative and aspiring sparks.

【总体的语言是很好的，但是论述上面的确存在不少问题，你是首先假定了人们对于新手的概念，（这个假定也是很不可靠的，你的根据呢？文章没有说明）然后反对了这个概念，从而得出你的结论（这个结论本身就不明确，到底是谁make important discoveries更多呢？）。但是，从题目的角度来看，你要考虑的问题是谁make important discoveries更多，而且，题目本身包含了一个比较，这两个问题都被你忽略了。你反驳的仅仅是一个概念。没有更进一步交代，从make important discoveries的过程和本质上来看，到底是谁作出的贡献，而且，没有比较清楚新手和专家的区别。而从论述过程上面来看，有些地方逻辑不够严密，而且，定义的那段的作用也似乎没起到，论述的很多地方与你的定义矛盾。好好整理一下思路。加油！】

朽木白哉UID: 195804

哈哈~~~~~~
加油改。。。
偶就不给你改了~~~~~