Argument240 第2篇 请大虾们赐砖!

thminUID: 192642

Argument240  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
今天早上写的,限时写的时候差一句没有写. 多写了一分半钟,然后又稍稍加了几个句子,发现一限时脑子就变笨了,本来很容易的句子都写不出来.郁闷啊.
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作者：thmin     共用时间：31分32秒     441 words
从2005年2月17日8时10分到2005年2月17日8时31分
------题目------
The following appeared in a memo written by a dean at Buckingham College.
'To serve the housing needs of our students, Buckingham College should build a new dormitory. Buckingham's enrollment is growing and, based on current trends, should double over the next fifty years, thus making existing dormitories inadequate. Moreover, the average rent for an apartment in our town has increased in recent years. Consequently, students will find it increasingly difficult to afford off-campus housing. Finally, an attractive new dormitory would make prospective students more likely to enroll at Buckingham.'
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In this memo, the dean recommends that Buckingham College should build a new dormitory to meet the needs of growing enrollment of students. In order to support this recommendation, the dean presents the reason why we should build new dormitory-- one of it is that the Buckingham's enrollment is in growing trend. The second is that it's more difficult for students to find off-campus housing for the rising rent of apartment in our town. The last is that to build new dormitory will attract new students to enroll in. The memo is reasonable at first glance, however, after careful scrutiny, it renders little credible support to the conclusion.

The first logical flaw of the memo lies in the unwarranted assumption that the growing trend of enrollment of Buckingham will continue in the next fifty years. The dean just makes the judgment in the basis of current situation that the students in campus will undoubtedly double during this period. However, this is not necessarily the case. Fifty years is a very long time, and it is entirely possible that after several years of increase, the number of students enrolled in college will begin to shrink for many changing factors. For instance, perhaps the whole number of students who want to get college certificates will decrease, or perhaps more students choose to enter other colleges instead of Buckingham. Lacking evidence of these changing factors, the assertion that existing dormitories are inadequate to future students is unjustified.

Secondly, the dean unfairly assumes that all the off-campus departments will charge more in rent according to the increasing trend of average rent of the town. However, the average rent of department in the town is not necessarily a reliable indicator of all the departments to be rent near the Buckingham. Maybe it's only the departments of other districts of the town that had increased their rents thus make the average rent higher than before; while the off-campus department in the vicinity of Buckingham is still relatively lower than other districts. Thus students can still find enough departments outside the campus.

The last but not least, the dean fails to provide any concrete evidence to demonstrate that building new dormitory will automatically make students, especially prospective students more likely to enroll in Buckingham. When students are determining the choice of entering a college, it is less likely to put the major concern only on the housing conditions of the university. There are many more factors, say the reputation of the college, the academic influence of the faculty, and the present majors provided that will affect students' decisions on choosing which college they should enroll in.

To sum up, all the logical flaws I mentioned above prevented the argument far from convincing. To better evaluate the memo, I would need more information to ensure in the next fifty years the enrollment of Buckingham College will continue to increase as it does now. I would further need more information to ensure that all the off-campus departments are in rising trend of rent. Finally, the dean of Buckingham should also eliminate other possible factors that may influence the decisions of students when they are choosing a college to pursue their education.

thminUID: 192642

顶一下,大家帮我修改吧!

athiferUID: 199136

In this memo, the dean recommends that Buckingham College should build a new dormitory to meet the needs of growing enrollment of students. In order to support this recommendation, the dean presents the reasons 这里有三个assumption,应该把reason看作[C] why we should build new dormitory-- one of it them is that the Buckingham's enrollment is in growing trend.应该是growing trend导致的dormitories inadequate The second is that it's more difficult for students to find afford好些,不是找不到,而是住不起 off-campus housing for the rising rent of apartment in our town. The last is that to build new dormitory will attract new students 是prospective students而不是new students to enroll in. The memo is reasonable at first glance, however, after a careful scrutiny, it renders little credible support 修饰有误 to the conclusion.三个assumption转述的都有问题.

The first logical flaw of the memo lies in the unwarranted assumption that the growing trend of enrollment of Buckingham will continue in the next fifty years. The dean just makes the judgment in the basis of current situation that the students in campus will undoubtedly double during this period. However, this is not necessarily the case. Fifty years is a very long 不是那么长 time, and it is entirely possible that after several years of increase, the number of students enrolled in college will begin to shrink for many changing factors. For instance, perhaps the whole number of students who want to get college certificates will decrease, or perhaps more students choose to enter other colleges instead of Buckingham. Lacking evidence of these changing factors, the assertion that existing dormitories are inadequate to future students is unjustified.other factors 举得不错

Secondly, the dean unfairly assumes that all the off-campus departments will charge more in rent according to the increasing trend of average rent of the town. However, the average rent of department in the town is not necessarily a reliable indicator of all the departments to be rent near the Buckingham. Maybe it's only the departments of other districts of the town that had increased their rents thus make the average rent higher than before; while the off-campus department in the vicinity of Buckingham is still relatively lower than other districts. Thus students can still find enough departments outside the campus.觉得这段说的不够好，一来在average问题上只谈了地理上的可能性，并且没有说出地理因素和学生住房选择的关联，二来evidence说的也只是in recent years，以后会怎么样还不知道,这样导出的assumption可能是有问题的，可以在这里作反驳

The last but not least, the dean fails to provide any concrete evidence to demonstrate that building new dormitory will automatically make students, especially prospective students more likely to enroll in Buckingham. When students are determining the choice of entering a college, it is less likely to put the major concern only on the housing conditions of the university. There are many more factors, say the reputation of the college, the academic influence of the faculty, and the present majors provided that will affect students' decisions on choosing which college they should enroll in.说理比较充分，表述上再加强一些就更好了

To sum up, all the logical flaws I mentioned above prevented the argument far from convincing. To better evaluate the memo, I would need more information to ensure in the next fifty years the enrollment of Buckingham College will continue to increase as it does now. I would further need need further more information to ensure that all the off-campus departments are in rising trend of rent. Finally, the dean of Buckingham should also eliminate other possible factors that may influence the decisions of students when they are choosing a college to pursue their education.

觉得文章主要的问题在第一段的转述和第二个assumption的反驳不够充分，表述上再改进一些就更好了