issue130 同主题写作5 作为反面教材好了……

anthraxUID: 176473

55分钟   579 word  revised version

------题目------
In most societies, competition generally has more of a negative than a positive effect.


Never has a society suffocates with competition as ours. The sense of competing prevails every aspects in lives: big corporations exhaust all measures to seek the largest market share when their employees place more workload on themselves in the purpose for promotion; universities try to be listed in the first place in all kinds of ranking and students worldwide struggle for limited admission into leading colleges; athletes run after the golden medal in Athens’s summer while the following winter Bush and Kerry vie fiercely in the State's election. Even ourselves are the result of a inevitable competition, a match among millions of sperms endeavor to fertilize the only egg available. Facing such a world, people may incessantly question themselves: competition, friend or foe?

Though responsible for certain undesirable effects, in my opinion, competition as well has merit for the positive impact it brings about. Simply defining it as either good or evil seems too hasty. Every coin has two sides. Therefore, thorough examine and comparison is essential to evaluate such a complicated issue.

On one hand, competition can be regarded as beneficial, considering it serves as incitement and driving force for society and individuals consisting it. As for a person, take senior manager for instance, he/ she may contents with achievement of past and being bogged down in the mood of proud and luxury. Yet with rivals or subordinates displaying excellent competence threatening his/her position, the manage will press head for better business performance and improve himself/herself through further study.  Thus makes a superior business elite. Provided the absence of such a pressure, the potential success will never turn into reality. And it is those numerous leading elites contribute to the world's prosperity.

Similarly, when it comes to societal level, myriad of examples are readily to be drown to illustrate advantages emanated from competition. Fiercely as companies vie with each other for maximum profit, we customers are ultimately benefited as price eventually go down. Moreover, new methods are invented to raise productivity and cut cost, which also lead to advancement in technology. The "stream line", viewed as one of greatest industrial progress, aptly warrant the merit of competition.

On the other hand, however, we cannot ignore unwanted results caused by competition. When the craving to succeed overwhelms, moral corruption follows and hostility accumulates, causing harmony of the society marred. Of what meaning is a sport match, when most players take drugs in pursue of victory and the accompanying glory? Of what significance of war, a product of national competition and lone-term hostility, when thousands of lives bereft in a instant, when fires wither verdant forests, when the glory and dignity of human being depredated by the filth and terror of death?

In sum, competition is a double-edge weapon that could be both angel and fiend. Moderate competing in a sound manner gives rise to social progress. On the contrary when it comes to extreme, destructive hazard follows. Jessica Sarah Parker, once stared as a writer in “Sex and the city”, has created a word fitting this situation perfectly: “frenemy”-friend and enemy .We may consider competition a friend for the benefit brought about, in the mean while it also can be regarded as a vicious enemy for exerting noxious impact on the society. There lies the reason for a balanced attitude towards it. After all, we human being are responsible for our own actions. Hence, where and how to place the giant might of competition subjects to our own hands.

开头可能真得太冗了，需要缩减……

kkytUID: 188814

占座学习ing

kkytUID: 188814

In most societies, competition generally has more of a negative than a positive effect.

Never has a society suffocates with competition as ours. The sense of competing prevails every aspects in lives: big corporations exhaust all measures to seek the largest market share when their employees place more workload on themselves in the purpose for promotion; universities try to be listed in the first place in all kinds of ranking and students worldwide struggle for limited admission into leading colleges; athletes run after the golden medal in Athens’s summer while the following winter Bush and Kerry vie[vied] fiercely in the State's election.[开头比较新颖啊] Even ourselves are the result of a[a去掉] inevitable competition, a match among millions of sperms[生殖细胞，哈哈~~比喻恰当啊] endeavor to fertilize the only egg available. Facing such a world, people may incessantly question themselves: competition, friend or foe? [开头段如此新颖，可见你功力决非一般啊！只是没有亮出自己的观点来]

Though responsible for certain undesirable effects, in my opinion, competition as well has merit for the positive impact it brings about. Simply defining it as either good or evil seems too hasty. Every coin has two sides. Therefore, thorough examine and comparison is essential to evaluate such a complicated issue.[摆出你的观点,感觉好象来得太晚。]

On one hand, competition can be regarded as beneficial, considering it serves as incitement and driving force for society and individuals consisting it. As for a person, take senior manager for instance, he/ she may contents[content] with achievement of past and being bogged down in the mood of proud and luxury. Yet with rivals or subordinates displaying excellent competence threatening his/her position, the manage[manager] will press head for better business performance and improve himself/herself through further study. Thus makes[make] a superior business elite. Provided [provided+that+从句不加名词 ]the absence of such a pressure, the potential success will never turn into reality. And it is those numerous[大量啥？high pressure] leading elites contribute to the world's prosperity.

Similarly, when it comes to societal level, myriad of examples are readily to be drown to illustrate advantages emanated from competition. Fiercely as companies vie with each other for maximum profit, we customers are ultimately benefited [benefit 本来就是受益于~~不用被动] as price eventually go down. Moreover, new methods are invented to raise productivity and cut cost, which also lead to advancement in technology. The "stream line", viewed as one of greatest industrial progress, aptly warrant [warrants] the merit of competition.

On the other hand, however, we cannot ignore unwanted results caused by competition. When the craving to succeed overwhelms, moral corruption follows and hostility accumulates, causing harmony of the society marred. Of what meaning is a sport match, when most players take drugs in pursue of victory and the accompanying glory? Of what significance of war, a product of national competition and lone-term hostility, when thousands of lives bereft in a instant, when fires wither verdant forests, when the glory and dignity of human being depredated by the filth and terror of death?[一连串的排比和反问，好好好]

In sum, competition is a double-edge weapon that could be both angel and fiend. Moderate competing in a sound manner gives rise to social progress. On the contrary when it comes to extreme, destructive hazard follows. Jessica Sarah Parker, once stared as a writer in “Sex and the city”, has created a word fitting this situation perfectly: “frenemy”-friend and enemy. We may consider competition a friend for the benefit brought about, in the mean while it also can be regarded as a vicious enemy for exerting noxious impact on the society. There lies the reason for a balanced attitude towards it. After all, we human being are responsible for our own actions. Hence, where[未完，待序？？下回分解？]

[总而言之，你的文章太好了，语言很美，论证也很有力，向你学习啊]
[BTW你搞错题目了吧。牛人一般会犯这种错误，果不然，哈哈~~~]

anthraxUID: 176473

狂汗，狂汗，我觉得自己太笨了。怎么就乱来发错文章了呢……鞭笞我吧……修改过后好像完整了。真是真是……无语，正好我打算重新写一篇，发上来再让各位踩把……kkyt，我稍候来修改你了，现在开始模考……

wanderwengUID: 196531

Never has a society suffocates （哇， 这个词用得帅）with competition as ours. The sense of competing prevails every aspects in lives: big corporations exhaust all measures to seek the largest market share when their employees place more workload on themselves in the purpose for promotion; universities try to be listed in the first place in all kinds of ranking and students worldwide struggle for limited admission into leading colleges; athletes run after the golden medal in Athens’s summer while the following winter Bush and Kerry vie fiercely in the State's election. Even ourselves are the result of a inevitable competition, a match among millions of sperms endeavor to fertilize the only egg available. Facing such a world, people may incessantly question themselves: competition, friend or foe? （我觉得你的开头很好呀 循循引来导出问题 只是好像没有表明你的观点吧 你的语言好好呀 例子生动时政有力 envying）


Though （being ）responsible for certain undesirable effects, in my opinion, competition as well has merit for the positive impact it brings about. Simply defining it as either good or evil seems too hasty. Every coin has two sides. Therefore, thorough examine（examination） and comparison is （are）essential to evaluate such a complicated issue.

On one hand, competition can be regarded as beneficial, considering it serves as incitement and driving force for society and individuals consisting it. As for a person, take senior manager for instance, he/ she may contents with achievement of past and being bogged down in the mood of proud and luxury. Yet with rivals or subordinates displaying excellent competence threatening his/her position, the manage will press head for better business performance and improve himself/herself through further study. Thus makes a superior business elite. Provided the absence of such a pressure, the potential success will never turn into reality. And it is those numerous leading elites contribute to the world's prosperity.

Similarly, when it comes to societal level, myriad of examples are readily to be drown to illustrate advantages emanated from competition. Fiercely as companies vie with each other for maximum profit, we customers are ultimately benefited as price eventually go down. Moreover, new methods are invented to raise productivity and cut cost, which also lead to advancement in technology. The "stream line", viewed as one of greatest industrial progress, aptly warrant the merit of competition.

On the other hand, however, we cannot ignore unwanted results caused by competition. When the craving to succeed overwhelms, moral corruption follows and hostility accumulates, causing harmony of the society marred. Of what meaning is a sport match, when most players take drugs in pursue （pursuit） of victory and the accompanying glory? Of what significance of war, a product of national competition and lone-term hostility, when thousands of lives bereft in a instant, when fires wither verdant forests, when the glory and dignity of human being depredated by the filth and terror of death? （你的词汇真是。。。让人汗颜呀）

In sum, competition is a double-edge （double－edged）weapon that could be both angel and fiend. Moderate competing in a sound manner gives rise to social progress. On the contrary when it comes to extreme, destructive hazard follows. Jessica Sarah Parker, once stared as a writer in “Sex and the city”, has created a word fitting this situation perfectly: “frenemy”-friend and enemy .We may consider competition a friend for the benefit brought about, in the mean while it also can be regarded as a vicious enemy for exerting noxious impact on the society. There lies the reason for a balanced attitude towards it. After all, we human being are responsible for our own actions. Hence, where and how to place the giant might of competition subjects to our own hands.

（5分绝对没问题）

anthraxUID: 176473

wangderweng谢了哦。你的签名没有联接所以没法去踩你的，留下连接我一定会再认真地踩~~这一篇我是最满意的……但是还有其他的不知道如何下手的题目啊……