issue51 4天倒计时.求砖!

圣光UID: 193720

Issue51  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：43分4秒     753 words
从2001年2月19日8时53分到2001年2月19日9时43分
------题目------
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
------正文------
As the society grows so rapidly, education is more and more accentuated by it, which leads to a controversial argument in the contemporary world on what kind of education can be the most effective. Can the education emphasizes on catering to the personal needs and the interests of each student be more effective? I concede that it may be helpful to the study of the student; however, there are many other goals in education, which make only emphasizing on satisfying the needs and interests of students unilateral.

First of all, we have to define the notion of "effective education". From my angle, effective education should be succeed in both the academic study of the students and the formation of their right individual minds, as well as preparing them for their lives to adapt to the competition in the society.

Considering the definition of "effective education" mentioned above, it is true that an effective education should cater to the requirements and interests of the students, because such kind of education can give students impetus and motivation to study hard and thereby contribute to the society. Common sense tells us that human beings can be more attracted by the objectives that can impel their interests. The reason why all the giants who can achieve in their fields is that they are interested in their areas, which makes them to probe in the dark for lightness. Take Einstein for example The fact that he can be successful in discovering relativity is due to his interest in science. When he was a high school student, he learned by himself calculus, which is the basic knowledge in the scientific fields. Thus, it is the interests of the scientist that make him to explore in his fields. Therefore, to make the students to have impetus in study, the best way is to make them to learn their favorite subjects. What is more, the interests of the discipline can give the students courage and confidence to face the difficulties and backsets in their study. Only through the interests they gain in the process of learning can they be nerved enough to face the puzzledom they encounter and resolve them, which makes their study more effective, so is the education.

However, there are more requirements for the education nowadays. First of all, education should contribute to the formation of correct and healthy values, perspectives and thoughts of the students, without which they cannot have the capabilities to treat the exterior world and themselves correctly, let alone attaining success, which is the ultimate goal of an effective education. It is the responsibility of education to teach the students what is true and what is false, which deeds are right while others are wrong. With this proper educating, students can have the definite notion of the world and themselves, making less mistakes and errors, ameliorating themselves to achieve attainments. Had there been such education, the Nazi Hitler might not exist, as well as the Second World War, which is the calamity in the human history.

Moreover, another goal of education is to prepare the students for their latter lives. They have to acquire enough knowledge to survive in such rivalrous society, which can be only instilled by education. If the education only designed to cater to their needs and interests, regardless of the requirements of the society, and the requisites that individuals need to live in the society, it cannot be called effective. Consider, for example, there are many students who are addicted in computer games, making them uninterested in any other thing. Should the educators or the parents to cater to their needs and interests? The answer is obviously no, because the games cannot help them to obtain the necessary capacities needed to survive in the society. Also, another example is nearby us--there are many students who have no interests in computer science, however, should the school compel them to study such subjects? In the world full of computer, mastering the basic skills to operate computer is a necessity, even if some may claim to learn this hard discipline. Consequently, education should see into the requirements of the society, especially the needs of the market to have the students well prepared for their professional lives.

In the final analysis, putting emphasis on interests and needs of the students is necessary due to the impetus and motivation it can bring. However, we cannot consider an education effective if it cannot manage in forming correct and healthy personalities of the students and their capabilities to adapt to the society.     

稍稍做了一些修改,觉得似乎是这几天写得比较满意的一篇,不知道能不能达到4或者4.5的标准,希望大家赐教!谢谢~~

山坡羊UID: 169978

Issue51 第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：43分4秒 753 words
从2001年2月19日8时53分到2001年2月19日9时43分
------题目------
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
------正文------
As the society grows so rapidly, education is more and more accentuated by it, which leads to a controversial argument in the contemporary world on what kind of education can be the most effective. Can the education emphasizes on catering to the personal needs and the interests of each student be more effective? I concede that it may be helpful to the study of the student; however, there are many other goals in education, which make only emphasizing on satisfying the needs and interests of students unilateral. [开头挺好的，背景+问题+观点]

First of all, we have to define the notion of "effective education". From my angle, effective education should be succeed[succeed] in both the academic study of the students and the formation of their right individual minds, as well as preparing them for their lives to adapt to the competition in the society. [挺好，自己定义一下下文好展开了]

Considering the definition of "effective education" mentioned above, it is true that an effective education should cater to the requirements and interests of the students, because such kind of education can give students impetus and motivation to study hard and thereby contribute to the society. Common sense tells us that human beings can be more attracted by the objectives that can impel their interests. The reason why all the giants who can achieve in their fields is that they are interested in their areas, which makes them to probe in the dark for lightness. Take Einstein for example The fact that he can be successful in discovering relativity is due to his interest in science. When he was a high school student, he learned by himself calculus, which is the basic knowledge in the scientific fields. [好象这个例子还不够，比如说说这个兴趣如何支持他什么的，你说到微积分就嘎然而止了]Thus, it is the interests of the scientist that make him to explore in his fields. Therefore, to make the students to have impetus in study, the best way is to make them to learn their favorite subjects. What is more, [感觉前后两点没有递进的味道，推动力和自信？] the interests of the discipline can give the students courage and confidence to face the difficulties and backsets in their study. Only through the interests they gain in the process of learning can they be nerved enough to face the puzzledom they encounter and resolve them, which makes their study more effective, so is the education.

However, there are more requirements for the education nowadays. First of all, education should contribute to the formation of correct and healthy values, perspectives and thoughts of the students, without which they cannot have the capabilities to treat the exterior world and themselves correctly, let alone attaining success, which is the ultimate goal of an effective education. It is the responsibility of education to teach the students what is true and what is false, which deeds are right while others are wrong. With this proper educating, students can have the definite notion of the world and themselves, making less mistakes and errors, ameliorating themselves to achieve attainments. Had there been such education, the Nazi Hitler might not exist, as well as the Second World War, which is the calamity in the human history.[这个例子合适吗？教育真有这么大作用？]

Moreover, another goal of education is to prepare the students for their latter[later] lives. They have to acquire enough knowledge to survive in such rivalrous society, which can be only instilled by education. If the education only designed to cater to their needs and interests, regardless of the requirements of the society, and the requisites that individuals need to live in the society, it cannot be called effective. Consider, for example, there are many students who are addicted in computer games, making them uninterested in any other thing. Should the educators or the parents to cater to their needs and interests? The answer is obviously no, because the games cannot help them to obtain the necessary capacities needed to survive in the society. Also, another example is nearby us--there are many students who have no interests in computer science, however, should the school compel them to study such subjects? In the world full of computer, mastering the basic skills to operate computer is a necessity, even if some may claim to learn this hard discipline. Consequently, education should see into the requirements of the society, especially the needs of the market to have the students well prepared for their professional lives.[这个例子正反挺好]

In the final analysis, putting emphasis on interests and needs of the students is necessary due to the impetus and motivation it can bring. However, we cannot consider an education effective if it cannot manage in forming correct and healthy personalities of the students and their capabilities to adapt to the society.
[总体感觉不错，对于分数不敢说什么，但4分5分应该不是问题吧
字数还这么多，条理也清晰，楼主应该可以放心了。]

ijwtbkUID: 172334

楼主，你怎么打了那么多字？

圣光UID: 193720

不知道，就打啊打的，结果一看，就这么多了．
我总是觉得自己字数太多，都是废话，想降字数呢．
本来昨天都成功降到５８０了，今天又回去了．
怕到考试的时候一紧张，手不听使唤，打不完就惨了

sblbaslerUID: 175229

As the society grows so rapidly, education is more and more accentuated by [U]it,[/U]  [B][似乎指代不是很明确][/B] which leads to a controversial argument in the contemporary world on what kind of education can be the most effective[B] one[/B] . Can the education emphasizes on catering to the personal needs and the interests of each student be more effective?[B][既然前面用过一个一般疑问句了，后面这个最好用个陈述句，要不就连起来用排比，这样效果会好些吧][/B]  I concede that [U]it [/U] [B]？？？[/B]  may be [U]helpful to the study of the student[/U] [U]; [/U]  [B][应该是，吧，而且这个表达是不是有点问题呀][/B] however, there are many other goals in education, which [U]make[/U]  [B][不知道make行不行，但一般都用lay吧][/B] [U]only[/U] [B][挪到前面吧][/B]  [U]emphasizing[/U] [B][不用变成动名词][/B]  on satisfying the needs and interests of students unilateral.
[B]主题句没看懂，helpful to the study of students 是说对学生有利？那后面转折是表达什么意思呢？是说其他的goals但方面满足学生？？？反正没看懂！看看后面再说[/B]
First of all, we have to define the notion of "effective education". From my angle, effective education should be succeed in both the academic study of the students and the formation of their right individual minds, as well as preparing them for their lives to adapt to the competition in the society.
[B]这个切入点不错，和有一次同主题的lasting value异曲同工[/B]
Considering the definition of "effective education" mentioned above, it is true that an effective education should cater to the requirements and interests of the students, because such kind of education can give students impetus and motivation to study hard and thereby [U]contribute[/U] [B][不应该是原形吧，主语是学生，contributing 好一些吧][/B]  to the society. Common sense tells us that human beings can be more attracted by the objectives that can impel their interests. The reason why all the giants who can achieve in their fields is that they are interested in their areas, which makes them to probe in the dark for lightness. [U]Take Einstein for example [/U]  [B][大家都这么用，可以换个说法嘛，比如epitomized in Einstein][/B] The fact that he can be successful in discovering relativity is due to his interest in science. When he was a high school student, he learned by himself calculus, which is the basic knowledge in the scientific fields. Thus, it is the [U]interests [/U] [B][可数？？我也拿不准][/B]  of the scientist that make him to explore in his fields. Therefore, to make the students to have impetus in study, the best way is to make them to learn their favorite subjects. What is more, the interests of the discipline can give the students courage and confidence to face the difficulties and backsets in their study. Only through the interests they gain in the process of learning can they be nerved enough to face the puzzledom they encounter and resolve them, which makes their study more effective, so is the education.

However, there are more requirements for the education nowadays. First of all, education should contribute to the formation of correct and [U]healthy [/U] [B][查了一下，有道德向上的意思，但总觉得不是很好吧，找找别的吧][/B]  values, perspectives and thoughts of the students, without which they cannot have the capabilities to treat the exterior world and themselves correctly, let alone attaining success, which is the ultimate goal of an effective education. It is the responsibility of education to teach the students what is true and what is false, which deeds are right while others are wrong. With this proper educating, students can have the definite notion of the world and themselves, making less mistakes and errors, ameliorating themselves to achieve attainments. Had there been such education, the Nazi Hitler might not exist, as well as the Second World War, which is the calamity in the human history.

Moreover, another goal of education is to prepare the students for their latter lives. They have to acquire enough knowledge to survive in such rivalrous society, which can be only instilled by education. If the education [B]is[/B] only designed to [U]cater [/U] [B]第3次了[/B]  to their needs and interests, regardless of the requirements of the society, and the requisites that individuals need to live in the society, it cannot be [U]called[/U]  [B][有点中国英语][/B] effective. Consider, for example, there are many students who are addicted in computer games, making them uninterested in any other thing. Should the educators or the parents to [U]cater to [/U]  [B]没想到又用了一次[/B] their needs and interests? The answer is obviously no, because the games cannot help them to obtain the necessary capacities needed to survive in the society. Also, another example is nearby us--there are many students who have no interests in computer science, however, should the school compel them to study such subjects? In the world full of computer, mastering the basic skills to operate computer is a necessity, even if some may claim to learn this hard discipline. Consequently, education should see into the requirements of the society, especially the needs of the market to have the students well prepared for their professional lives.

In the final analysis, putting emphasis on interests and needs of the students is necessary due to the impetus and motivation it can bring. However, we cannot consider an education effective if it cannot manage in forming correct and healthy personalities of the students and their capabilities to adapt to the society.
[B]你是把个人的interst和personality分开来写吧，好象明白一点你开头的意思了，但最好还是再说的明白一些。其实这篇文章你的立意还是不错的，就是词句单调了一些，有一些语法错误，但不用妄自菲薄，看看4分的范文那是什么垃圾东西呀，正常发挥就好了（我怎么开始安慰你了，呵呵）Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless!Bless![/B]