Issue11 感觉写得像Argument，请大家多给点意见。没有限时

imjasonUID: 176604

一个星期没有来这个论坛了，也没有碰作文，算是真切的感受到了什么叫做“三天不练手生”啊！希望大家不要学我这个坏榜样啊！

------题目------
All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.
------正文------
As the human natures, greed and selfishness, exist, especially when the great technological explosion pervades every aspect of our lives, our society are thronged by serious social problems. Both positive and negative effects call for urgent solutions to eat up these bones, where comprehensive universities in every country and communications between each other may play an active role in the process.

Admittedly, nowadays the world's most persistent social problems are so gigantic that not a single country is able to deal with, such as the high ratios of unemployment resulting from the worldwide economic overcast, the rampant gang violence and terrorism, the AIDS epidemic as well as the racial discriminations, religious conflicts and wars in some parts of the world, etc. All these problems are threatening the stability of our society, even our survival. However, only from the worldwide cooperation of the combat to the AIDS, we can deduce that no country has the capacity to knock out these nuts without any other countries' assistance, which hence emerges unions over the world, like the European Union, the United Nations, the WHO and so on. Further, to wake up more people to these problems and engage them in the solution process, the investment on comprehensive universities in every country will be a good approach based on two aspects.

First, persistent social problems derives from a great number of complex aspects, including historic traditions, ethnic cultures, even economic development, resulting that solving these problems is a case-by-case analysis in different countries. For example, when most parts of the world are struggling to lower down the population, the Russia are worry about their decreasing population according to the expansive land and the affluent resources, the aging society and the healthy development. Similarly, although one may regard abortion to be a common private activity, it is still controversial in most western countries, especially even forbidden in Catholicism. In this case, a comprehensive university, supported by a nation, is needed, because it rests on the nation, the specific history, culture and tradition as well. Moreover, a comprehensive university is also a wonderful land which will absorb knowledge from many fields and attract sorts of experts from the society so that the students are nourished a broader view to the problems.

The second aspect links to the difficulty of implementing the speaker's advice that all nations help support the development of a global university. A threshold controversy will be the location of this global university, which will appeal many excellent professors and students from all over the world, as well as global attentions to the location and the great profits it may bring out. And on the other hand, if one looks at the budget dilemma of the United Nations, the insufficient fees some members should pay, one will deduce that the support to the university is also frangible. Further, we should realize that another important intractability is the general language used in this university, which refers to the reverence of nations.

Of course, there is an access to this difficulty, the international communication. We can hold an international conference in a different country periodically and exchange students among universities and countries, which, to some extent, may avoid the language problems in that there are simultaneous interpretations in conferences and the students from two different countries should master the language of each other as well as other problems. However, in the meantime we should hold the belief that the social problems are also up to our economists, diplomats, social reformers, jurists and even the mass-media, not only the students in a university, to mitigate.

In sum, the progress of technology makes unavoidable the globalization, but when considering the social problems, also international, we should realize that the same problem in different countries may have distinguished solutions in that the various backgrounds exist. Moreover, we also have to confront the fact that our human beings are greedy and selfish. Thus, comprehensive universities supported by each country will be better than a global one.

imjasonUID: 176604

UP一下

ponponUID: 181304

As the human natures, greed and selfishness, exist, especially when the great technological explosion pervades every aspect of our lives, our society are thronged by serious social problems. Both positive and negative effects call for urgent solutions to eat up these bones, where comprehensive universities in every country and communications between each other may play an active role in the process.

Admittedly, nowadays the world's most persistent social problems are so gigantic that not a single country is able to deal with, such as the high ratios of unemployment resulting from the worldwide economic overcast, the rampant gang violence and terrorism, the AIDS epidemic as well as the racial discriminations, religious conflicts and wars in some parts of the world, etc. All these problems are threatening the stability of our society, even our survival. However, only from the worldwide cooperation of the combat to the AIDS, we can deduce that no country has the capacity to knock out these nuts without any other countries' assistance, which hence emerges unions over the world, like the European Union, the United Nations, the WHO and so on. Further, to wake up more people to these problems and engage them in the solution process, the investment on comprehensive universities in every country will be a good approach based on two aspects. 提出话题的方式很好，但是否有点过长了呢

First, persistent social problems derives from a great number of complex aspects, including historic traditions, ethnic cultures, even economic development, resulting that solving these problems is a case-by-case analysis in different countries. For example, when most parts of the world are struggling to lower down the population, the Russia are worry about their decreasing population according to the expansive land and the affluent resources, the aging society and the healthy development. Similarly, although one may regard abortion to be a common private activity, it is still controversial in most western countries, especially even forbidden in Catholicism. 前面这些更象政府应该解决的问题，而不是大学In this case, a comprehensive university, supported by a nation, is needed, because it rests on the nation, the specific history, culture and tradition as well. Moreover, a comprehensive university is also a wonderful land which will absorb knowledge from many fields and attract sorts of experts from the society so that the students are nourished a broader view to the problems. 你的文章很长，但是对大学的作用说的过少

The second aspect links to the difficulty of implementing the speaker's advice that all nations help support the development of a global university. A threshold controversy will be the location of this global university, which will appeal many excellent professors and students from all over the world, as well as global attentions to the location and the great profits it may bring out. And on the other hand, if one looks at the budget dilemma of the United Nations, the insufficient fees some members should pay, one will deduce that the support to the university is also frangible. Further, we should realize that another important intractability is the general language used in this university, which refers to the reverence of nations.

Of course, there is an access to this difficulty, the international communication. We can hold an international conference in a different country periodically and exchange students among universities and countries, which, to some extent, may avoid the language problems in that there are simultaneous interpretations in conferences and the students from two different countries should master the language of each other as well as other problems. However, in the meantime we should hold the belief that the social problems are also up to our economists, diplomats, social reformers, jurists and even the mass-media, not only the students in a university, to mitigate. 你的问题探讨的很深刻，语言方面也很华丽，我考之前是达不倒你的水平了，但是就这篇文章来讲你的话题涉及到大学的内容过少，你说呢

In sum, the progress of technology makes unavoidable the globalization, but when considering the social problems, also international, we should realize that the same problem in different countries may have distinguished solutions in that the various backgrounds exist. Moreover, we also have to confront the fact that our human beings are greedy and selfish. Thus, comprehensive universities supported by each country will be better than a global one.

imjasonUID: 176604

感动哈，头一回听见人夸我思想深刻，用词华丽——我妈妈都感动了哈！:D
因为题目说了social的问题，所以就是所想到的那些了，我感觉的是其实大学也是一个小型的社会，看看曾经20世纪60年代美国大学里的反战思潮或许可以看到这点。不过我自己也觉得大学的作用说的少了点，可是也不知道要怎么说。
谢谢ponpon啦！
PS：好象是狮子王里的那个ponpon！:D

hellenkittyUID: 201766

As the human natures, greed and selfishness, exist, especially when the great technological explosion pervades every aspect of our lives, our society are thronged by serious social problems. Both positive and negative effects call for urgent solutions to eat up these bones, where comprehensive universities in every country and communications between each other may play an active role in the process.

Admittedly, nowadays the world's most persistent social problems are so gigantic that not a single country is able to deal with, such as the high ratios of unemployment resulting from the worldwide economic overcast, the rampant gang violence and terrorism, the AIDS epidemic as well as the racial discriminations, religious conflicts and wars in some parts of the world, etc. 这是中心句吗，太长了点吧？建议改成两句All these problems are threatening the stability of our society, even our survival. However, only from the worldwide cooperation of the combat to the AIDS, we can deduce that no country has the capacity to knock out these nuts without any other countries' assistancealone多简洁啊，这样读着也舒服一点吧, which hence 我听说美国人不喜欢英国人常用的词，比如henceemerges unions over the world, like the European Union, the United Nations, the WHO and so on. Further, to wake up more people to these problems and engage them in the solution process, the investment on comprehensive universities in every country will be a good approach based on two aspects.

First, persistent social problems derives from a great number of complex aspects, including historic traditions, ethnic cultures, even economic development, resulting that solving these problems is a case-by-case analysis in different countries. For example, when most parts of the world are struggling to lower down the population, the Russia are worry about their decreasing population according to the expansive land and the affluent resources, the aging society and the healthy development. Similarly, although one may regard abortion to be a common private activity, it is still controversial in most western countries, especially even forbidden in Catholicism. In this case, a comprehensive university, supported by a nation, is needed, because it rests on the nation, the specific history, culture and tradition as well. Moreover, a comprehensive university is also a wonderful land which will absorb knowledge from many fields and attract sorts of experts from the society so that the students are nourished a broader view to the problems. 可是他们国内也有人研究这些问题的吧，驳论好像不太有力哦

The second aspect links to the difficulty of implementing the speaker's advice that all nations help support the development of a global university. A threshold controversy will be the location of this global university, which will appeal many excellent professors and students from all over the world, as well as global attentions to the location and the great profits it may bring out. And on the other hand, if one looks at the budget dilemma of the United Nations, the insufficient fees some members should pay, one will deduce that the support to the university is also frangible. Further, we should realize that another important intractability is the general language used in this university, which refers to the reverence of nations.

Of course, there is an access to this difficulty, the international communication. We can hold an international conference in a different country periodically and exchange students among universities and countries, which, to some extent, may avoid the language problems in that there are simultaneous interpretations in conferences and the students from two different countries should master the language of each other as well as other problems. However, in the meantime we should hold the belief that the social problems are also up to our economists, diplomats, social reformers, jurists and even the mass-media, not only the students in a university, to mitigate.既然都解决了那是不是更应该建呢？这样说有漏洞的吧。可以说如果可以这样解决， 那么还是很有好处的，正如文章开头所说；但是事实上真正做到却有现实的困难。

In sum, the progress of technology makes unavoidable the globalization, but when considering the social problems, also international, we should realize that the same problem in different countries may have distinguished solutions in that the various backgrounds exist. Moreover, we also have to confront the fact that our human beings are greedy and selfish. Thus, comprehensive universities supported by each country will be better than a global one.
总的来说，词汇很丰富哦，我都不怎么认识了。但是结构和思路上还有待完善，不过你的时间还比较充分哦。加油！谢谢你改我的文章，感动死我了。嗬嗬！

giraUID: 188010

这篇好像整体结构不突出，每段首，尤其是第一段，还是直入TS好。
你还有时间呢，我就要加紧了!!

imjasonUID: 176604

谢谢hellenkitty
谢谢gira
To hellenkitty:老乡还搞的这么客气（我跟你说过我也是武汉的冒？）不过还冒搞清楚的是你说“他们国内也有人研究这个”是什么意思啊？还有那个“既然都解决了那是不是更应该建呢？”也不是很懂哦。（想念热干面啊！！！）
To gira:别着急了，保持良好的心态，你一定会有好运的！

neverflyUID: 166610

先占个位置，
学习一下issue11怎么写

neverflyUID: 166610

As the human natures, greed and selfishness, exist, 感觉有点不顺，不知道对不对//shyespecially when the great technological explosion pervades every aspect of our lives, our society are thronged by serious social problems. Both positive and negative effects call for urgent solutions to eat up these bones这里的修辞真漂亮, where comprehensive universities in every country and communications between each other may play an active role in the process.第一段介绍人类面临的问题，需要解决

Admittedly, nowadays the world's most persistent social problems are so gigantic that not a single country is able to deal with, such as the high ratios of unemployment resulting from the worldwide economic overcast, the rampant gang violence and terrorism, the AIDS epidemic as well as the racial discriminations, religious conflicts and wars in some parts of the world, etc. All these problems are threatening the stability of our society, even our survival. However, only from the worldwide cooperation of the combat to the AIDS,举例论证，从cooperation到deduce that，逻辑不是很显然 we can deduce that no country has the capacity to knock out these nuts without any other countries' assistance, which hence emerges unions over the world, like the European Union, the United Nations, the WHO and so on. Further, to wake up more people to these problems and engage them in the solution process, the investment on comprehensive universities in every country will be a good approach based on two aspects. 第二段在第一段的基础上深入，面临的问题是无法解决的。这样写没问题，但是如果在第一段中先提出AIDS epidemic as well as the racial discriminations等例子，第二段中分析说他们无法被某个国家单独解决，这样会不会显得更严密一点？还有，这段的中心句不太明显.不知道我说的对不对，错了就当我胡说

First, persistent social problems derives from a great number of complex aspects, including historic traditions, ethnic cultures,and even economic development, resulting that solving these problems is a case-by-case case-by-case用的很好。我自己老是不能很简洁的说出自己的意思analysis in different countries. For example, when most parts of the world are struggling to lower down the population, the Russia are worry about their decreasing population according toaccording to有点莫名其妙[color] the expansive land and the affluent resources, the aging society and the healthy development. Similarly, although one应该加上县制定语吧，比如中国的人而不是美国的人。不过相信考场上你一认真起来这种小毛病就没有了 may regard abortion to be a common private activity, it is still controversial in most western countries, especially even forbidden in Catholicism. In this case, a comprehensive university, supported by a nation, is needed, because it rests on the nation, the specific history, culture and tradition as well. moreover之后感觉和本段中心句无关。Moreover, a comprehensive university is also a wonderful land which will absorb knowledge from many fields and attract sorts of experts from the society so that the students are nourished a broader view to the problems.

The second aspect links to the difficulty of implementing the speaker's advice that all nations help support the development of a global university. A threshold controversy will be the location of this global university, which will appeal many excellent professors and students from all over the world, as well as global attentions to the location and the great profits it may bring out. And on the other hand, if one looks at the budget dilemma of the United Nations, the insufficient fees some members should pay, one will deduce that the support to the university is also frangible. Further, we should realize that another important intractability is the general language used in this university, which refers to the reverence of nations. hehe,发现一个现象，你很喜欢用further或者moreover。二三四段都是

Of course, there is an access to this difficulty, the international communication. We can hold an international conference in a different country periodically and exchange students among universities and countries, which, to some extent, may avoid the language problems in that there are simultaneous interpretations in conferences and the students from two different countries should master the language of each other as well as other problems. However这段的意思转折太多了，however可以去掉, in the meantime we should hold the belief that the social problems are also up to our economists, diplomats, social reformers, jurists and even the mass-media, not only the students in a university, to mitigate.

In sum, the progress of technology makes unavoidable the globalization, but when considering the social problems, also international, we should realize that the same problem in different countries may have distinguisheddistinguished意思是高贵的，distinguishing是有区别的 [\color]solutions in that the various backgrounds exist. Moreover, we also have to confront the fact that our human beings are greedy and selfish. Thus, comprehensive universities supported by each country will be better than a global one.
感觉你的功底很深，词汇丰富，句式多变，我要是能达到这个标准就好了。另外，我感觉这篇文章还不是你的最佳状态，结构不是很完美，关联词和举例证明有几个地方有点随意的感觉。加油，你一定会拿到高分的!

neverflyUID: 166610

还有，我觉得写文章的时候常常会重复上文的意思（特别是我自己)，这样子会不会给阅卷的人留下不好的印象？比如第一段中的Both positive and negative effects call for urgent solutions to eat up these bones和第二段中的All these problems are threatening the stability of our society, even our survival。我感觉评卷人应该没那么仔细，不过还是有点担心。恳请指点~

imjasonUID: 176604

谢谢neverfly哈！
你说的很对了，这篇文章确实有很多问题，结构上自己还没理清楚。

至于评分的那个问题，我也不清楚。不过感觉应该和高考作文一样的方式吧。毕竟人家要在两个星期内判完作文，估计也是走马观花吧:D但愿如此哈。不过怎么着人家是专家了，还是有水平的人了。所以自己还是要多努力点，装得像个native speaker一点。呵呵

comet1986UID: 196815

谢谢你看我的Ａ．　也不知道ＩＳＳＵＥ应该怎么改，改的不好请见谅：）
As the human natures, greed and selfishness, exist, especially when the great technological explosion pervades every aspect of our lives, our society are thronged by serious social problems. Both positive and negative effects call for urgent solutions to eat up these bones, where comprehensive universities in every country and communications between each other may play an active role in the process.

Admittedly, nowadays the world's most persistent social problems are so gigantic that not a single country is able to deal with, such as the high ratios of unemployment resulting from the worldwide economic overcast, the rampant gang violence and terrorism, the AIDS epidemic as well as the racial discriminations, religious conflicts and wars in some parts of the world, etc. All these problems are threatening the stability of our society, even our survival. {我觉得这里加一句：when it comes to AIDS之类的比较好，你前面说总体情况，后面突然emphasisAIDS显得很唐突，加一句使上下文显的连贯}However, only from the worldwide cooperation of the combat to the AIDS, we can deduce that no country has the capacity to knock out these nuts without any other countries' assistance, which hence emerges unions over the world, like the European Union, the United Nations, the WHO and so on. Further, to wake up more people to these problems and engage them in the solution process, the investment on comprehensive universities in every country will be a good approach based on two aspects.

First, persistent social problems derives from a great number of complex aspects, including historic traditions, ethnic cultures, even economic development, resulting that solving these problems is a case-by-case analysis in different countries. For example, when most parts of the world are struggling to lower down the population, the Russia are worry about their decreasing population according to the expansive land and the affluent resources, the aging society and the healthy development. {这个例子写的有点奇怪， 我怎么看着觉得你要说的是POLLUTION RATHER THAN population啊！要说 population 也是说印度中国和西方国家啊？？}Similarly, although one may regard abortion to be a common private activity, it is still controversial in most western countries, especially even forbidden in Catholicism. In this case, a comprehensive university, supported by a nation, is needed, because it rests on the nation, the specific history, culture and tradition as well. {说的是GLOBAL UNIVERSITY感觉你一直在说NATIONAL UNIVERSITY，有点没说到点子上的感觉}Moreover, a comprehensive university is also a wonderful land which will absorb knowledge from many fields and attract sorts of experts from the society so that the students are nourished a broader view to the problems.

The second aspect links to the difficulty of implementing the speaker's advice that all nations help support the development of a global university. A threshold controversy will be the location of this global university, which will appeal many excellent professors and students from all over the world, as well as global attentions to the location and the great profits it may bring out. And on the other hand, if one looks at the budget dilemma of the United Nations, {奇怪这句话要表达什么意思？United Nations 的财政困境与建大学没直接关系啊，除非你说全球人民都很苦都没钱都连建一所大学的钱都没有。}the insufficient fees some members should pay, one will deduce that the support to the university is also frangible. Further, we should realize that another important intractability is the general language used in this university, which refers to the reverence of nations.

Of course, there is an access to this difficulty, the international communication. We can hold an international conference in a different country periodically and exchange students among universities and countries, which, to some extent, may avoid the language problems in that there are simultaneous interpretations in conferences and the students from two different countries should master the language of each other as well as other problems. However, in the meantime we should hold the belief that{谁跟你是WE啊，就算是你前面也没有说的人家五体投地，人家干吗要听你的大话来hold the belief？典型的中国式的大帽子话} the social problems are also up to our economists, diplomats, social reformers, jurists and even the mass-media, not only the students in a university, to mitigate.

In sum, the progress of technology makes unavoidable the globalization, but when considering the social problems, also international, we should realize that the same problem in different countries may have distinguished solutions in that the various backgrounds exist. Moreover, we also have to confront the fact that our human beings are greedy and selfish. Thus, comprehensive universities supported by each country will be better than a global one.

skating_dollUID: 168003

play an active role in the process.

Admittedly, nowadays the world's most persistent social problems are so gigantic that not a single country is able to deal with, such as the high ratios of unemployment resulting from the worldwide economic overcast, the rampant gang violence and terrorism, the AIDS epidemic as well as the racial discriminations, religious conflicts and wars in some parts of the world, etc. All these problems are threatening the stability of our society, even our survival. However, only from the worldwide cooperation of the combat to the AIDS, we can deduce that no country has the capacity to knock out these nuts without any other countries' assistance, which hence emerges unions over the world, like the European Union, the United Nations, the WHO and so on. Further, to wake up more people to these problems and engage them in the solution process, the investment on comprehensive universities in every country will be a good approach based on two aspects. 入题或许可以再快点

First, 主题句最好能明确提出global university来切题，毕竟这是最重要的论述点而不是社会问题persistent social problems derives from a great number of complex aspects, including historic traditions, ethnic cultures, even economic development, resulting that solving these problems is a case-by-case analysis in different countries. For example, when most parts of the world are struggling to lower down the population, the Russia are worry about their decreasing population according to the expansive land and the affluent resources, the aging society and the healthy development. Similarly, although one may regard abortion to be a common private activity, it is still controversial in most western countries, especially even forbidden in Catholicism. In this case, a comprehensive university, supported by a nation, is needed, because it rests on the nation, the specific history, culture and tradition as well. Moreover, a comprehensive university is also a wonderful land which will absorb knowledge from many fields and attract sorts of experts from the society so that the students are nourished a broader view to the problems. 这段可能有点游离主题，题目好像没有提过comprehensive university的问题，这应该是你自己的设想吧，要comprehensive university不等于global university就没有意义了。

The second aspect links to the difficulty of implementing the speaker's advice that all nations help support the development of a global university. A threshold controversy will be the location of this global university, which will appeal many excellent professors and students from all over the world, as well as global attentions to the location and the great profits it may bring out. And on the other hand, if one looks at the budget dilemma of the United Nations, the insufficient fees some members should pay, one will deduce that the support to the university is also frangible. Further, we should realize that another important intractability is the general language used in this university, which refers to the reverence of nations.

Of course, there is an access to this difficulty, the international communication. We can hold an international conference in a different country periodically and exchange students among universities and countries, which, to some extent, may avoid the language problems in that there are simultaneous interpretations in conferences and the students from two different countries should master the language of each other as well as other problems. However, in the meantime we should hold the belief that the social problems are also up to our economists, diplomats, social reformers, jurists and even the mass-media, not only the students in a university, to mitigate.

In sum, the progress of technology makes unavoidable the globalization, but when considering the social problems, also international, we should realize that the same problem in different countries may have distinguished solutions in that the various backgrounds exist. Moreover, we also have to confront the fact that our human beings are greedy and selfish. Thus, comprehensive universities supported by each country will be better than a global one

优点大家都说了，语言运用很纯熟，佩服佩服。不过重点还是应该放在global university上，有什么积极作用、消极作用之类的。

imjasonUID: 176604

谢谢skating_doll哈
这么早就起来了哈，PFPF
我要上课去了，你的修改我回头细看了
不过那个不是我的开头了，你漏掉了！没关系了，其他的意见还是很对的，好多人都这么说我的。
谢谢

skating_dollUID: 168003

不好意思，一大早糊涂了，粘贴成这样，下次一定仔细一点。