issue11 全球大学，不知道发不发我offer?

anthraxUID: 176473

All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.

11:44:36 PM--12:52:28 AM   68min 537word  additional 45Min for a revised version(65x word)

提纲 大体反对
1 虽然解决问题需要国际合作，但是建立大学的目标不是解决问题（写的时候多了第一段出来，发现那一段其实有点多余），应该先定义大学和教育的本质目的。
2 建立全球化大学的不可行。第一，学生的教育背景不一样，目标又宽泛难以定教学大纲。第二，这种理想太不实际，在以保证工作为前提的社会里没有学生愿意上这个大学。
3 解决国际合作其实是其他社会组织该做的事情，本来打算举IBDC的例子的，结果前面废话一堆占了时间和字数，苦阿……
In a world where poverty, discrimination, violence as well as war prevail, all nations run ceaseless effort to solve those major social problems. However though mitigations indeed result from the measure and endeavor, these issues still persist. In the search for a solution, some voice their proposal for all countries to jointly set up one global university aiming to alleviate or even quash those disturbing societal problems. Yet while ameliorating these problems do necessitate international cooperation, it remains too idealistic and wrong-headed to expect the establishment of such a university breeds satisfying improvements.

Admittedly, catholic as these social cruxes, they go beyond national burdens and invariably occur in everywhere, from Manhattan of the State to meager villages located in Africa. A effective solution towards them necessitate international cooperation and multi-national effort. Yet the destination of education systems, especially for a university, remains quite distinctive form what the statement urges. The process of educating involves enlightening minds, cultivating interest as well as providing a set of critical analysis and values --in short, which has little to do with directly focus on criminal rates, rampant AIDS, or financial hardship in developing countries. Yet besides imparting knowledge, educators should also help raise concerns to those social unfairness and threat and students bare unshakable responsibility to ameliorate the world. They are just peripheral consideration in comparison to the priority of education. Therefore, the notion to set up solution-oriented university is wrongheaded by nature.

此处两段合成一段了，保留原来的错误写法让大家参考       
Admittedly, rampant as these social cruxes, they go beyond national burdens and invariably occur in everywhere, from Manhattan of the State to villages located in South Africa. By no means can a single government succeeds in prevent violence, diminish poverty or cure AIDS, given limited resource and relatively complicated problems. Therefore via cooperation can countries allocate their resources effectively and together solve the problem with greater efficiency. For examples, one just need to notice how multi-national concern over prevention and treatment towards AIDS, as well as the incessant effort of campaign and voluntary service.

Yet, while it comes to the statement’s recommendation, a global university set up in purpose of solving social problems seems wrong-headed. To begin with, as what I have presented, it is governments, international agencies, charity organization that should carry the responsibility towards societal hardness, but not educational systems, especially universities. When the former ones care about more reasonable use of financial resource and anthropogenic capacity, the latter focus themselves on an equally essential mission for human beings to survive and thrive. The process of college education involves effort to enlighten, to provide a set of methodology and values, to cultivate innate talent of every individual. In a word, the goal of education has little to do with such a concrete demand. 唉，写到这里才发现有错阿……苦痛

What is more, the feasibility of a narrow aimed global university pales when it comes to reality. First of all, how should it design adequate curriculum, given such divergent students and a too broad yet vague mission? Can those intricate social problems be broken down into discrete disciplines as we define mathematics, physics, chemistry and biology? Chaos and confusion are inevitably to result from this dilemma, which add to both administrative and academic arduousness. Secondly, also more importantly, in a job-oriented world where pragmatism dominates, this noble pursuit for purely public good and commonly occurring economic ambition are totally exclusive. Unless we can expect a considerable number of youth as altruists who are willing to carry on the course of Mother Teresa and the endeavor of Martin Luther King, even with difficulty the university manages to come in existence, we can foresee its collapse in a few years, for nothing but absent enough enrollments. Thus, the establishment of such a university, though well intended, is neither viable nor practicable.

Finally, in dealing with those societal issues, governments and international organization appear to be more effective and carry more accountability. In sharp comparison to universities, the solitary goal and primary task for an administration is to allocate limited natural and social resources with uppermost efficiency and ultimately benefit who it governs. One need not more than a minute to concludes whether police agencies or universities proves more competent in fighting crime, stifling drug traffic or preventing violence. As for international organizations, IBCD (International Bank of Construction and Development) aptly serves as a typical case. During the past half century, the bank devoted in facilitating countries poor in both financial and economical capacity to strive for prosperity. Those large amounts of loans, while imposing relatively low interest rate, help boost and revitalize economy in those developing countries, and actually lead to increased wealth as well as alleviated poverty worldwide. These kinds of inspiring human progress, again are emanated not from campus courses but from incessant effort exerted by political and international power.

True a decaying society calls for more effort and energy to remedy, yet not an iota of evidence shows that simply setting up a global university is necessitated. Nor are we optimistic and idealistic enough expecting it to suffice or survive. In fact, when trying to bring about a better society, the reasonable choice should be utterly different. Let education along fulfill its goal, which ultimately benefit in long-run, and leave the social problem to governments and international organizations, with whom we can expect more with more assurance for progress and improvement.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我看看

anthraxUID: 176473

泪，泪，啊啊啊啊啊啊。鬼谷大人阿~~期待期待

boyjimUID: 125249

我也来了~~~嘿嘿嘿~~~

shengzhongbellUID: 199083

No.1  issue11 全球大学，不知道发不发我offer?
All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.

11:44:36 PM--12:52:28 AM 68min 537word additional 45Min for a revised version(65x word)

提纲 大体反对
1 虽然解决问题需要国际合作，但是建立大学的目标不是解决问题（写的时候多了第一段出来，发现那一段其实有点多余），应该先定义大学和教育的本质目的。
2 建立全球化大学的不可行。第一，学生的教育背景不一样，目标又宽泛难以定教学大纲。第二，这种理想太不实际，在以保证工作为前提的社会里没有学生愿意上这个大学。
3 解决国际合作其实是其他社会组织该做的事情，本来打算举IBDC的例子的，结果前面废话一堆占了时间和字数，苦阿……
In a world where poverty, discrimination, violence as well as war prevail, all nations run ceaseless effortmake effort to do吧，还是我词汇量太小 to solve those major social problems. However though mitigations indeed result from the measure and endeavor, these issues still persist. In the search for a solution, some voice their proposal for all countries to jointly set up one global university aiming to alleviate or even quash those disturbing societal problems. Yet while ameliorating these problems do necessitate international cooperation, it remains too idealistic and wrong-headed to expect the establishment of such a university breeds这个breed是什么意思哦 satisfying improvements.

Admittedly, catholic as these social cruxes,终于学会一着句式变换了，就是adj.+as+ none做插入语啊 they go beyond national burdens and invariably occur in everywhere, from Manhattan of the State因该是the States吧？ to meager villages located in Africa. A 我也常把AN，打成Aeffective solution towards them necessitate international cooperation and multi-national effort. Yet the destination of education systems, especially for a university, remains quite distinctive form what the statement urges. The process of educating involves enlightening minds, cultivating interest as well as providing a set of critical analysis and values --in short, which has little to do with directly focus on criminal rates, rampant AIDS, or financial hardship in developing countries. Yet besides imparting knowledge, educators should also help raise concerns to those social unfairness and threat and students bare unshakable responsibility to ameliorate the world. They are just peripheral consideration in comparison to the priority of education. Therefore, the notion to set up solution-oriented university is wrongheaded by nature.还可以，有句总结

此处两段合成一段了，保留原来的错误写法让大家参考
Admittedly, rampant as these social cruxes, they go beyond national burdens and invariably occur in everywhere, from Manhattan of the State to villages located in South Africa. By no means can a single government succeeds in prevent violence, diminish poverty or cure AIDS, given limited resource and relatively complicated problems. Therefore via cooperation can countries allocate their resources effectively and together solve the problem with greater efficiency. For examples, one just need to notice how multi-national concern over prevention and treatment towards AIDS, as well as the incessant effort of campaign and voluntary service.

Yet, while it comes to the statement’s recommendation, a global university set up in purpose of solving social problems seems wrong-headed. To begin with, as what I have presented, it is governments, international agencies, charity organization that should carry the responsibility towards societal hardness, but not educational systems, especially universities. When the former ones care about more reasonable use of financial resource and anthropogenic capacity, the latter focus themselves on an equally essential mission for human beings to survive and thrive. The process of college education involves effort to enlighten, to provide a set of methodology and values, to cultivate innate talent of every individual. In a word, the goal of education has little to do with such a concrete demand. 唉，写到这里才发现有错阿……苦痛

What is more, the feasibility of a narrow aimed global university pales when it comes to reality. First of all, how should it design adequate curriculum, given such divergent students and a too broad yet vague mission? Can those intricate social problems be broken down into discrete disciplines as we define mathematics, physics, chemistry and biology? Chaos and confusion are inevitably to result from this dilemma, which add to both administrative and academic arduousness. Secondly, also more importantly, in a job-oriented world where pragmatism dominates, this noble pursuit for purely public good and commonly occurring economic ambition are totally exclusive. Unless we can expect a considerable number of youth as altruists who are willing to carry on the course of Mother Teresa and the endeavor of Martin Luther King, even with difficulty the university manages to come in existence, we can foresee its collapse in a few years, for nothing but absent enough enrollments. Thus, the establishment of such a university, though well intended, is neither viable nor practicable.

Finally, in dealing with those societal issues, governments and international organization appear to be more effective and carry more accountability.这句写得不错 In sharp comparison to universities, the solitary goal and primary task for an administration is to allocate limited natural and social resources with uppermost efficiency and ultimately benefit who it governs. One need not more than a minute to concludes whether police agencies or universities proves more competent in fighting crime, stifling drug traffic or preventing violence. As for international organizations, IBCD (International Bank of Construction and Development) aptly serves as a typical case. During the past half century, the bank devoted in facilitating countries poor in both financial and economical capacity to strive for prosperity. Those large amounts of loans, while imposing relatively low interest rate, help boost and revitalize economy in those developing countries, and actually lead to increased wealth as well as alleviated poverty worldwide. These kinds of inspiring human progress, again are emanated not from campus courses but from incessant effort exerted by political and international power.

True a decaying society calls for more effort and energy to remedy, yet not an iota of evidence shows that simply setting up a global university is necessitated. Nor are we optimistic and idealistic enough expecting it to suffice or survive. In fact, when trying to bring about a better society, the reasonable choice should be utterly different. Let education along fulfill its goal, which ultimately benefit in long-run, and leave the social problem to governments and international organizations, with whom we can expect more with more assurance for progress and improvement.
还有两位高人要帮你看
总之在分段和中心方面有进步，就是时间还没掌握好，加油！

boyjimUID: 125249

catholic as these social cruxes,终于学会一着句式变换了，就是adj.+as+ none做插入语啊 they go beyond national burdens and invariably occur in everywhere, from Manhattan of the State因该是the States吧？
楼上的~她的是一个although的倒装~倒装之后although不出现~只出现as~严格来说不能叫插入语
我这个高中同学的句型变得我都根本就看不懂了~~~这个还算看得懂....

鬼谷子UID: 159645

刚才有点事，刚刚回来，抱歉


All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.

11:44:36 PM--12:52:28 AM 68min 537word additional 45Min for a revised version(65x word)

提纲 大体反对
1 虽然解决问题需要国际合作，但是建立大学的目标不是解决问题（写的时候多了第一段出来，发现那一段其实有点多余），应该先定义大学和教育的本质目的。
2 建立全球化大学的不可行。第一，学生的教育背景不一样，目标又宽泛难以定教学大纲。第二，这种理想太不实际，在以保证工作为前提的社会里没有学生愿意上这个大学。
3 解决国际合作其实是其他社会组织该做的事情，本来打算举IBDC的例子的，结果前面废话一堆占了时间和字数，苦阿……
In a world where poverty, discrimination, violence as well as war prevail, all nations run ceaseless effort to solve those major social problems. However though mitigations indeed result from the measure and endeavor, these issues still persist. In the search for a solution, some voice their proposal for all countries to jointly set up one global university aiming to alleviate or even quash【这个词不太合适】 those disturbing societal problems. Yet while ameliorating these problems do necessitate international cooperation, it remains too idealistic and wrong-headed to expect the establishment of such a university breeds satisfying improvements. 【观点还算明确，不过感觉开头弄的复杂了一点，背景和反面观点可以更简练一点】

Admittedly, catholic as these social cruxes, they go beyond national burdens【border？】 and invariably occur in everywhere, from Manhattan of the State 【States】to meager villages located in Africa. A 【an】effective solution towards them necessitate international cooperation and multi-national effort. Yet 【我感觉前面不构成yet，从解决问题需要国际合作到教育目的衔接的不好】the destination of education systems, especially for a university, remains quite distinctive form what the statement urges. The process of educating involves enlightening minds, cultivating interest as well as providing a set of critical analysis and values --in short, which has little to do with directly focus on criminal rates, rampant AIDS, or financial hardship in developing countries. Yet besides imparting knowledge, educators should also help raise concerns to those social unfairness and threat and students bare unshakable responsibility to ameliorate the world. They are just peripheral consideration in comparison to the priority of education. Therefore, the notion to set up solution-oriented university is wrongheaded by nature.v【似乎整段都是反驳题目观点，但是存在一些问题。首先，按照你提纲所说，虽然需要国际合作，但是教育应该怎么怎么样，那就是说你承认这样的教育方式是国际合作的一种，但是，这一点你没有说出来，而且，整段都没有关于国际化大学的描述，靶子还没立起来，你要攻击谁呢？而且，从需要国际合作到教育目的之间过渡的不好，突兀，跳跃。最后，issue不是argu，不能只是反驳了就可以了，你的观点呢？其实，我觉得你关于国际合作的部分完全可以不说，因为，这个不是重点，你可以把这个内容放到最后或者其他的部分来说，某种某种的国际合作才是真正的解决方法。这里只是从教育的角度来说就可以了。】

此处两段合成一段了，保留原来的错误写法让大家参考
Admittedly, rampant as these social cruxes, they go beyond national burdens and invariably occur in everywhere, from Manhattan of the State to villages located in South Africa. By no means can a single government succeeds in prevent violence, diminish poverty or cure AIDS, given limited resource and relatively complicated problems. Therefore via cooperation can countries allocate their resources effectively and together solve the problem with greater efficiency. For examples, one just need to notice how multi-national concern over prevention and treatment towards AIDS, as well as the incessant effort of campaign and voluntary service.

Yet, while it comes to the statement’s recommendation, a global university set up in purpose of solving social problems seems wrong-headed. To begin with, as what I have presented, it is governments, international agencies, charity organization that should carry the responsibility towards societal hardness, but not educational systems, especially universities. When the former ones care about more reasonable use of financial resource and anthropogenic capacity, the latter focus themselves on an equally essential mission for human beings to survive and thrive. The process of college education involves effort to enlighten, to provide a set of methodology and values, to cultivate innate talent of every individual. In a word, the goal of education has little to do with such a concrete demand. 唉，写到这里才发现有错阿……苦痛

What is more, the feasibility of a narrow aimed global university pales when it comes to reality. First of all, how should it design adequate curriculum, given 【？】such divergent students and a too broad yet vague mission? 【到底是narrow还是broad呢？我觉得是broad比较好】Can those intricate social problems be broken down into discrete disciplines as we define mathematics, physics, chemistry and biology? Chaos and confusion are inevitably to result from this dilemma, which add to both administrative and academic arduousness. 【这个感觉并不是你上句的答案，那么就最好不要用问句了】Secondly, also more importantly【important】, in a job-oriented world where pragmatism dominates, this noble pursuit for purely public good and commonly occurring economic ambition are totally exclusive. 【不同？相反？exclusive用的不好】 Unless we can expect a considerable number of youth as altruists who are willing to carry on the course of Mother Teresa and the endeavor of Martin Luther King, even with difficulty the university manages to come in existence, we can foresee its collapse in a few years, for nothing but absent enough enrollments. Thus, the establishment of such a university, though well intended, is neither viable nor practicable. 【第一点论述的不是很清楚，应该强调社会问题的复杂多变，难以教学，第二点立意不好，把人们都归为自私的。这样的论断不是很能令人信服的。其实，就算是为了工作而学习，解决社会问题也算是工作，从这样的学校毕业了直接就可以解决现存的社会问题，那么他们不仅不会没有工作，反而会被各国重用。如果是为了钱，那么，多国资助下经费一定不成问题。其实，你完全可以从即使教会了学生，但是能否付诸实践是不可知的这样的角度立意】

Finally, in dealing with those societal issues, governments and international organization appear to be more effective and carry more accountability. 【这样的论点一出你的观点就完整了，可以把这个论点也体现在开头，这样开头才完整】 In sharp comparison to universities, the solitary goal and primary task for an administration【这个概念有点模糊，给出一个具体的administration啊】 is to allocate limited natural and social resources with uppermost efficiency and ultimately benefit who it governs. One need not more than a minute to concludes whether police agencies or universities proves more competent in fighting crime, stifling drug traffic or preventing violence. 【这个对比不错，但是如果说根本解决问题的方法，比如说立法途径，是否还是大学更有用呢？呵呵】As for international organizations, IBCD (International Bank of Construction and Development) aptly serves as a typical case. During the past half century, the bank devoted in facilitating countries poor in both financial and economical capacity to strive for prosperity. Those large amounts of loans, while imposing relatively low interest rate, help boost and revitalize economy in those developing countries, and actually lead to increased wealth as well as alleviated poverty worldwide. 【看到这里想到了一个问题，是否应该对题目的world's most persistent social problems 做个定义呢？而且这里应该强调这些国际的poverty，只是说经济问题的话不太像是严重问题】These kinds of inspiring human progress, again are emanated not from campus courses but from incessant effort exerted by political and international power.

True a decaying 【这个说的就有点问题了】society calls for more effort and energy to remedy, yet not an iota of evidence shows that simply setting up a global university is necessitated. Nor are we optimistic and idealistic enough expecting it to suffice or survive. In fact, when trying to bring about a better society, the reasonable choice should be utterly different. Let education along fulfill its goal, which ultimately benefit in long-run, and leave the social problem to governments and international organizations, with whom we can expect more with more assurance for progress and improvement.
【总体思路是好的，论证过程中有一些问题，在文中已经指出了。加油！】

boyjimUID: 125249

All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.

11:44:36 PM--12:52:28 AM 68min 537word additional 45Min for a revised version(65x word)

提纲 大体反对
1 虽然解决问题需要国际合作，但是建立大学的目标不是解决问题（写的时候多了第一段出来，发现那一段其实有点多余），应该先定义大学和教育的本质目的。
2 建立全球化大学的不可行。第一，学生的教育背景不一样，目标又宽泛难以定教学大纲。第二，这种理想太不实际，在以保证工作为前提的社会里没有学生愿意上这个大学。
3 解决国际合作其实是其他社会组织该做的事情，本来打算举IBDC的例子的，结果前面废话一堆占了时间和字数，苦阿……
In a world where poverty, discrimination, violence as well as war prevail, all nations run ceaseless effort to solve those major social problems. However though mitigations indeed result from the measure and endeavor, these issues still persist. In the search for a solution, some voice their proposal for all countries to jointly set up one global university aiming to alleviate or even quash those disturbing societal [我想知道和social有什么区别~这个词怎么觉得恁好看涅~] problems. Yet while ameliorating [充分的显示你的同义变换词汇量的阿~哈哈~] these problems do necessitate international cooperation, it remains too idealistic and wrong-headed to expect the establishment of such a university breeds satisfying improvements.

Admittedly, catholic as these social cruxes [是不是倒装我也奇怪了~~~莫非真是插入语~~~上面还自以为读明白了捏~~~羞阿~汗阿~] , they go beyond national burdens and invariably occur in everywhere, from Manhattan of the State to meager [你这个词什么意思涅~] villages located in Africa. A effective solution towards them necessitate [这个词我发现我读的时候特别麻烦] international cooperation and multi-national effort. Yet the destination of education systems, especially for a university, remains quite distinctive form what the statement urges. The process of educating involves enlightening minds, cultivating interest as well as providing a set of critical analysis and values --in short, which has little to do with directly focus on criminal rates, rampant AIDS, or financial hardship in developing countries. Yet besides imparting knowledge, educators should also help raise concerns to those social unfairness and threat and students bare unshakable responsibility to ameliorate the world. They are just peripheral consideration in comparison to the priority of education. Therefore, the notion to set up solution-oriented university is wrongheaded by nature. [证明得有点不充分~你说的社会问题应该如何解决~但你没有说明白这个大学不能解决，最后一局的结论和上面的论证有点衔接不上]

此处两段合成一段了，保留原来的错误写法让大家参考
Admittedly, rampant as these social cruxes, they go beyond national burdens and invariably occur in everywhere, from Manhattan of the State to villages located in South Africa. By no means can a single government succeeds in prevent violence, diminish poverty or cure AIDS, given limited resource and relatively complicated problems. Therefore via cooperation can countries allocate their resources effectively and together solve the problem with greater efficiency. For examples, one just need to notice how multi-national concern over prevention and treatment towards AIDS, as well as the incessant effort of campaign and voluntary service.

Yet, while it comes to the statement’s recommendation, a global university set up in purpose of solving social problems seems wrong-headed. To begin with, as what I have presented, it is governments, international agencies, charity organization that should carry the responsibility towards societal hardness, but not educational systems, especially universities. When the former ones care about more reasonable use of financial resource and anthropogenic capacity, the latter focus themselves on an equally essential mission for human beings to survive and thrive. The process of college education involves effort to enlighten, to provide a set of methodology and values, to cultivate innate talent of every individual. In a word, the goal of education has little to do with such a concrete demand. 唉，写到这里才发现有错阿……苦痛

What is more, the feasibility of a narrow aimed global university pales [不是我不知道~而是我基本上没有这么用过~好像那个voice我也没用过他的动词形式~] when it comes to reality. First of all, how should it design adequate curriculum, given such divergent students and a too broad yet vague mission? Can those intricate [and complicated 押运么哈哈] social problems be broken down into discrete disciplines as we define mathematics, physics, chemistry and biology? Chaos and confusion are inevitably to [去掉to] result from this dilemma, which add to both administrative and academic arduousness. Secondly, also more importantly, in a job-oriented world where pragmatism dominates, this noble pursuit for purely public good and commonly occurring economic ambition are totally exclusive. Unless we can expect a considerable number of youth as altruists [你给我上类反么....] who are willing to carry on the course of Mother Teresa and the endeavor of Martin Luther King, even with difficulty the university manages to come in existence, we can foresee its collapse in a few years, for nothing but absent enough enrollments [这个概念突然出现~你要证明他] . Thus, the establishment of such a university, though well intended, is neither viable nor practicable.

Finally, in dealing with those societal issues, governments and international organization appear to be more effective and carry more accountability. In sharp comparison to universities, the solitary goal and primary task for an administration is to allocate limited natural and social resources with uppermost efficiency and ultimately benefit who it governs. One need not more than a minute to concludes whether police agencies or universities proves more competent in fighting crime, stifling drug traffic or preventing violence. As for international organizations, IBCD (International Bank of Construction and Development) aptly serves as a typical case. During the past half century, the bank devoted in facilitating countries poor in both financial and economical capacity to strive for prosperity. Those large amounts of loans, while imposing relatively low interest rate, help boost and revitalize economy in those developing countries, and actually lead to increased wealth as well as alleviated poverty worldwide. These kinds of inspiring human progress, again are emanated not from campus courses but from incessant effort exerted by political and international power.

True a decaying society calls for more effort and energy to remedy, yet not an iota of evidence shows that simply setting up a global university is necessitated. Nor are we optimistic and idealistic enough expecting it to suffice or survive. In fact, when trying to bring about a better society, the reasonable choice should be utterly different. Let education along fulfill its goal, which ultimately benefit in long-run, and leave the social problem to governments and international organizations, with whom we can expect more with more assurance for progress and improvement.

[我看你是给你宿舍的那个八婆弄得心乱了~只有第二段是比较贴近题目~第三段你写成了如何解决社会问题~而没有重点地阐述这个大学的可行性~第三段应该作为补充~而第一段我觉得你的结论不错~但是论证上面没有扣住主题~这样让人感觉你的一三段都没有扣好~我的感觉你应该是分不同的社会问题这样写会好些一些~或者第三段的开头你就把贫穷问题指出来，然后比较大学和其他手段~这样可以更加扣紧主题]

boyjimUID: 125249

给我看看47

anthraxUID: 176473

看，看……不过只能大体粗略了。最近实在没有精力拍砖了

anthraxUID: 176473

to bell, breed就是孵化，引申为产生的意思。
to 鬼谷。嗯%被你犀利的语言打击了，但是也发现了论证上的问题。要继续努力了
to boyjim,开始觉得我们俩有些问题上挺相似的……

mondiaUID: 193825

正好没写过这片,
刚听同学介绍什么叫global大学，吓了一跳．．

也来凑个热闹,
有空来拍，
先占个座

neverflyUID: 166610

看完感觉这篇文章已经很好很好了，结构可以说是严谨，词汇丰富，这样还能找出那么多错误,那么我自己的水平.....呜呜呜

All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world's most persistent social problems.

11:44:36 PM--12:52:28 AM 68min 537word additional 45Min for a revised version(65x word)

提纲 大体反对
1 虽然解决问题需要国际合作，但是建立大学的目标不是解决问题（写的时候多了第一段出来，发现那一段其实有点多余），应该先定义大学和教育的本质目的。
2 建立全球化大学的不可行。第一，学生的教育背景不一样，目标又宽泛难以定教学大纲。第二，这种理想太不实际，在以保证工作为前提的社会里没有学生愿意上这个大学。
3 解决国际合作其实是其他社会组织该做的事情，本来打算举IBDC的例子的，结果前面废话一堆占了时间和字数，苦阿……
In a world where poverty, discrimination, violence as well as war prevail, all nations run ceaseless effort to solve those major social problems. However though mitigations indeed result from the measure and endeavor, these issues still persist.persist真不错。像我就只会用exist. In the search for a solution, some voice their proposal for all countries to jointly set up one global university aiming to alleviate or even quash those disturbing societal problems. Yet while yet while?ameliorating these problems do necessitate international cooperation, it remains too idealistic and wrong-headed to expect the establishment of such a university breeds satisfying improvements.

Admittedly, catholic as these social cruxes, they go beyond national burdens and invariably occur in everywhere, from Manhattan of the State to meager villages located in Africa. A effective solution towards them an effective.....solution to,不过necessitate 用的真好necessitate international cooperation and multi-national effort. Yet the destination of education systems, especially for a university, remains quite distinctive form what the statement urges. The process of educating involves enlightening minds, cultivating interest as well as providing a set of critical analysis and values这段话要收藏。不过set感觉好奇怪 --in short, 似乎不太short，直接用which就可以了which has little to do with directly focus on criminal rates, rampant AIDS, or financial hardship in developing countries. Yet 这个yet比较晕，特别是后面的还有个therefore，更糊涂了，感觉连接词用太多了也不好besides imparting knowledge, educators should also help raise concerns to those social unfairness and threat and students bare unshakable responsibility to ameliorate the world. They are just peripheral consideration in comparison to the priority of education. Therefore, the notion to set up solution-oriented university is wrongheaded by nature.

此处两段合成一段了，保留原来的错误写法让大家参考
Admittedly, rampant as these social cruxes, they go beyond national burdens and invariably occur in everywhere, from Manhattan of the State to villages located in South Africa. By no means can a single government succeeds in prevent violence, diminish poverty or cure AIDS, given limited resource and relatively complicated problems. Therefore via cooperation can countries allocate their resources effectively and together solve the problem with greater efficiency. For examples, one just need to notice how multi-national concern over prevention and treatment towards AIDS, as well as the incessant effort of campaign and voluntary service.

Yet, while it comes to the statement’s recommendation, a global university set up in purpose of solving social problems seems wrong-headed. To begin with, as what I have presented, it is governments, international agencies, charity organization that should carry the responsibility towards societal hardness, but not educational systems, especially universities. When the former ones care about more reasonable use of financial resource and anthropogenic capacity, the latter focus themselves on an equally essential mission for human beings to survive and thrive. The process of college education involves effort to enlighten, to provide a set of methodology and values, to cultivate innate talent of every individual. In a word, the goal of education has little to do with such a concrete demand. 唉，写到这里才发现有错阿……苦痛

What is more, the feasibility of a narrow aimed global university pales when it comes to reality. First of all, how should it design adequate curriculum, given such divergent students and a too broad yet vague mission? Can those intricate social problems be broken down into discrete disciplines as we define mathematics, physics, chemistry and biology? Chaos and confusion are inevitably to result from this dilemma, which add to both administrative and academic arduousness. Secondly, also more importantly, in a job-oriented world where pragmatism dominates, this noble pursuit for purely public good and commonly occurring economic ambition are totally exclusive. Unless we can expect a considerable number of youth as altruists who are willing to carry on the course of Mother Teresa and the endeavor of Martin Luther King, even with difficulty the university manages to come in intoexistence, we can 两个we can: unless we can, ... we canforesee its collapse in a few years, for nothing but absent enough enrollments. Thus, the establishment of such a university, though well intended, is neither viable nor practicable.

Finally, in dealing with those societal issues, governments and international organization appear to be more effective and carry more accountability. In sharp comparison to universities, the solitary goal and primary task for an administration is to allocate limited natural and social resources with uppermost efficiency and ultimately benefit who it governs. One need not more than a minute to concludes whether police agencies or universities proves more competent in fighting crime, stifling drug traffic or preventing violence. As for international organizations, IBCD (International Bank of Construction and Development) aptly serves as a typical case. During the past half century, the bank devoted in facilitating countries poor in both financial and economical capacity to strive for prosperity. Those large amounts of loans, while imposing relatively low interest rate, help boost and revitalize economy in those developing countries, and actually lead to increased wealth as well as alleviated poverty worldwide. These kinds of inspiring human progress, again are emanated not from campus courses but from incessant effort exerted by political and international power.这一段有点没有完全发挥的感觉。IBCD没有和大学进行很紧密地比较

True a decaying society calls for more effort and energy to remedy, yet not an iota of evidence shows that simply setting up a global university is necessitated. Nor are we optimistic and idealistic enough expecting it to suffice or survive. In fact, when trying to bring about a better society, the reasonable choice should be utterly different. Let education along fulfill its goal, which ultimately benefit in long-run, and leave the social problem to governments and international organizations, with whom we can expect more with more assurance for progress and improvement农成对比会不会好些？Let education along fulfill its goal, which ultimately benefit in long-run,  leave the social problem to governments and international organizations, which provide more assurences, and then we can expect more  progress and improvement

anthraxUID: 176473

never对于结尾那段建议很好啊，我怎么就想不到哩，我哭我哭，都被劈得一无是处了还好有你帮我安慰一下。你什么时候考呢？我杀完鸡回拍。