迟交的同主题6Issue 51 (★老规矩，24小时内很认真地回拍！)

smartyrUID: 169453

Issue51  第13篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分42秒     532words
从2005年2月23日23时36分到2005年2月24日0时45分
------题目------
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
-------提纲：-------
Position: disagree
B1.承认益处
B2: 反面论述这样为何还不够
B3. 不单要学技能，好要处事（socilization）

------正文------
Education is one of the key words of our time and its important role in this era of social and technological advancement is becoming more and more manifest. How to educate child more effectively is becoming a hot topic currently. While, some one holds that only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, education will be truly effective, I fundamentally disagree with it for the following reasons above.

Admittedly, it will be considerably conducing to student when his entire education is specifically designed to cater his personal needs and interests, comparing to blindly instill knowledge and other skills to him. There is a saying goes that interest is the best teacher for learning. Indeed, child has the most romantic, imaginative and innocent nature and is always curious about everything around him, and his potential will be easily motivated by this nature and obtain much unexpected better results. To illustrate, Montessori education method, which is founded by the famous Italy educator Montessori, emphasized cultivating and nurturing individual child in process of education. Now this method is popular in the worldwide when was created in 60s of last century and has exerted profound influence on several generations in the Western world.

Nevertheless, on the other side, child is childish and lacking of enough considerate thinking about what they will be to do or what man he is going be to. This sparks of interests will not sustain any longer. This immature behavior determine that parents or educators will never be released to leave them to be and just encourage what he wants to do without any intervene, which we usually call child-oriented mode education. It does harm more than good. For instance, many young children in China enter some special training as playing piano, handwriting, and painting etc., because they display tremendous interesting on it when they may be just inspired by his peers. However, the results are apparent that most of them cannot persist these interests and give up in the halfway.

Furthermore, the goal of education is to guide students to be a caring, principled, and responsible adult from the their childhood. Martin Luther King once said that education is to cultivate intelligence plus character. Therefore, learning oriented by child's interests and needs is not enough. In this increasingly competitive society, requiring one not only possesses special professional skills and what more important, it needs to shape a character. The very character is the social skills to get along and deal with others around him, such as how to cooperate and negotiate with his partner, the how to respect others, how the discriminate good and evil. Thus, parents and educators should guide child properly in order to nurture our future generations into a well-round person, well preparing his career.

In conclusion, I concede that specially designed education for child in according with their needs and interests is important in some extent, and parents and educators should pay attention to it and appropriately encourage him. Meanwhile, a socialized character of child is also needed to a well-adjusted individual. By this way, education will achieve its primary goal of cultivating an intelligent, trustworthy, fair and responsible element for our society.

猫猫624UID: 171232

Education is one of the key words of our time and its important role in this era of social and technological advancement is becoming more and more manifest. How to educate child more effectively is becoming a hot topic currently. While, some one holds that only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, education will be truly effective, I fundamentally disagree with it for the following reasons above.怎么前面是following，后面是above

Admittedly, it will be considerably conducing to student when his entire education is specifically designed to cater his personal needs and interests, comparing to blindly instill knowledge and other skills to him. There is a saying goes that interest is the best teacher for learning. Indeed, child has the most romantic, imaginative and innocent 最浪漫,最有想象力,最无辜......到底要说什么nature and is always curious about everything around him, and his potential will be easily motivated by this nature and obtain much unexpected better results. To illustrate, Montessori education method, which is founded by the famous Italy educator Montessori, emphasized cultivating and nurturing individual child in process of education. Now this method is popular in the worldwide when was created in 60s ？1860s of last century and has exerted profound influence on several generations in the Western world.

Nevertheless, on the other side, child is childish and lacking of enough considerate thinking about what they will be to do or what man he is going be to. This sparks of interests will not sustain any longer. This immature behavior determine that parents or educators will never be released to leave them to be and just encourage what he wants to do without any intervene, which we usually call child-oriented mode education. It does harm more than good. For instance, many young children in China enter some special training as playing piano, handwriting, and painting etc., because they display tremendous interesting on it when they may be just inspired by his peers. However, the results are apparent that most of them cannot persist these interests and give up in the halfway. 例子没有说清楚，为什么孩子不能坚持

Furthermore, the goal of education is to guide students to be a caring, principled, and responsible adult from the their childhood. Martin Luther King once said that education is to cultivate intelligence plus character. Therefore, learning oriented by child's interests and needs is not enough. In this increasingly competitive society, requiring one not only possesses special professional skills and what more important, it needs to shape a character. The very character is the social skills to get along and deal with others around him, such as how to cooperate and negotiate with his partner, the how to respect others, how the discriminate good and evil. Thus, parents and educators should guide child children properly in order to nurture our future generations into a well-round person, well preparing his career.

In conclusion, I concede that specially designed education for child in according with their needs and interests is important in to some extent, and parents and educators should pay attention to it and appropriately encourage him. Meanwhile, a socialized character of child is also needed to a well-adjusted individual. By this way, education will achieve its primary goal of cultivating an intelligent, trustworthy, fair and responsible element 元素？不这么用吧 for our society.

文章中多次只用he his,建议用he/she  his/her. 语言表达有待提高！

smartyrUID: 169453

最初由 猫猫624 发布
[B]Education is one of the key words of our time and its important role in this era of social and technological advancement is becoming more and more manifest. How..

以下省略...... [/B] 文章中多次只用he his,建议用he/she his/her. 语言表达有待提高！

猫猫，请教一下何时都要用he/she his/her？one后面呢，都要跟his/her??

猫猫624UID: 171232

出现第三人称单数不能有性别倾向.one 可以

nora0020UID: 104886

Education is one of the key words of our time and its important role in this era of social and technological advancement [technological advanced society?] is becoming more and more manifest. How to educate child more effectively is becoming a hot topic currently. While, some one holds that only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, education will be truly effective, I fundamentally disagree with it for the following reasons above[ 去掉，和following 矛盾].

Admittedly, it will be considerably conducing to student when his entire education is specifically designed to cater his personal needs and interests, comparing to blindly instill knowledge and other skills to him. There is a saying goes that interest is the best teacher for learning. Indeed, child has the most romantic, imaginative and innocent nature and is always curious about everything around him, and his potential will be easily motivated by this nature and obtain much unexpected better results. To illustrate, Montessori education method, which is founded by the famous Italy educator Montessori[有点多余], emphasized cultivating and nurturing individual child in process of education. Now this method is popular in the worldwide when was created in 60s of last century and has exerted profound influence on several generations in the Western world. 【主题在哪？】

Nevertheless, on the other side, child is childish and lacking of 【接的有点牵强】enough considerate thinking about what they will be to do or what man he is going be to【to be】. This sparks[???] of interests will not sustain any longer. This immature behavior determine that parents or educators will never be released to leave them to be and just encourage what he wants to do without any intervene, which we usually call child-oriented mode education. It does harm more than good. For instance, many young children in China enter some special training as playing piano, handwriting, and painting etc., because they display tremendous interesting on it when they may be just inspired by his peers. However, the results are apparent that most of them cannot persist these interests and give up in the halfway. [最好还能扣一下题]

Furthermore, the goal of education is to guide students to be a caring, principled, and responsible adult from the their childhood. Martin Luther King once said that education is to cultivate intelligence plus character. Therefore, learning oriented by child's interests and needs is not enough. In this increasingly competitive society, requiring one not only possesses special professional skills and what more important, it needs to shape a character. The very character【换个词吧】 is the social skills to get along and deal with others around him, such as how to cooperate and negotiate with his partner, the how to respect others, how the discriminate good and evil. Thus, parents and educators should guide child properly in order to nurture our future generations into a well-round person, well preparing his career.【感觉有点罗索】

In conclusion, I concede that specially designed education for child in according with their needs and interests is important in some extent, and parents and educators should pay attention to it and appropriately encourage him. Meanwhile, a socialized character of child is also needed to a well-adjusted individual. By this way, education will achieve its primary goal of cultivating an intelligent, trustworthy, fair and responsible element for our society.
我觉得整体来看，逻辑方面还要加强

ioiwinUID: 183956

ssue51 第13篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：45分42秒 532words
从2005年2月23日23时36分到2005年2月24日0时45分
------题目------
Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
-------提纲：-------
Position: disagree
B1.承认益处
B2: 反面论述这样为何还不够
B3. 不单要学技能，好要处事（socilization）

------正文------
Education is one of the [U]key words[/U] [关键词??key factor] of our time and its important role in [U]this era [/U]  [in areas]of social and technological advancement is becoming more and more manifest. How to educate child more effectively is becoming a hot topic currently. While, some one holds that only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, education will be truly effective, [来个转折词]I fundamentally disagree with it for the following reasons [U]above.[/U] [below]

Admittedly, it will [U]be considerably conducing[/U]  [it will considerably conduce to]to student[可以具体到某一方面,和后面的his不一致] when his entire education is specifically designed to cater his personal needs and interests, comparing to blindly instill knowledge and other skills to him. There is a saying goes that interest is the best teacher for learning. Indeed, child has the most romantic, imaginative and innocent nature and is always curious about everything around him, and his potential will be easily [U]motivated [/U] [inspired] by [U]this nature[/U] [those natures] and [U]obtain much[many ] unexpected better results.[/U]  To illustrate, Montessori education method, which is founded by the famous Italy educator Montessori, emphasized cultivating and nurturing individual child in process of education. Now this method is popular [U]in the worldwide [/U] [worldwild] [U]when was created in60s [/U]  [since it was created ]of last century and has exerted profound influence on several generations in the Western world.  

Nevertheless, on the other side, child is childish and [U]lacking of enough considerate thinking [/U] [lacks through thinking] about what they will be to do or what man he is going be to. [[U]U]This sparks[/U] [these] of interests will not sustain any longer[/U] .[these sparkes of interests might not serve as sustianable motivations] This immature behavior [U]determine [/U] [ 单数形式,改用means好些吧] that parents or educators will never be released to leave them to [U]be [/U] [to be what ?? alone ?or independent?] and just encourage what he wants to do without any intervene, which we usually call child-oriented [U]mode education[/U] [罗嗦了就是education就行了]. [U]It does harm more than good.[/U] [尽量少用简单句可以和前面的连一句,就说坏的就是了] For instance, many young children in China enter some special training as playing piano, handwriting, and painting etc., [U]because they display[/U] [seems to display/show] tremendous i[U]nteresting[/U] [interests] on [U]it [/U] [them] when they may be just inspired by his peers. However, the results are apparent that most of them cannot persist these interests and give up in the halfway.

Furthermore, the goal of education is to guide students to be a caring, principled, and responsible[U] adult [/U]  [复数]from the their [U]childhood.[/U]  Martin Luther King once said that education is to cultivate intelligence plus character. Therefore, [U]learning [/U] [education,learning 和intelligence差不多] oriented by child's interests and needs is not enough. [U]In this increasingly competitive society, requiring one not only possesses special professional skills and what more important, it needs to shape a character. [/U] [In this increasingly competitive society,one is not only required to  possesses special professional skills,what is more important, a well-rounded character as well ] [U]The very character is the [/U]  [和前面的可以连起来,a character having ]social skills to get along [U]and deal with [/U] [不要] others around him, such as how to cooperate and negotiate with his partner, the how to respect others, how the discriminate good and evil. Thus, parents and educators [U]should[/U] []could] guide child properly in order to [U]nurture our future generations into a well-round person, well preparing his career. [/U]  [prepare a better future generation]

In conclusion, I concede that specially designed education for [U]child[/U][加上 a]  [U]in according [/U]  with [U]their [/U] [his] needs and interests is important in some extent,[U] and[/U]  [转折词]parents and educators should pay attention to [U]it [/U] [去掉] and appropriately encourage him. Meanwhile, a socialized character of [U]child [/U]  is also needed to a well-adjusted individual. By this way, education will achieve its primary goal of cultivating an intelligent, trustworthy, fair and responsible element for our society.
[思路清晰,其中的列子好象最好点清楚些,还有语法错误太多.不过比起我的来就好多了,我有时憋不出话要写很久]

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https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?postid=1325702#post1325702

xuding_godUID: 179213

Education will be truly effective only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student.
-------提纲：-------
Position: disagree
B1.承认益处
B2: 反面论述这样为何还不够
B3. 不单要学技能，好要处事（socilization）

------正文------
Education is one of the key words of our time and its important role [which用从句吧，要不有点难理解]in this era of social and technological advancement is becoming more and more manifest. How to educate child more effectively is becoming a hot topic currently. While, some one holds that only when it is specifically designed to meet the individual needs and interests of each student, education will be truly effective, I fundamentally disagree with it for the following reasons above.

Admittedly, it will be considerably conducing to student when his entire education is specifically designed to cater his personal needs and interests, comparing to blindly instill knowledge and other skills to him. There is a saying goes that interest is the best teacher for learning. Indeed, child has the most romantic, imaginative and innocent nature and is always curious about everything around him, and his potential will be easily motivated by this nature and obtain much unexpected better results. To illustrate, Montessori education method, which is founded by the famous Italy educator Montessori, emphasized cultivating and nurturing individual child in process of education. Now this method is popular in the worldwide when [it] was created in 60s of last century and has exerted profound influence on several generations in the Western world. [这个例子不错，我觉得这段可以详细说这个例子]

Nevertheless, on the other side, child is childish and lacking[lack] of enough considerate thinking about what they will be to[去掉] do or what man he is going be to. This sparks of interests will not sustain any longer. This immature behavior determine that parents or educators will never be released to leave them to be and just encourage what he wants to do without any intervene, which we usually call child-oriented mode education. It does harm more than good. For instance, many young children in China enter some special training as playing piano, handwriting, and painting etc., because they display tremendous interesting on it when they may be just inspired by his peers. However, the results are apparent that most of them cannot persist these interests and give up in the halfway. [觉得这段和你的TS联系不是那么紧，例子不好，就举中国有点以扁盖全]

Furthermore, the goal of education is to guide students to be a caring, principled, and responsible adult from the their childhood. Martin Luther King once said that education is to cultivate intelligence plus character. Therefore, learning oriented by child's interests and needs is not enough. In this increasingly competitive society, requiring one not only[require one] possesses special professional skills and what more important, it needs to shape a character. The very character is the social skills to get along and deal with others around him, such as how to cooperate and negotiate with his partner, the[去掉the] how to respect others, how the[to] discriminate good and evil. Thus, parents and educators should guide child properly in order to nurture our future generations into a well-round person, well preparing his career.

In conclusion, I concede that specially designed education for child in according with their needs and interests is important in some extent, and parents and educators should pay attention to it and appropriately encourage him. Meanwhile, a socialized character of child is also needed to a well-adjusted individual. By this way, education will achieve its primary goal of cultivating an intelligent, trustworthy, fair and responsible element for our society.

[觉得楼主对第一个观点specially designed education for child in according with their needs and interests is important 论述得不应该过于充分，过分强调b2,b3就可弱话b1,因为你本来就是要反对它的，但现在你给我的感觉就是建立了一个同意观点。还有就是有些小的语法错误和一些中式英语的地方，要注意
也麻烦楼主看看我的吧，谢谢，狠拍：https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=258307]

smartyrUID: 169453

谢谢！
我自己也是觉得B1论述的过于充分了！再改改！
今天前找你报仇！！！