issue138 失败要和成功做亲子鉴定~ [color=#002dff]最后一次同主题写作了~哎[/co

boyjimUID: 125249

大家帮忙看看吧~28号就上战场了~
138"Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."
1失败总是难免的
2犯错误可以~但是我们需要认真的研究错误~成功往往在失败中找到蛛丝马迹
3稍微让步~里面写了乱七八糟的一些其他东西
这个东西是22号写的~当时写之前一个晚上就在想了~写的时候没有超时~不过要计算上想的时间~......超的好严重中~而且好像还是有点跑了....555这样的状态.....
正文
In the ceaseless history of mortal, discovery or progress developed in to a flowery continuity of science, which has been long worshiped in our society, but how to achieve this success always confuses us, from generation to generation. Wedged in person’s life and existing in awareness, mistakes play a paramount role in the way to success. There is always someone who cherishes a belief that only through mistake can we eventually find new discovery or progress. This is indeed the case in my opinion, but without mistakes, chances are still good that we can achieve success.

Looking back on the history we familiar with, scientists, nine out of ten, achieved significant groundbreaking discovery after times failures. Never has a truth been an easy task, thus when we are pursuing truth, what invariably happens is that we encounter different and distinctive problem of complexity. That confuses us and forces us to attempt diverse means and modes to deal with it, and inescapably, we commit errors. Maybe in the scientific realm, mistakes are necessary and inevitability, which few of us can conquer and be devoid of hardship, even though, we cohere with what we stick to.

Nonetheless, one of the biggest tragedies in the world is that a myriad of us are suffocated by the mistake because of its devastating and frustrating appearance and fail to endeavor to find the analysis of the why we commit mistake. There is every possibility that a deluge of us neglect how mistake happened, taking it for granted, but hidden in the mistakes, there always lie hints or a slight of trace of the truth. Only by reconsideration and reexamination of our erroneous results can we regroup a creative new way to continue our experiment and take risk to challenge this foe and intent to alter it into a friend. Before Edison invented the bulb, which now we still appreciated, he had gone to great length to more than 2000 distinct materials, analyzed them industriously. As a consequence, since its irresistibility, when we inspect our mistakes, there may shed light to an illuminating maverick way to discovery and progress.

What is more, inextricable as mistake, there are rare instances that we can discover or make progress lacking of mistakes or attempt our best to avoid it. Albeit mistake always serves as a nuisance and notorious bug on the road towards the success, equipped with apt methods and well chosen material will endow us with a comparative easy way to win what we deserved. True, a great mass of discoveries are found by mistaken way, occasionally, accidentally or even coincidentally. Penicillin are found by mistake, but we would not gain it hadn't the scientist observed careful enough. Thus, were it not for caution, persistence, creativity and other fact of significance in scientific research, we would not simply step on the land of success by making mistakes.

Retrospectively, in the procedure of unearthing the truth, do we have to call these mistakes "mistakes"? From my point of view, mistake is merely another form of progress veiled with depression. Committing a fallacy will encourage us to make another endeavor, ignite marvelous inspirational sparks, intrigue our magic curiosity, and add an illuminating opportunity of discovery and progress.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我来

boyjimUID: 125249

刚给你发悄悄话叫你帮忙涅~俺28考试了~~~~好害怕阿......

鬼谷子UID: 159645

138"Only through mistakes can there be discovery or progress."
1失败总是难免的
2犯错误可以~但是我们需要认真的研究错误~成功往往在失败中找到蛛丝马迹
3稍微让步~里面写了乱七八糟的一些其他东西
这个东西是22号写的~当时写之前一个晚上就在想了~写的时候没有超时~不过要计算上想的时间~......超的好严重中~而且好像还是有点跑了....555这样的状态.....
正文
In the ceaseless history of mortal, discovery or progress developed in to a flowery continuity of science, which has been long worshiped in our society, but how to achieve this success always confuses us, from generation to generation. Wedged in person’s life and existing in awareness, mistakes play a paramount role in the way to success. There is always someone who cherishes a belief that only through mistake can we eventually find new discovery or progress. 【这里用find就不太好了】 This is indeed the case in my opinion, but without mistakes, chances are still good that we can achieve success. 【准备两方面写】

Looking back on the history we familiar with, scientists, nine out of ten, achieved significant groundbreaking discovery after times failures. 【mistake和failure是一样的吗？如果你认为是，你需要在前面给出一个定义。而且，这个TS跟你后面的论述不一致，后面论述的都是错误无法避免的问题】Never has a truth been an easy task, thus when we are pursuing truth, what invariably happens is that we encounter different and distinctive problem of complexity That confuses us and forces us to attempt diverse means and modes to deal with it, and inescapably, we commit errors. Maybe in the scientific realm, mistakes are necessary and inevitability, which few of us can conquer and be devoid of hardship, even though, we cohere with 【我记得cohere with是符合的意思】what we stick to. 【我觉得你单拿出一段来证明错误难免作用不大，而确实对于这个问题你也是来回来去说的。如果你非要写这么一段的话，我建议你在里面多写一点，既然谁都无法避免错误的产生，那么成功一定也是经历了错误的，然后接下面】

Nonetheless, one of the biggest tragedies in the world is that a myriad of us are suffocated by the mistake because of its devastating and frustrating appearance and fail to endeavor to find the analysis of the why we commit mistake. 【这个TS我感觉你是在反对错误可以带来进步呢？】There is every possibility that a deluge of us neglect how mistake happened, taking it for granted, but hidden in the mistakes, there always lie hints or a slight of trace of the truth. 【如果这个才是真正的TS的话，上面那句套话建议省略】Only by reconsideration and reexamination of our erroneous results can we regroup a creative new way to continue our experiment and take risk to challenge this foe and intent to alter it into a friend. 【这句写的不错】Before Edison invented the bulb, which now we still appreciated, he had gone to great length to more than 2000 distinct materials, analyzed them industriously. As a consequence, since its irresistibility, when we inspect our mistakes, there may shed light to an illuminating maverick way to discovery and progress.

What is more, inextricable as mistake, there are rare instances that we can discover or make progress lacking of mistakes or attempt our best to avoid it. Albeit mistake always serves as a nuisance and notorious bug on the road towards the success, equipped with apt methods and well chosen material will endow us with a comparative easy way to win what we deserved. True, a great mass of discoveries are found by mistaken way, occasionally, accidentally or even coincidentally. Penicillin are found by mistake, but we would not gain it hadn't the scientist observed careful enough. Thus, were it not for caution, persistence, creativity and other fact of significance in scientific research, we would not simply step on the land of success by making mistakes. 【论证的不错，但是感觉观点和上段区别不大】


Retrospectively, in the procedure of unearthing the truth, do we have to call these mistakes "mistakes"? From my point of view, mistake is merely another form of progress veiled with depression. Committing a fallacy will encourage us to make another endeavor, ignite marvelous inspirational sparks, intrigue our magic curiosity, and add an illuminating opportunity of discovery and progress.

   【总体上不错的，不过我对B1的作用存在疑问，另一个问题就是，从你的开头看是要两方面写的，但是感觉你没有写反面的内容。快考了要保持好心态保持好状态，加油！】

boyjimUID: 125249

收到收到~

TommUID: 177042

呵呵，俺就站在鬼兄的肩膀上给你拍拍砖。
正文
In the ceaseless history of mortal(建议用human, mortal隐含着一种死亡的，生命有限的意味), discovery or progress developed in to a flowery continuity of science, which has been long worshiped in our society, but how to achieve this success always confuses us, from generation to generation. Wedged in person’s life and existing in awareness, mistakes play a paramount role in the way to success. There is always someone who cherishes a belief that only through mistake can we eventually find new discovery or progress. 【这里用find就不太好了】 This is indeed the case in my opinion, but without mistakes, chances are still good that we can achieve success. 【准备两方面写】

Looking back on the history we (are)familiar with, scientists, nine out of ten, achieved significant groundbreaking discovery after times (of)failures. 【mistake和failure是一样的吗？如果你认为是，你需要在前面给出一个定义。而且，这个TS跟你后面的论述不一致，后面论述的都是错误无法避免的问题】(恩，同意鬼兄，只是我觉得这个地方太细致了，失败和错误都在同一个意群里面，如果不抠字读的话就过去了，不过为了避免这种可能的错误，你可以用一些error这种更为近义的词. 恩，无比同意鬼兄，读你的TS，我感觉你这段要说科学家们是怎么通过错误来成功的了)Never has a truth been an easy task(Never has looking for the truth been a easy task,真理不是任务), thus when we are pursuing truth, what invariably happens is that we encounter different and distinctive problem of complexity That confuses us and forces us to attempt diverse means and modes to deal with it, and inescapably, we commit errors. Maybe in the scientific realm, mistakes are necessary and inevitability(用形容词), which few of us can conquer and be devoid of hardship, even though, we cohere with 【我记得cohere with是符合的意思】what we stick to. 【我觉得你单拿出一段来证明错误难免作用不大，而确实对于这个问题你也是来回来去说的。如果你非要写这么一段的话，我建议你在里面多写一点，既然谁都无法避免错误的产生，那么成功一定也是经历了错误的，然后接下面】

Nonetheless, one of the biggest tragedies in the world is that a myriad of us are suffocated by the mistake because of its devastating and frustrating appearance and fail to endeavor to find the analysis of the (去掉the)why we commit mistake. 【这个TS我感觉你是在反对错误可以带来进步呢？】(也行，不是很严重，因为你这句后面提到了fail to do…起一个引子的作用，也是一种段落开头的手段，我只是觉得不一定非要有一种很格式化的TS结构，内容（段落乃至全文的内容）上紧密就行了。但如果你是想用TS方式，那么就把你的core说出来，而不要擦边)There is every possibility that a deluge (这个deluge值得商榷，感觉这里用deluge表示一种纷至沓来的感觉，不断涌来的感觉，翻译过来就是：如洪水般的我们)of us neglect how mistake happened, taking it for granted(错误不是grant来的，这样说法不好，好像我们在拿bonus), but hidden in the mistakes, there always lie hints or a slight of trace(slight trace，slight是形容词) of the truth. 【如果这个才是真正的TS的话，上面那句套话建议省略】Only by reconsideration and reexamination of our erroneous results can we regroup a creative new way to continue our experiment and take risk to challenge this foe and intent to alter it into a friend. 【这句写的不错】Before Edison invented the bulb, which now we still appreciated, he had gone to great length(length?) to more than 2000 distinct materials, analyzed them industriously. As a consequence, since its irresistibility, when we inspect our mistakes, there may shed light to an illuminating maverick way to discovery and progress.

What is more, inextricable as mistake, there are rare(rare是表示否定的意思，如果你要表示有这些instance存在，你可以用一些表示肯定的词如some等////晕，回过头来，读你这段开头，不知道你要说什么，我读到这里思路就不是很清晰了。请把你的思路理清了，你想表达什么？你想说明一个什么问题？开头应该是一个很core的部分，不要在这里混乱) instances that we can discover or make progress lacking of mistakes or attempt(这个attempt是个动词，你前面已经有了一个动词can do 了，所以这里有点问题) our best to avoid it. Albeit mistake always serves as a nuisance and notorious bug on the road towards the success, equipped with apt methods and well chosen material (will前面应该是一个名词性的句子吧，那么至少动词应该用ing结构)will endow us with a comparative easy way to win what we deserved(what we deserve, deserved貌似形容词，而你又是用一般时态). True(用副词或者it is true that), a great mass of discoveries are found by mistaken way, occasionally, accidentally or even coincidentally. Penicillin are(is) found by mistake, but we would not gain it hadn't the scientist observed careful(carefully) enough. Thus, were it not for caution, persistence, creativity and other fact of significance in scientific research, we would not simply(干吗用一个simply,用了以后整句话就变味了，好像我们是simply step on the land of …似的,但是如果前面说是通过错误来求真，那就不能说是simply) step on the land of success by making mistakes. 【论证的不错，但是感觉观点和上段区别不大】


Retrospectively(干吗要回顾的说，这里的回顾，你可能是指回顾你的文章，但这种文章太短了，没必要回顾；如果你是指回顾历史，那后面说do we have to一下又拉到眼前了拉到我们了，而没有回顾历史，甚至根本没有提到历史，唉，别扭), in the procedure of unearthing the truth, do we have to call these mistakes "mistakes"? From my point of view, mistake is merely another form of progress veiled with depression. Committing a fallacy will encourage us to make another endeavor, ignite marvelous inspirational sparks, intrigue our magic curiosity, and add an illuminating opportunity of discovery and progress.
(恩，最后一段不错，把你的观点先前推了一下，好手法)
【总体上不错的，不过我对B1的作用存在疑问，另一个问题就是，从你的开头看是要两方面写的，但是感觉你没有写反面的内容。快考了要保持好心态保持好状态，加油！】
(楼主语言能力强悍，倒装用法用得娴熟，只是会不会用倒装用得太多了?个人认为，倒装这种手法就像味精，在一堆平实的句子中突然其一下变化，不时来一点调一下胃口，但如果用多了就不是那么爽了，恩，只是个人意见，不过你的英语语言能力，确实让人钦佩。
没事没事的，不要紧张，放轻松点，平常心态，你的能力不错，词汇量在我之上了，我是用词霸读完你的文章的。考的时候氛围很好，广州考的人很少，老师也只是在外面那个房间通过电脑看里面。真的，只要保持平常心态就行了。 Good luck!)

Iris_ttUID: 175245

tomjim: 你写得很好，语言非常地道！

Iris_ttUID: 175245

是有一些比较好改的语法错误，相信你是不小心。不过总体来说你的文章非常的地道，真的是人外有人，天外有天啊