Issue7 感觉develop得不够,互拍吧.

weinUID: 190374

Issue7  第14篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
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作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：40分22秒     433 words
从2005年2月27日8时26分到2005年2月27日9时40分
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The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
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Nowadays, the video camera has become more and more popular in the society. It offers an accurate and convincing method of recordation in daily life, which always brings people happiness with beautiful pictures and unforgettable activities. But, will it become a more important form of documentation than written records? In my point of view, while we put emphasis on the values of the video camera, we can’t underestimate the merits of traditional written records. Each of them has its strong points and weak points.

On one hand, the video camera is so objective that it can revive life in before. It can record the whole process, including words, pictures, voices, sounds, even many surrounding messages, and saves all these information as digital records. Then, some day, when people want to review the whole affair, the digital documentation will call them back to the passed time. This is quite an important function that written records can’t provide.

However, while the video camera can record what you are seeing, it can’t write down what you are thinking. If smiling, you would be happy; if crying, you would be sad; if glowering, you would be angry. Is that necessary the case? Not always! You may smile to conceal your sad; you may cry to show your happiness or moving; you may glower but it is fictitious. These are what the video camera can’t record with only the pictures and sounds. But, the written records can.

Instead of that the video camera can only record the objective and external facts, the written document can provide more detailed, internal and emotive record. It can describe not only what you are seeing, but also what you are thinking. With it, you can record your whole emotions to something, somebody, or some event, in poet, song or essay. You can also write down your brilliant knowledge and reasoning line of one theory, or your famous ideas and inventions. Even, you can use it to remember the cause in the past and to expect the effect in the future. All of these are impossible to video camera.

Furthermore, Nowadays, the written document remains as the most formal records. Especially, when coming with the low or legal duties, for example, signing a contrast, the written records would be more acceptable.

In sum, the video camera gives our current lives a vivid and objective form of documentation, especially on recording the real time facts; on the other hand, the written records support a more rational and subjective way. They all are important to our contemporary lives. It is irreplaceable in some certain areas.

skating_dollUID: 168003

------题目------
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
Nowadays, the video camera has become more and more popular in the society. It offers an accurate and convincing method of recordation in daily life, which always brings people happiness with beautiful pictures and unforgettable activities. But, will it become a more important form of documentation than written records? In my point of view, while we put emphasis on the values of the video camera, we can'twe can but we should not 应此用should可能好些，另外正式写作不要用简写 underestimate the merits of traditional written records. Each of them has its strong points and weak points.

On one hand, the video camera is so objective that it can revive life in before. It can record the whole process, including words, pictures, voices, sounds, even many surrounding messages, and saves all these information as digital records. Then, some day, when people want to review the whole affair, the digital documentation will call them back to the passed time. This is quite an important function that written records can’t provide. 这段都说到点子上了，但是video camera也是可以有鲜明主观性，表达观点的，所以最好侧重于它的全方位多维度，而不是客观性

However, while the video camera can record what you are seeing, it can’t write down what you are thinking. If smiling, you would be happy; if crying, you would be sad; if glowering, you would be angry. Is that necessary the case? Not always! You may smile to conceal your sad; you may cry to show your happiness or moving; you may glower but it is fictitious. These are what the video camera can’t record with only the pictures and sounds. But, the written records can. 感觉上video也可以表达观点的，而written records也可以掩盖内心感情的，表达与否都取决于作者

Instead of the fact that the video camera can only record the objective and external facts, the written document can provide more detailed, internal and emotive record. It can describe not only what you are seeing, but also what you are thinking. With it, you can record your whole emotions to something, somebody, or some event, in poet, song or essay. You can also write down your brilliant knowledge and reasoning line of one theory, or your famous ideas and inventions. Even, you can use it to remember the cause in the past and to expect the effect in the future. All of these are impossible to video camera.

Furthermore, Nowadays, the written document remains as the most formal records. Especially, when coming with the low or legal duties, for example, signing a contrast, the written records would be more acceptable.

In sum, the video camera gives our current lives a vivid and objective form of documentation, especially on recording the real time facts; on the other hand, the written records support a more rational and subjective way. They all are important to our contemporary lives. It指的是什么？video还是records is irreplaceable in some certain areas.

感觉不应该把二者区分为主观与客观，就算这样区分也应该提供些其他方面的比较。

arksUID: 177382

个人感觉45分钟写成这样是不错的。就直接说缺点吧。总的印象是粗糙，这当然有时间上的问题，不过和整体的思路是有关系的。我的感觉是你多少有些边想边写的成分，这样就难以保证文章过渡的流畅。最好动笔之前有一个大体的思路。多加些连接词，since, as , for , therefor, besides, while, in addition, given that, granted that......只要逻辑关系不错，那么就可以让文章衔接的更紧密些。

思路方面我觉得稍微清晰一些。比如vidio camera 的优点，客观、及时、准确……你能想到几个分论点都清晰的展现出来，然后根据自己的现场反映在某一点上举个例子，也保持了文章的生动性。

总的来说这个题目比较具体，不会没话说，那么反而应该注意将自己的论点抽象化（这与那些抽象的题目恰恰相反）。在比较严谨的理性框架下修饰润色语言、实例，才会达到更好的效果。

鄙人拙见。 作为共勉更好。呵呵。