Issue7 第一次限时

MadheroUID: 125272

写得又少又差，还事先读了半天题，sigh
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The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
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The statement above asserts that video record has been a more important form of documentation than written records. Admittedly, video record has some advantages, but written records are still the most important form of documentation for its objectiveness and effectiveness.

To begin with, opposite with the speaker's opinion, written record is more accurate and convincing. It seems that video camera can record more objectively than written records, however, while it can only record an affair in one angle at one time only, written form can record the affair in all aspects. In addition, especially social or political affairs are hard to be recorded in video form, for these affairs always span a long period of time. But written record can link these affairs in a more organized way, which can reveal the truth easier and more objectively.

Furthermore, written records have some advantages that video record cannot achieve. On the one hand, written records can express more effectively than video records. For example, on recording a story may need 1000 words to write on a paper, it may need 30 minutes in a laser disc in the form of video. It may cost an average speed reader 5 minutes to read the article, while to realize the same story it must spend 30 minutes if he choose video as a recording form. On the other hand, written records can express abstract ideas more conveniently than video. For a complicated conception, it is impossible to express it in the way of video, while it can be easily recorded in written form. In short, written records are a more effective way to record narrative works and express the author’s opinion.

However, video record has its advantage, and therefore become a more and more important form of documentation. Video records can express a direct express to the audience, thus has a more strong impact than written records. For instance, the tsunami happened this year recorded as video can express the violence of nature and the great loss of people to the people in an intense way, while written records only can tell people the tragedy itself. In addition, video records can attract people's attention more easily, thus can be easily accepted by the mass.

In conclusion, although video has obvious sparking feathers, it now cannot take written records' place as a more important form of documentation.

鬼谷子UID: 159645

占

鬼谷子UID: 159645

------题目------
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
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The statement above asserts that video record has been a more important form of documentation than written records 【前面record后面records，统一一下】. Admittedly, video record has some advantages, but written records are still the most important form of documentation for its objectiveness and effectiveness. 【很简洁的提出观点。好！】

To begin with, opposite with 【to】 the speaker's opinion, written record is more accurate and convincing 【than。。。】. It seems that video camera can record more objectively than written records, however, while it can only record an affair in one angle at one time only, written form can record the affair in all aspects. In addition, especially social or political affairs are hard to be recorded in video form, for these affairs always span a long period of time. But written record can link these affairs in a more organized way, which can reveal the truth easier and more objectively. 【时间和范围的局限确实是VC的缺点，但是，你没有证明如何more accurate and convicing】

Furthermore, written records have some advantages that video record cannot achieve. On the one hand, written records can express 【这个词用的模糊，不够具体】 more effectively than video records. For example, on recording a story may need 1000 words to write on a paper, it may need 30 minutes in a laser disc in the form of video. It may cost an average speed reader 5 minutes to read the article, while to realize the same story it must spend 30 minutes if he choose video as a recording form. 【最好举一个更具体的例子就有说服力了。另外，时间不是effective的唯一因素，多说几个原因更好一点】On the other hand, written records can express abstract ideas more conveniently than video. For a complicated conception, it is impossible to express it in the way of video, while it can be easily recorded in written form. 【这个点找的不错，但是，还是举一个具体的例子最好】In short, written records are a more effective way to record narrative works and express the author’s opinion. 【最后总结到了effective上面，那么，你后面的convenient也算是effective的一方面了？但是，按你的论述，是并列的啊】

However, 【admittedly比较好，因为however的转折意味太强了】 video record has its advantage, and therefore become a more and more important form of documentation. Video records can express a direct express to the audience, thus has a more strong impact than written records. For instance, the tsunami happened this year recorded as video can express the violence of nature and the great loss of people to the people in an intense way, while written records only can tell people the tragedy itself. 【这样具体的例子就好多了】 In addition, video records can attract people's attention more easily, thus can be easily accepted by the mass. 【你看，你这里说的是两点，而前面用的是单数的advantage，该是复数】

In conclusion, although video has obvious sparking feathers, it now cannot take written records' place as a more important form of documentation.

   【思路很好，缺点是缺少具体的例子，可能因为篇幅的原因，感觉很多内容展开的也不够。加油！】

MadheroUID: 125272

感谢鬼兄的评改，我再认真考虑一下如何改进