Argument241 XYZ公司该如何选择人事公司 期待砖头:D

imjasonUID: 176604

------题目------
The following appeared in a memo at the XYZ company.
'When XYZ lays off employees, it pays Delany Personnel Firm to offer those employees assistance in creating resumés and developing interviewing skills, if they so desire. Laid-off employees have benefited greatly from Delany's services: last year those who used Delany found jobs much more quickly than did those who did not. Recently, it has been proposed that we use the less-expensive Walsh Personnel Firm in place of Delany. This would be a mistake because eight years ago, when XYZ was using Walsh, only half of the workers we laid off at that time found jobs within a year. Moreover, Delany is clearly superior, as evidenced by its bigger staff and larger number of branch offices. After all, last year Delany's clients took an average of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh's clients took nine.'
------正文------
In this memo, the notion that the XYZ company should pay Delany Personnel Firm instead of the Walsh Personnel Firm seems at first glance to be a conclusion. After all, every company would like to get the best services to their employees. However, with close scrutiny of this argument, the conclusion that the decision to choose the Walsh Personnel Firm for their employees may be a mistake might mask other unconvincing aspects as it stands.

First of all, as mentioned in this argument, there are two personnel firms - Delany Personnel Firm and Walsh Personnel Firm. Delany Personnel Firm offered assistance to the laid-off employees of the XYZ company last year while Walsh Personnel Firm 8 years ago. Resting on the performances of the two companies, the author concludes that Delany Personnel Firm is the better choice. These two performances have a span of 8 years, in which might take place many things. Perhaps the laid-off standards to the employees were more rigid 8 years ago than that nowadays, which more employees had been laid off at that time. If so, although the rate of the reemployment assisted by Walsh Personnel Firm is lower than that by Delany Personnel Firm, it is likely that the total number of the laid-off employees who found jobs in a year is much higher than that last year. Or perhaps, it is more difficult to find jobs 8 years ago than last year, because of the depressed economy at that time. Thus, as the author neglects to provide more evidence to the two performances of the two companies, it unfairly assumes that the decision to choose the Walsh Personnel Firm would be a mistake.

Additionally, the author also ignores to tell us that whether these workers are satisfied with their new jobs. Even though these workers find jobs more quickly with the assistance of  Delany Personnel Firm, it is entirely possible that these jobs do not satisfied by those workers and quit them after one year; while most of the laid-off employees Walsh Personnel Firm assisted might like their new occupations, though they got them later than a year. In this case, it also cannot persuade us that Delany Personnel Firm would be a correct investment.

The argument is also weakened above that the employees who accept the assistance from the Delany Personnel Firm find jobs more quickly than those do not. It is at least possible that those who get help from the personnel firms are more active in their minds and in the job-markets, undoubtedly resulting that they can find jobs more quickly, while Delany Personnel Firm contributed less. If so, maybe the investment in the personnel firms is rejected out of the hands.

The argument also does not differentiate the fees between the two personnel firms. As the author points out that Delany Personnel Firm has a bigger staff and larger number of branch offices, it cannot prove that the services will be superior. Common sense can tell us that the quality of the service provided by a company depend little on the number of the staff or the branches. On the other hand, it might be the cause that the larger part of the fees paid to Delany Personnel Firm is attributed to the bigger staff. Moreover, there is also a probability that XYZ company is now in financial problems, which cannot afford a high investment in the personnel firms. In this case, it might be suitable to choose Walsh Personnel Firm. After all, something inferior is better than nothing.

In sum, the choice to personnel firms to assist the laid-off employers is a humane investment. However, it is also common that any company wants the better one considering the situation of the company itself. Thus, before the conclusion, we need more effective evidence to be convinced.

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4.12  08:30 鼎均
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No.1 Argument241 XYZ公司该如何选择人事公司 期待砖头

------题目------
The following appeared in a memo at the XYZ company.
'When XYZ lays off employees, it pays Delany Personnel Firm to offer those employees assistance in creating resumés and developing interviewing skills, if they so desire. Laid-off employees have benefited greatly from Delany's services: last year those who used Delany found jobs much more quickly than did those who did not. Recently, it has been proposed that we use the less-expensive Walsh Personnel Firm in place of Delany. This would be a mistake because eight years ago, when XYZ was using Walsh, only half of the workers we laid off at that time found jobs within a year. Moreover, Delany is clearly superior, as evidenced by its bigger staff and larger number of branch offices. After all, last year Delany's clients took an average of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh's clients took nine.'
------正文------

This XYZ company memo recommends that XYZ continue to use Delany instead of Walsh as its personal service to help laid-off XYZ employees to find new jobs. To support this recommendation, the memo points out that eight years ago, when XYZ was using Walsh, only half of the laid-off workers at that time found jobs within a year. The memo also points out that last year Delany's clients found jobs more quickly than Walsh's clients and it was took an average of six months for Delany's clients to find jobs whereas Walsh's clients took nine. The memo also mentions that Delany is clearly superior for its bigger staff and larger number of branch offices. However, I find the memo's argument unconvincing for several reasons.

To begin with, the memo cites records that eight years ago, half of the laid-off workers at the Walsh's service at that time found jobs a within a year. But the memo does not provide any evidences that this rate of placement was low in that time. Maybe it was the highest rate at that time . Even the rate is low, the memo needs to convince me that it was indeed due to Walsh's bad serves instead of other reasons; for example, maybe it was due to whole economic turndown or other factors beyond Walsh. In short, unless the memo shows us that Walsh's rate of placement was indeed lower than other companies just as a result of their poor service at that time, the memo cannot convince me that Delany's service is better that Walsh's.

Furthermore, the difference between the two firm's overall placement times last year does not necessarily indicate that Delany is the better choice for XYZ company's laid-off workers than Walsh. Common sense tells me that the effectiveness of a job search depends not only on how much time it is take, but also on salary, location and type of work. NO information is provided in the memo that workers with the help of Delany were paid much higher, more satisfied with the jobs than those who got service from Walsh. Maybe they were paid much lower for the urgency to get jobs.

Finally, the fact that Delany has bigger staff and larger number of branch offices than Walsh proves nothing in itself about which firm is more effective in finding jobs for laid-off workers. Proposal that the XYZ Company use the less-expensive Walsh may suggest the low efficiency of Delany with high price. It is also possible that the XYZ Company encounters economical difficulties and the company has to cut off the cost not willing to offer the laid-off poor service to get new jobs, then Walsh is the right choice. Besides, maybe the number of the XYZ laid-off worker is small and need not get a large company. Without eliminating all the possibilities, the memo cannot hastily draw the conclusion.

To sum up, the recommendation is not well supported. To bolster it the memo's author must provide better evidences--perhaps from the XYZ's records of Delany's service all along these years--to prove that Walsh served badly eight years ago if it was real. In addition, the author need to consider the XYZ Company’s cost budget-- maybe Walsh is the best choice for the XYZ Company. Only when all the conditions are considered, the XYZ Company may have its best service for its laid-off wor

imjasonUID: 176604

恩，互拍
我晚些时给你看啊，现在要做上机实验，老师总是走动

neverflyUID: 166610

------题目------
The following appeared in a memo at the XYZ company.
'When XYZ lays off employees, it pays Delany Personnel Firm to offer those employees assistance in creating resumés and developing interviewing skills, if they so desire. Laid-off employees have benefited greatly from Delany's services: last year those who used Delany found jobs much more quickly than did those who did not. Recently, it has been proposed that we use the less-expensive Walsh Personnel Firm in place of Delany. This would be a mistake because eight years ago, when XYZ was using Walsh, only half of the workers we laid off at that time found jobs within a year. Moreover, Delany is clearly superior, as evidenced by its bigger staff and larger number of branch offices. After all, last year Delany's clients took an average of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh's clients took nine.'
------正文------
In this memo, the notion that the XYZ company should pay Delany Personnel Firm instead of the Walsh Personnel Firm seems at first glance to be a conclusion. After all, every company would like to get the best services to their employees. 好像有点累赘However, with close scrutiny of this argument, the conclusion that the decision to choose the Walsh Personnel Firm for their employees may be a mistakemay be a mistake不如换成not to choose，你觉得怎么样？ might mask other unconvincing aspects as it stands.

First of all, as mentioned in this argument, there are two personnel firms - Delany Personnel Firm and Walsh Personnel Firm. 这句话好像没什么关系，而且导致分析对象不突出Delany Personnel Firm offered assistance to the laid-off employees of the XYZ company last year while Walsh Personnel Firm 8 years ago. Resting on the performances of the two companies, the author concludes that Delany Personnel Firm is the better choice. These two performances have a span of 8 years, in which might take place many things. Perhaps the laid-off standards to the employees were more rigid 8 years ago than that nowadays, which more employees had been laid off at that time. If so, although the rate of the reemployment assisted by Walsh Personnel Firm is lower than that by Delany Personnel Firm, it is likely that the total number of the laid-off employees who found jobs in a year is much higher than that last year. Or perhaps, it is more difficult to find jobs 8 years ago than last year, because of the depressed economy at that time. Thus, as the author neglects to provide more evidence to the two performances of the two companies, it unfairly assumes that the decision to choose the Walsh Personnel Firm would be a mistake.

Additionally, the author also ignores to tell us that whether these workers are satisfied with their new jobs. Even though these workers find jobs more quickly with the assistance of Delany Personnel Firm, it is entirely possible that these jobs do not satisfied are not satisfied by those workers and quit them after one year; while most of the laid-off employees Walsh Personnel Firm assisted might like their new occupations, though they got them later than a year. In this case, it also cannot persuade us that Delany Personnel Firm would be a correct investment.

The argument is also weakened above that 换成by the fact that怎么样the employees who accept the assistance from the Delany Personnel Firm find jobs more quickly than those do not. It is at least possible that those who get help from the personnel firms are more active in their minds and in the job-markets, undoubtedly resulting that they can find jobs more quickly, while Delany Personnel Firm contributed less. If so, maybe the investment in the personnel firms 是不是改用should?is rejected out of the hands.

The argument also does not differentiate the fees between the two personnel firms. As the author points out that Delany Personnel Firm has a bigger staff and larger number of branch offices, it cannot 太绝对了prove that the services will be superior. Common sense can tell us that the quality of the service provided by a company depend little on the number of the staff or the branches. On the other hand, it might be the causecause去掉 that the larger part of the fees paid to Delany Personnel Firm is attributed to the bigger staff. Moreover, there is also a probability that XYZ company is now in financial problems, which cannot afford a high investment in the personnel firms. moreover太牵强了。如果说there is possible that a personnel firm charging less is favored by XYZ company. 可能不那么武断In this case, it might be suitable to choose Walsh Personnel Firm. After all, something inferior is better than nothing这句话是跟着cannot afford的情况的。但是离那句话稍微有点远了。.

In sum, the choice tobetween personnel firms to assist the laid-off employers is a humane investment这句话好像不是文章中心阿. However, it is also common that any company wants the better one considering the situation of the company itself. Thus, before the conclusion, we need more effective evidence to be convinced. 结尾不太好啊，however用的没有道理，thus也很奇怪。是不是限时了？

除了结尾部分，可以说是a wonderful paper了.最impressive的是用词：Resting on the performances of the two companies，unfairly assumes，it is entirely possible ， The argument is also weakened，cannot persuade, differentiate the fees between, hehe，看来我修改文章多学了好多东西

yogurt4UID: 198389

占个座先

yogurt4UID: 198389

The following appeared in a memo at the XYZ company.
'When XYZ lays off employees, it pays Delany Personnel Firm to offer those employees assistance in creating resumés and developing interviewing skills, if they so desire. Laid-off employees have benefited greatly from Delany's services: last year those who used Delany found jobs much more quickly than did those who did not. Recently, it has been proposed that we use the less-expensive Walsh Personnel Firm in place of Delany. This would be a mistake because eight years ago, when XYZ was using Walsh, only half of the workers we laid off at that time found jobs within a year. Moreover, Delany is clearly superior, as evidenced by its bigger staff and larger number of branch offices. After all, last year Delany's clients took an average of six months to find jobs, whereas Walsh's clients took nine.'
------正文------
In this memo, the notion that the XYZ company should pay Delany Personnel Firm instead of the Walsh Personnel Firm seems at first glance to be a conclusion. After all, every company would like to get provide the best services to their employees. 注意你这两句话之间意思转换的有点突然 However, with close scrutiny of this argument, the conclusion that the decision to choose the Walsh Personnel Firm for their XYZ employees may be a mistake might mask other unconvincing aspects as it stands.

First of all, as mentioned in this argument, there are two personnel firms - Delany Personnel Firm and Walsh Personnel Firm. Delany Personnel Firm offered assistance to the laid-off employees of the XYZ company last year while Walsh Personnel Firm 8 years ago. Resting on the performances of the two companies, the author concludes that Delany Personnel Firm is the better choice. These two performances have a span of 8 years, in which might take place many things. Perhaps the laid-off standards to the employees were more rigid 8 years ago than that nowadays, which more employees had been laid off at that time. If so, although the rate of the reemployment assisted by Walsh Personnel Firm is lower than that by Delany Personnel Firm, it is likely that the total number of the laid-off employees who found jobs in a year is much higher than that of last year. Or perhaps, it is more difficult to find jobs 8 years ago than last year, because of the depressed economy at that time What time is that time ?. Thus, as the author neglects to provide more evidence to the two performances of the two companies to provide more details of the performances of two companies, it unfairly assumes that the decision to choose the Walsh Personnel Firm would be a mistake.
W的比例小但是基数大，8年前就业率低有其他原因，这两个错误最好分两段，显的更清楚。还有，要稍微带一带两个公司具体的performance.

Additionally, the author also ignores to tell us that whether these workers are satisfied with their new jobs. Even though these workers find jobs more quickly with the assistance of Delany Personnel Firm, it is entirely possible that these jobs do not satisfied by those workers those workers were not satisfied with these jobs and quit them after one year; while most of the laid-off employees Walsh Personnel Firm assisted might like their new occupations, though they got them later than a year. In this case, it also cannot persuade us that Delany Personnel Firm would be a correct investment 投资？.

The argument is also weakened above that the employees who accept the assistance from the Delany Personnel Firm find jobs more quickly than those do not. 最好和原文的时态保持一致It is at least possible that those who get help from the personnel firms are more active in their minds and in the job-markets, undoubtedly resulting that they can find jobs more quickly, while Delany Personnel Firm contributed less. If so, maybe the investment in the personnel firms is rejected out of the hands.

The argument also does not differentiate the fees between the two personnel firms. What about “it has been proposed that we use the less-expensive WPF instead of D?:” As the author points out that Delany Personnel Firm has a bigger staff and larger number of branch offices, it cannot prove that the services will be superior. Common sense can tell us that the quality of the service provided by a company depend little on the number of the staff or the branches. On the other hand, it might be the cause that the larger part of the fees paid to Delany Personnel Firm is attributed to the bigger staff. Moreover, there is also a probability that XYZ company is now in financial problems, which cannot afford a high investment in the personnel firms. In this case, it might be suitable to choose Walsh Personnel Firm. After all, something inferior is better than nothing.

In sum, the choice to personnel firms to assist the laid-off employers is a humane investment 你可以这样说，但不要把这句话放在In sum 的后面。作为对全文的总结，我没看出来你前面几段的主要意思是这个. However, it is also common that any company wants the better one considering the situation of the company itself. Thus, before the conclusion, we need more effective evidence to be convinced.
总的来说，我觉得你的这篇阿狗有点干说理的味道，论证的时候反面例子不够具体。结尾的时候完全没概括全文的意思，不但没有总结题目的主要错误，写的还有一点象issue的结尾（也可能是我水平有限，你要能确定这样结尾没问题，可千万要原谅我的无知啊）。最后的evidence to be convinced 有问题。