issue10 电脑中途死机也没限时

nora0020UID: 104886

第二次写反而没有感觉了，大家看看吧
我准备把这篇文章拿给老外修改，改过之后我会重贴，一起学习

The quotation ostensibly seems reasonable that in order to thrive the society government should give the major cities financial support they need for the reason of that nation's cultural traditions almost in cities could be preserved and generated, but we could go no further to obviously realize that how groundless and unconvincing the communication of these causality is contained in this view and how they fail to think about the possible disadvantages of the opposite influence from the financial support for cities' cultural traditions to the thrive of the society. We could apparently realize these lacks through the following discussion.

Firstly, the quotation fails to make a clearly and admittly communication between nation's cultural traditions mostly in cities which proposed to receive the financial support and the society's thrive. There are more other fields the government could take the financial support that probably make the society more quickly and totally to move on to another level as science and technology, economy and military affairs and so forth. It most likely to be useless to put so much money for the nation's culture traditions which could be used for a more efficiently way as a new invention about an automatic machine which could let the people more convenient and could save more money for the government's budget. Through all these thinking we could easily find that there is a poor connection draw between the financial support to the cities which contained cultural traditions and the society thrive.

Another reason that I disagree with the quotation is that they do not take more care about the hidden problem if we accord to this action. In the movement of the society, the modernize of the major cities would go even faster, whether let the nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated more carefully through the government's financial support the consequence is that other more important plan which may do the development of the society even better will divided little money to do more useful researches than only lose money for preserving the traditions. The way to prevent truly impetus from using money for traditions is unacceptable and hoped changing immediately.

Before drawing to the conclusion, there still has a viewpoint we can found that comparing to the traditions in major cities we should take traditions held in the countryside into account. It has the reason those traditions which not from the major cities are more traditional and unchanged than the traditions influenced by faster technology and more social interactions. Moreover, major cities contain many people from all over the nation who brought their own hometown traditions then made the local tradition change day after day. Therefore, it is also certified for giving up the plan of supporting more money for traditions in crucial cities.

In summary, from what we talk about above it conspicuously to come out an idea that who agrees to sending more money for traditions in major cities is either simply considering or unfamiliar to the real need for society development.

coweiliangUID: 195905

占个坐先，我也写了这篇，晚上回来在帮你看

coweiliangUID: 195905

第二次写反而没有感觉了，大家看看吧
我准备把这篇文章拿给老外修改，改过之后我会重贴，一起学习

The quotation ostensibly seems reasonable that in order to thrive the society government should give the major cities financial support they need for the reason of that nation's cultural traditions almost in cities could be preserved and generated, but we could go no further to obviously realize that how groundless and unconvincing the communication of these causality is contained in this view and how they fail to think about the possible disadvantages of the opposite influence from the financial support for cities' cultural traditions to the thrive of the society. We could apparently realize these lacks  drawbacks??? through the following discussion.

Firstly, the quotation fails to make a clearly and admittly ????communication between nation's cultural traditions mostly in cities which proposed to receive the financial support and the society's thrive. There are more other fields the government could take the financial support that probably make the society more quickly and totally to move on to another level as science and technology, economy and military affairs and so forth. It most likely to be useless to put so much money for the nation's culture traditions which could be used for a more efficiently way as a new invention about an automatic machine which could let the people more convenient and could save more money for the government's budget. Through all these thinking we could easily find that there is a poor connection draw between the financial support to the cities which contained cultural traditions and the society thrive.这感觉像是用argument的思维方式，
你的most likely to ….都没有深入的说一下，或者举个例子什么的。现在感觉浮光掠影地掠过没有什么吸引力再读下去
Another reason that I disagree with the quotation is that they do not take more care about the hidden problem if we accord to this action. In the movement of the society, the modernize of the major cities would go even faster, whether let the nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated more carefully through the government's financial support the consequence is that other more important plan which may do the development of the society even better will divided little money to do more useful researches than only lose money for preserving the traditions. The way to prevent trulytrue impetus from using money for traditions is unacceptable and hoped changing immediately.

Before drawing to the conclusion, there still has a viewpoint we can found that comparing to the traditions in major cities we should take traditions held in the countryside into account. It has the reason those traditions which not from the major cities are more traditional and unchanged than the traditions influenced by faster technology and more social interactions. Moreover, major cities contain many people from all over the nation who brought their own hometown traditions then made the local tradition change day after day. Therefore, it is also certified for giving up the plan of supporting more money for traditions in crucial cities.
正文的论断好像跟你开头的TS的几个方面不太对应。
In summary, from what we talk about above it conspicuously to come out an idea that who agrees to sending more money for traditions in major cities is either simply considering or unfamiliar to the real need for society development.
另外段落之间的过渡不太自然，是套用的那种句型？
呵呵，给点建议，不知合不合适

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

No.1 issue10 电脑中途死机也没限时
第二次写反而没有感觉了，大家看看吧
我准备把这篇文章拿给老外修改，改过之后我会重贴，一起学习

The quotation ostensibly seems reasonable that in order to thrive the society government should give the major cities financial support they need for the reason of(of多余吧...) that nation's cultural traditions (exist )almost in cities (that)could be preserved and generated(这句话应该有语法问题吧), but we could go no further(need not go futher 吧.. 是不是想表达很easy的意思?) to obviously realize that how groundless and unconvincing the communication of these causality is contained in this view and how they fail to think about the possible disadvantages of the opposite influence from the financial support for cities' cultural traditions to the thrive(thrive没有名词形式 你可以到金山2005上看看) of the society. We could apparently realize these lacks through the following discussion(s).

Firstly, the quotation fails to make a clearly and admittly(clear and admittedly是副词而且不会这样做前置定语 ) communication between nation's cultural traditions mostly in cities which proposed( are proposed ) to receive the financial support and the society's thrive(同上). There are more other fields the government could take(provide会好点,尽管take的用法灵活点,但是不确定这样用是否合适) the financial support that probably make the society more quickly and totally(后置好些) to move on to another level as science and technology, economy and military affairs and so forth. It (is) most likely to be (that 吧,接从句不是to do...)useless to put so much money for(into) the nation's culture traditions which could be used for(in) a more efficiently way as a new invention about an automatic machine which could let the(the不加为好) people more convenient(这样说好: provide more convenience ....let+adj似乎很假,有这种用法??) and could save more money for the government's budget. Through all these thinking(s) we could easily find that there is a poor connection draw between the financial support to the cities which contained cultural traditions and the society thrive(同上).

Another reason that(why) I disagree with the quotation is that they do not take more care about the hidden problem if we accord(accord用在这里肯定有问题不过我改不来 呵呵) to this action. In the movement(development) of the society, the modernize of the major cities would go even faster, whether let the nation's cultural traditions are preserved(如果有let就不要be动词了啊,are是多余的) and generated more carefully through the government's financial support the consequence is that other more important plan which may do the development of the society even better(do better to the development of the society) will divided(will 后面直接接过去分词???) little money to do more useful researches than only lose(losing) money for preserving the traditions. The way to prevent truly(true) impetus from using money for traditions is unacceptable and hoped changing (is hoped to be changed) immediately.

Before drawing to the conclusion, there still has(?? is 吧) a viewpoint we can found(find) that comparing(ed才对) to the traditions in major cities we should take traditions held in the countryside into account.(这句话说的好) It has the reason(is) those traditions which(that) do not from the major cities are more traditional and unchanged than the traditions influenced by faster technology and more social interactions. Moreover, major cities contain many people from all over the nation who (have)brought their own hometown traditions then(which) made the local tradition change(d) day after day. Therefore, it is also certified for giving up the plan of supporting more money for traditions in crucial cities.

In summary, from what we talk about above it conspicuously to come out an idea that(there comes out a conspicuous idea that ) who agrees to sending more money for traditions in major cities is either simply considering or unfamiliar to(with,to是用在某东西对某人来说的角度的,with和它的用法正好互补) the real need for society development.

给点总体意见吧, 语法太多错误,写的时候可能紧张吧, 太随意了点,很多很简单的错误,高中生都不会错的,呵呵,其实提纲想好了没有必要那么紧张,对吧.以后注意点

goodgoodstudyUID: 201753

No.4 [重要]楼主来看啊,不要扁我,我批了半个小时呢
No.1 issue10 电脑中途死机也没限时
第二次写反而没有感觉了，大家看看吧
我准备把这篇文章拿给老外修改，改过之后我会重贴，一起学习

The quotation ostensibly seems reasonable that in order to thrive the society government should give the major cities financial support they need for the reason of(of多余吧...) that nation's cultural traditions (exist )almost in cities (that)could be preserved and generated(这句话应该有语法问题吧), but we could go no further(need not go futher 吧.. 是不是想表达很easy的意思?) to obviously realize that how groundless and unconvincing the communication of these causality is contained in this view and how they fail to think about the possible disadvantages of the opposite influence from the financial support for cities' cultural traditions to the thrive(thrive没有名词形式 你可以到金山2005上看看) of the society. We could apparently realize these lacks through the following discussion(s).

Firstly, the quotation fails to make a clearly and admittly(clear and admittedly是副词而且不会这样做前置定语 ) communication between nation's cultural traditions mostly in cities which proposed( are proposed ) to receive the financial support and the society's thrive(同上). There are more other fields the government could take(provide会好点,尽管take的用法灵活点,但是不确定这样用是否合适) the financial support that probably make the society more quickly and totally(后置好些) to move on to another level as science and technology, economy and military affairs and so forth. It (is) most likely to be (that 吧,接从句不是to do...)useless to put so much money for(into) the nation's culture traditions which could be used for(in) a more efficiently way as a new invention about an automatic machine which could let the(the不加为好) people more convenient(这样说好: provide more convenience ....let+adj似乎很假,有这种用法??) and could save more money for the government's budget. Through all these thinking(s) we could easily find that there is a poor connection draw between the financial support to the cities which contained cultural traditions and the society thrive(同上).

Another reason that(why) I disagree with the quotation is that they do not take more care about the hidden problem if we accord(accord用在这里肯定有问题不过我改不来 呵呵) to this action. In the movement(development) of the society, the modernize of the major cities would go even faster, whether let the nation's cultural traditions are preserved(如果有let就不要be动词了啊,are是多余的) and generated more carefully through the government's financial support the consequence is that other more important plan which may do the development of the society even better(do better to the development of the society) will divided(will 后面直接接过去分词???) little money to do more useful researches than only lose(losing) money for preserving the traditions. The way to prevent truly(true) impetus from using money for traditions is unacceptable and hoped changing (is hoped to be changed) immediately.

Before drawing to the conclusion, there still has(?? is 吧) a viewpoint we can found(find) that comparing(ed才对) to the traditions in major cities we should take traditions held in the countryside into account.(这句话说的好) It has the reason(is) those traditions which(that) do not from the major cities are more traditional and unchanged than the traditions influenced by faster technology and more social interactions. Moreover, major cities contain many people from all over the nation who (have)brought their own hometown traditions then(which) made the local tradition change(d) day after day. Therefore, it is also certified for giving up the plan of supporting more money for traditions in crucial cities.

In summary, from what we talk about above it conspicuously to come out an idea that(there comes out a conspicuous idea that ) who agrees to sending more money for traditions in major cities is either simply considering or unfamiliar to(with,to是用在某东西对某人来说的角度的,with和它的用法正好互补) the real need for society development.

给点总体意见吧, 语法太多错误,写的时候可能紧张吧, 太随意了点,很多很简单的错误,高中生都不会错的,呵呵,其实提纲想好了没有必要那么紧张,对吧.以后注意点