Argument4 第一次正式写 请大家指教！

埃及女皇UID: 203466

用时23分钟  也不知道这样的速度行不行
而且是先在纸上写了一次   求大家看看吧  谢谢了！

在最后面 有第四次修改过的 请帮我看看啊  
有拍必回！ 跪求了！
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4The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site.
'Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams.'
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With comparing the two real estate firms,Adams and Fitch,in scale,revenue,sales,etc, the author adress a conclution that Adams should be a better choice to sell house quickly and at good price.However, rethotric the argument looks,full of logical fallacies it really is .

First of all, we can name the first fallcy Post hoc .The evidence provides by author, that Adam has a higher revenue and average sales, can not support  the conclution .It is highly possible that Adam earn its revenue at a higher agent fees.The same house in same prices,maybe Fitch only need you pay 100 dollars for sevice charge while Adam ask 200 dollars. And the average price of sales is only normal price, the final price of a house based on its own circumstance.

In the second palce, ten years is such a long period, the economy, the population, the demand of market, the living standards of citizens,extramily change had taken place. A house agency firm, which took 4 monthes sold a house 10 years ago didin't mean it  can't sold faster now.And the speed also based on the condition of author's own house. Maybe ten years ago, he/she sold a very old,unpopular,conered house, whear the one sold last year is very new and meet the house market. So, it is  unfair and very arbiturary to say ,Adam can always sold house quickly.

In summary,this argument is not persuasive as it stands, we can regard the author's suggestion as a mono.Nevertheless,try to sold your house quickly and at a good price, as well as lower agency fees, you still nees consider  more factors, including house condition,location, the demand of market and service of the realty firm---------made your choice based on your own circumstance.

埃及女皇UID: 203466

:(   我求大家帮忙看看吧 ！

斑竹   求求你

leonhillUID: 180388

个人感觉你好象还没有怎么入门，没有什么话说。多看看提纲和一些错误的论证细节就可以有很多话说的。我个人感觉最起码也应该上350字吧，不过你的好象太少了，就算把所有argument中的错误都点到了也不会是论证充分的。
加油吧，argument比较容易的，多看看提纲和范文，还有写个一二十篇就差不多了。

没有关系的，一开始都这样的。会有希望的，gter无敌！
加油

leonhillUID: 180388

还有呀，model 也很重要的，要及早整理好，那样以后写就很轻松了。题库也要看好，别到了考场都不记得看过这个题目，只有30m很宝贵的。

lawrence1984UID: 178326

4The following was posted on an Internet real estate discussion site.
'Of the two leading real estate firms in our town—Adams Realty and Fitch Realty—Adams is clearly superior. Adams has 40 real estate agents. In contrast, Fitch has 25, many of whom work only part-time. Moreover, Adams' revenue last year was twice as high as that of Fitch, and included home sales that averaged $168,000, compared to Fitch's $144,000. Homes listed with Adams sell faster as well: ten years ago, I listed my home with Fitch and it took more than four months to sell; last year, when I sold another home, I listed it with Adams, and it took only one month. Thus, if you want to sell your home quickly and at a good price, you should use Adams.'
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With comparing the two real estate firms, Adams and Fitch, in scale,revenue,sales,etc, the author adress (address)a conclution （conclusion）that Adams should be a better choice to sell house quickly and at good price.However, rethotric the argument looks, full of logical fallacies it really is .(开头写的蛮好的!)

First of all, we can name the first fallcy(fallacy) Post hoc .The evidence provides by (the)author, that Adam has a higher revenue and average sales, can not support the conclution(什么样的conclusion 应该再提一下，你认为呢？) .It is highly possible that Adam earn its revenue at a higher agent fees.The same house in same prices,maybe Fitch only need you pay 100 dollars for sevice charge while Adam ask (for)200 dollars. And the average price of sales is only normal price, the final price of a house based on its own circumstance.(首先以后不要再用什么post hoc.这样故作高深的词的毒害了，不管用，老外要具体的论证，你要展示的也是论证能力。这段的论证不够具体，有点思路不清。)

In the second palce（place）, ten years is such a long period, the economy, the population, the demand of market, the living standards of citizens,extramily(是不是extremely) change(s) had taken place. A house agency firm, which took 4 monthes (months)sold a house 10 years ago didin't(did not) mean it can't sold faster now.And the speed also based on the condition of author's own house. Maybe ten years ago, he/she sold a very old,unpopular,conered house, whear(什么东西？) the one sold last year is very new and meet the house market. So, it is unfair and very arbiturary（arbitrary） to say ,Adam can always sold house quickly.(这一段有少量论证，但是显得混乱，看起来有点头痛的感觉。)

In summary,this argument is not persuasive as it stands, we can regard the author's suggestion as a mono（不懂，能否告知？）.Nevertheless,try to sold your house quickly and at a good price, as well as lower agency fees, you still nees（needs）to consider more factors, including house condition,location, the demand of market and service of the realty firm---------made your choice based on your own circumstance.
首先这篇文章的驳斥点写得有点少，以后凡是出现数据，通常都有错，而且都要好好的驳斥，这一ETS很喜欢，另外你的文章句式不太好，论证思路不清晰。就说这么多。Ps：请你以后把文章放在word里修改一下在发上来，因为拼写错误有点多。）

lawrence1984UID: 178326

说几句，只要奋斗就有希望，只要有希望，生活就是幸福的。努力吧！努力形成自己的模板。

埃及女皇UID: 203466

谢谢！
我马上把自己重新写好的 传上来

埃及女皇UID: 203466

改了一次 其实第三点关于房子自身的问题 还有想说的
但是时间不够了  光是打这一点 就用了29分钟了
怎么办啊？
求大家帮忙改改吧
谢谢了！


With comparing the two estate firms, Adams Realty and Fitch Realty, the author addressed a conclusion that Adams ----in scale, revenue, sales etc---- Adams should be a better choice to sell house quickly and at good price .Try to support his/her claim, the author provided the number of staff, last year's revenue, averaged price and time each firm cost to sold one house. However, rhetoric the argument looks, full of logical fallacies it really contains.

At first, we can name one fallacy " post hot", that means the evidence, Adam's last year's revenue which was twice as high as Fitch's ,is insufficient to establish the conclusion that chose Adam as your agent will bring a good price. The revenue of a agent company has no relationship with the price that client can gets. It's highly possible that the overall revenue is higher but average profit is lower. In addition, look at the argument, as author said, Adam has 40 agents while Fitch only has 25, even some of them are staffs. With such a big scale, 40 agents, although Adam's average sale price is higher than Fitch, Adam possibly will ask you a higher service fees to maintain its business and pay salaries. As a result even if you sold a good price, despite the service fees, maybe finally you gain lower profits.

Second, the author's experience which he /she gained 10 years ago is not sufficient to meet the current circumstance. In a changeable modern society , ten years is such a period long enough to change many things-----the economy of this area, the requirement of housing market , the residents’ living standards ; especially  these factors determined the time a firm needs to sell a house. Thus, possibly, it is the demand of citizens in housing market are higher this year than 10 years ago, which makes his/her house sold quickly. Then, it is unfair to say Fitch will always slower than Adam.

Finally, compared all the factors, the more relatively and important one is: the actual condition of a house itself. Hence, to make a objective alternative, the reader still need considering not only the revenue or scale of the agent firm, but more, the service fees, the housing conditions ,as well as current market demands and so on.

lalalaUID: 186478

对不起不用工具改了。
你最初的文章第一段真好，我也是要考了刚写第一篇，简洁语言长短句，还有点押运，值得学习改后不好，得别是列举论据 i scale, revenue, sales etc 个人感觉说一遍就好和下面的啰嗦。分析原因对于数字攻击太少，如楼楼上所说，比较级后面应该是代词请注意，字数太少（尽管我的也不多）最后一段突然说自己的观点，个人认为不好，给人感觉没写完，可以先说作者不对然后再说比较好。
加油 希望你我都成功，方便得话希望看看我的和你一个题目，希望指教谢谢。

埃及女皇UID: 203466

第三次修改版  求大家看看了  谢谢


With comparing the two leading agent firms, Adams Realty and Fitch Realty, in scale , revenue, sales ,etc, the author address a conclusion that Adams should be a better choice to sell house quickly and at good price. However, rhetoric the argument seems, full of logical fallacies it really is .

At first, we can name on fallacy" post hoc", this means the evidence , Adams’ last year revenue was twice as high as Fitch's, is insufficient to establish a conclusion that chose Adams will bring a good price. The author is failed to consider that the revenue has noting to do with price. It is highly possible that the overall revenue is higher but average one is lower. In addition, the author cites "revenue" to confirm Adams is superior but it failed to confirm the client will get higher profits. Although, Adams ' average price $168,000 is higher than Fitch's $144,000.the overall general price is not apply to every single one. And, with 40 agents, superior scale, Adams is possibly ask for higher service fees than Fitch does, to maintain its business and pay salaries. Then, even if Adams bring you a good price, despite the service fees, you will finally get a lower profits.

Meanwhile, the author is too " hasty generalize". His/her experience which he/she gained 10 years ago is in sufficient to meet the current circumstance. In a changeable modern society, 10 years is such a long period -----long enough to change every things ----the economy of this area, the requirements of housing market, the living standards of residents, tremendous changes may have taken place. Hence it is highly possible that Fitch, though cost 4 months to sold a house ,will only needs 4day now. So, it is unfair to say Fitch 's sales time costs will always longer than Adams'. To make a fair judge, still need more sample investigate.

Finally, compared all the factors, the more relatively and more important one is: the actual condition of a house itself. Superior firm cannot always be better than small firm, in selling every single house. The location of a house, the depreciation, the price you ask, the popularity, so many  factors determined the time cost and price you can  get. As a result , you should not think a firm will be a all time good one.

Hence, to male better, object alternatives, the readers still need considering not only the revenue or scale of the agent firm, but more , the service fees, the housing conditions , as well as current  market demands, and so on. In sum, try to made your judgement based on current actual circumstance.

lawrence1984UID: 178326

第三次修改版 求大家看看了 谢谢


With comparing the two leading agent firms, Adams Realty and Fitch Realty, in scale , revenue, sales ,etc, the author address a conclusion that Adams should be a better choice to sell house quickly and at good price. However, rhetoric the argument seems, full of logical fallacies it really is .（这段写的挺好的。！）

At first, we can name on fallacy" post hoc",（强烈建议不要 再次在文章中出现类似的语句，false analog ,post hoc ,false dilemma ,etc ，我们只要表现论证能力，不要故作高深。） this means the evidence , Adams’ last year revenue was twice as high as Fitch's, is insufficient to establish a conclusion that chose Adams will bring a good price. The author is failed to consider that the revenue has noting to do with price. It is highly possible that the overall revenue is higher but average one is lower. In addition, the author cites "revenue" to confirm Adams is superior but it failed to confirm the client will get higher profits. Although, Adams ' average price $168,000 is higher than Fitch's $144,000.the overall general price is not apply to every single one. And, with 40 agents, superior scale, Adams is possibly ask for higher service fees than Fitch does, to maintain its business and pay salaries. Then, even if Adams bring you a good price, despite the service fees, you will finally get a lower profits.（这段驳斥数据，但是不到位，客户关心的是买一幢房能赚多少钱，（即差额）不关心公司的总额，你说是吗？当然我要鼓励你不断的修改的勇气！！）

Meanwhile, the author is too " hasty generalize".（同第二段） His/her（这样写总是很麻烦的，用THE 代替就行了。） experience which he/she gained 10 years ago is in sufficient to meet the current circumstance. In a changeable modern society, 10 years is such a long period -----long enough to change every things ----the economy of this area, the requirements of housing market, the living standards of residents, tremendous changes may have taken place. Hence it is highly possible that Fitch, though cost 4 months to sold a house ,will only needs 4day now. So, it is unfair to say Fitch 's sales time costs will always longer than Adams'. To make a fair judge, still need more sample investigate.（论证还好，但是逻辑词语太少。）

Finally, compared all the factors,（模糊不具体） the more relatively and more important one is: the actual condition of a house itself. Superior firm cannot always be better than small firm, in selling every single house. The location of a house, the depreciation（这个词用在这里你觉得恰当吗？）, the price you ask, the popularity, so many factors determined the time cost and price you can get. As a result , you should not think a firm will be a all time good one.

Hence, to male better,（请教这个是什么意思？） object alternatives, the readers still need considering not only the revenue or scale of the agent firm, but more , the service fees, the housing conditions , as well as current market demands, and so on. In sum, try to made your judgement based on current actual circumstance.
我想你还要多练习，并认真的参照范文，好好改进，我相信你会成功的！！）

埃及女皇UID: 203466

谢谢你！   我一定再接再厉

呆会改第四次

！

埃及女皇UID: 203466

With comparing the two leading agent firms, Adams Realty and Fitch Realty, in scale , revenue, sales ,etc, the author address a conclusion that Adams should be a better choice to sell house quickly and at good price. However, rhetoric the argument seems, full of logical fallacies it really is .

At first, the arguer are failed to consider the evidence , Adams’ last year revenue was twice as high as Fitch's, is insufficient to establish a conclusion "chose Adams will bring a good price".the arguer is mistakenly belive the client will get a higer price  when chose  a firm with higher revenue. It is highly possible that the overall revenue of Adams is higher but average price is lower, and people sold house fromm Adams didinot get a good profit. In addition, the author cites "revenue" to confirm Adams is superior but it failed to confirm the client will get higher profits. Although, Adams ' average price $168,000 is higher than Fitch's $144,000.the overall general price is not apply to every single one. And, with 40 agents, superior scale, Adams is possibly ask for higher service fees than Fitch does, to maintain its business and pay salaries. Then, even if Adams bring you a good price, despite the service fees, you will finally get a lower profits. However, they client are more care about hou much they can own from the profits.

Meanwhile, the author's experience which gained 10 years ago is in sufficient to meet the current circumstance. In a changeable modern society, 10 years is such a long period -----long enough to change every things ----the economy of this area, the requirements of housing market, the living standards of residents, tremendous changes may have taken place. Hence we couldn't ignor a possibility that Fitch, though cost 4 months to sold a house , only needs 4 day now. So, it seems unfair to say Fitch 's sales time costs will always longer than Adams'. To make a fair judge, still need more sample investigate.

Finally, compared all the factors mentioned above, the more relatively and more important one is: the actual condition of a house itself, which determine the final price and efficiency, though ignors by the author. Superior firm cannot always be better than small firm, in selling every single house. The location of a house, the price you ask, the popularity, and whether your house is new or old,   determines the time cost and price you can get. As a result , you should not think a firm will be a all time good one.

Hence, to make a objective  alternative, the readers still need considering not only the revenue or scale of the agent firm, but more , the service fees, the housing conditions , as well as current market demands, and so on. In sum, try to made your judgement based on current actual circumstance.

第四次修改！求大家看看！
打到我头破血流为止

benzherenUID: 193678

With comparing the two leading agent firms, Adams Realty and Fitch Realty, in scale , revenue, sales ,etc, the author address a conclusion that Adams should be a better choice to sell house quickly and at good price. However, rhetoric the argument seems, full of logical fallacies it really is .

At first, the arguer are failed to consider the evidence , Adams’ last year revenue was twice as high as Fitch's, is insufficient to establish a conclusion "chose Adams will bring a good price".the arguer is mistakenly belive the client will get a higer price when chose a firm with higher revenue. It is highly possible that the overall revenue of Adams is higher but average price is lower, and people sold house fromm Adams didinot get a good profit. In addition, the author cites "revenue" to confirm Adams is superior but it failed to confirm the client will get higher profits. Although, Adams ' average price $168,000 is higher than Fitch's $144,000.the overall general price is not apply to every single one. And, with 40 agents, superior scale, Adams is possibly ask for higher service fees than Fitch does, to maintain its business and pay salaries. Then, even if Adams bring you a good price, despite the service fees, you will finally get a lower profits. However, they client are more care about hou much they can own from the profits.(每个都分析不错，但是层次上应该再安排的好点)

Meanwhile, the author's experience which gained 10 years ago is in sufficient to meet the current circumstance. In a changeable modern society, 10 years is such a long period -----long enough to change every things ----the economy of this area, the requirements of housing market, the living standards of residents, tremendous changes may have taken place. Hence we couldn't ignor a possibility that Fitch, though cost 4 months to sold a house , only needs 4 day now. So, it seems unfair to say Fitch 's sales time costs will always longer than Adams'. To make a fair judge, still need more sample investigate.(sample investigate什么意思？个例调查，不是很懂的，自己感觉不适当)

Finally, compared all the factors mentioned above, the more relatively and more important one is: the actual condition of a house itself, which determine the final price and efficiency, though ignors by the author. Superior firm cannot always be better than small firm, in selling every single house. The location of a house, the price you ask, the popularity, and whether your house is new or old, determines the time cost and price you can get. As a result , you should not think a firm will be a all time good one.（说的比我当时写的时候好）

Hence, to make a objective alternative, the readers still need considering not only the revenue or scale of the agent firm, but more , the service fees, the housing conditions , as well as current market demands, and so on. In sum, try to made your judgement based on current actual circumstance

你的文章里面，.错别字很多，可能是打字的问题，感觉太多，还是不太好的。
改了4遍的精神，我要好好学习的。