issue30 同主题交作业,谢谢了!

thminUID: 192642

两天没写了,感觉又不顺了,唉,大家来批吧!谢谢了,时间不多了,现在状态时好时坏的!

Issue30  第16篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：thmin     共用时间：40分1秒     560 words/633 words after revision
从2005年3月4日15时12分到2005年3月4日15时40分
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
The speaker alleges that to increase people's efficiency is the primary goal of technological advancement and further asserts its ultimate goal is to let everyone has more leisure time in daily life. I agree with the first allegation insofar as that most technological advancement has indeed served to the purpose of increasing people's efficiency. However, I found the latter one specious for the reason that the technological advancement does not necessarily allow people more leisure time and, most important, the speaker has oversimplified the ultimate purpose of technology.

To begin with, while retrospect into human history, the invention of machine as well as the following mechanic automation, as one of the most influential advancements and improvements in technology on the societal level, will prove the correctness of the primary goal of technological advances to be allowing people more efficiency in their work. By carrying on those repetitive work and tasks, it reduced the time that human workers had been used on various procedures of manufacturing and generating products and goods. Thus people are liberated from the boring and repeated job and they can produce better goods more quickly and effectively.

On the second place, another important advancement in technology--the invention and the popularization of computers together with the development on computer science technology--has also tell the truth that technology is aimed to increase the efficiency of people's contemporary life. Operating systems based on computer have made people's life easier and more comfortable during the last several decades. For instance, learning to type and edit word process software, such as Microsoft Office, people are refrained from the boring and exhausted task of writing all the time. Just tipping and chattering the keyboard will produce documents, passages and essays and what they want to express more easily and quickly. Those word process softwares can also provide unrivaled benefits that writing with hand can not--inspecting the typos and spelling mistakes by its built-in dictionary.

Both the advancement of mechanic automation and computer science have proved their contribution to increasing people's efficiency, however, I am not quite convinced by the speaker's another assertion that they have indeed create people more leisure time. On the contrary, people's lives became more and more complex and occupied by additional tasks in such a hyper development contemporary world. The reason lies in the fact that those advances which have increased people's efficiency, in the meantime, have also created more possibilities and opportunities for some new jobs, tasks and novel industries. For instance, no one will argue that the most developed country, America, is also the country in the world in which people have the fastest living and working paces in the world.

Additionally, the other reason I cannot side with the speaker is that he overlooks, in some extent, the other important goals that the technology have been serving to. In my opinion, the highest and the most important purpose of the technology is to create the majority people in the world a better place to live in and thus allow the most populace to lead lives that are better than that of their ancestors. For example, the advancement of medicine and medical science have made possible more people live stronger, healthier and longer. The advances in atomic theory in physics have provided people more powerful, potentially-attainable and cleaner energy resources than oil and coal. All those advances and progress in technology have far more meaningful influences in people's lives than the only goal of adding people more leisure time.

To sum up, the advancements of technology have profound impacts on the people's lives by increasing more efficiency to them. However, they have not necessarily given more leisure time and the most primary and important purpose should not be misled to be limited on merely the leisure aspects.

neverflyUID: 166610

No.1 issue30 同主题交作业,谢谢了!
两天没写了,感觉又不顺了,唉,大家来批吧!谢谢了,时间不多了,现在状态时好时坏的!

Issue30 第16篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：thmin 共用时间：40分1秒 560 words/633 words after revision
从2005年3月4日15时12分到2005年3月4日15时40分
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
The speaker alleges [cool expression]that to increase people's efficiency is the primary goal of technological advancement and further asserts its ultimate goal is to let everyone has more leisure time in daily life. I agree with the first allegation insofar as that most technological advancement has indeed served to the purpose of increasing people's efficiency. However, I found the latter one specious[cool too] for the reason that the technological advancement does not necessarily allow people more leisure time and, most important, the speaker has oversimplified the ultimate purpose of technology[good expression]. [感觉题目没有直接写两个claim，所以我们还是说一下the allegation is twofold也许好点？开头我的水平很差啦，不对就不要管我]

To begin with, while retrospect into human history, the invention of machine as well as the following mechanic automation, as one of the most[两个对象machine and automation，哪个是most influential advancement] influential advancements and improvements in technology on the societal level, will prove the correctness of the primary goal of technological advances to be [be 去掉， allow]allowing people more efficiency in their work.[好长的中心句阿，晕头转向ing] By carrying on those repetitive work and tasks, it reduced the time that human workers had been used on various procedures of manufacturing and generating products and goods. Thus people are liberated from the boring and repeated job and they can produce better goods more quickly and effectively.

On the second place, another important advancement in technology--the invention and the popularization of computers together with the development on computer science technology--has also tell[told] the truth that technology is aimed to increase the efficiency of people's contemporary life. Operating systems based on computer have made people's life easier and more comfortable during the last several decades. For instance, learning to type and edit word process software, such as Microsoft Office, people are refrained from the boring and exhausted task of writing all the time. Just tipping and chattering the keyboard will produce documents, passages and essays and what they want to express more easily and quickly. Those word process[word-processing] softwares can also provide unrivaled benefits that writing with hand can not--inspecting the typos and spelling mistakes by its built-in dictionary.

Both the advancement of mechanic automation and computer science have proved their contribution to increasing people's efficiency, however, I am not quite convinced by the speaker's another assertion that they have indeed create people more leisure time. On the contrary, people's lives became more and more complex and occupied by additional tasks in such a hyper development [用词不准确]contemporary world. The reason lies in the fact that those advances which have increased people's efficiency, in the meantime, have also created more possibilities and opportunities for some new jobs, tasks and novel industries. For instance, no one will argue that the most developed country, America, is also the country in the world in which people have the fastest living and working paces in the world[不一定阿，也许是日本，也许是新加坡].

Additionally, the other reason I cannot side with [cool world]the speaker is that he overlooks, in some extent, the other important goals that the technology have been serving to. In my opinion, the highest [the highest 重复，可以去掉]and the most important purpose of the technology is to create the majority [of]people in the world a better place to live in and thus allow the most populace to lead lives that are better [live lives better than好像更简洁一点]than that of their ancestors. For example, the advancement of medicine and medical science have made possible more people live stronger, healthier and longer. The advances in atomic theory in physics have provided people more powerful, potentially-attainable and cleaner energy resources than oil and coal. All those advances and progress[es] in technology have far more meaningful influences in people's lives than the only goal of adding people more leisure time. [核物理学好像跟生活质量没什么关系。并且属于科学，而不是技术的范畴]

To sum up, the advancements of technology have profound impacts on the people's lives by increasing more efficiency to them. However, they have not necessarily given more leisure time and the most primary and important purpose should not be misled to be limited on merely the leisure aspects.[最后一句话读的比较费劲.好多and, 好多be]

coweiliangUID: 195905

趁没断网先占坐 :) 学习学习

猫猫624UID: 171232

The speaker alleges that to increase people's efficiency is the primary goal of technological advancement and further asserts its ultimate goal is to let everyone has more leisure time in daily life. 感觉作者没有谈到leisure time 是goal of technological advance  I agree with the first allegation insofar as that most technological advancement has indeed served to the purpose of increasing people's efficiency. However, I found find the latter one specious for the reason that the technological advancement does not necessarily allow people more leisure time and, most important more importantly , the speaker has oversimplified the ultimate purpose of technology.

To begin with, while 从句缺主语 retrospect into human history, the invention of machine as well as the following mechanic automation, as one 前面两者，这里怎么成one ? of the most influential advancements and improvements in technology on the societal level, will prove the correctness of the primary goal of technological advances to be allowing people more efficiency in their work.太长，表达也不好 By carrying on those repetitive work and tasks, it reduced the time that human workers had been used on various procedures of manufacturing and generating products and goods. Machines help workers reduce working time by carrying repetitive work and tasks in the procedure of manufacturing and generating productsThus people are liberated from the boring and repeated job and they can produce better goods more quickly and effectively.

On the second place, another important advancement in technology--the invention and the popularization of computers together with the development on computer science technology--has also tell the truth illustrated that technology is aimed to at increase increasing the efficiency of people's contemporary life. Operating systems based on computer have made people's life easier and more comfortable during the last several decades. For instance, learning to type and edit word process software, such as Microsoft Office, people are refrained from the boring and exhausted task of writing all the time. Just tipping and chattering the keyboard will produce documents, passages and essays and what they want to express more easily and quickly.后半个句子有问题 Those word process softwares can also provide unrivaled benefits that writing with hand can not--inspecting the typos and spelling mistakes by its built-in dictionary.--用法别扭

Both the advancement of mechanic automation and computer science have proved their contribution to increasing people's efficiency, however, I am not quite convinced by the speaker's another assertion that they have indeed create 阿afford people more leisure time. On the contrary, people's lives became more and more complex and occupied by additional tasks in such a hyper ? development contemporary world. The reason lies in the fact that those advances which have increased people's efficiency, in the meantime, have also created more possibilities and opportunities for some new jobs, tasks and novel industries. For instance, no one will argue that the most developed country, America, is also the country in the world in which people have the fastest living and working paces in the world. 没有论证清楚为什么less leisure time

Additionally, the other reason I cannot side with the speaker is that he overlooks, in some extent, the other important goals that the technology have been serving to. In my opinion, the highest and the most important purpose of the technology is to create the majority people in the world a better place to live in and thus allow the most populace to lead lives that are better than that of their ancestors. For example, the advancement of medicine and medical science have has made possible more people live stronger, healthier and longer. The advances in atomic theory in physics have provided people more powerful, potentially-attainable and cleaner energy resources than oil and coal. All those advances and progress in technology have far more meaningful influences in people's lives than the only goal of adding people more leisure time.科学进步对于人们生活比起增加空闲时间更有意义。感觉不通吧

To sum up, the advancements of technology have profound impacts on the people's lives by increasing more efficiency to them. However, they have not necessarily given more leisure time and the most primary and important purpose should not be misled to be limited on merely the leisure aspects.最后这句什么意思？

thminUID: 192642

恩,谢谢两位的批改,这篇匆匆而写的文章的确暴露出我很多问题,我一定好好修改.

coweiliangUID: 195905

两天没写了,感觉又不顺了,唉,大家来批吧!谢谢了,时间不多了,现在状态时好时坏的!

Issue30 第16篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：thmin 共用时间：40分1秒 560 words/633 words after revision
从2005年3月4日15时12分到2005年3月4日15时40分
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
The speaker alleges that to increase people's efficiency is the primary goal of technological advancement and further asserts its ultimate goal is to let everyone has more leisure time in daily life. I agree with the first allegation insofar as that as the fact that most technological advancement has indeed served to the purpose of increasing people's efficiency. However, I found the latter one specious for the reason that the technological advancement does not necessarily allow people more leisure time and, most important, the speaker has oversimplified the ultimate purpose of technology.前面既然agree with，这里就显得conflicting 啊

To begin with, while retrospect 作为名词和动词这用得都不对into human history, the invention of machine as well as the following mechanic automation, as one of the most influential advancements and improvements in technology on the societal level, will prove the correctness of the primary goal of technological advances to be allowing people more efficiency in their work. 中心句意思不太明确。别心急想一下子都想说出来，我写的时候也是这个感觉这个话题有话说，想一下子都说上长长的好句子By carrying on those repetitive work and tasks, it reduced the time that human workers had been used on various procedures of manufacturing and generating products and goods. Thus people are liberated from the boring and repeated job and they can produce better goods more quickly and effectively. 除了中心句你只用了两句话来支撑这样显得太单薄

On the second place, another important advancement in technology--the invention and the popularization of computers together with the development on computer science technology--has also tell the truth that technology is aimed to increase the efficiency of people's contemporary life. Operating systems based on computer have made people's life easier and more comfortable during the last several last few decades  decades. For instance, learning to type and edit word process software, such as Microsoft Office, people are refrained from the boring and exhausted task of writing all the time. Just tipping and chattering the keyboard will produce documents, passages and essays and what they want to express more easily and quickly. Those word process softwares can also provide unrivaled benefits that writing with hand can not--inspecting the typos and spelling mistakes by its built-in dictionary.最好末了再回一下主题

Both the advancement of mechanic automation and computer science have proved their contribution to increasing people's efficiency, 【句号吧】however, I am not quite convinced by the speaker's another assertion that they have indeed create people more leisure time. On the contrary, people's lives became more and more complex and occupied by additional tasks in such a hyper development contemporary world. The reason lies in the fact that those advances which have increased people's efficiency, in the meantime, have also created more possibilities and opportunities for some new jobs, tasks and novel industries. For instance, no one will argue that the most developed country, America, is also the country in the world in which people have the fastest living and working paces in the world.

Additionally,改成Another weakness of the speaker’s assertion is that the other reason I cannot side with the speaker is that he overlooks, in some extent, the other important goals that the technology have been serving to. In my opinion, the highest and the most important purpose of the technology is to create the majority people in the world a better place to live in and thus allow the most populace to lead lives that are better than that of their ancestors. For example, the advancement of medicine and medical science have has made possible more people live stronger, healthier and longer. The advances in atomic theory in physics have provided people more powerful, potentially-attainable and cleaner energy resources than oil and coal.原子能的例子还都比较易联想到原子弹啊，而且它跟more leisure time 的关系？ All those advances and progress in technology have far more meaningful influences in people's lives than the only goal of adding providing people more leisure time.

To sum up, the advancements of technology have profound impacts on the people's lives by increasing more efficiency to them. However, they have not necessarily given more leisure time and the most primary and important purpose should not be misled to be limited on merely the leisure aspects.
写了很多方面但是有些不是写得很透。建议你把中心句再修改一下总的来说还是写得不错了！加油

imjasonUID: 176604

呵呵，还说感觉不顺，我怎么觉得都没有什么错误啊，而且用词都很好哦，羡慕……
不过我觉得从每段TS尤其是后面的两个body看上去像是在写ARGU，不知道你怎么认为。还有这种面面俱到的内容会否更进一步的像在批驳原题的错误和削弱文章的力量。个人意见，不知你怎么看了

thminUID: 192642

修改后的文章

------正文------
The speaker alleges that to increase people's efficiency is the primary goal of technological advancement and further asserts its ultimate goal to let everyone has more leisure time. I agree with the first allegation insofar as that most technological advancement has indeed served to increasing people's efficiency. However, I found the latter one specious mainly for two reasons: firstly, the technological advancement does not, in fact, allow people more leisure time; secondly and more importantly, the speaker has oversimplified the ultimate purpose of technology.

To begin with, while retrospecting to human history, the mechanic automation which is symbolized by invention and application of machines could be considered nearly the most influential advancement and improvement in technology on the societal level. One of its primary goal and overwhelming influence is to allow working people more efficiency in their jobs. By carrying on those repetitive work and tasks, it significantly reduced the time spent on various procedures in manufacturing and generating products and goods. Thus people are liberated from the boring and repetitive jobs and our economy was greatly benefited and quality of life was also enhanced dramatically.

On the second place, another important advancement in technology--the invention and the popularization of computers together with the development on computer science technology--has also illustrated that technology is aimed to increase the efficiency of people. Computer software based on operating systems made people's life easier and more comfortable during the last several decades. For instance, learning to type and to edit with word process software, such as Microsoft Office, people are refrained from the boring and exhausting task of handwriting. Just tipping and chattering the keyboard will easily and quickly produce documents, passages and essays. The word process software can even offer some unrivaled benefits that handwriting cannot do--inspecting typos, spelling and grammar mistakes by its built-in dictionary.

Both the advancement of mechanic automation and computer science have proved their contribution to increasing people's efficiency, however, they haven’t indeed create people more leisure time as the speaker asserts. On the contrary, people's lives became more complex and occupied by additional tasks in such a highly developed contemporary world. For instance, working parents are now having less time to take care and play with their children; students have to invest more time to study because academic expectations are raised accordingly with the increasing overall learning efficiency facilitated by technology; workers are obliged to use their spare time to practice skills and learn new techniques for fear that they will lag behind the ever-changing technology. Many studies and researches have revealed that some of most developed countries, say America, are also the ones in which people have the fastest living and working paces in the world.

Additionally, technology is serving to a variety of goals that are far more important than to improve people’s efficiency and to assign people more leisure time. In my opinion, the highest and the most important purpose of the technological advancement is to create the majority people a better place to live in and thus allow the most populace to lead better lives than their ancestors. For example, the advancement of medicine and medical science has made possible humankind live stronger, healthier and longer. The advances in atomic technology in physics have provided people more powerful, potentially-attainable and cleaner energy resources than oil and coal. All those advances and progress in technology have far more meaningful influences in people's lives than the only goal of adding people more leisure time.

To sum up, the advancements of technology have profound impacts on the people's lives by increasing more efficiency but not necessarily giving more leisure time. Technology advances and progress are made to meet a variety of people’s needs involving not only improving efficiency but also some more important goals in various aspects.

KangxiaoluUID: 177984

The speaker alleges that to increase people's efficiency is the primary goal of technological advancement and further asserts its ultimate goal to let everyone has more leisure time. I agree with the first allegation insofar as that most technological advancement has indeed served to increasing people's efficiency. However, I found the latter one specious mainly for two reasons: firstly, the technological advancement does not, in fact, allow people more leisure time; secondly and more importantly, the speaker has oversimplified the ultimate purpose of technology.

To begin with, while retrospecting to human history, the mechanic automation which is symbolized by invention and application of machines such as …虽然是大家熟悉的例子，提下具体mechine的名字总还有必要吧，这样就比较好理解你的“By carrying on those repetitive work and tasks”而且还可以说除了重复性的特点，比如体力劳动啊之类的，就不会感觉一直在说repetitive，呵呵，我说的不一定对，看你哈 could be considered nearly the most influential advancement and improvement in technology on the societal level. One of its primary goal and overwhelming influence is to allow working people more efficiency in their jobs. By carrying on those repetitive work and tasks, it significantly reduced the time spent on various procedures in manufacturing and generating products and goods. Thus people are liberated from the boring and repetitive jobs and our economy was greatly benefited and quality of life was also enhanced dramatically.
On the second place, another important advancement in technology--the invention and the popularization of computers together with the development on（用对了吗？）computer science technology--has also illustrated that technology is aimed to 变换得好，学习increase the efficiency of people. Computer software based on operating systems made people's life easier and more comfortable during the last several decades. For instance, learning to type and to edit with word process software, such as Microsoft Office, people are refrained from the boring and exhausting task of handwriting想了想,手写boring的问题是不是可以换成低效率，直接一点，直接和“easily and quickly”对上了，也和题目对得好一点，你说呢？其实只是小问题，可你已经把作文改得不错了，我就抓住一处说一处吧. Just tipping and chattering the keyboard will easily and quickly produce documents, passages and essays. The word process software can even offer some unrivaled benefits that handwriting cannot do--inspecting typos, spelling and grammar mistakes by its built-in dictionary.

Both the advancement of mechanic automation and computer science have proved 去掉their contribution 加of technological advancement 我觉得哈，都用了advancement就别在重复强调自动化和computer的贡献，而是应该切题，文章首句很重要的 to increasing people's efficiency, however, they haven’t indeed create people more leisure time as the speaker asserts. On the contrary, people's lives became more complex and occupied by additional tasks in such a highly developed contemporary world. For instance, working parents are now having less time to take care and play with their children; students have to invest more time to study because academic expectations are raised accordingly with the increasing overall learning efficiency facilitated by technology; workers are obliged to use their spare time to practice skills and learn new techniques for fear that they will lag behind the ever-changing technology. Many studies and researches have revealed that some of most developed countries, say America, are also the ones in which people have the fastest living and working paces in the world.

Additionally, technology is serving to a variety of goals that are far more important than to improve people’s efficiency and to assign people more leisure time. In my opinion, （去掉the highest and） 发现你用限定词一定会两个一起，这里好像没什么必要，而且太多了感觉不是太好 the most important purpose of the technological advancement is to create the majority people a better place to live in and thus allow the most populace to lead better lives than their ancestors. For example, the advancement of medicine and medical science has made possible humankind live stronger, healthier and longer. The advances in atomic technology in physics have provided people more powerful, potentially-attainable and cleaner energy resources than oil and coal. （应该有更好的例子，呵呵，我也一时也没反应过来）All those advances and progress in technology have far more meaningful influences in people's lives than the only goal of adding people more leisure time.

To sum up, the advancements of technology have profound impacts on the people's lives by increasing more efficiency but not necessarily giving more leisure time. Technology advances and progress are made to meet a variety of people’s needs involving not only improving efficiency but also some more important goals in various aspects.
不要担心，考试没问题的，语言好还有Microsoft Office的例子也好，有点信心好吧！！！！


用空看看我的, 第一篇呢, 呵呵!!! 谢谢大家

Issure30 同主题十 技术进步与休闲时间
https://bbs.gter.net/showthread.php?s=&threadid=262542