Issue30 同主题第十期 大家都来拍拍拍啦！！！

imjasonUID: 176604

Issue30  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------提纲------
1．        肯定技术的进步提高了人们的效率。
2．        但是人们并没有感到leisure time增加了
a．        社会要求，激烈竞争。
b．        人性驱使。人们习惯将更多的事情加入到被科技节省的时间中。
发了之后感觉b好象不是很对，可能理解成社会活动需要可能要好些，这样a就是竞争的需要了。
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
After developing thousands of years at a nearly unnoticed speed, our society is now racing off at a fantastic speed due to the technological explosion. It is undeniable that the technological advancement has greatly increased the efficiency of our lives. However, the leisure time does not grow up accordingly.

First of all, each step the technology goes ahead is to diminish the time and effort of our human beings. In other words, without apparently increased efficiency, no advancement in technology will survive in today's compelling competition. The advent of the automobile accelerates the pace of a society heading to a modern one; the personal computer pervades every aspect of our life to loosen human being's labor; the detector on the bar code advances the velocity to accomplish the dealing in the supermarkets; the rapid development of telecommunication greatly decreases the distances physically among people. Nobody more than 100 years ago can imagine that traveling from the east coast of the America to the west only takes a few hours, or a delicious meal is in a few minutes after clicking the button on the microwave oven. In short, it is the efficiency that drives the experts and the entrepreneurs to pursue the technological advancement.

On the other hand, the individual's leisure time increases little according with the unprecedented technological advancement. Even though the automobiles accelerate the pace of our human beings, the telecommunication extends our ear-shot, the personal computer assist us as the third hand and another brain, seldom would admit that his/her leisure time are increased. Firstly, this era of the rapid social changes asks everybody to keep up with the pace. The information explodes, the knowledge in each sphere accumulates and goes deeply, the precise apparatus keeps emerging; all above ask everybody to utilize individual's leisure time completely and effectively to learn more skills and study more profoundly in each self’s fields. To better compete with others, no one can stop for a while but go on running, resulting in numerous of depressions and insomnia and occupational diseases among the so-called modern civilized men. In this case, the real goal of the technological advancement is increase the efficiency as well as antisocial and antihuman.

Secondly, it is the human nature to limit the leisure time. The technology is paradoxical in that it increases not only the efficiency of an individual but also the number of activities in an person's daily lives, which undoubtedly occupy the leisure time, due to the human nature that everybody wants to pack into the life more tasks. Not only have to get further study in the fields of each one, but people have to participate in sorts of parties, clubs, etc., for the interpersonal conjunction, such as the classmates, the workmates, the customers in business, the superior and the inferior, which undoubtedly lead to the decline of the time with families, resulting in the expanding gaps among families. The automobiles replace the slow walk, carrying us from one place to another 40 miles away in less than an hour, but would taking more than an hour to go through the traffic jam.

In sum, the technology advancement brings to us the increasing efficiency as well as the declining individuals' leisure time. Although our lives is at a rapid pace and facilitated, everyone should stop for a while, for one's own health, for the family and for that all the scenes are on the roads.

coweiliangUID: 195905

人性驱使??
这个题目有好多好写的方面，怎么选偏从这个角度来大评论？
先占个坐要熄灯了～～～～～～～～

ooajUID: 200299

[QUOTE]最初由 imjason 发布
[B]Issue30  第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------提纲------
1．        肯定技术的进步提高了人们的效率。
2．        但是人们并没有感到leisure time增加了
a．        社会要求，激烈竞争?.


------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
After developing thousands of years at a nearly unnoticed speed, Tiptoeing into a new era,our society is now racing off at a fantastic speed due to the technological explosion. It is undeniable Undeniable is itthat the technological advancement has greatly increased the efficiency of our lives. However, the leisure time does not grow up accordingly.accordingly 用的好！

First of all, each step the technology goes ahead is to diminish the time and effort of our human beings. In other words, without apparently increased efficiency, no advancement in technology will surviveperform in today's compelling competition. The advent of the automobile accelerates the pace of a society heading to a modern onesocial modernization pace; the personal computer pervades every aspect of our life to loosen emancipatehuman being's labor; the detector on the bar code advances the velocity to accomplish the dealing in checking out inthe supermarkets; the rapid development of telecommunication greatly decreases the distances physically among people. Nobody more than 100 years ago can imagine that traveling from the east coast of the America to the west only takes a few hours, No one centuries ago could imagine traveling through America from the east coast to the west would take only a few hoursor a delicious meal is in a few minutes after clicking the button on the microwave oven. In short, it is the efficiency that drives the experts and the entrepreneurs to pursue the technological advancement.

On the other hand, the individual's leisure time increases little according with the unprecedented technological advancement. Even though the automobiles accelerate the pace of our human beings, 前面用过一次了，可用peersthe telecommunication extends our ear-shot, the personal computer assists, 前面是三个分号别忘了 us as the third hand and oranother brain, seldom would admit that his/her leisure time are increased. Firstly, 后面secondly单独成段是不是不妥～this era of the rapid social changes asks everybody to keep up with the pace. The information explodes, the knowledge in each sphere accumulates and goes deeplyaggrandizes acceleratedly , the precise apparatus keeps emerging; all above ask everybody to utilize individual's leisure time completely and effectively to learn more skills and study more profoundly in each self’s fields. To better compete with others, no one can stop settle downfor a while but go on runningkeep pursuing their personal purposes, resulting in numerous of depressions and insomnia and occupational diseases among the so-called modern civilized men句子主语是no one后面among建议去掉. In this case, the real goal of the technological advancement is increase the efficiency as well as antisocial and antihuman.

Secondly, it is the human nature to limit the leisure time. The technology is paradoxical in that it increases not only the efficiency of an individual but also the number of activities in an person's daily lives, which undoubtedly occupy the leisure time, due to the human nature that everybody wants to pack into the life more tasks. Not only have to get further study in the fields of each one, but people have to participate in sorts of parties, clubs, etc., for the interpersonal conjunction, such as the classmates, the workmates, the customers in business, the superior and the inferior, which undoubtedly lead to the decline of the time with families, resulting in the expanding gaps among families. The automobiles replace the slow walk, carrying us from one place to another 40 miles away in less than an hour, but would taking more than an hour to go through the traffic jam.

In sum, the technology advancement brings to us the increasing efficiency as well as 前面用过一次了，用withthe declining individuals' leisure time. Although our lives is at a rapid pace and facilitated, everyone should stop for a while, for one's own health, for the family and for that all the scenes are on the roads.

感觉第二点确实有点问题，如果说是否leisure取决于人们的观点就好了，偶以为 :)

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

学习一哈，不晓得考前有没时间拍。 :(

枫丹UID: 166492

The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
After developing thousands of years at a nearly unnoticed speed, our society is now racing off at a fantastic speed due to the technological explosion. It is undeniable that the technological advancement has greatly increased the efficiency of our lives. However, the leisure time does not grow up accordingly.

First of all, each step the technology goes ahead is to diminish the time and effort of our human beings. In other words, without apparently increased efficiency, no advancement in technology will survive in today's compelling competition.这句的因果关系是什么？？没有效率，技术就不能存在，你似乎在说有效率，是技术存在的关键， 可是你后面的力争的侧重在于效率，而不是存在啊/我是这样理解的，不知道是不是对 The advent of the automobile accelerates the pace of a society heading to a modern one; the personal computer pervades every aspect of our life to loosen human being's labor; the detector on the bar code advances the velocity to accomplish the dealing in the supermarkets; the rapid development of telecommunication greatly decreases the distances physically among people. Nobody more than 100 years ago can imagine that traveling from the east coast of the America to the west only takes a few hours, or a delicious meal is in a few minutes after clicking the button on the microwave oven. In short, it is the efficiency that drives the experts and the entrepreneurs to pursue the technological advancement.

On the other hand, the individual's leisure time increases little according with the unprecedented technological advancement. Even though the automobiles accelerate the pace of our human beings, the telecommunication extends our ear-shot, the personal computer assist us as the third hand and another brain, seldom would admit that his/her leisure time are increased.中间夹句 连接 Firstly, this era of the rapid social changes asks everybody to keep up with the pace. The information explodes, the knowledge in each sphere accumulates and goes deeply, the precise apparatus keeps emerging; all above ask everybody to utilize individual's leisure time completely and effectively to learn more skills and study more profoundly in each self’s fields. To better compete with others, no one can stop for a while but go on running, resulting in numerous of depressions and insomnia and occupational diseases among the so-called modern civilized men. In this case, the real goal of the technological advancement is to increase the efficiency这句深奥，不懂了 as well as antisocial and antihuman.这段讲技术使人们更为忙碌

Secondly, it is the human nature to limit the leisure time. The technology is paradoxical in that it increases not only the efficiency of an individual but also the number of activities in an person's daily lives, which undoubtedly occupy the leisure time, due to the human nature that everybody wants to pack into the life more tasks.这个长句断开 Not only have to get further study in the fields of each one, but people have to participate in sorts of parties, clubs, etc., for the interpersonal conjunction, such as the classmates, the workmates, the customers in business, the superior and the inferior, which undoubtedly lead to the decline of the time with families, resulting in the expanding gaps among families. The automobiles replace the slow walk, carrying us from one place to another 40 miles away in less than an hour, but would taking more than an hour to go through the traffic jam.
怎么吧jam也出来了？？你说人性决定的，可是后面的party, club, conjunction, 难道不可以理解成leisure time 吗？only the time spent with family is leisure time?
In sum, the technology advancement brings to us the increasing efficiency as well as the declining individuals' leisure time. Although our lives is at a rapid pace and facilitated, everyone should stop for a while, for one's own health, for the family and for that all the scenes are on the roads
你的思路也我有些象，我自己写的时候也感觉说不清楚。 不过感觉你还是写的不错的， 具体意见见上

coweiliangUID: 195905

Issue30 第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------提纲------
1． 肯定技术的进步提高了人们的效率。
2． 但是人们并没有感到leisure time增加了
a． 社会要求，激烈竞争。
b． 人性驱使。人们习惯将更多的事情加入到被科技节省的时间中。
发了之后感觉b好象不是很对，可能理解成社会活动需要可能要好些，这样a就是竞争的需要了。
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
After developing thousands of years at a nearly unnoticed speed, our society is now racing off at a fantastic speed due to the technological explosion. 没必要扯得那么远，试着给你改下：no doubt that the society these days is experiencing the so-called “ technological explosion” It is undeniable that the technological advancement has greatly increased the efficiency of our lives. 这句也要处理一下了：It is true that ….However, the leisure time does not grow up accordingly.

First of all, the purpose of each step the technology goes ahead is to diminish the time and effort of our human beings. In other words, without apparently increased efficiency, no advancement in technology will survive in today's compelling competition. The advent of the automobile accelerates the pace of a society heading to a modern one; the personal computer pervades every aspect of our life to loosen human being's labor; the detector on the bar code advances the velocity to accomplish the dealing in the supermarkets; the rapid development of telecommunication greatly decreases the distances physically among people. Nobody more than 100 years ago canNobody in the previous 100 years could imagine that traveling from the east coast of the America to the west only takes a few hours, or a delicious meal is ready in a few minutes after clicking the button on the microwave oven. In short, it is the efficiency that drives the experts and the entrepreneurs to pursue the technological advancement.

On the other hand, the individual's leisure time increases little according withto the unprecedented speed of technological advancement. Even though the不用 the,以下同 automobiles accelerate the pace of our human beings, the telecommunication extends our ear-shot, the personal computer assist【s】 us as the 【a】third hand and another brain, seldom would admit that his/her leisure time are increased. Firstly, this era of the rapid social changes asks everybody to keep up with the pace. The information explodes, the knowledge in each sphere accumulates and goes deeply, the precise apparatus keeps emerging; all above ask everybody to utilize individual's leisure time completely and effectively to learn more skills and study more profoundly in each self’s fields. To better compete with others, no one can stop for a while but go on running, resulting in numerous of depressions and insomnia and occupational diseases among the so-called modern civilized men. In this case, the real goal of the technological advancement is increase the efficiency as well as antisocial and antihuman.我觉得既然开始讲leisure time 少了上段又交代得很清楚technology 的好处了，下面完全可以不用even though了，否则逻辑有点混乱，而且although部分的不应该占这么大

Secondly, it is the human nature to limit the leisure time.对这句话不敢苟同，人性原本是追求安乐的。再看你下面的论述了 The technology is paradoxical in that it increases not only the efficiency of an individual but also the number of activities in an person's daily lives, which undoubtedly occupy the leisure time, due to the human nature that everybody wants to pack into the life more tasks. 缺主语了：people Not only have to get further study in the fields of each one, but people have to participate in sorts of parties, clubs, etc., for the interpersonal conjunction, such as the classmates, the workmates, the customers in business, the superior and the inferior, which undoubtedly lead to the decline of the time with families, resulting in the expanding gaps among families.People not only have to refresh their former knowledge by further studying, but also get engage in all kinds of parties and social get-together in order to establish or maintain favorable social relations. The automobiles replace the slow walk, carrying us from one place to another 40 miles away in less than an hour, but would taking more than an hour to go through the traffic jam.【这段长句好多阿，但是句法掌握得不太好，不要一位地追求长句的形式，先把意思表达清楚】

In sum, the technology advancement brings to us the increasing efficiency as well as the declining individuals' leisure time. Although our lives is at a rapid pace and facilitated, everyone should stop for a while, for one's own health, for the family and for that all the scenes are on the roads.
Anyway，把思路简化一点可能会有帮助。加油哦！

imjasonUID: 176604

谢谢 枫丹
谢谢 coweiliang

To 枫丹：这篇写的时候就觉得已经存在问题了，但是还是硬着头皮写了。我再好好改下。
TO coweiliang: 思路上我自己也是有些问题了，回头再看下了