ISSUE30 同主题 还有两天上战场，求拍！

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

30,The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

It is apparently that the technology has been developing with the advance of the time. What is the primary goal of the technology and what it has brought to the human beings? In my point of view, the advanced technology does increase the efficiency but it is not the main purpose, meanwhile, it does not necessarily offer everyone more leisure time.

To begin with, the progress of the technology does promote the efficiency of the society. It is known to all that primitives had to spend almost all the time they were awake to hunt for food, despite the food they had got was not enough either. With the invention of machines, computers and worldwide internet, the time that taken from people to feed themselves and to work is becoming less and less. At nowadays, people merely work for five days per week and eight hours per day, which is enough to guarantee them to feed themselves, even to live a luxury life. Therefore, the advanced technology does promote the efficiency of the whole society.

In a second place, there are many other benefits we have gained from the technological advancement other than increasing the efficiency. It is clear that with the advancement of the skill in agriculture, people do not need to worry about the lack of food any longer; with the progress of the vehicle, unlike Columbus, people need no more to spend as much as two years to travel around the earth; with the developing of the medical technology, people will suffer less from the diseases and live longer. From the facts above we can see that what the technology brings to the human beings is not only the increase of efficiency, but also a better quality of life, which is the very purpose that people long~ for all the time. Thus, the increase the efficiency is merely the surface or partial, the essence is the pursuit for better life.  

In addition, people do not obviously obtain more leisure time from the technological progress. As the technology developing, the integrated amount people have completed in their everyday work is not less than before, but they do it in a less time. In other words, the increase of the efficiency does not reduce the amount of work but requires people to accomplish it in a shorter time. Simultaneously, the overall pace of the society is getting faster and faster, which puts people into an environment with more strain and pressure. To guarantee their work and leading place, it is possible that they have to learn and assimilated an increasing amount of knowledge ceaselessly, which will take them a lot of time and even all of their leisure time. It is common that those who work in the Silicon Valley spend almost all of their time in working and learning. Hence, although the efficiency has increased, it will not guarantee that people get more leisure.

To sum up, in the promoting of efficiency, the crucial role played by the technological advancement cannot be neglected. Nevertheless, the increase of efficiency is not the main purpose; many other benefits should also be involved. At the same time, people do not necessarily obtain more leisure time, but being exposed to a more pressure, which requires them to perfect themselves ceaselessly.

imjasonUID: 176604

JJ哦，你速度太快了，我都改不过来了
呵呵，照你这速度，ETS肯定要疯掉的。

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

最初由 imjason 发布
[B]JJ哦，你速度太快了，我都改不过来了
呵呵，照你这速度，ETS肯定要疯掉的。 [/B]

就怕它不疯！疯了岂不是更好？给大家做贡献呢！ :D

枫丹UID: 166492

30,The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

It is apparentlyapparent that the technology has been developing with the advance of the time. What is the primary goal of the technology and what doesit has brought to the human beings这样的语法错误尽量避免? In my point of view, the advanced technology does increase the efficiency but it is not the main purpose, meanwhile, it does not necessarily offer everyone more leisure time.最后一句不好， 似乎是两个中心，把重点突出出来

To begin with, the progress of the technology does promote the efficiency of the society. It is known to all that primitives had to spend almost all the time they were awake to hunt for food, despite the food they had got was not enough either. With the invention of machines, computers and worldwide internet,呵呵，他们怎么帮人们找吃的, the time that taken from people to feed themselves and to work is becoming less and less. Atat 去掉 nowadays, people merely work for five days per week and eight hours per day, which is enough to guarantee them to feed themselves, even to live a luxury life. Therefore, the advanced technology does promote the efficiency of the whole society. 这样比是可以的，但是你比的时候要注意突出ts: efficiency

In a second place, there are many other benefits we have gained from the technological advancement other than increasing the efficiency.似乎在讲他的好处 It is clear that with the advancement of the skill in agriculture, people do not need to worry about the lack of food any longer; with the progress of the vehicle, unlike Columbus这可是一个惨剧， 不用举了，直接说  space vehicle, people need no more to spend as much as two years to travel around the earth; with the developing of the medical technology, people will suffer less from the diseases and live longer. From the facts above we can see that what the technology brings to the human beings is not only the increase of efficiency, but also a better quality of life, which is the very purpose that people long~ for all the time. Thus, the increase the efficiency is merely the surface or partial, the essence is the pursuit for better life.

In addition, people do not obviously obtain more leisure time from the technological progress. 没有得到能多的闲暇As the technology developing, the integrated amount people have completed in their everyday work is not less than before, but they do it in a less time. the amount of time?In other words, the increase of the efficiency does not reduce the amount of work but requires people to accomplish it in a shorter time. Simultaneously, the overall pace of the society is getting faster and faster, which puts people into an environment with more strain and pressure. To guarantee their work and leading place, it is possible口气不要这么犹豫，这是一个关键点 that they have to learn and assimilated an increasing amount of knowledge ceaselessly, which will take them a lot of time and even all of their leisure time. It is common that those who work in the Silicon Valley spend almost all of their time in working and learning. Hence, although the efficiency has increased, it will not guarantee that people get more leisure.

To sum up, in the promoting of efficiency, the crucial role played by the technological advancement cannot be neglected. Nevertheless, the increase of efficiency is not the main purpose; many other benefits should also be involved. At the same time, people do not necessarily obtain more leisure time, but being exposed to a more pressure, which requires them to perfect themselves ceaselessly.
我认为你说了两个点1， other purpose2, less pressure, 似乎是两条线， 这样导致你的论证缺乏重心。个人这样感觉！！

LJVYUID: 204075

最初由 深谷幽兰 发布
[B]就怕它不疯！疯了岂不是更好？给大家做贡献呢！ :D   

以下省略...... [/B]

HOHO！说得也是呀！加油！！！

yogurt4UID: 198389

30,The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

It is apparently apparent that the technology has been developing with the advance of the time. What is the primary goal of the technology and what it has brought to the human beings? In my point of view, the advanced technology does increase the efficiency but it is not the main purpose, meanwhile, it does not necessarily offer everyone more leisure time.我想你看了pooh jj的分析。这个题目有两层关系，愚见是不适合一起发问，一起回答。显得有点粗线条。

To begin with, the progress of the technology does promote the efficiency of the society. It is known to all that primitives had to spend almost all the time they were awake to hunt for food, despite the food they had got was not enough either. 从后面来看，这里改成but…still…好像更好一点。 With the invention of machines, computers and worldwide internet, the time that taken from people to feed themselves and to work is becoming less and less. 不要at At nowadays, people merely work for five days per week and eight hours per day, which is enough to guarantee them to feed themselves, even to live a luxury life. Therefore, the advanced technology does promote the efficiency of the whole society.

In a second place, there are many other benefits we have gained from the technological advancement other than increasing the efficiency. It is clear that with the advancement of the skill in agriculture of the agriculture machinery, people do not need to worry about the lack of food any longer; with the progress of the vehicle, unlike Columbus, people need no more to spend as much as two years to travel around the earth; with the developing of the medical technology, people will suffer less from the diseases and live longer. From the facts above we can see that what the technology brings to the human beings is not only the increase of efficiency, but also a better quality of life, which is the very purpose that people long~ for all the time. Thus, the increase the efficiency is merely the surface or partial, the essence is the pursuit for better life.
三个例子中，只有那个医学的例子是最能说明benefit other than efficiency的。因为你在三个例子连着说完以后才给出自己的评价，所以我看到农业和交通的地方，就觉得很有问题。农业技术发达不就是为了在更短的时间内产出更多的粮食吗？运输技术的发达不就是为了缩短交通的时间，让人们又更多的时间干正经事吗？似乎都是提高效率的例子。你的评价离例太远了，而且似乎有点说不通。我建议把医学的例子留下，稍微扩展一点。其他两个搬到上一段去，显然也比什么guarantee them to feed themselves 之类的具体多了
而且，这一段除了最后一句话，其他的地方都看不出来efficiency是surface ,pursuit for the better living quality比效率是更本质或更重要的目的。
In addition, people do not obviously obtain more leisure time from the technological progress. As the technology developing develops, the integrated amount 这个amount是啥子 people have completed in their everyday work is not less than before, but although they do it in a 不要a less time. In other words, the increase of the efficiency does not reduce the amount of work but requires people to accomplish it in a shorter time. 这个地方似乎有点混乱。我想你要说得是，效率提高的同时，要做得工作也更多了，结果人们每天工作的时间没有减少。不知道是不是这样.Simultaneously, the overall pace of the society is getting faster and faster, which puts people into an environment with more strain and pressure. To guarantee their work and leading place, it is possible that they have to learn and assimilated assimilate an increasing amount of knowledge ceaselessly, which will take them a lot of time and even all of their leisure time a lot of and even all of . It is common that those who work in the Silicon Valley spend almost all of their time in working and learning. Hence, although the efficiency has increased, it will not guarantee that people get more leisure. 小问题，guarantee 太多了

To sum up, in the promoting of efficiency, the crucial role played by the technological advancement cannot be neglected. Nevertheless, the increase of efficiency is not the main purpose; many other benefits should also be involved. At the same time, people do not necessarily obtain more leisure time, but being exposed to a more pressure, which requires them to perfect themselves ceaselessly.
如果要有时间修改的话，在primary 上做文章

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

谢谢楼上的各位!

一起努力吧!

r0tUID: 202195

这篇写的很好。 很明显的进步。 结构清晰，观点明确深入。而且用词和用例也都可圈可点。

有一点需要注意的地方是, 中间段的连接词， " to begin with, in a second place, in addition" 欠妥。因为这里是不是顺序关系，而是先承认 technology increase people' efficiency, 然后转折，否定the objectives of technology is not only efficiency. 再否定 the improvement of technology is not necessarily afford more leisure time to people. 所以连接词可以换一下。

另外，很高兴看到你的结尾段写的很好。 继续加油！

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

最初由 r0t 发布
[B]这篇写的很好。 很明显的进步。 结构清晰，观点明确深入。而且用词和用例也都可圈可点。

有一点需要注意的地方是, 中间段的连接词， " to begin with, in a second plac..

以下省略...... [/B]

[B]
谢谢鼓励！
偶会加倍努力的！
也祝楼上的各位取得好成绩！[/B] :)

山涧风笛UID: 196557

相信自己,
调好心态,
好好休息!
熬过去就好了!
等着听你好消息的人多着呢;)

LJVYUID: 204075

30,The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

It is apparently that the technology has been developing with the advance of the time. What is the primary goal of the technology and what it has brought to the human beings? In my point of view, the advanced technology does increase the efficiency but it is not the main purpose, meanwhile, it does not necessarily 用这个词好些consequentially/ inevitably offer everyone more leisure time.

To begin with, the progress of the technology does promote the efficiency of the society. It is known to all that primitives had to spend almost all the time they were awake to hunt for food, despite the food they had got was not enough either. With the invention of machines, computers and worldwide internet, the time that taken from people to feed themselves and to work is becoming less and less. At nowadays Nowadays, people merely work for five days per week and eight hours per day, which is enough to guarantee them to feed themselves变化一下比较好，又用到它了，比如 raise themselves or a family, even to live a luxury life. Therefore, the advanced technology does promote the efficiency of the whole society.

In a second place, there are many other benefits we have gained from the technological advancement other than increasing the efficiency. It is clear that with the advancement of the skill in agriculture, people do not need to worry about the lack of food any longer; with the progress of the vehicle, unlike Columbus, people need no more to spend as much as two years to travel around the earth; with the developing of the medical technology, people will suffer less from the diseases and live longer. From the facts above we can see /find that what the technology brings to the human beings being is not only the increase of efficiency, but also a better quality of life, which is the very purpose that people long~ /yearn for all the time. Thus, the increase the people's efficiency is merely the surface or partial, the essence is the pursuit for better life.

In addition, people do not obviously obtain more leisure time from the technological progress. As the technology developing, the integrated amount 要说的是whole job吧 people have completed in their everyday work is not less than before, but they do it in a less time. In other words, the increase of the efficiency does not reduce the amount of work but requires people to accomplish it in a shorter time. Simultaneously, the overall pace of the society is getting faster and faster, which puts people into an environment with more strain and pressure. To guarantee their work and leading place, it is possible that they have to learn and assimilated an increasing amount of knowledge ceaselessly, which will take them a lot of time and even all of their leisure time. It is common that those who work in the Silicon Valley spend almost all of their time in working and learning. Hence, although the efficiency has increased, it will not guarantee /ensure? that people get more leisure.

To sum up, in the promoting of efficiency, the crucial role played by the technological advancement cannot be neglected. Nevertheless, the increase of efficiency is not the main purpose; many other benefits should also be involved. At the same time, people do not necessarily obtain more leisure time, but being exposed to a more pressure, which requires them to perfect themselves ceaselessly.结尾不错！

还不错呢！但用词稍注意一下变化。BLESS~~~ ;)