issue30, 同主题,失败了数次,呵呵, 来者必拍

枫丹UID: 166492

The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

正文

即使随着技术的进步，人们并没有得到太多的闲暇， 但是这并不能掩盖技术的根本目的-追求效率， 得到空闲。

1, 以增加效率， 带来空闲 为目的，技术取得了巨大的进步
2，然而反对者提出：技术并没有带了更多的带来空闲，相反却是更加的忙碌
3，反驳这种观点， 忙碌来自人们追求成功的需要， 技术的目的只是实现这一愿望的工具，因此，不能用来否认技术进步的根本目的
（也就是说忙碌是来自于人们的日益增加的需求，而不是技术进步本身）

大家看看，开头是不是就应该如何说清楚？

We all aware of the fact that the advancement of technology, which though brings more efficiency for people, makes our lives busier than ever before, therefore there is much controversy about the question-what should be the goal of technology? In my point of view, although with the advancement of technology, people’s life becomes hurried and busy, this can not obscure the primary goal of technology to help human save time and gain more pleasure.

To begin with, the original purpose of technology drives people to try their best to invent new technology. In order to gain more leisure time, people invent a number of modern methods to gain higher speed and save time spent unnecessarily in the trip, such as the car, the train, the plane and so on. With help of cars, people can save more time in the road to work places, and then can enjoy more leisure time at home. With planes, people just spend few hours flying from Europe to American, which needs several months hundreds years ago. Similarly, driven by the goal to gain more leisure, people invent the computer which enables humans to order commodities online, to get the newest information in time, to communicate with friends through internet. All of these pleasures come from the goal of technology advancement. .

Critics who oppose this perspective may assert that in our society, technology dose not make people more pleasure enough to enjoy leisure time, but instead people's lives become more and more busy and hasty. Of course, this opinion is not entirely without empirical support. After all, in today's world we have to spend more time to handle a great amount of dates, pay more attention to learn more knowledge to keep up with the pace of the society.  It seems that human possess less time to enjoy pleasure taken by technology.  

However all of these can not disprove the original aim of the advancement of technology. The progress of the technology brings convenience to create more leisure but people make use of it to other activities with other goals-more benefits or more success. For example, in order to gain success in competition, business men call for maximization of profit, so they have to apply technology to their business and require employers to accomplish the greatest amount of works in limited time. In the same way, in order to be employed and find better jobs, generals should pay more time to learn how to make use of these technologies to meet the need of job market. From this point, the busy life, which is seemed to be taken by the advancement of technology, in fact comes with humans' increased needs and dreams for successes, and the goal of technology-more efficiency and more pleasure, only serves as tools to help them fulfill these hopes.

In sum, only the goal to increase more efficiency and leisure time can the advancement of technology become possible. Although advance of technology does not make normal people find more leisure ultimately, the busy life should not be contributed to the primary goal of technology but to humans themselves. Therefore, whether human have more leisure time or not dose not depend on the goal of technological progress but the goal of human beings.

imjasonUID: 176604

呵呵
有几天不见你了哈！
晚上给你看了

枫丹UID: 166492

这几天闭观呢!!呵呵,

Mars3000UID: 198477

先占个座吧，晚一点回 :)

深谷幽兰UID: 196550

什么时候考啊？我不知道考前有没有时间拍呢。:(

快乐王子UID: 194162

我也在写这一篇，马上在我QMD的链接下面给出
感觉楼主写的比我好多了～
不过我的立意是反对主题的，有点不同
欢迎拍～～

ooajUID: 200299

马上拍～

ooajUID: 200299

[QUOTE]最初由 枫丹 发布
[B]The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

正文

即使随着技术的进步，?.

We all aware of the fact that the advancement of technology, which though brings more efficiency for people, makes our lives busier than ever before, therefore there is much controversy about the question-what should be the goal of technology? In my point of view, although with the advancement of technology, people’s life becomes hurried and busy, this can not obscure the primary goal of technology to help human save time and gain more pleasure.最好加上一句使观点更丰满Unfortunately, the result comes out other way round.

To begin with, the original and primepurpose of technology drives people to try their best to invent new technology. In order to gain more leisure time, people invent a number of modern methods people stride ahead in the process of modernizationto gain higher speed and save time spent unnecessarily in the trip, such as the car, the train, the plane and so on. With help of cars, people can save more time in the road to work places, and then can enjoy more leisure time at home. With planes, people just spend few hours flying from Europe to American, which needs several months hundreds years ago. Similarly, driven by the goal to gain more leisure, people invent the computer which enables humans to order commodities online, to get the newest information in time, to communicate with friends through internet.the Internet All of these pleasures come from the goal of technology advancement. .

Critics who oppose this perspective may assert that in our society, technology dose not make people more pleasure enough to enjoy leisure time, but instead people's lives become more and more busy hurriedand hasty. Of course, this opinion is not entirely without empirical support. After all, in today's world we have to spend more time to handle a great amount of dates, pay more attention to learn more knowledge to keep up with the pace of the society. It seems likethat human possess less time to enjoy pleasure taken by technologythat human possessing less time to enjoy leisure should charge upon increased efficiency brought by high technology.

However all of these can not disprove the original 和primary不尽相同吧aim of the advancement of technology. The progress of the technology brings convenience to create more leisure but people make use of it to other activities with other goals-more benefits or more success. For example, in order to gain success in competition, business men businessmencall for maximization of profit, so they have to apply technology to their business and require employers to accomplish the greatest amount of works in limited time. In the same way, in order to be employed and find better jobs, generals should pay more time to learn how to make use of these technologies to meet the need of job market. From this point, the busy life, which is seemed to be taken by the advancement of technology, in fact comes with humans' increased needs and dreams for successes, and the goal of technology-more efficiency and more pleasure, only serves as tools to help them fulfill these hopes. In a word, the extent to which people could enjoy their leisure time stems from their own attitudes towards life, which has nothing to do with the development of technology.

In sum, only the goal to increase more efficiency and leisure time can the advancement of technology become possible. Although advance of technology does not make normal people find more leisure ultimately, the busy life should not be contributed to the primary goal of technology but to humans themselves. Therefore, whether human have more leisure time or not dose not depend on the goal of technological progress but the goal of human beings.

感觉立论挺新颖的，但倒数第二段如果再充实一点就好了～加油！ :)

枫丹UID: 166492

to ooaj
多谢!!加的地方正是我语言贫乏的地方.棒!

ZEALPALADINUID: 192560

We all aware of the fact that the advancement of technology, which though brings more efficiency for people, makes our lives busier than ever before, therefore there is much controversy about the question-what should be the goal of technology? In my point of view, although with the advancement of technology, people’s life becomes hurried这个词是不是比较NAIVE呢 and busy, this can not obscure the primary goal of technology to help human save time and gain more pleasure.观点不俗，期待下文

To begin with, the original purpose of technology drives people to try their best to invent new technology.TS IS OBSCURE In order to gain more leisure time, people invent a number of modern methods to gain higher speed and save time spent unnecessarily in the trip, such as the car, the train, the plane and so on. With help of cars, people can save more time in the road to work places, and then can enjoy more leisure time at home. With planes, people just spend few hours flying from Europe to American, which needs several months hundreds years ago. Similarly, driven by the goal to gain more leisure, people invent the computer which enables humans to order commodities online, to get the newest information in time, to communicate with friends through internet. All of these pleasures come from the goal of technology advancement. . 这段的论述个人认为有点BEG QUESTIONS，节省时间的直接效果是提高了EFFICIENCY，而你却直接说是为了LEISURE TIME，而这正是你要论述的呀？

Critics who oppose this perspective may assert that in our society, technology dose not make people more pleasure？ enough to enjoy leisure time, but instead people's lives become more and more busy and hasty. Of course, this opinion is not entirely without empirical support. After all, in today's world we have to spend more time to handle a great amount of dates？, pay more attention to learn moreTWO MORES knowledge to keep up with the pace of the society.语言啊。。。 It seems that human possess less time to enjoy pleasure taken by technology.

However all of these can not disprove the original aim of the advancement of technology. The progress of the technology brings convenience to create more leisure but people make use of it to other activities with other goals-more benefits or more success. For example, in order to gain success in competition, business men call for maximization of profit, so they have to apply technology to their business and require employers to accomplish the greatest amount of works in limited time. In the same way, in order to be employed and find better jobs, generals should pay more time to learn how to make use of these technologies to meet the need of job market. From this point, the busy life, which is seemed to be taken by the advancement of technology, in fact comes with humans' increased needs and dreams for successes, and the goal of technology-more efficiency and more pleasure, only serves as tools to help them fulfill these hopes.人们利用技术进步来完成各自的梦想，这应该是他们的选择，而也有有人利用技术进步来享受更多的空闲时间，个人选择问题。。。这样论述会不会更好呢？

In sum, only the goal to increase more efficiency and leisure time can the advancement of technology become possible. Although advance of technology does not make normal people find more leisure ultimately, the busy life should not be contributed to the primary goal of technology but to humans themselves. Therefore, whether human have more leisure time or not dose not depend on the goal of technological progress but the goal of human beings.总体感觉观点比较新颖，但论述似乎有所偏差，语言需要加强，有些词汇连我都觉得有点NAIVE，说的不对请多指教！

Mars3000UID: 198477

The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

正文

即使随着技术的进步，人们并没有得到太多的闲暇， 但是这并不能掩盖技术的根本目的-追求效率， 得到空闲。

1, 以增加效率， 带来空闲 为目的，技术取得了巨大的进步
2，然而反对者提出：技术并没有带了更多的带来空闲，相反却是更加的忙碌
3，反驳这种观点， 忙碌来自人们追求成功的需要， 技术的目的只是实现这一愿望的工具，因此，不能用来否认技术进步的根本目的
（也就是说忙碌是来自于人们的日益增加的需求，而不是技术进步本身）

大家看看，开头是不是就应该如何说清楚？

We all aware of the fact that the advancement of technology, which though brings more efficiency for people, makes our lives busier than ever before, <therefore>感觉therefore是副词啊，不知说得对否 there is much controversy about the question-what should be the goal of technology? In my point of view, although with the advancement of technology, people’s life becomes hurried and busy, this can not obscure the primary goal of technology to help human save time and gain more pleasure.个人认为题目的陈述其实是分两个层次：技术进步的动机是高效；高效是为了更多的闲暇时光

To begin with, the original purpose of technology drives people to try their best to invent new technology. In order to gain more leisure time, people invent a number of modern methods to gain higher speed and save time spent unnecessarily in the trip, such as the car,cars泛指 the train, the plane and so on. With help of cars, people can save more time in the road to work places, and then can enjoy more leisure time at home. With planes, people just spend few hours flying from Europe to American, which <needs>needed several months hundreds years ago. Similarly, driven by the goal to gain more leisure, people <invent?呵呵，这个词在这被用滥了 the computer which enables humans to order commodities online, to get the newest information in time, to communicate with friends through internet. All of these pleasures come from the goal of technology advancement. .我们看看你的论证：技术的目的是发明新技术；为了更多的闲暇时间所以人们发明新科技；举例说明科技进步带来的空闲与高效；结论，所有的清闲来自技术进步。 这里，<为了更多的闲暇时间所以人们发明新科技是你的论点，要论证它你应该表达，为了闲暇时间---，为了---；而不是科技带来了----，带来了----，后者变成了论证科技带来的效益。例子可用同样的，但说法应该变一下。>不知我说明白了没

Critics who oppose this perspective may assert that in our society, technology dose not make people more pleasure enough to enjoy leisure time, but instead people's lives become more and more busy and hasty. Of course, this opinion is not entirely without empirical support. After all, in today's world we have to spend more time to handle a great amount of dates, pay more attention to learn more knowledge to keep up with the pace of the society. It seems that human possess less time to enjoy pleasure taken by technology.

However all of these can not disprove the original aim of the advancement of technology. The progress of the technology brings convenience to create more leisure but people make use of it to other activities with other goals-more benefits or more success. For example, in order to gain success in competition, business men call for maximization of profit, so they have to apply technology to their business and require employers to accomplish the greatest amount of works in limited time. In the same way, in order to be employed and find better jobs, generals should pay more time to learn how to make use of these technologies to meet the need of job market. From this point, the busy life, which <is seemed>seems to be taken by the advancement of technology其实从你的论证看就是来自于技术进步，即便不是直接因素，至少也起到了间接作用，不过这并不影响你的立论，因为你的立场是虽然目的是更多的空闲时间，但最终由于其他的因素这一目的并未达到, in fact comes <with>from humans' increased needs and dreams for successes, and the goal of technology-more efficiency and more pleasure, only serves as tools to help them fulfill these hopes.

In sum, only the goal to increase more efficiency and leisure time can the advancement of technology become possible. Although advance of technology does not make normal people find more leisure ultimately, the busy life should not be contributed to the primary goal of technology but to humans themselves. Therefore, whether human have more leisure time or not dose not depend on the goal of technological progress but the goal of human beings.

呵呵，直接切入主题，什么文章内容丰富，立意新颖之类的赞美之辞偶就不多说了，主要提意见吧。
语言，词汇上似乎还可进一步加强
论证时要有清楚自己要支持的论点是什么，而且要紧紧围绕这一论点展开，不能言不对题，即不能论点说的是一件事，而论证的确是另一方面的问题。
似乎对题目还可以再深入揣摩一下。

偶瞎说的啊，如有不当，还望见谅 :D

枫丹UID: 166492

最初由 Mars3000 发布
[B]The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

正文

即使随着技术的进步，?.

以下省略...... [/B]

感谢拍砖,说的很有道理
To begin with, the original purpose of technology drives people to try their best to invent new technology. In order to gain more leisure time, people resort to a number of modern methods to gain higher speed and save time spent unnecessarily in the trip, such as cars,cars泛指 trains, planes and so on. With help of cars, people can save more time in the road to work places, and then can enjoy more leisure time at home. With planes, people just spend few hours flying from Europe to American, which <needs>needed several months hundreds years ago. Similarly, driven by the goal to gain more leisure, people <invent?呵呵，这个词在这被用滥了create computers which enables humans to order commodities online, to get the newest information in time, to communicate with friends through internet. All of these pleasures come from the goal of technology advancement
我是要论证科技进步的目的是带来leisure time.
科技的原始目的驱使人们去创造新的技术。
关于car, train , plane是跟上一句说为了得到闲暇，人们发明了提高速度的方法, 而这些技术的确带来了闲暇。

Mars3000UID: 198477

[B]我是要论证科技进步的目的是带来leisure time.
科技的原始目的驱使人们去创造新的技术。
关于car, train , plane是跟上一句说为了得到闲暇，人们发明了提高速度的方法, 而这些技术的确带来了闲暇。[/B]

注意到你所说的后面这些工具的作用是顺承前面而谈的，但你看它们着墨反而比前面还多了。
个人的建议是多强调闲暇作为科技进步目的的角色，少谈一些它作为科技进步成果的方面。
呵呵，也许我没理解上去。

枫丹UID: 166492

最初由 Mars3000 发布
[B][B]我是要论证科技进步的目的是带来leisure time.
科技的原始目的驱使人们去创造新的技术。
关于car, train , plane是跟上一句说为了得到闲暇，人们发明了提高速度的方..

以下省略...... [/B]

恩, 可能后面写成 , for example的形式会好一些了,呵呵,多些,我去看看你的这篇

LJVYUID: 204075

进来学习学习，还不知道怎么拍砖呢;)