issue30, 同主题,失败了数次,呵呵, 来者必拍

imjasonUID: 176604

We all aware of the fact that the advancement of technology, which though brings more efficiency for people, makes our lives busier than ever before, therefore there is much controversy about the question-what should be the goal of technology? In my point of view, although with the advancement of technology, people’s life becomes hurried and busy, this can not obscure the primary goal of technology to help human save time and gain more pleasure.我觉得开头意思已经表达出来了

To begin with, the original purpose of technology drives people to try their best to invent new technology. In order to gain more leisure time, people invent a number of modern methods to gain higher speed and save time spent unnecessarily in the trip, such as the car, the train, the plane and so on. With help of cars, people can save more time inon the road to work places, and then can enjoy more leisure time at home. With planes, people just spend a few hours flying from Europe to American, which needs several months hundreds years ago. Similarly, driven by the goal to gain more leisure, people invent the computer which enables humans to order commodities online, to get the newest information in time, to communicate with friends through internet. All of these pleasures come from the goal of technology advancement.对于pleasure感觉体现得不是很明确，尽管时间增多了 .

Critics who oppose this perspective may assert that in our society, technology dose not make people more pleasure enough to enjoy leisure time, but instead people's lives become more and more busy and hasty. Of course, this opinion is not entirely 好象差点什么without empirical support. After all, in today's world we have to spend more time tospend...on &spend...in? handle a great amount of dates, pay more attention to learn more knowledge to keep up with the pace of the society. It seems that human possess less time to enjoy pleasure taken by technology.

However all of these can not disprove the original aim of the advancement of technology. The progress of the technology brings convenience to create more leisure but people make use of it to other activities with other goals-more benefits or more success. For example, in order to gain success in competition, business men call for maximization of profit, so they have to apply technology to their business and require employers to accomplish the greatest amount of works in limited time. In the same way, in order to be employed and find better jobs, generals should pay more time to learn how to make use of these technologies to meet the need of job market. From this point, the busy life, which is seemed to be taken place? by the advancement of technology, in fact comes with humans' increased needs and dreams for successes, and the goal of technology-more efficiency and more pleasure, only serves as tools to help them fulfill these hopes.觉得你这里就比我的说得清楚多了，学习……

In sum, only the goal to increase more efficiency and leisure time can the advancement of technology become possible. Although advance of technology does not make normal people find more leisure ultimately, the busy life should not be contributed？attribute to the primary goal of technology but to humans themselves. Therefore, whether human have more leisure time or not dose not depend on the goal of technological progress but the goal of human beings.
不错哈，看来你想了很长时间的了

枫丹UID: 166492

最初由 imjason 发布
[B]We all aware of the fact that the advancement of technology, which though brings more efficiency for people, makes our lives busier than ever before, therefore ..

以下省略...... [/B]

spend more time tospend...on &spend...in? handle
应该是spend time in handling , 又犯了介词误用的毛病

smartyrUID: 169453

The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

正文

即使随着技术的进步，人们并没有得到太多的闲暇， 但是这并不能掩盖技术的根本目的-追求效率， 得到空闲。

1, 以增加效率， 带来空闲 为目的，技术取得了巨大的进步
2，然而反对者提出：技术并没有带了更多的带来空闲，相反却是更加的忙碌
3，反驳这种观点， 忙碌来自人们追求成功的需要， 技术的目的只是实现这一愿望的工具，因此，不能用来否认技术进步的根本目的
（也就是说忙碌是来自于人们的日益增加的需求，而不是技术进步本身）

大家看看，开头是不是就应该如何说清楚？

We all aware of the fact that the advancement of technology, which though brings more efficiency for people, makes our lives busier than ever before, therefore there is much controversy about the question-what should be the goal of technology? what the goal of technology should be.这里不用问号吧？In my point of view, although with the advancement of technology,第一句用过了，换一个 people’s life becomes hurried and busyhowever the development of technology which contributes to a pace of human lives that is more rushed and hectic than before这个行不行？, this can not obscure the primary goal of technology to help human save time and gain more pleasure.

To begin with, the original purpose of technology drives people to try their best to invent new technology 不地道呀！n order to gain用 pursit  number of modern methods to gain higher speed and save time spent unnecessarily in the trip, such as the car, the train, the plane and so on.觉得这里such as 核后面是重复的，可以合并 With help of cars, people can save more time in the road to work places, and then can enjoy more leisure time at home. With planes, people just spend few hours flying from Europe to American, which needs several months hundreds years ago看看者样行不：with the help of airplane, human are able to travel the world with relative shorter period than hundred years ago. Similarly, driven by the goal to gain more leisure, people invent 词性不对the computer which enables humans to orderorder and perchase commodities online, to get the newest information in timereal time information实时信息, to communicate with friends through internet. All of these pleasures come from the goal of technology advancement. . 我觉得这里例子与你的Ts不符，这里应是说以增加效率， 带来空闲 为目的－>技术取得了巨大的进步,但是你的例子是说进步带来了pleasure。是不是我的理解文童？

Critics who oppose this perspective may assert that in our society, technology dose not make people more pleasure enough to enjoy leisure time, but instead people's lives become more and more busy习惯了more的用法！busier and hastier and hasty. Of course, this opinion is not entirely without empirical support. After all, in today's world we have to spend more time to handle a great amount of dates, pay more attention to learn more knowledge to keep up with the pace of the society. It seems that human possess less time to enjoy pleasure taken by technology本句有问题. 这段过渡的不错

However all of these can not disprove the original aim of the advancement of technology. The progress of the technology brings convenience to create more leisure but people make use of it to other activities with other goals-more benefits or more success. For example, in order to gain success in competition, business men call for maximization of profit, so they have to apply technology to their business and require employers to accomplish the greatest amount of works in limited time. In the same way, in order to be employed and find better jobs, generals 不这么用吧？想说人们？generals 可是将军们ge pay more time to learn how to make use of these technologies to meet the need of job market. From this point, the busy life, which is seemedis seemed??不是这样用的seemed to就好了 to be taken by the advancement of technology, in fact comes with humans' increased needs and dreams for successes, and the goal of technology-more efficiency and more pleasure, only serves as tools 前面没有这个意思to help them fulfill these hopes.

In sum, only the goal to increase more efficiency and leisure time can the advancement of technology become possibleenable us to make ,, possible . Although advance of technology does not make normalcommon，这里的normal是有问题的，正常人 people find more leisure ultimately, the busy life should not be contributed to the primary goal of technology but to humans themselves. Therefore, whether human have more leisure time or not dose not whethe can human have more leisure time depends on 可以简单点，金山词霸有这种用法depend on the goal of technological progress but the goal of human beings.
我觉得结构挺好的，但是第二缎的因果关系有点问题我是这么想的。还有好多词汇用的有点乱.个人意见

枫丹UID: 166492

最初由 smartyr 发布
[B]The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.

正文

即使随着技术的进步，?.

以下省略...... [/B]

棒!!这篇的句法的确比较失败的说.

To begin with, the original purpose of technology drives people to try their best to invent new technology 不地道呀！

怎么说呢?
To begin with, the prime purpose to get more pleasure lead to recent advence in technology