Issue30 (24h 必回)写烂了,,好长时间不练了,大家经常练习呀,防止手生(不郁闷,继

iverUID: 198348

Issue30  第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：45分2秒     589 words
从2005年3月5日17时8分到2005年3月5日17时45分
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
As the development of science and technology, there is increasing technological advancement. When it comes to these advancements, some people consider that the advancements should aim at increasing people's efficiency, and even allege that the primary goal of the technological advancement is to make sure everyone has more leisure time. As far as I am concerned, I wholeheartedly agree that technological advancement can contribute to increase efficiency, while the primary goal of technological is not just that everyone has more leisure time, as discussed below.

First of all, in any industrial improvement, it is the object to maximize the profits that incentives people to advance technology. When a tool cannot meet the needs of people, people will exert themselves to discovery new methods for improving it. Therefore, technology keeps development in order to meet the need of people. As the increasing needs of a variety of respects in people daily life and industry fields, there are many tools which gradually cannot satisfy the ever-increasing requirements and thus people devote themselves to improve the tools and improve them so that they can meet the needs of human beings. For instance, one just need to look no further than the tools of transportation, he or she will recognize the improvement of tools. It is obvious that the traffic tools can run increasingly. In addition, people also have invented enormous kinds of tools in order to explore the cosmos and people themselves. For example, people can use the telescope to explore the space. Therefore, technology advancement had lead to higher efficiency, but there are many other respects, which are promoted by technological advancement.

Furthermore, the efficiency is not the sole object of the technological advancement. There are many innovations in the world, such as the computer, Internet, telecommunication, Television.  In fact, these tools mean not just efficiency. While the computer can help people deal with enormous data and supply entertainment, the Internet can qualify providing much useful information for people, such as pictures, films and music. And telecommunication serves people to communicate with each other conveniently. Therefore, technology is apparently not aiming at efficiency.

However, efficiency cannot decide how long people will have leisure time. Actually, with the technological advancement, there are decreasing leisure time for people. It is obvious that people should keep pace with the development of the technology for the sake of working. Therefore, more advanced technology, more time worker should spend to master the advance knowledge and learn to use the advanced tools. For example, people just needed to finish the work with their hands before the machines appeared, while now people have to master how to use the machines. For example, before the CAI invented, the teacher just need to give the class without prepare for long time, however, he has to master how to operate the computer and make his PPT or other kinds of material for the classes. In fact, with the advanced tools, the leisure time of teachers is diminishing.

In fact, there are many alternative factors that can determine the leisure time such as the attitude of people toward the work and entertainment. One who is crazy about working will consider working as the only kind of entertainment.  

In the final analysis, technological advancement can contribute to promote the efficiency, however, efficiency is not the essential goal of technological advancement. Moreover, the technological advancement will lead to many changes and it is not necessarily to bring more leisure time for everyone since different person has different attitude toward leisure time.

iverUID: 198348

顶一下了!

谢谢大家了

鬼谷子UID: 159645

我看看吧

鬼谷子UID: 159645

Issue30 第2篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：45分2秒 589 words
从2005年3月5日17时8分到2005年3月5日17时45分
------题目------
The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time.
------正文------
As the development of science and technology, there is increasing technological advancement. 【这个句子有问题，随着科技发展，科技发展了？】When it comes to these advancements, some people consider that the advancements should aim at increasing people's efficiency, and even allege that the primary goal of the technological advancement is to make sure everyone has more leisure time. As far as I am concerned, I wholeheartedly agree that technological advancement can contribute to increase efficiency, while the primary goal of technological is not just that everyone has more leisure time, as discussed below. 【你用了can，而题目是should，这两个之间或许有些区别的。嗯，应该注意一下的】

First of all, in any industrial improvement, it is the object to maximize the profits that incentives people to advance technology. 【记得看到一位同学提出过，新发明创造提出的时候很难预计到带来利益与否的】When a tool cannot meet the needs of people, people will exert themselves to discovery new methods for improving it. Therefore, technology keeps development in order to meet the need of people. 【这里的need和上面的profit是一样的吗？】As the increasing needs of a variety of respects in people daily life and industry fields, there are many tools which gradually cannot satisfy the ever-increasing requirements and thus people devote themselves to improve the tools and improve them so that they can meet the needs of human beings. 【这句跟前面的意思重复，罗嗦了】For instance, one just need to look no further than the tools of transportation, he or she will recognize the improvement of tools. It is obvious that the traffic tools can run increasingly. In addition, people also have invented enormous kinds of tools in order to explore the cosmos and people themselves. For example, people can use the telescope to explore the space. Therefore, technology advancement had lead to higher efficiency, but there are many other respects, which are promoted by technological advancement. 【既不是人民的need，也不是profit，不太清楚你最后结论是什么，而且，跟你开头的观点也不同，你开头的观点似乎是同意efficiency的】

Furthermore, the efficiency is not the sole object of the technological advancement. 【从这句看出上段真的是要论述efficiency的，但是，一点都没看出来】There are many innovations in the world, such as the computer, Internet, telecommunication, Television. In fact, these tools mean not just efficiency. 【这样的表达就不妥了，不是说他们本身是效率，是说，发明他们的目的是提高效率】While the computer can help people deal with enormous data and supply entertainment, the Internet can qualify providing much useful information for people, such as pictures, films and music. And telecommunication serves people to communicate with each other conveniently. Therefore, technology is apparently not aiming at efficiency. 【你说的都是现象，不是能够跟效率并列的目的之一，似乎还没形成具体的写作脉络就动笔了】

However, efficiency cannot decide how long people will have leisure time. 【这个论点有点偏】Actually, with the technological advancement, there are decreasing leisure time for people. It is obvious that people should keep pace with the development of the technology for the sake of working. Therefore, more advanced technology, more time worker should spend to master the advance knowledge and learn to use the advanced tools. 【这点就跟你的论点不符了，所以我说你的论点有点偏了，你的论点不容易展开的。你这里的意思明显是科技进步的结果让人民的休闲时间减少了，跟效率什么的没什么直接关系】 For example, people just needed to finish the work with their hands before the machines appeared, while now people have to master how to use the machines. For example, before the CAI invented, the teacher just need to give the class without prepare for long time, however, he has to master how to operate the computer and make his PPT or other kinds of material for the classes. In fact, with the advanced tools, the leisure time of teachers is diminishing.

In fact, there are many alternative factors that can determine the leisure time such as the attitude of people toward the work and entertainment. One who is crazy about working will consider working as the only kind of entertainment. 【这段感觉多余了】

In the final analysis, technological advancement can contribute to promote the efficiency, however, efficiency is not the essential goal of technological advancement. Moreover, the technological advancement will lead to many changes and it is not necessarily to bring more leisure time for everyone since different person has different attitude toward leisure time.

  【感觉是动笔之前考虑的不够，没有形成一个很完整的思路。注意改进！加油！】

iverUID: 198348

谢谢鬼鬼!
我再看看.
这篇写砸了!
大家加油啊! 多练习,防止手生