Argument 9 又失败了！再战江湖！求大家看看吧！

埃及女皇UID: 203466

Argument 9    第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！ 求大家看看后面的蓝色修改版！谢谢了！！！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：25分40秒     376 words
从2005年3月6日10时15分到2005年3月6日10时25分
------题目------
The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.
'Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors.'
------正文------
Comparing with Alpha University , a nearby University ，of which students are easier getting jobs, and citing some uncertain potential employers' so-called speculations, the author addressed a conclusion Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors to enable its graduates to secure better jobs. Though, rhetoric the argument seems, unpersuasive it really is.

However, the author believes it is the evaluation made the professors give higher grades to students, the author is failing to consider there have been other possibilities. Such possibilities may include the fact that in the passed fifteen years, the overall academic ability have risen, or  maybe the students are study harder than the former students. Thus , the average grades certainly get higher. Meanwhile, the author seems believe the professors are forced by the evaluation .No evidence shows that professors are worried about get a negative evaluation then assigned higher grades to meet the students' favor.  And it is highly possible that evaluation didn't bring negative result at all, but even made professors working harder and the overall academic standards risen. Then students are well educated than before, hence, of course get better grades.

Moreover, it is mentioned in this argument that some potential employers believe the grades at Omega University are inflated. It is arbitrary to establish such a conclusion. What is the amount of those people who take such opinion? What is the percentage of these people among the whole? It is lake of investigates and presumptuous to say all the employers think so. In addition, the author ignores a fact that grades, students get in the university, are not the only factor when they are find jobs. When employers decide to hire some one , they often think a lot of the actual ability of the employee---and there is no consequentially relationship between grades and ability. As a result , the causation of Omega graduates have not been as successful as graduates from nearby Alpha University is unclear.

After all, before any decisions are finally made, Omega University should still investigate all the possibilities, not only the employers, the actual academic conditions, but also the students, professors, as well as Alpha University. Try to find the actual reasons, but not hasty ascribe to the "evaluation".

boyjimUID: 125249

sit:D

埃及女皇UID: 203466

川川    快点帮我改作文

我要死了

boyjimUID: 125249

Comparing with Alpha University , a nearby University ，of which students are easier getting jobs, and citing some uncertain potential employers' so-called speculations, the author addressed a conclusion Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors to enable its graduates to secure better jobs. Though, rhetoric the argument seems, unpersuasive it really is.

Howeverhowever what?, the author believes it is the evaluation made the professors give higher grades to students, the author is failingfail to to consider there have been other possibilities. Such possibilitiestry to avoid repeating again may include the fact that in the passed fifteen years, the overall academic ability have risen, or maybe the students are study harder than the former students. Thus , the average grades certainly get higher. Meanwhile, the author seems pay attention to ur grambelieve the professors are forced by the evaluation .No evidence shows that professors are worried about get a negative evaluation then thus not thenassigned higher grades to meet the students' favor. And it is highly possible that evaluation didn't bring negative result at all, but even made professors working harder and the overall academic standards risen. Then students are well educated than before, hence, of course get better grades.
ur expression is weird and commit several grammary mistakes, try to avoid it

Moreover, it is mentioned in this argument that some potential employers believe the grades at Omega University are inflated. It is arbitrary to establish such a conclusion. What is the amount of those people who take such opinion? What is the percentage of these people among the whole? It is lakelack and check ur gram, what is more, try to avoid "?" of investigates and presumptuous to say all the employers think so. In addition, the author ignores a fact that grades, students get in the university, are not the only factor when they are find jobs. When employers decide to hire some one , they often think a lot of the actual ability of the employee---and there is no consequentially relationship between grades and ability. As a result , the causation of Omega graduates have not been as successful as graduates from nearby Alpha University is unclear.

After all, before any decisions are finally made, Omega University should still investigate all the possibilities, not only the employers, the actual academic conditions, but also the students, professors, as well as Alpha University. Try to find the actual reasons, but not hasty ascribe to the "evaluation".

u r in face of several problem: first is gram and second is u fail to find more fallacies in the argument for there lies more, and third is ur expression, some of the sentence is applying some big words but ur expression is somewhat chiglish, last but not least, u have to list more possiblity in the argument to prove the authors' mistakes
add oil! u will make it :p

埃及女皇UID: 203466

我接着改   改了再贴上来 谢谢

boyjimUID: 125249

一边改也要一边写一休拉！

快乐王子UID: 194162

boyjim改过的我就没有改了，感觉楼主对语言的把握也不太好哦，有些地方感觉是CHINGLISH
哈哈，跟我有一拼..


However, the author believes (assumes that) it is the evaluation made the professors give higher grades to students, the author is failing to consider there havebeen (there might be)other possibilities. Such possibilities may include the fact that in the passed fifteen years, the overall academic ability have risen, or maybe the students are study (studying) harder than the former students. Thus , the average grades certainly get higher. Meanwhile, the author seems believe the professors are forced by the evaluation .No evidence shows that professors are worried about get a negative evaluation then assigned higher grades to meet the students' favor. And it is highly possible that evaluation didn't bring negative result (any negative results) at all, but even made professors working harder and the overall academic standards risen. Then students are well educated than before, hence, of course get better grades.

Moreover, it is mentioned in this argument that some potential employers believe the grades at Omega University are inflated. It is arbitrary to establish such a conclusion. What is the amount of those people who take such opinion? What is the percentage of these people among the whole? It is lake of investigates and presumptuous to say all the employers think so. In addition, the author ignores a fact that grades, students get in the university, are not the only factor when they are find jobs(finding job?). When employers decide to hire some one , they often think a lot of the actual ability (abilities) of the employee---and there is no consequentially relationship between grades and ability. As a result , the causation of Omega graduates have not been as successful as graduates from nearby Alpha University is unclear.(这里觉得说些其他的假设更好一些  ^_^）

boyjimUID: 125249

最初由 快乐王子 发布
[B]boyjim改过的我就没有改了，感觉楼主对语言的把握也不太好哦，有些地方感觉是CHINGLISH
哈哈，跟我有一拼..


However, the author believes (assumes that) it is the..

以下省略...... [/B]

。。。大家帮我同学看看吧~

埃及女皇UID: 203466

Argument 9 第1篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户 共用时间：25分40秒 376 words
从2005年3月6日10时15分到2005年3月6日10时25分
------题目------
The following appeared in a memorandum from a dean at Omega University.
'Fifteen years ago, Omega University implemented a new procedure that encouraged students to evaluate the teaching effectiveness of all their professors. Since that time, Omega professors have begun to assign higher grades in their classes, and overall student grade averages at Omega have risen by thirty percent. Potential employers apparently believe the grades at Omega are inflated; this would explain why Omega graduates have not been as successful at getting jobs as have graduates from nearby Alpha University. To enable its graduates to secure better jobs, Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors.'
------正文------
Comparing with Alpha University , a nearby University ，of which students are easier getting jobs, and citing some uncertain potential employers' so-called speculations, the author addressed a conclusion Omega University should now terminate student evaluation of professors to enable its graduates to secure better jobs. Though, rhetoric the argument seems, unpersuasive it really is.

Showing some un certain evidence, the potential employers' so called speculations, the riesn grades, and comparing with  Alpha University, the author give a suggestion-------Omega should terminate students evaluation of professors.However, rheotric this argument seems,  unreasonable it really is.

[[[[However, the author believes it is the evaluation made the professors give higher grades to students, the author is failing to consider there have been other possibilities. Such possibilities may include the fact that in the passed fifteen years, the overall academic ability have risen, or maybe the students are study harder than the former students. Thus , the average grades certainly get higher. Meanwhile, the author seems believe the professors are forced by the evaluation .No evidence shows that professors are worried about get a negative evaluation then assigned higher grades to meet the students' favor. And it is highly possible that evaluation didn't bring negative result at all, but even made professors working harder and the overall academic standards risen. Then students are well educated than before, hence, of course get better grades.]]]]

First, the author are failed to consider  there is no consequentially relationship between grades and  evaluation. people cannot ignor the potential coincidence , maybe the examination became easier or  students  are more clever than  former students in 15 years ago.  And there is a possibilty, with the possitive  press of  the evaluation ,  professors  spend more time in academic research and pedagogic method then students are well educated than before ,so it seems reasonlly the overall acdemic ability became better than before. Thus, it is a possitive phenomena the grades have been risen.

[[[[Moreover, it is mentioned in this argument that some potential employers believe the grades at Omega University are inflated. It is arbitrary to establish such a conclusion. What is the amount of those people who take such opinion? What is the percentage of these people among the whole? It is lake of investigates and presumptuous to say all the employers think so. In addition, the author ignores a fact that grades, students get in the university, are not the only factor when they are find jobs. When employers decide to hire some one , they often think a lot of the actual ability of the employee---and there is no consequentially relationship between grades and ability. As a result , the causation of Omega graduates have not been as successful as graduates from nearby Alpha University is unclear.]]]]]]]

Moreover,it is mentioned in this argument that some potential employers believe the grades at Omega University are inflated. It is arbitrary to establish such a conclusion when lake of investigates and presumptuous to say all the employers think so. The  percentage of  employers  who have such a opinion is not known. It is possible there only very few  people take this opinion. In addition, the author ignores a fact that grades, students get in the university, are not the only factor when they are find jobs. When employers decide to hire some one , they often regard the actual ability of the employee.

Third, the causation of Omega graduates have not been as successful as graduates from nearby Alpha University is unclear. Maybe Omega is a reaserch-type University focus on producing  academician, wherea  Aipha is producing more  applied  techcrafts. The demands of  human resources market is naturely different .And, maybe Alpha University is a always outstanding  famous university; it sounds like a inconsiderately  method only through  terminating the evaluation,  if  Omega want to compete with Aipha.

After all, before any decisions are finally made, Omega University should still investigate all the possibilities, not only the employers, the actual academic conditions, but also the students, professors, as well as Alpha University. Try to find the actual reasons, but not hasty ascribe to the "evaluation".

再次修改！ 不放弃每份希望 ！哪怕还剩10天！
求各位达人 多赐贵砖  就算被砸的头破血流。。。。。

埃及女皇UID: 203466

可能刚刚那个班版本不好看  换一个
求砖！！


Showing some un certain evidence, the potential employers' so called speculations, the riesn grades, and comparing with Alpha University, the author give a suggestion-------Omega should terminate students evaluation of professors.However, rheotric this argument seems, unreasonable it really is.

First, the author are failed to consider there is no consequentially relationship between grades and evaluation. people cannot ignor the potential coincidence , maybe the examination became easier or students are more clever than former students in 15 years ago. And there is a possibilty, with the possitive press of the evaluation , professors spend more time in academic research and pedagogic method then students are well educated than before ,so it seems reasonlly the overall acdemic ability became better than before. Thus, it is a possitive phenomena the grades have been risen.

Moreover,it is mentioned in this argument that some potential employers believe the grades at Omega University are inflated. It is arbitrary to establish such a conclusion when lake of investigates and presumptuous to say all the employers think so. The percentage of employers who have such a opinion is not known. It is possible there only very few people take this opinion. In addition, the author ignores a fact that grades, students get in the university, are not the only factor when they are find jobs. When employers decide to hire some one , they often regard the actual ability of the employee.

Third, the causation of Omega graduates have not been as successful as graduates from nearby Alpha University is unclear. Maybe Omega is a reaserch-type University focus on producing academician, wherea Aipha is producing more applied techcrafts. The demands of human resources market is naturely different .And, maybe Alpha University is a always outstanding famous university; it sounds like a inconsiderately method only through terminating the evaluation, if Omega want to compete with Aipha.

After all, before any decisions are finally made, Omega University should still investigate all the possibilities, not only the employers, the actual academic conditions, but also the students, professors, as well as Alpha University. Try to find the actual reasons, but not hasty ascribe to the "evaluation".

lalalaUID: 186478

先问一下 chinglish 是什么意思？
第一段， 感觉句式不用那么复杂吧第一眼看着有点晕，give--gives
第二段  分论点和你最后的结论不是很吻合 还有少许语法错误如 it seems reasonlly the overall acdemic ability became better than before， reasonlly seems that  
三段个人认为直接 说分论点比较好 如 it is  arbitrary that....
presumptuous 改成名词
are not the only factor when they are find jobs --- the only factor  to trigger  failure or success  
四段 graduates who..  focus--focusing
最后 hastily