Issue30 第一篇issue，让砖头来的猛烈些吧

benzherenUID: 193678

题目
30"The primary goal of technological advancement should be to increase people's efficiency so that everyone has more leisure time."

正文
While it is no doubt that to increase human beings' efficiency is the primary goal of technological advancement, it is not the same case that the high efficient people are, the more leisure time they will have and, however, in many cases, leads to less leisure time.

Nowadays, technological advancement leads to high efficiency which further provides human beings most of benefits and conveniences. In the past time, it would take human beings incredible time to travel between countries or communicate with each other in different places while today, with the help of aeronautics, we can even travel across oceans in less than one day compared with several months before and, with wireless technologies, cell phones is a necessary facility for us to call others whenever and wherever we hope to. These great achievements definitely decrease the distances between people, countries and continents which result in high efficiency in transportation, communication, logistics and etc. One of the most obvious phenomena of technological advancement is that we are able to gain better products with cheaper prices which are raised from lower production cost, an outcome of high efficiency. We can have our own personal computers to assist ourselves in study and work; we can have digital cameras or digital videos to record our happy hours; we can have mp3 player such as IPod, Creative to enjoy great music much more easily than before. As I have showed above, advanced technologies do make our life splendid by bring us countless benefits and conveniences which are derived mainly from people's high efficiency.

Technological advancement do bring about high efficiency, and at the same time the legal working days has reduced to five days a week as well as the average working hours per day from more than ten hours to around eight. But the truth is that legal working hours don’t mean exactly the time people work. Most people have such experieces that you have to continue working overtime after and in some cases you can't finish your job unless you bring all of documents back to home and go on. In the past several years, working efficiency has progressed a lot as well as technologies while the legal working hours and working remains immovable, so people haven't had any more leisure time.

Knowledge explosion is one of the outcomes from technological advancement and this phenomenon is clearer in IT epoch with the high-speed development of Internet technologies. People are required to learn more if they want to survive in society. Cashier in shopping mall have to know how to use computers and softwares such as Excel as well but in the past time they can do their job only with an abacus. Surfing on the internet becomes more and more important to people especially those business men, let us imagine, in current society, if you have no idea about emails, video meeting, fax and etc., how could you be succeed in doing businesses. In such a background, most people choose to take part in a lot of part-time schools to keep step with high technologies to avoid losing their jobs.

One person's leisure time is not mainly determined by efficiency i.e. whether efficiency is high or not has little effect on people's leisure time. Actually, leisure time is always determined by one's conception about life, value and world. The boss of the company where my father works in nearly has no vocation all the year around because he consider his business as cherish as his own life so that he prefers working seven days a week from morning till night everyday. One's lifestyle also contributes on one's leisure time. Lazy bones refer staying at home with government welfare rather than go out for a job to make their own life better while many lawyers continuing working even if they have got a lot of wealth and reached retiring age.

With technological advancement, human being work more efficiently and enjoy better life than ever before. However, advanced technology bring us not only happiness but also pressure which makes our college students take a lot exams to get all kinds of certifications and working people have part-time courses to refresh their knowledge. More leisure time is indeed an extravagant hope for modern people.

写了90分钟：（709字

埃及女皇UID: 203466

While it is no doubt that to increase human beings' efficiency is the primary goal of technological advancement, it is not the same case that the high efficient people are, the more leisure time they will have and, however, in many cases, leads to less leisure time.
这句话不通啊？？
Nowadays, technological advancement leads to high efficiency which further provides human beings （用most合适么？） of benefits and conveniences. In the past time, it would take human beings incredible time to travel between countries or communicate with each other in different places while today, with the help of aeronautics, we can even travel across oceans in less than one day compared with several months before and, with wireless technologies, cell phones is a necessary facility for us to call others whenever and wherever we hope to. ［这句话我读的很痛苦！］These great achievements definitely decrease the distances between people, countries and continents which result in high efficiency in transportation, communication, logistics and etc. One of the most obvious phenomena of technological advancement is that we are able to gain better products with cheaper prices which are raised from lower production cost, an outcome of high efficiency. We can have our own personal computers to assist ourselves in study and work; we can have digital cameras or digital videos to record our happy hours; we can have mp3 player such as IPod, Creative to enjoy great music much more easily than before. As I have showed above, advanced technologies do make our life splendid by bring us countless benefits and conveniences which are derived mainly from people's high efficiency.［你举的例子ｍｐ３ computer 和你想说的问题 还有一定差异 或许是举例后论述的不够！］

Technological advancement do bring about high efficiency, and at the same time the legal working days has reduced to five days a week as well as the average working hours per day from more than ten hours to around eight. But the truth is that legal working hours don’t mean exactly the time people work. Most people have such experieces that you have to continue working overtime after and in some cases you can't finish your job unless you bring all of documents back to home and go on. In the past several years, working efficiency has progressed a lot as well as technologies while the legal working hours and working remains immovable, so people haven't had any more leisure time. 你这段应该先把ts摆出来 还有 觉得你的论证很牵强

Knowledge explosion is one of the outcomes from technological advancement and this phenomenon is clearer in IT epoch with the high-speed development of Internet technologies. People are required to learn more if they want to survive in society. Cashier in shopping mall have to know how to use computers and softwares such as Excel as well but in the past time they can do their job only with an abacus. Surfing on the internet becomes more and more important to people especially those business men, let us imagine, in current society, if you have no idea about emails, video meeting, fax and etc., how could you be succeed in doing businesses. In such a background, most people choose to take part in a lot of part-time schools to keep step with high technologies to avoid losing their jobs.

One person's leisure time is not mainly determined by efficiency i.e. whether efficiency is high or not has little effect on people's leisure time. Actually, leisure time is always determined by one's conception about life, value and world. The boss of the company where my father works in nearly has no vocation all the year around because he consider his business as cherish as his own life so that he prefers working seven days a week from morning till night everyday. One's lifestyle also contributes on one's leisure time. Lazy bones refer staying at home with government welfare rather than go out for a job to make their own life better while many lawyers continuing working even if they have got a lot of wealth and reached retiring age.
这一段和前面论证并没有得到多少闲暇时间 是不是可以结合起来
With technological advancement, human being work more efficiently and enjoy better life than ever before. However, advanced technology bring us not only happiness but also pressure which makes our college students take a lot exams to get all kinds of certifications and working people have part-time courses to refresh their knowledge. More leisure time is indeed an extravagant hope for modern people.

看了看 我也只能从文章结构上来说  语法啊什么的我也很差
你这篇文章的思路 结构 还要再改改
加油哦！ 我的作文很烂  没有你好 帮我看看吧
谢谢了！

benzherenUID: 193678

谢谢了，我也看了几篇你的文章，我要改改这篇文章的说