Issue152 倒数第四天了……

staralwaysUID: 193479

------题目------
The only responsibility of corporate executives, provided they stay within the law, is to make as much money as possible for their companies.

------正文------
We are living in an ear of ever increasing rapid social development, very aspects of a society is stepping forward vigorously. Among those, economy has been put into a central position, without the success of which, the development of other aspects of the society can be lowered or hampered. As for those corporations, they are trying their best to make the economy prosperous, and this is an important responsibility of the executives. That is a point universally acknowledged, but the means through which the goal is achieved should be taken care of.

Making the revenue maximized, is the doctrine of the units that operating on affairs related to economy. Corporation, the smallest unit of the development of social economy, is dying for this throughout its own development. When the corporation starts to run as a small company with only a few number of staffs, it is concerned with how to reduce the cost during the daily office work and what's more important, the cost spent on producing and distributing the products, in order to make the most  possible amount of money. When it grows stronger to be a corporation, it is focusing on whether it can achieve the scalar effect to greatly reduce the producing cost. Making more money is an assurance to the company's survival and prosperity.

And the executives, those who master the rights to decide what strategy should be applied to a wide range of issues, from whether to updating the current machines, to what marketing strategy should be carried out to advertise the products, are responsible for such action to make more money for their companies. They are entitled to dismissing employees in order to reduce the cost of management, they have the rights to whether to distribute the companies' products directly or indirectly through some inferior deputies in according to which will costs less, and still, they are in responsible to make the choice among the potential partitions of market in order to make their products occupy as many portion as possible. All these are their responsibilities, and they are aiming at maximized profits. In fact, how much money earned by a company during the period of a board of executives is an important measurement to decide whether they have done well in the corporations' most powerful positions.

However, the issue of by which means the goal of as much as possible money earned should be taken care of. It is true that whatever methods those executives use, all of them should be under the regulation of the law. Any action that violates the content of the law would bring punishment to the company. For example, if the company bribes a great amount of money to the person in the government who has the paramount power to decide which company can gain the charter to construct a new plant and it was made known to the public, then the company would lose all it had gained in the bribe and possibly face fine or being required to stop running. In a sense, all the activities those executives decide to carry out should stay within the law. In addition, provided that they stay within the law, certain kinds of actions would cause harm to the outer society while it is profitable to the company. For example, the issue of "social cost" versus the "inner cost" of a company. While some paper-making factories strengthen their ability to produce more papers in a day and thus probably making more money, they continually omit greenhouse gases and therefore cause environmental problem that is harmful to the whole society. The executives should also take these aspects of the methods they applied in making more money into account, besides whether these means stay within the law.

In fact, taking the issue of possible impact on the society brought by the activities of the corporations into account, is just a responsibility of the executives among many besides making money. Running while do not bring harm to society will make an appealing image of the company in front of the public and finally before the company's customers. In addition, making the management of the corporation more effective and more powerful to reduce the possibilities of inner corruption is a question the executives should think about carefully. Finally, taking actions to make the company sustained in various social and economical changes is also an important issue.

The economy throughout the world is developing fast. Any possible social advancement needs the support of it. In order to make their corporations more profitable should be the major responsibility of the companies' executives and what's more, while making the means to the goal within the content of law, they should also pay attention to whether these methods will impose harm to the whole society. Only when the most of the corporations are stepping forward steadily, can we hope the economy to be prosperous.

离考试越来越近了，大家帮忙砸啊！

AlierUID: 159518

今天刚好我也写了这篇，就来看看你的咯。有空也帮我看看吧～

------正文------
We are living in an ear of ever increasing rapid social development, very? aspects of a society is stepping forward vigorously. Among those, economy has been put into a central position, without the success of which, the development of other aspects of the society can be lowered or hampered. As for those corporations, they are trying their best to make the economy prosperous, and this is an important responsibility of the executives. That is a point universally acknowledged, but the means through which the goal is achieved should be taken care of.背景介绍略显罗嗦，主题扣得不太准：题目是说他们的职责是make尽量多的money，而你谈到的是促进经济繁荣，我认为两者有很大不同。

Making the revenue maximized, is the doctrine of the units that operating on affairs related to economy. Corporation, the smallest unit of the development of social economy, is dying for?意思不对哦 this throughout its own development. When the corporation starts to run as a small company with only a few number of staffs, it is concerned with how to reduce the cost during the daily office work and what's more important, the cost spent on producing and distributing the products, in order to make the most possible amount of money. When it grows stronger to be a corporation, it is focusing on whether it can achieve the scalar effect to greatly reduce the producing cost. Making more money is an assurance to the company's survival and prosperity.这段主题是第一句么？如果是的话，后面感觉是在说企业怎么样make money而不是证明为什么这个是他们的目标，同时最后一句感觉与这段没有任何关联。如果把它作为一个论据（证明为什么他们需要make money）的话，后面应该再加上分析和例子。

And the executives, those who master the rights to decide what strategy should be applied to a wide range of issues, from whether to updatingupdate the current machines, to what marketing strategy should be carried out to advertise the products, are responsible for such action to make more money for their companies. They are entitled to dismissing employees in order to reduce the cost of management, they have the rights to whether to distribute the companies' products directly or indirectly through some inferior deputies in according to which will costs less, and still, they are in responsible to make the choice among the potential partitions of market in order to make their products occupy as many portion as possible. All these are their responsibilities, and they are aiming at maximized profits. In fact, how much money earned by a company during the period of a board of executives is an important measurement to decide whether they have done well in the corporations' most powerful positions. 主题句在哪里呢？感觉还是在说怎么作，而不是证明为什么作

However, the issue of by which means the goal of as much as possible money earned should be taken care of. It is true that whatever methods those executives use, all of them should be under the regulation of the law. Any action that violates the content of the law would bring punishment to the company. For example, if the company bribes a great amount of money to the person in the government who has the paramount power to decide which company can gain the charter to construct a new plant and it was made known to the public, then the company would lose all it had gained in the bribe and possibly face fine or being required to stop running. In a sense, all the activities those executives decide to carry out should stay within the law. 这里之前的感觉都没有必要写，因为题中已经限制了是within the law。In addition, provided that they stay within the law, certain kinds of actions would cause harm to the outer society while it is profitable to the company. For example, the issue of "social cost" versus the "inner cost" of a company. While some paper-making factories strengthen their ability to produce more papers in a day and thus probably making more money, they continually omit greenhouse gases and therefore cause environmental problem that is harmful to the whole society. The executives should also take these aspects of the methods they applied in making more money into account, besides whether these means stay within the law.

In fact, taking the issue of possible impact on the society brought by the activities of the corporations into account, is just a responsibility of the executives among many besides making money. Running while do not bring harm to society will make an appealing image of the company in front of the public and finally before the company's customers. In addition, making the management of the corporation more effective and more powerful to reduce the possibilities of inner corruption is a question the executives should think about carefully. Finally, taking actions to make the company sustained in various social and economical changes is also an important issue. 这段是在说…也是responsibility之一，那么在第一段的主题句中也应该提及

The economy throughout the world is developing fast. Any possible social advancement needs the support of it. In order to make their corporations more profitable should be the major responsibility of the companies' executives and what's more, while making the means to the goal within the content of law, they should also pay attention to whether these methods will impose harm to the whole society这句语法有问题the most of the corporations are stepping forward steadily, can we hope the economy to be prosperous.还是感觉没有扣到主题

总体看来，我觉得你审题还需要注意，这篇文章感觉有点偏题了。
不过你是限时的么？我看了下，居然写了800多字，这还是很强了。只要再注意下扣准题目，突出主题，相信没问题的，加油！

staralwaysUID: 193479

最初由 Alier 发布
[B]总体看来，我觉得你审题还需要注意，这篇文章感觉有点偏题了。
不过你是限时的么？我看了下，居然写了800多字，这还是很强了。只要再注意下扣准题目，突出主题，相信没问题的，加油！[/B]

谢谢Alier的拍砖。

细节就不讨论了，因为这两天首要目的是保持手感（快考试了）。

这一个星期以来写的文章都长的要命（是限时的，但严格算起来要超过一点点，当然考试的时候也不见得能写那么多），什么都想写进去，是有零散的感觉。这点提的很有启发，再次感谢！

一会就去帮你看。