Issue10 写得最痛苦的一篇，挤牙膏一样挤的

fhxyweiUID: 157384

frequence>20
Issue10: 401 words  50 minutes
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

Should governments allocate money to ensure that their major cities receive the financial supports to preserve a nation's cultural traditions? For some nations where the majority of cultural heritages locate in cities, the answer is definitely "yes"; However, for some other nations whose majority cultural tradition are not preserved and generated in their major cities, I cannot affirm the author's suggestion.

On the one hand, some countries in this world such as France whose capital is Paris, most of their cultural traditions locate in their distinguished cities which have attracted a tremendous number of tourists from every corner of the world every year. It is necessary for governments to allocate enough money to repair and protect their historical buildings and scene spots. As too many tourists' activities can inevitably undermine those cultural traditions' original figure, it will result in their damages without financial support to protect them. A further example is the Forbidden City in Being. The government has to repair and renew it every a few years, which cost billions yuan every time. Thus, in order to preserve and generate the cultural heritages in cities, financial support is demanded.

On the other hand, I doubt that whether a nation's cultural traditions mainly locate in cities. If not, financial support to cities would become a waste of the public's tax. Actually, to some cultural heritages in cities, they can arouse people's attention easily while some cultural traditions locating in remote areas where a miniscule number of people live are often ignored. What's more, compared with some cultural traditions in remote areas, the ones in big cities can gain more revenue from the tourists. For instance, a famous old city built thousands years ago in China called Loulan city where there are many valuable cultural traditions, which locates in the center of a huge desert, has gradually become colossal rubbishes due to long time physical attack in desert and no financial support to protect. Nowadays people have eventually realized the devastation of this old scene spot is a stupendous loss of cultural traditions. But it is too late to do something to remedy this loss. Therefore, governments should place more financial emphasis on those tradition heritages not in big cities.

In final analysis, besides consolidating the preservation and development of cultural tradition in major cities, government also should take some remote areas where cultural heritages exist into consideration as well, since the valuable traditional things can never appear once again if they were destroyed.

我最近的作文(全是高频)，有拍必回：

Issue10:
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... type%26typeid%3D101
Issue185:
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... type%26typeid%3D101
Issue87:
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... type%26typeid%3D101
Issue51:
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... type%26typeid%3D101
Issue36:
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... ighlight=%2Bfhxywei
Issue7:
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... ighlight=%2Bfhxywei

argument17:
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... &extra=page%3D1
argument4:
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... type%26typeid%3D102
argument19:
https://bbs.gter.net/forum.php?mo ... ighlight=%2Bfhxywei

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-6-23 at 00:42 ]

if_lotusUID: 175616

来参考一下前辈们的"同主题写作"吧:
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;highlight=issue10

感觉你的文章考虑还不够深入,看看大家的讨论,或许能帮助打开思路!

咱们D组要多活动活动了！


我的文章:
issue121-第一篇
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... ight=%2Bif%5C_lotus
(有so猫的修改)

issue136-第二篇
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1

fhxyweiUID: 157384

确实写的很浅，思路打不开，又想短时间完成，而对一些 cultural tradition也不太了解，纯属拼凑出来的！ 这篇文章还要好好修改

if_lotusUID: 175616

语言方面我不作重点修改，只是从论点和逻辑方面提一些个人意见。

Should governments allocate money to ensure that their major cities receive the financial supports to preserve a nation's cultural traditions?[这个问句太长了,一开始就这么复杂,让人头疼,第一印象恐怕会不好哦,呵呵.参考一下so猫的开头：Should cities, which often serve as the center of national economics and culture, be prior to receive financial support from government? 是不是地道很多？]For some nations where the majority of cultural heritages locate in cities, the answer is definitely "yes"; However, for some other nations whose majority cultural tradition are not preserved and generated in their major cities, I cannot affirm the author's suggestion.

On the one hand, some countries in this world such as France whose capital is Paris, most of their cultural traditions locate in their distinguished cities which have attracted a tremendous number of tourists from every corner of the world every year. It is necessary for governments to allocate enough money to repair and protect their historical buildings and scene spots. As too many tourists' activities can inevitably undermine those cultural traditions' original figure, it will result in their damages without financial support to protect them. A further example is the Forbidden City in Being. The government has to repair and renew it every a few years[每隔几年怎么说？去查一下], which cost billions yuan every time. Thus, in order to preserve and generate the cultural heritages in cities, financial support is demanded.

On the other hand, I doubt that whether a nation's cultural traditions mainly locate in cities. If not, financial support to cities[加上限定：to preserve culture] would become a waste of the public's tax. Actually, to[改为for？] some cultural heritages in cities, they[改为which？] can arouse people's attention easily while some cultural traditions locating in remote areas where a miniscule number of[改为few，表否定] people live are often ignored. What's more, compared with some cultural traditions in remote areas[重复，替换掉], the ones[最好交待清楚ones指什么] in big cities can gain more revenue from the tourists. For instance, a famous old city built thousands years ago in China called Loulan city where there are many valuable cultural traditions, which locates in the center of a huge desert, has gradually become colossal rubbishes due to long time physical attack in desert and no financial support to protect. Nowadays people have eventually realized the devastation of this old scene spot is a stupendous loss of cultural traditions. But it is too late to do something to remedy this loss. Therefore, governments should place more financial emphasis on those tradition heritages not in big cities.

In final analysis, besides consolidating the preservation and development of cultural tradition in major cities, government also should take some remote areas where cultural heritages exist into consideration as well, since the valuable traditional things can never appear once again if they were destroyed.


culture的定义很广，你仅就建筑，景点作了论述，感觉还是不够充分，或者在开始对你所理解的culture先限定一下。
另外，文章对题目的理解也不够充分。我把pooh同主题写作对这个题目的分析贴一下吧：

题目包含了两层关系和一个判断句。
这个复合句的第一层关系是因果关系，A because B, B是A出现的原因。
第二层关系是目的关系，in order to 是明显的表示目的关系的词组。Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive. 政府必须确保大城市需要的财政支持，为了它们的繁荣。

可以这样说：一国文化传统未必保存在城市中，即便在城市中，城市是否繁荣跟保存文化传统也没有必然的联系， 城市繁荣了未必能很好的保存传统文化， 还有一个问题是是否有必要在大城市中保存这些传统；一国文化传统如果不是保存在城市中，城市也同样需要财政支持，城镇乡村等保存文化传统的地方更需要财政支持。正因为此题目牵扯关系众多，所以可以有很多种写法，我见过的版上的文章都有不同的侧重点，都是可以的。

刚修改了mkb57288 的issue10，他提出了一个比较新的角度，不过我不知道有没有跑题，呵呵，有兴趣可以去看看：
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... p;page=1#pid1557831

只有深入的理解、分析题目，才能拿到比较理想的分数。加油哦~

fhxyweiUID: 157384

谢谢，我还要深入看一下这方面，对这个题目我忽视了 in order to thrive,少了一大部分讨论的空间，当时题目都没看清楚就下笔写了：）

fhxyweiUID: 157384

Issue10: 401 words  50 minutes
Governments must ensure that their major cities receive the financial support they need in order to thrive, because it is primarily in cities that a nation's cultural traditions are preserved and generated.

关于这个in order to thrive,究竟是 让the major cities thrive, 还是让 traditional culture in major cities thrive, 还或者是让这个国家thrive?

我文中的理解是让 tradtional cultura thrive, 所以导致了分析的片面性

如果是理解为 让 major cities thrive,  就有像上面所说的问题：
可以这样说：一国文化传统未必保存在城市中，即便在城市中，城市是否繁荣跟保存文化传统也没有必然的联系， 城市繁荣了未必能很好的保存传统文化， 还有一个问题是是否有必要在大城市中保存这些传统；一国文化传统如果不是保存在城市中，城市也同样需要财政支持，城镇乡村等保存文化传统的地方更需要财政支持。正因为此题目牵扯关系众多，所以可以有很多种写法，我见过的版上的文章都有不同的侧重点，都是可以的。

mkb57288UID: 2105771

主要把cultural看成了有物质形态的一些古迹之类的事情，其实可以更广一些包括一些习俗传统之类的东西
另外，个人感觉那个thrive是针对后文的，如果泛泛的谈繁荣有些脱离了整个题目的key word
https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1