THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE

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我下载的是一本书，它是PDF文件，我不知道怎么贴上来，只好复制，效果不是很好，但还是可以看的，我今天就贴这么多，有空再贴。

Stephen Covey has written a remarkable book about the human condition, so elegantly written, so
understanding of our embedded concerns, so useful for our organization and personal lives, that it's
going to be my gift to everyone I know.
-- Warren Bennis, author of On Becoming a Leader
I've never known any teacher or mentor on improving personal effectiveness to generate such an
overwhelmingly positive reaction.... This book captures beautifully Stephen's philosophy of principles.
I think anyone reading it will quickly understand the enormous reaction I and others have had to Dr.
Covey's teachings.
-- John Pepper, President, Procter and Gamble
Stephen Covey is an American Socrates, opening your mind to the 'permanent things' -- values,
family, relationships, communicating.
-- Brian Tracy, author of Psychology of Achievement
Stephen R. Covey's book teaches with power, conviction, and feeling. Both the content and the
methodology of these principles form a solid foundation for effective communication. As an educator,
I think this book to be a significant addition to my library.
-- William Rolfe Kerr, Utah Commissioner of Higher Education
Few students of management and organization -- and people -- have thought as long and hard about
first principles as Stephen Covey. In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, he offers us an
opportunity, not a how-to guide. The opportunity is to explore ourselves and our impact on others,
and to do so by taking advantage of his profound insights. It is a wonderful book that could change
your life.
-- Tom Peters, author of In Search of Excellence
The ethical basis for human relations in this book defines a way of life, not just a methodology for
succeeding at business. That it works is apparent.
-- Bruce L. Christensen, President, Public Broadcasting Service
At a time when American organizations desperately need to energize people and produce leaders at
all levels, Covey provides an empowering philosophy for life that is also the best guarantee of success
in business...a perfect blend of wisdom, compassion, and practical experience.
-- Rosabeth Moss Kanter, editor of the Harvard Business Review and author of When Giants Learn to Dance
I have learned so much from Stephen Covey over the years that every time I sit down to write, I'm
worried about subconscious plagiarism! Seven Habits is not pop psychology or trendy self-help. It is
solid wisdom and sound principles.
-- Richard M. Eyre, author of Life Balance and Teaching Children Values
We could do well to make the reading and use of this book a requirement for anyone at any level of
public service. It would be far more effective than any legislation regarding ethical conduct.
-- Senator Jake Garn, first senator in space
When Stephen Covey talks, executives listen.
-- Dun's Business Month

[ Last edited by 燕鸥and小蟹 on 2005-6-29 at 20:52 ]

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Stephen Covey's inspirational book will undoubtedly be the psychology handbook of the '90s. The
principles discussed are universal and can be applied to every aspect of life. These principles,
however, are like an opera. They cannot simply be performed, they must be rehearsed!
-- Ariel Bybee, mezzo-soprano, Metropolitan Opera
I found this book stimulating and thought-provoking. In fact, I keep referring to it.
-- Richard M. DeVos, President, Amway
Winning is a habit. So is losing. Twenty-five years of experience, thought, and research have
convinced Covey that seven habits distinguish the happy, healthy, successful from those who fail or
who must sacrifice meaning and happiness for success in the narrow sense.
-- Ron Zemke, coauthor of The Service Edge and Service America
Stephen R. Covey is a marvelous human being. He writes insightfully and he cares about people.
The equivalent of an entire library of success literature is found in this one volume. The principles he
teaches in The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People have made a real difference in my life.
-- Ken Blanchard, Ph.D., author of The One-Minute Manager
The Seven Habits are keys to success for people in all walks of life. It is very thought-provoking.
-- Edward A. Brennan, Chairman, President and CEO, Sears, Roebuck and Company
Covey validates the durable truths as they apply to family, business, and society in general, sparing
us the psycho-babble that pollutes so much of current literature on human relations. His book is not a
photograph, but a process, and should be treated as such. He is neither an optimist nor a pessimist,
but a possibilist, who believes that we and we alone can open the door to change within ourselves.
There are many more than seven good reasons to read this book.
-- Steve Labunski, Executive Director, International Radio and Television Society
Knowledge is the quickest and safest path to success in any area of life. Stephen Covey has
encapsulated the strategies used by all those who are highly effective. Success can be learned and this
book is a highly effective way to learn it.
-- Charles Givens, President, Charles J. Givens Organization, Inc., author of Wealth Without Risk
I know of no one who has contributed more to helping leaders in our society than Stephen R.
Covey.... There is no literate person in our society who would not benefit by reading this book and
applying its principles
-- Senator Orrin G. Hatch
One of the greatest habits you can develop is to learn and internalize the wisdom of Stephen Covey.
He lives what he says and this book can help you live, permanently, in the "Winner's Circle."
-- Dr. Denis Waitley, author of The Psychology of Winning
It's powerful reading. His principles of vision, leadership, and human relations make it a practical
teaching tool for business leaders today. I highly recommend it.
-- Nolan Archibald, President and CEO, Black and Decker

燕鸥and小蟹UID: 199804

THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People suggests a discipline for our personal dealings with
people which would be undoubtedly valuable if people stopped to think about it.
-- James C. Fletcher, Director, NASA
A wonderful contribution. Dr. Covey has synthesized the habits of our highest achievers and
presented them in a powerful, easy-to-use program. We now have a blueprint for opening the
American mind.
-- Charles Garfield, author of Peak Performer
Seven Habits is an exceptional book. It does a better job of inspiring a person to integrate the
different responsibilities in one's life -- personal, family, and professional -- than any other book I have
read.
-- Paul H. Thompson, Dean, Marriott School of Management, BYU and author of Novation
Goodbye, Dale Carnegie. Stephen Covey has had a profound influence on my life. His principles
are powerful. They work. Buy this book. Read, it, and as you live the principles your life will be
enriched.
-- Robert G. Allen, author of Creating Wealth and Nothing Down
In the '90s America needs to unlock the door to increased productivity both on a business and
personal basis. The best way to accomplish this goal is through enhancing the human resource. Dr.
Covey's Seven Habits provides the guidelines for this to happen. These principles make great sense and
are right on target for the time.
-- F.G. "Buck" Rodgers, author of The IBM Way
This book is filled with practical wisdom for people who want to take control of their lives, their
business and their careers. Each time I read a section again I get new insights, which suggests the
messages are fundamental and deep.
-- Gifford Pinchot III, author of Intrapreneuring
Most of my learning has come from modeling after other people and what they do. Steve's book
helps energize this modeling process through highly effective research and examples.
-- Fran Tarkenton, NFL Hall of Fame quarterback
Not only does the "character ethic" win hands down every time over the "personality ethic" in the
battle of effectiveness, it also will bring greater fulfillment and joy to individuals seeking meaning in
their personal and professional lives.
-- Larry Wilson, author of Changing the Game: The New Way to Sell
Fundamentals are the key to success. Stephen Covey is a master of them. Buy this book, but most
importantly, use it!
-- Anthony Robbins, author of Unlimited Power
This book contains the kind of penetrating truth about human nature that is usually found only in
fiction. At the end, you will feel not only that you know Covey, but also that he knows you
-- Orson Scott Card, winner of the Hugo and Nebula Awards
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
Stephen Covey adds great value to any individual or organization, not just through his words. His
vision and integrity -- his personal example -- move people beyond mere success.
-- Tom F. Crum, cofounder, The Windstar Foundation, and author of The Magic of Conflict
With all the responsibilities and demands of time, travel, work, and families placed upon us in
today's competitive world, it's a big plus to have Stephen Covey's The Seven Habits of Highly Effective
People to refer to.
-- Marie Osmond
In The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, Stephen Covey serves up a seven-course meal on
how to take control of one's life and become the complete, fulfilling person one envisions. It is a
satisfying, energetic, step-by-step book that is applicable for personal and business progress.
-- Roger Staubach, NFL Hall of Fame quarterback
The conclusions he draws in this book underscore the need to restore the character ethic in our
society. This work is a valuable addition to the literature of self-help.
-- W. Clement Stone, founder, Success Magazine
Stephen Covey's deliberate integration of life and principles leads to squaring inner thought and
outward behavior, resulting in personal as well as public integrity.
-- Gregory J. Newell, U.S. Ambassador to Sweden

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Part One
Paradigms and Principles
INSIDE-OUT
There is no real excellence in all this world which can be separated from right living
-- David Starr Jordan
* * *
In more than 25 years of working with people in business, university, and marriage and family
settings, I have come in contact with many individuals who have achieved an incredible degree of
outward success, but have found themselves struggling with an inner hunger, a deep need for personal
congruency and effectiveness and for healthy, growing relationships with other people.
I suspect some of the problems they have shared with me may be familiar to you.
I've set and met my career goals and I'm having tremendous professional success. But it's cost me
my personal and family life. I don't know my wife and children anymore. I'm not even sure I know
myself and what's really important to me. I've had to ask myself -- is it worth it?
I've started a new diet -- for the fifth time this year. I know I'm overweight, and I really want to
change. I read all the new information, I set goals, I get myself all psyched up with a positive mental
attitude and tell myself I can do it. But I don't. After a few weeks, I fizzle. I just can't seem to keep a
promise I make to myself.
I've taken course after course on effective management training. I expect a lot out of my employees
and I work hard to be friendly toward them and to treat them right. But I don't feel any loyalty from
them. I think if I were home sick for a day, they'd spend most of their time gabbing at the water
fountain. Why can't I train them to be independent and responsible -- or find employees who can be?
My teenage son is rebellious and on drugs. No matter what I try, he won't listen to me. What can
I do?
There's so much to do. And there's never enough time. I feel pressured and hassled all day, every
day, seven days a week. I've attended time management seminars and I've tried half a dozen different
planning systems. They've helped some, but I still don't feel I'm living the happy, productive, peaceful
life I want to live.
I want to teach my children the value of work. But to get them to do anything, I have to supervise
every move; and put up with complaining every step of the way. It's so much easier to do it myself.
Why can't children do their work cheerfully and without being reminded?
I'm busy -- really busy. But sometimes I wonder if what I'm doing will make a difference in the
long run. I'd really like to think there was meaning in my life, that somehow things were different
because I was here.
I see my friends or relatives achieve some degree of success or receive some recognition, and I smile
and congratulate them enthusiastically. But inside, I'm eating my heart out. Why do I feel this way?
I have a forceful personality. I know, in almost any interaction, I can control the outcome. Most of
the time, I can even do it by influencing others to come up with the solution I want. I think through
each situation and I really feel the ideas I come up with are usually the best for everyone. But I feel
uneasy. I always wonder what other people really think of me and my ideas.
My marriage has gone flat. We don't fight or anything; we just don't love each other anymore.
We've gone to counseling; we've tried a number of things, but we just can't seem to rekindle the feeling
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
we used to have.
These are deep problems, painful problems -- problems that quick fix approaches can't solve.
A few years ago, my wife Sandra and I were struggling with this kind of concern. One of our sons
was having a very difficult time in school. He was doing poorly academically; he didn't even know
how to follow the instructions on the tests, let alone do well in them. Socially he was immature, often
embarrassing those closest to him. Athletically, he was small, skinny, and uncoordinated -- swinging
his baseball bat, for example, almost before the ball was even pitched. Others would laugh at him.
Sandra and I were consumed with a desire to help him. We felt that if "success" were important in
any area of life, it was supremely important in our role as parents. So we worked on our attitudes and
behavior toward him and we tried to work on his. We attempted to psyche him up using positive
mental attitude techniques. "Come on, son! You can do it! We know you can. Put your hands a little
higher on the bat and keep your eye on the ball. Don't swing till it gets close to you." And if he did a
little better, we would go to great lengths to reinforce him. "That's good, son, keep it up."
When others laughed, we reprimanded them. "Leave him alone. Get off his back. He's just
learning." And our son would cry and insist that he'd never be any good and that he didn't like baseball
anyway.
Nothing we did seemed to help, and we were really worried. We could see the effect this was
having on his self-esteem. We tried to be encouraging and helpful and positive, but after repeated
failure, we finally drew back and tried to look at the situation on a different level.
At this time in my professional role I was involved in leadership development work with various
clients throughout the country. In that capacity I was preparing bimonthly programs on the subject of
communication and perception for IBM's Executive Development Program participants.
As I researched and prepared these presentations, I became particularly interested in how
perceptions are formed, how they behave. This led me to a study of expectancy theory and
self-fulfilling prophecies or the "Pygmalion effect," and to a realization of how deeply imbedded our
perceptions are. It taught me that we must look at the lens through which we see the world, as well as
at the world we see, and that the lens itself shapes how we interpret the world.
As Sandra and I talked about the concepts I was teaching at IBM and about our own situation, we
began to realize that what we were doing to help our son was not in harmony with the way we really
saw him. When we honestly examined our deepest feelings, we realized that our perception was that
he was basically inadequate, somehow "behind." No matter how much we worked on our attitude and
behavior, our efforts were ineffective because, despite our actions and our words, what we really
communicated to him was, "You aren't capable. You have to be protected."
We began to realize that if we wanted to change the situation, we first had to change ourselves.
And to change ourselves effectively, we first had to change our perceptions.
The Personality and Character Ethics
At the same time, in addition to my research on perception, I was also deeply immersed in an
in-depth study of the success literature published in the United States since 1776. I was reading or
scanning literally hundreds of books, articles, and essays in fields such as self-improvement, popular
psychology, and self-help. At my fingertips was the sum and substance of what a free and democratic
people considered to be the keys to successful living.
As my study took me back through 200 years of writing about success, I noticed a startling pattern
emerging in the content of the literature. Because of our own pain, and because of similar pain I had
seen in the lives and relationships of many people I had worked with through the years, I began to feel
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
more and more that much of the success literature of the past 50 years was superficial. It was filled
with social image consciousness, techniques and quick fixes -- with social band-aids and aspirin that
addressed acute problems and sometimes even appeared to solve them temporarily -- but left the
underlying chronic problems untouched to fester and resurface time and again.
In stark contrast, almost all the literature in the first 150 years or so focused on what could be called
the character ethic as the foundation of success -- things like integrity, humility, fidelity, temperance,
courage, justice, patience, industry, simplicity, modesty, and the Golden Rule. Benjamin Franklin's
autobiography is representative of that literature. It is, basically, the story of one man's effort to
integrate certain principles and habits deep within his nature.
The character ethic taught that there are basic principles of effective living, and that people can only
experience true success and enduring happiness as they learn and integrate these principles into their
basic character.
But shortly after World War I the basic view of success shifted from the character ethic to what we
might call the personality ethic. Success became more a function of personality, of public image, of
attitudes and behaviors, skills and techniques, that lubricate the processes of human interaction. This
personality ethic essentially took two paths: one was human and public relations techniques, and the
other was positive mental attitude (PMA). Some of this philosophy was expressed in inspiring and
sometimes valid maxims such as "Your attitude determines your altitude," "Smiling wins more friends
than frowning," and "Whatever the mind of man can conceive and believe it can achieve.
Other parts of the personality approach were clearly manipulative, even deceptive, encouraging
people to use techniques to get other people to like them, or to fake interest in the hobbies of others to
get out of them what they wanted, or to use the "power look," or to intimidate their way through life.
Some of this literature acknowledged character as an ingredient of success, but tended to
compartmentalize it rather than recognize it as foundational and catalytic. Reference to the character
ethic became mostly lip service; the basic thrust was quick-fix influence techniques, power strategies,
communication skills, and positive attitudes.
This personality ethic, I began to realize, was the subconscious source of the solutions Sandra and I
were attempting to use with our son. As I thought more deeply about the difference between the
personality and character ethics, I realized that Sandra and I had been getting social mileage out of our
children's good behavior, and, in our eyes, this son simply didn't measure up. Our image of ourselves,
and our role as good, caring parents was even deeper than our image of our son and perhaps influenced
it. There was a lot more wrapped up in the way we were seeing and handling the problem than our
concern for our son's welfare.
As Sandra and I talked, we became painfully aware of the powerful influence of our character and
motives and of our perception of him. We knew that social comparison motives were out of harmony
with our deeper values and could lead to conditional love and eventually to our son's lessened sense of
self-worth. So we determined to focus our efforts on us -- not on our techniques, but on our deepest
motives and our perception of him. Instead of trying to change him, we tried to stand apart -- to
separate us from him -- and to sense his identity, individuality, separateness, and worth.
Through deep thought and the exercise of faith and prayer, we began to see our son in terms of his
own uniqueness. We saw within him layers and layers of potential that would be realized at his own
pace and speed. We decided to relax and get out of his way and let his own personality emerge. We
saw our natural role as being to affirm, enjoy, and value him. We also conscientiously worked on our
motives and cultivated internal sources of security so that our own feelings of worth were not
dependent on our children's "acceptable" behavior.
As we loosened up our old perception of our son and developed value-based motives, new feelings
began to emerge. We found ourselves enjoying him instead of comparing or judging him. We
stopped trying to clone him in our own image or measure him against social expectations. We
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
stopped trying to kindly, positively manipulate him into an acceptable social mold. Because we saw
him as fundamentally adequate and able to cope with life, we stopped protecting him against the
ridicule of others。

[ Last edited by 燕鸥and小蟹 on 2005-6-29 at 20:50 ]

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He had been nurtured on this protection, so he went through some withdrawal pains, which he
expressed and which we accepted, but did not necessarily respond to. "We don't need to protect you,"
was the unspoken message. "You're fundamentally okay."
As the weeks and months passed, he began to feel a quiet confidence and affirmed himself. He
began to blossom, at his own pace and speed. He became outstanding as measured by standard social
criteria -- academically, socially and athletically -- at a rapid clip, far beyond the so-called natural
developmental process. As the years passed, he was elected to several student body leadership
positions, developed into an all-state athlete and started bringing home straight A report cards. He
developed an engaging and guileless personality that has enabled him to relate in nonthreatening ways
to all kinds of people.
Sandra and I believe that our son's "socially impressive" accomplishments were more a
serendipitous expression of the feelings he had about himself than merely a response to social reward.
This was an amazing experience for Sandra and me, and a very instructional one in dealing with our
other children and in other roles as well. It brought to our awareness on a very personal level the vital
difference between the personality ethic and the character ethic of success. The Psalmist expressed our
conviction well: "Search your own heart with all diligence for out of it flow the issues of life."
Primary and Secondary Greatness
My experience with my son, my study of perception and my reading of the success literature
coalesced to create one of those "Aha!" experiences in life when suddenly things click into place. I was
suddenly able to see the powerful impact of the personality ethic and to clearly understand those subtle,
often consciously unidentified discrepancies between what I knew to be true -- some things I had been
taught many years ago as a child and things that were deep in my own inner sense of value -- and the
quick fix philosophies that surrounded me every day. I understood at a deeper level why, as I had
worked through the years with people from all walks of life, I had found that the things I was teaching
and knew to be effective were often at variance with these popular voices.
I am not suggesting that elements of the personality ethic -- personality growth, communication skill
training, and education in the field of influence strategies and positive thinking -- are not beneficial, in
fact sometimes essential for success. I believe they are. But these are secondary, not primary traits.
Perhaps, in utilizing our human capacity to build on the foundation of generations before us, we have
inadvertently become so focused on our own building that we have forgotten the foundation that holds
it up; or in reaping for so long where we have not sown, perhaps we have forgotten the need to sow.
If I try to use human influence strategies and tactics of how to get other people to do what I want, to
work better, to be more motivated, to like me and each other -- while my character is fundamentally
flawed, marked by duplicity and insincerity -- then, in the long run, I cannot be successful. My
duplicity will breed distrust, and everything I do -- even using so-called good human relations
techniques -- will be perceived as manipulative. It simply makes no difference how good the rhetoric
is or even how good the intentions are; if there is little or no trust, there is no foundation for permanent
success. Only basic goodness gives life to technique.
To focus on technique is like cramming your way through school. You sometimes get by, perhaps
even get good grades, but if you don't pay the price day in and day out, you never achieve true mastery
of the subjects you study or develop an educated mind.
Did you ever consider how ridiculous it would be to try to cram on a farm -- to forget to plant in the
spring, play all summer and then cram in the fall to bring in the harvest? The farm is a natural system.
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The price must be paid and the process followed. You always reap what you sow; there is no shortcut.
This principle is also true, ultimately, in human behavior, in human relationships. They, too, are
natural systems based on the The Law of the Harvest. In the short run, in an artificial social system such
as school, you may be able to get by if you learn how to manipulate the man-made rules, to "play the
game." In most one-shot or short-lived human interactions, you can use the personality ethic to get by
and to make favorable impressions through charm and skill and pretending to be interested in other
people's hobbies. You can pick up quick, easy techniques that may work in short-term situations.
But secondary traits alone have no permanent worth in long-term relationships. Eventually, if there
isn't deep integrity and fundamental character strength, the challenges of life will cause true motives to
surface and human relationship failure will replace short-term success.
Many people with secondary greatness -- that is, social recognition for their talents -- lack primary
greatness or goodness in their character. Sooner or later, you'll see this in every long-term relationship
they have, whether it is with a business associate, a spouse, a friend, or a teenage child going through
an identity crisis. It is character that communicates most eloquently. As Emerson once put it, "What
you are shouts so loudly in my ears that I cannot hear what you say."
There are, of course, situations where people have character strength but they lack communication
skills, and that undoubtedly affects the quality of relationships as well. But the effects are still
secondary.
In the last analysis, what we are communicates far more eloquently than anything we say or do.
We all know it. There are people we trust absolutely because we know their character. Whether
they're eloquent or not, whether they have the human relations techniques or not, we trust them, and
we work successfully with them.
In the words of William George Jordan, "Into the hands of every individual is given a marvelous
power for good or evil -- the silent unconscious, unseen influence of his life. This is simply the
constant radiation of what man really is, not what he pretends to be."
The Power of a Paradigm
The Seven Habits of Highly Effective People embody many of the fundamental principles of human
effectiveness. These habits are basic; they are primary. They represent the internalization of correct
principles upon which enduring happiness and success are based.
But before we can really understand these Seven Habits TM, we need to understand our own
"paradigms" and how to make a "A Paradigm Shift TM."
Both the The Character Ethic The Personality Ethic are examples of social paradigms. The word
paradigm comes from the Greek. It was originally a scientific term, and is more commonly used today
to mean a model, theory, perception, assumption, or frame of reference. In the more general sense, it's
the way we "see" the world -- not in terms of our visual sense of sight, but in terms of perceiving,
understanding, and interpreting.
For our purposes, a simple way to understand paradigms is to see them as maps. We all know that
"the map is not the territory." A map is simply an explanation of certain aspects of the territory. That's
exactly what a paradigm is. It is a theory, an explanation, or model of something else.
Suppose you wanted to arrive at a specific location in central Chicago. A street map of the city
would be a great help to you in reaching your destination. But suppose you were given the wrong
map. Through a printing error, the map labeled "Chicago" was actually a map of Detroit. Can you
imagine the frustration, the ineffectiveness of trying to reach your destination?
You might work on your behavior -- you could try harder, be more diligent, double your speed.
But your efforts would only succeed in getting you to the wrong place faster.
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You might work on your attitude -- you could think more positively. You still wouldn't get to the
right place, but perhaps you wouldn't care. Your attitude would be so positive, you'd be happy
wherever you were.
The point is, you'd still be lost. The fundamental problem has nothing to do with your behavior or
your attitude. It has everything to do with having a wrong map.
If you have the right map of Chicago, then diligence becomes important, and when you encounter
frustrating obstacles along the way, then attitude can make a real difference. But the first and most
important requirement is the accuracy of the map.
Each of us has many, many maps in our head, which can be divided into two main categories: maps
of the way things are, or realities, and maps of the way things should be, or values. We interpret
everything we experience through these mental maps. We seldom question their accuracy; we're
usually even unaware that we have them. We simply assume that the way we see things is the way
they really are or the way they should be.
And our attitudes and behaviors grow out of those assumptions. The way we see things is the
source of the way we think and the way we act.
Before going any further, I invite you to have an intellectual and emotional experience. Take a few
seconds and just look at the picture on the following page
Now look at the picture below and carefully describe what you see
Do you see a woman? How old would you say she is? What does she look like? What is she wearing?
In what kind of roles do you see her?
You probably would describe the woman in the second picture to be about 25 years old -- very
lovely, rather fashionable with a petite nose and demure presence. If you were a single man you
might like to take her out. If you were in retailing, you might hire her as a fashion model.
But what if I were to tell you that you're wrong? What if I said this picture is of a woman in her 60s
or 70s who looks sad, has a huge nose, and certainly is no model. She's someone you probably would
help cross the street.
Who's right? Look at the picture again. Can you see the old woman? If you can't, keep trying.
Can you see her big hook nose? Her shawl?
If you and I were talking face to face, we could discuss the picture. You could describe what you
see to me, and I could talk to you about what I see. We could continue to communicate until you
clearly showed me what you see in the picture and I clearly showed you what I see.
Because we can't do that, turn to page 45 and study the picture there and then look at this picture
again. Can you see the old woman now? It's important that you see her before you continue reading.
I first encountered this exercise many years ago at the Harvard Business School. The instructor was
using it to demonstrate clearly and eloquently that two people can see the same thing, disagree, and yet
both be right. It's not logical; it's psychological.
He brought into the room a stack of large cards, half of which had the image of the young woman
you saw on page 25, and the other half of which had the old woman on page 45.
He passed them out to the class, the picture of the young woman to one side of the room and the
picture of the old woman to the other. He asked us to look at the cards, concentrate on them for about
10 seconds and then pass them back in. He then projected upon the screen the picture you saw on
page 26 combining both images and asked the class to describe what they saw. Almost every person
in that class who had first seen the young woman's image on a card saw the young woman in the
picture. And almost every person in that class who had first seen the old woman's image on a card
saw an old woman in the picture.
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The professor then asked one student to explain what he saw to a student on the opposite side of the
room. As they talked back and forth, communication problems flared up.
"What do you mean, 'old lady'? She couldn't be more than 20 or 22 years old!
"Oh, come on. You have to be joking. She's 70 -- could be pushing 80!"
"What's the matter with you? Are you blind? This lady is young, good looking. I'd like to take
her out. She's lovely."
"Lovely? She's an old hag.
The arguments went back and forth, each person sure of, and adamant in, his or her position. All
of this occurred in spite of one exceedingly important advantage the students had -- most of them knew
early in the demonstration that another point of view did, in fact, exist -- something many of us would
never admit. Nevertheless, at first, only a few students really tried to see this picture from another
frame of reference.
After a period of futile communication, one student went up to the screen and pointed to a line on
the drawing. "There is the young woman's necklace." The other one said, "No, that is the old woman's
mouth." Gradually, they began to calmly discuss specific points of difference, and finally one student,
and then another, experienced sudden recognition when the images of both came into focus. Through
continued calm, respectful, and specific communication, each of us in the room was finally able to see
the other point of view. But when we looked away and then back, most of us would immediately see
the image we had been conditioned to see in the 10-second period of time.
I frequently use this perception demonstration in working with people and organizations because it
yields so many deep insights into both personal and interpersonal effectiveness. It shows, first of all,
how powerfully conditioning affects our perceptions, our paradigms. If 10 seconds can have that kind
of impact on the way we see things, what about the conditioning of a lifetime? The influences in our
lives -- family, school, church, work environment, friends, associates, and current social paradigms such
as the personality ethic -- all have made their silent unconscious impact on us and help shape our frame
of reference, our paradigms, our maps.
It also shows that these paradigms are the source of our attitudes and behaviors. We cannot act
with integrity outside of them. We simply cannot maintain wholeness if we talk and walk differently
than we see. If you were among the 90 percent who typically see the young woman in the composite
picture when conditioned to do so, you undoubtedly found it difficult to think in terms of having to
help her cross the street. Both your attitude about her and your behavior toward her had to be
congruent with the way you saw her.
This brings into focus one of the basic flaws of the personality ethic. To try to change outward
attitudes and behaviors does very little good in the long run if we fail to examine the basic paradigms
from which those attitudes and behaviors flow.
This perception demonstration also shows how powerfully our paradigms affect the way we interact
with other people. As clearly and objectively as we think we see things, we begin to realize that others
see them differently from their own apparently equally clear and objective point of view. "Where we
stand depends on where we sit."
Each of us tends to think we see things as they are, that we are objective. But this is not the case.
We see the world, not as it is, but as we are -- or, as we are conditioned to see it. When we open our
mouths to describe what we see, we in effect describe ourselves, our perceptions, our paradigms.
When other people disagree with us, we immediately think something is wrong with them. But, as the
demonstration shows, sincere, clearheaded people see things differently, each looking through the
unique lens of experience.
This does not mean that there are no facts. In the demonstration, two individuals who initially
have been influenced by different conditioning pictures look at the third picture together. They are
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now both looking at the same identical facts -- black lines and white spaces -- and they would both
acknowledge these as facts. But each person's interpretation of these facts represents prior experiences,
and the facts have no meaning whatsoever apart from the interpretation.
The more aware we are of our basic paradigms, maps, or assumptions, and the extent to which we
have been influenced by our experience, the more we can take responsibility for those paradigms,
examine them, test them against reality, listen to others and be open to their perceptions, thereby
getting a larger picture and a far more objective view.

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The Power of a Paradigm Shift
Perhaps the most important insight to be gained from the perception demonstration is in the area of
paradigm shifting, what we might call the "Aha!" experience when someone finally "sees" the composite
picture in another way. The more bound a person is by the initial perception, the more powerful the
"Aha!" experience is. It's as though a light were suddenly turned on inside.
The term Paradigm Shift was introduced by Thomas Kuhn in his highly influential landmark book,
The Structure of Scientific Revolutions. Kuhn shows how almost every significant breakthrough in the
field of scientific endeavor is first a break with tradition, with old ways of thinking, with old paradigms.
For Ptolemy, the great Egyptian astronomer, the earth was the center of the universe. But
Copernicus created a Paradigm Shift, and a great deal of resistance and persecution as well, by placing
the sun at the center. Suddenly, everything took on a different interpretation.
The Newtonian model of physics was a clockwork paradigm and is still the basis of modern
engineering. But it was partial, incomplete. The scientific world was revolutionized by the
Einsteinian paradigm, the relativity paradigm, which had much higher predictive and explanatory
value.
Until the germ theory was developed, a high percentage of women and children died during
childbirth, and one could understand why. In military skirmishes, more men were dying from small
wounds and diseases than from the major traumas on the front lines. But as soon as the germ theory
was developed, a whole new paradigm, a better, improved way of understanding what was happening
made dramatic, significant medical improvement possible.
The United States today is the fruit of a Paradigm Shift. The traditional concept of government for
centuries had been a monarchy, the divine right of kings. Then a different paradigm was developed --
government of the people, by the people, and for the people. And a constitutional democracy was
born, unleashing tremendous human energy and ingenuity, and creating a standard of living, of
freedom and liberty, of influence and hope unequaled in the history of the world.
Not all Paradigm Shifts are in positive directions. As we have observed, the shift from the
character ethic to the personality ethic has drawn us away from the very roots that nourish true success
and happiness.
But whether they shift us in positive or negative directions, whether they are instantaneous or
developmental, Paradigm Shifts move us from one way of seeing the world to another. And those
shifts create powerful change. Our paradigms, correct or incorrect, are the sources of our attitudes and
behaviors, and ultimately our relationships with others.
I remember a mini-Paradigm Shift I experienced one Sunday morning on a subway in New York.
People were sitting quietly -- some reading newspapers, some lost in thought, some resting with their
eyes closed. It was a calm, peaceful scene.
Then suddenly, a man and his children entered the subway car. The children were so loud and
rambunctious that instantly the whole climate changed.
The man sat down next to me and closed his eyes, apparently oblivious to the situation. The
children were yelling back and forth, throwing things, even grabbing people's papers. It was very
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disturbing. And yet, the man sitting next to me did nothing.
It was difficult not to feel irritated. I could not believe that he could be so insensitive to let his
children run wild like that and do nothing about it, taking no responsibility at all. It was easy to see
that everyone else on the subway felt irritated, too. So finally, with what I felt was unusual patience
and restraint, I turned to him and said, "Sir, your children are really disturbing a lot of people. I
wonder if you couldn't control them a little more?"
The man lifted his gaze as if to come to a consciousness of the situation for the first time and said
softly, "Oh, you're right. I guess I should do something about it. We just came from the hospital
where their mother died about an hour ago. I don't know what to think, and I guess they don't know
how to handle it either."
Can you imagine what I felt at that moment? My paradigm shifted. Suddenly I saw things
differently, I felt differently, I behaved differently. My irritation vanished. I didn't have to worry
about controlling my attitude or my behavior; my heart was filled with the man's pain. Feelings of
sympathy and compassion flowed freely. "Your wife just died? Oh, I'm so sorry. Can you tell me
about it? What can I do to help?" Everything changed in an instant.
Many people experience a similar fundamental shift in thinking when they face a life-threatening
crisis and suddenly see their priorities in a different light, or when they suddenly step into a new role,
such as that of husband or wife, parent or grandparent, manager or leader.
We could spend weeks, months, even years laboring with the personality ethic trying to change our
attitudes and behaviors and not even begin to approach the phenomenon of change that occurs
spontaneously when we see things differently.
It becomes obvious that if we want to make relatively minor changes in our lives, we can perhaps
appropriately focus on our attitudes and behaviors. But if we want to make significant, quantum
change, we need to work on our basic paradigms.
In the words of Thoreau, "For every thousand hacking at the leaves of evil, there is one striking at
the root." We can only achieve quantum improvements in our lives as we quit hacking at the leaves of
attitude and behavior and get to work on the root, the paradigms from which our attitudes and
behaviors flow.
Seeing and Being
Of course, not all Paradigm Shifts are instantaneous. Unlike my instant insight on the subway, the
paradigm-shifting experience Sandra and I had with our son was a slow, difficult, and deliberate
process. The approach we had first taken with him was the outgrowth of years of conditioning and
experience in the personality ethic. It was the result of deeper paradigms we held about our own
success as parents as well as the measure of success of our children. And it was not until we changed
those basic paradigms, quantum change in ourselves and in the situation.
In order to see our son differently, Sandra and I had to be differently. Our new paradigm was
created as we invested in the growth and development of our own character.
Our Paradigms are the way we "see" the world or circumstances -- not in terms of our visual sense of
sight, but in terms of perceiving, understanding, and interpreting. Paradigms are inseparable from
character. Being is seeing in the human dimension. And what we see is highly interrelated to what
we are. We can't go very far to change our seeing without simultaneously changing our being, and
vice versa.
Even in my apparently instantaneous paradigm-shifting experience that morning on the subway,
my change of vision was a result of -- and limited by -- my basic character.
I'm sure there are people who, even suddenly understanding the true situation, would have felt no
more than a twinge of regret or vague guilt as they continued to sit in embarrassed silence beside the
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grieving, confused man. On the other hand, I am equally certain there are people who would have
been far more sensitive in the first place, who may have recognized that a deeper problem existed and
reached out to understand and help before I did.
Paradigms are powerful because they create the lens through which we see the world. The power
of a Paradigm Shift is the essential power of quantum change, whether that shift is an instantaneous or
a slow and deliberate process.
The Principle-Centered Paradigm
The character ethic is based on the fundamental idea that there are principles that govern human
effectiveness -- natural laws in the human dimension that are just as real, just as unchanging and
unarguably "there" as laws such as gravity are in the physical dimension.
An idea of the reality -- and the impact -- of these principles can be captured in another
paradigm-shifting experience as told by Frank Kock in Proceedings, the magazine of the Naval
Institute.
Two battleships assigned to the training squadron had been at sea on maneuvers in heavy weather
for several days. I was serving on the lead battleship and was on watch on the bridge as night fell.
The visibility was poor with patchy fog, so the captain remained on the bridge keeping an eye on all
activities.
Shortly after dark, the lookout on the wing of the bridge reported, "Light, bearing on the starboard
bow."
"Is it steady or moving astern?" the captain called out.
Lookout replied, "Steady, captain," which meant we were on a dangerous collision course with that
ship.
The captain then called to the signal man, "Signal that ship: We are on a collision course, advise you
change course 20 degrees."
Back came a signal, "Advisable for you to change course 20 degrees."
The captain said, "Send, I'm a captain, change course 20 degrees."
"I'm a seaman second class," came the reply. "You had better change course 20 degrees."
By that time, the captain was furious. He spat out, "Send, I'm a battleship. Change course 20
degrees."
Back came the flashing light, "I'm a lighthouse."
We changed course
The A Paradigm Shift is the "a-ha" experience associated with finally perceiving or understanding
some aspect of the world (or a circumstance) in a different way. Paradigm Shift experienced by the
captain -- and by us as we read this account -- puts the situation in a totally different light. We can see
a reality that is superseded by his limited perceptions -- a reality that is as critical for us to understand
in our daily lives as it was for the captain in the fog.
Principles are like lighthouses. They are natural laws that cannot be broken. As Cecil B. deMille
observed of the principles contained in his monumental movie, The Ten Commandments, "It is
impossible for us to break the law. We can only break ourselves against the law."
While individuals may look at their own lives and interactions in terms of paradigms or maps
emerging out of their experience and conditioning, these maps are not the territory. They are a
"subjective reality," only an attempt to describe the territory.
The "objective reality," or the territory itself, is composed of "lighthouse" principles that govern
human growth and happiness -- natural laws that are woven into the fabric of every civilized society
throughout history and comprise the roots of every family and institution that has endured and
prospered. The degree to which our mental maps accurately describe the territory does not alter its
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existence.
The reality of such principles or natural laws becomes obvious to anyone who thinks deeply and
examines the cycles of social history. These principles surface time and time again, and the degree to
which people in society recognize and live in harmony with them moves them toward either survival
and stability or disintegration and destruction.
The principles I am referring to are not esoteric, mysterious, or "religious" ideas. There is not one
principle taught in this book that is unique to any specific faith or religion, including my own. These
principles are a part of every major enduring religion, as well as enduring social philosophies and
ethical systems. They are self-evident and can easily be validated by any individual. It's almost as if
these principles or natural laws are part of the human condition, part of the human consciousness, part
of the human conscience. They seem to exist in all human beings, regardless of social conditioning and
loyalty to them, even though they might be submerged or numbed by conditions or disloyalty.
I am referring, for example, to the principle of fairness, out of which our whole concept of equity
and justice is developed. Little children seem to have an innate sense of the idea of fairness even apart
from opposite conditioning experiences. There are vast differences in how fairness is defined and
achieved, but there is almost universal awareness of the idea.
Other examples would include integrity and honesty. They create the foundation of trust which is
essential to cooperation and long-term personal and interpersonal growth.
Another principle is human dignity. The basic concept in the United States Declaration of
Independence bespeaks this value or principle. "We hold these truths to be self-evident: that all men
are created equal and endowed by their Creator with certain inalienable rights, that among these are life,
liberty, and the pursuit of happiness."
Another principle is service, or the idea of making a contribution. Another is quality or excellence.
There is the principle of potential, the idea that we are embryonic and can grow and develop and
release more and more potential, develop more and more talents. Highly related to potential is the
principle of growth -- the process of releasing potential and developing talents, with the accompanying
need for principles such as patience, nurturance, and encouragement.
Principles are not practices. A practice is a specific activity or action. A practice that works in one
circumstance will not necessarily work in another, as parents who have tried to raise a second child
exactly like they did the first one can readily attest.
While practices are situationally specific, principles are deep, fundamental truths that have universal
application. They apply to individuals, to marriages, to families, to private and public organizations of
every kind. When these truths are internalized into habits, they empower people to create a wide
variety of practices to deal with different situations.
While practices are situationally specific, principles are deep, fundamental truths that have universal
application. They apply to individuals, to marriages, to families, to private and public organizations of
every kind. When these truths are internalized into habits, they empower people to create a wide
variety of practices to deal with different situations.
Principles are not values. A gang of thieves can share values, but they are in violation of the
fundamental principles we're talking about. Principles are the territory. Values are maps. When we
value correct principles, we have truth -- a knowledge of things as they are.
Principles are guidelines for human conduct that are proven to have enduring, permanent value.
They're fundamental. They're essentially unarguable because they are self-evident. One way to
quickly grasp the self-evident nature of principles is to simply consider the absurdity of attempting to
live an effective life based on their opposites. I doubt that anyone would seriously consider unfairness,
deceit, baseness, uselessness, mediocrity, or degeneration to be a solid foundation for lasting happiness
and success. Although people may argue about how these principles are defined or manifested or
achieved, there seems to be an innate consciousness and awareness that they exist.

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The more closely our maps or paradigms are aligned with these principles or natural laws, the more
accurate and functional they will be. Correct maps will infinitely impact our personal and
interpersonal effectiveness far more than any amount of effort expended on changing our attitudes and
behaviors.
Principles of Growth and Change
The glitter of the personality ethic, the massive appeal, is that there is some quick and easy way to
achieve quality of life -- personal effectiveness and rich, deep relationships with other people -- without
going through the natural process of work and growth that makes it possible
It's symbol without substance. It's the "get rich quick" scheme promising "wealth without work."
And it might even appear to succeed -- but the schemer remains.
The personality ethic is illusory and deceptive. And trying to get high-quality results with its
techniques and quick fixes is just about as effective as trying to get to some place in Chicago using a
map of Detroit.
In the words of Erich Fromm, an astute observer of the roots and fruits of the personality ethic.
Today we come across an individual who behaves like an automaton, who does not know or
understand himself, and the only person that he knows is the person that he is supposed to be, whose
meaningless chatter has replaced communicative speech, whose synthetic smile has replaced genuine
laughter, and whose sense of dull despair has taken the place of genuine pain. Two statements may be
said concerning this individual. One is that he suffers from defects of spontaneity and individuality
which may seem to be incurable. At the same time it may be said of him he does not differ essentially
from the millions of the rest of us who walk upon this earth.
In all of life, there are sequential stages of growth and development. A child learns to turn over, to
sit up, to crawl, and then to walk and run. Each step is important and each one takes time. No step
can be skipped.
This is true in all phases of life, in all areas of development, whether it be learning to play the piano
or communicate effectively with a working associate. It is true with individuals, with marriages, with
families, and with organizations.
We know and accept this fact or principle of process in the area of physical things, but to understand
it in emotional areas, in human relations, and even in the area of personal character is less common and
more difficult. And even if we understand it, to accept it and to live in harmony with it are even less
common and more difficult. Consequently, we sometimes look for a shortcut, expecting to be able to
skip some of these vital steps in order to save time and effort and still reap the desired result.
But what happens when we attempt to shortcut a natural process in our growth and development?
If you are only an average tennis player but decide to play at a higher level in order to make a better
impression, what will result? Would positive thinking alone enable you to compete effectively against a
professional?
What if you were to lead your friends to believe you could play the piano at concert hall level while
your actual present skill was that of a beginner?
The answers are obvious. It is simply impossible to violate, ignore, or shortcut this development
process. It is contrary to nature, and attempting to seek such a shortcut only results in disappointment
and frustration.
On a 10-point scale, if I am at level two in any field, and desire to move to level five, I must first take
the step toward level three. "A thousand-mile journey begins with the first step" and can only be taken
one step at a time.
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If you don't let a teacher know what level you are -- by asking a question, or revealing your
ignorance -- you will not learn or grow. You cannot pretend for long, for you will eventually be found
out. Admission of ignorance is often the first step in our education. Thoreau taught, "How can we
remember our ignorance, which our growth requires, when we are using our knowledge all of the
time?"
I recall one occasion when two young women, daughters of a friend of mine, came to me tearfully,
complaining about their father's harshness and lack of understanding. They were afraid to open up
with their parents for fear of the consequences. And yet they desperately needed their parents' love,
understanding, and guidance.
I talked with the father and found that he was intellectually aware of what was happening. But
while he admitted he had a temper problem, he refused to take responsibility for it and to honestly
accept the fact that his emotional development level was low. It was more than his pride could
swallow to take the first step toward change.
To relate effectively with a wife, a husband, children, friends, or working associates, we must learn
to listen. And this requires emotional strength. Listening involves patience, openness, and the desire
to understand -- highly developed qualities of character. It's so much easier to operate from a low
emotional level and to give high-level advice.
Our level of development is fairly obvious with tennis or piano playing, where it is impossible to
pretend. But it is not so obvious in the areas of character and emotional development. We can "pose"
and "put on" for a stranger or an associate. We can pretend. And for a while we can get by with it --
at least in public. We might even deceive ourselves. Yet I believe that most of us know the truth of
what we really are inside; and I think many of those we live with and work with do as well.
I have seen the consequences of attempting to shortcut this natural process of growth often in the
business world, where executives attempt to "buy" a new culture of improved productivity, quality,
morale, and customer service with the strong speeches, smile training, and external interventions, or
through mergers, acquisitions, and friendly or unfriendly takeovers. But they ignore the low-trust
climate produced by such manipulations. When these methods don't work, they look for other
personality ethic techniques that will -- all the time ignoring and violating the natural principles and
processes on which high-trust culture is based.
I remember violating this principle myself as a father many years ago. One day I returned home to
my little girl's third-year birthday party to find her in the corner of the front room, defiantly clutching
all of her presents, unwilling to let the other children play with them. The first thing I noticed was
several parents in the room witnessing this selfish display. I was embarrassed, and doubly so because
at the time I was teaching university classes in human relations. And I knew, or at least felt, the
expectation of these parents.
The atmosphere in the room was really charged -- the children were crowding around my little
daughter with their hands out, asking to play with the presents they had just given, and my daughter
was adamantly refusing. I said to myself, "Certainly I should teach my daughter to share. The value
of sharing is one of the most basic things we believe in."
So I first tried a simple request. "Honey, would you please share with your friends the toys they've
given you?
"No," she replied flatly.
My second method was to use a little reasoning. "Honey, if you learn to share your toys with them
when they are at your home, then when you go to their homes they will share their toys with you."
Again, the immediate reply was "No!"
I was becoming a little more embarrassed, for it was evident I was having no influence. The third
method was bribery. Very softly I said, "Honey, if you share, I've got special surprise for you. I'll
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give you a piece of gum."
"I don't want gum!" she exploded.
Now I was becoming exasperated. For my fourth attempt, I resorted to fear and threat. "Unless
you share, you will be in real trouble!"
"I don't care!" she cried. "These are my things. I don't have to share!"
Finally, I resorted to force. I merely took some of the toys and gave them to the other kids. "Here,
kids, play with these."
But at that moment, I valued the opinion those parents had of me more than the growth and
development of my child and our relationship together. I simply made an initial judgment that I was
right; she should share, and she was wrong in not doing so.
Perhaps I superimposed a higher-level expectation on her simply because on my own scale I was at
a lower level. I was unable or unwilling to give patience or understanding, so I expected her to give
things. In an attempt to compensate for my deficiency, I borrowed strength from my position and
authority and forced her to do what I wanted her to do.
But borrowing strength builds weakness. It builds weakness in the borrower because it reinforces
dependence on external factors to get things done. It builds weakness in the person forced to
acquiesce, stunting the development of independent reasoning, growth, and internal discipline. And
finally, it builds weakness in the relationship. Fear replaces cooperation, and both people involved
become more arbitrary and defensive.
And what happens when the source of borrowed strength -- be it superior size or physical strength,
position, authority, credentials, status symbols, appearance, or past achievements -- changes or is no
longer there?
Had I been more mature, I could have relied on my own intrinsic strength -- my understanding of
sharing and of growth and my capacity to love and nurture -- and allowed my daughter to make a free
choice as to whether she wanted to share or not to share. Perhaps after attempting to reason with her,
I could have turned the attention of the children to an interesting game, taking all that emotional
pressure off my child. I've learned that once children gain a sense of real possession, they share very
naturally, freely, and spontaneously.
My experience has been that there are times to teach and times not to teach. When relationships
are strained and the air charged with emotion, an attempt to teach is often perceived as a form of
judgment and rejection. But to take the child alone, quietly, when the relationship is good and to
discuss the teaching or the value seems to have much greater impact. It may have been that the
emotional maturity to do that was beyond my level of patience and internal control at the time.
Perhaps a sense of possessing needs to come before a sense of genuine sharing. Many people who
give mechanically or refuse to give and share in their marriages and families may never have
experienced what it means to possess themselves, their own sense of identity and self-worth. Really
helping our children grow may involve being patient enough to allow them the sense of possession as
well as being wise enough to teach them the value of giving and providing the example ourselves.
The Way We See the Problem is the Problem
People are intrigued when they see good things happening in the lives of individuals, families, and
organizations that are based on solid principles. They admire such personal strength and maturity,
such family unity and teamwork, such adaptive synergistic organizational culture.
And their immediate request is very revealing of their basic paradigm. "How do you do it? Teach
me the techniques." What they're really saying is, "Give me some quick fix advice or solution that will
relieve the pain in my own situation."
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They will find people who will meet their wants and teach these things; and for a short time, skills
and techniques may appear to work. They may eliminate some of the cosmetic or acute problems
through social aspirin and band-aids.
But the underlying chronic condition remains, and eventually new acute symptoms will appear.
The more people are into quick fix and focus on the acute problems and pain, the more that very
approach contributes to the underlying chronic condition.
The way we see the problem is the problem.
Look again at some of the concerns that introduced this chapter, and at the impact of personality
ethic thinking.
I've taken course after course on effective management training. I expect a lot out of my employees
and I work hard to be friendly toward them and to treat them right. But I don't feel any loyalty from
them. I think if I were home sick for a day, they'd spend most of their time gabbing at the water
fountain. Why can't I train them to be independent and responsible -- or find employees who can be?
The personality ethic tells me I could take some kind of dramatic action -- shake things up, make
heads roll -- that would make my employees shape up and appreciate what they have. Or that I could
find some motivational training program that would get them committed. Or even that I could hire
new people that would do a better job.
But is it possible that under that apparently disloyal behavior, these employees question whether I
really act in their best interest? Do they feel like I'm treating them as mechanical objects? Is there some
truth to that?
Deep inside, is that really the way I see them? Is there a chance the way I look at the people who
work for me is part of the problem?
There's so much to do. And there's never enough time. I feel pressured and hassled all day, every
day, seven days a week. I've attended time management seminars and I've tried half a dozen different
planning systems. They've helped some, but I still don't feel I'm living the happy, productive, peaceful
life I want to live.
The personality ethic tells me there must be something out there -- some new planner or seminar
that will help me handle all these pressures in a more efficient way.
But is there a chance that efficiency is not the answer? Is getting more things done in less time going
to make a difference -- or will it just increase the pace at which I react to the people and circumstances
that seem to control my life?
Could there be something I need to see in a deeper, more fundamental way -- some paradigm within
myself that affects the way I see my time, my life, and my own nature?
My marriage has gone flat. We don't fight or anything; we just don't love each other anymore.
We've gone to counseling; we've tried a number of things, but we just can't seem to rekindle the feeling
we used to have.
The personality ethic tells me there must be some new book or some seminar where people get all
their feelings out that would help my wife understand me better. Or maybe that it's useless, and only
a new relationship will provide the love I need.
But is it possible that my spouse isn't the real problem? Could I be empowering my spouse's
weaknesses and making my life a function of the way I'm treated?
Do I have some basic paradigm about my spouse, about marriage, about what love really is, that is
feeding the problem?
Can you see how fundamentally the paradigms of the personality ethic affect the very way we see
our problems as well as the way we attempt to solve them?
Whether people see it or not, many are becoming disillusioned with the empty promises of the
personality ethic. As I travel around the country and work with organizations, I find that long-term
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
thinking executives are simply turned off by psyche up psychology and "motivational" speakers who
have nothing more to share than entertaining stories mingled with platitudes.
They want substance; they want process. They want more than aspirin and band-aids. They want
to solve the chronic underlying problems and focus on the principles that bring long-term results.

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A New Level of Thinking
Albert Einstein observed, "The significant problems we face cannot be solved at the same level of
thinking we were at when we created them.
As we look around us and within us and recognize the problems created as we live and interact
within the personality ethic, we begin to realize that these are deep, fundamental problems that cannot
be solved on the superficial level on which they were created.
We need a new level, a deeper level of thinking -- a paradigm based on the principles that accurately
describe the territory of effective human being and interacting -- to solve these deep concerns.
This new level of thinking is what Seven Habits of Highly Effective People is about. It's a
principle-centered, character-based, "Inside-Out" approach to personal and interpersonal effectiveness.
"Inside-Out" means to start first with self; even more fundamentally, to start with the most inside
part of self -- with your paradigms, your character, and your motives.
It says if you want to have a happy marriage, be the kind of person who generates positive energy
and sidesteps negative energy rather than empowering it. If you want to have a more pleasant,
cooperative teenager, be a more understanding, empathic, consistent, loving parent. If you want to
have more freedom, more latitude in your job, be a more responsible, a more helpful, a more
contributing employee. If you want to be trusted, be trustworthy. If you want the secondary
greatness of recognized talent, focus first on primary greatness of character.
The Inside-Out approach says that Private Victories TM precede Public Victories TM, that making
and keeping promises to ourselves precedes making and keeping promises to others. It says it is futile
to put personality ahead of character, to try to improve relationships with others before improving
ourselves.
Inside-Out is a process -- a continuing process of renewal based on the natural laws that govern
human growth and progress. It's an upward spiral of growth that leads to progressively higher forms
of responsible independence and effective interdependence.
I have had the opportunity to work with many people -- wonderful people, talented people, people
who deeply want to achieve happiness and success, people who are searching, people who are hurting.
I've worked with business executives, college students, church and civic groups, families and marriage
partners. And in all of my experience, I have never seen lasting solutions to problems, lasting
happiness and success, that came from the outside in.
What I have seen result from the outside-in paradigm is unhappy people who feel victimized and
immobilized, who focus on the weaknesses of other people and the circumstances they feel are
responsible for their own stagnant situation. I've seen unhappy marriages where each spouse wants
the other to change, where each is confessing the other's "sins," where each is trying to shape up the
other. I've seen labor management disputes where people spend tremendous amounts of time and
energy trying to create legislation that would force people to act as though the foundation of trust were
really there.
Members of our family have lived in three of the "hottest" spots on earth -- South Africa, Israel, and
Ireland -- and I believe the source of the continuing problems in each of these places has been the
dominant social paradigm of outside-in. Each involved group is convinced the problem is "out there"
and if "they" (meaning others) would "shape up" or suddenly "ship out" of existence, the problem
would be solved.
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
Inside-Out is a dramatic Paradigm Shift for most people, largely because of the powerful impact of
conditioning and the current social paradigm of the personality ethic.
But from my own experience -- both personal and in working with thousands of other people -- and
from careful examination of successful individuals and societies throughout history, I am persuaded
that many of the principles embodied in the Seven Habits are already deep within us, in our conscience
and our common sense. To recognize and develop them and to use them in meeting our deepest
concerns, we need to think differently, to shift our paradigms to a new, deeper, "Inside-Out" level.
As we sincerely seek to understand and integrate these principles into our lives, I am convinced we
will discover and rediscover the truth of T. S. Eliot's observation:
We must not cease from exploration and the end of all our exploring will be to arrive where we
began and to know the place for the first time.
The Seven Habits -- An Overview
We are what we repeatedly do. Excellence, then, is not an act, but a habit.
-- Aristotl
Our character, basically, is a composite of our habits. "Sow a thought, reap an action; sow an action,
reap a habit; sow a habit, reap a character; sow a character, reap a destiny," the maxim goes.
Habits are powerful factors in our lives. Because they are consistent, often unconscious patterns,
they constantly, daily, express our character and produce our effectiveness or ineffectiveness.
As Horace Mann, the great educator, once said, "Habits are like a cable. We weave a strand of it
everyday and soon it cannot be broken." I personally do not agree with the last part of his expression.
I know they can be broken. Habits can be learned and unlearned. But I also know it isn't a quick fix.
It involves a process and a tremendous commitment.
Those of us who watched the lunar voyage of Apollo 11 were transfixed as we saw the first men
walk on the moon and return to earth. Superlatives such as "fantastic" and "incredible" were
inadequate to describe those eventful days. But to get there, those astronauts literally had to break out
of the tremendous gravity pull of the earth. More energy was spent in the first few minutes of lift-off,
in the first few miles of travel, than was used over the next several days to travel half a million miles.
Habits, too, have tremendous gravity pull -- more than most people realize or would admit.
Breaking deeply imbedded habitual tendencies such as procrastination, impatience, criticalness, or
selfishness that violate basic principles of human effectiveness involves more than a little willpower and
a few minor changes in our lives. "Lift off" takes a tremendous effort, but once we break out of the
gravity pull, our freedom takes on a whole new dimension.
Like any natural force, gravity pull can work with us or against us. The gravity pull of some of our
habits may currently be keeping us from going where we want to go. But it is also gravity pull that
keeps our world together, that keeps the planets in their orbits and our universe in order. It is a
powerful force, and if we use it effectively, we can use the gravity pull of habit to create the
cohesiveness and order necessary to establish effectiveness in our lives.
"Habits" Defined
For our purposes, we will define a habit as the intersection of knowledge, skill, and desire.
Knowledge is the theoretical paradigm, the what to do and the why. Skill is the how to do. And
desire is the motivation, the want to do. In order to make something a habit in our lives, we have to
have all three.
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
I may be ineffective in my interactions with my work associates, my spouse, or my children because
I constantly tell them what I think, but I never really listen to them. Unless I search out correct
principles of human interaction, I may not even know I need to listen.
Even if I do know that in order to interact effectively with others I really need to listen to them, I
may not have the skill. I may not know how to really listen deeply to another human being.
But knowing I need to listen and knowing how to listen is not enough. Unless I want to listen,
unless I have the desire, it won't be a habit in my life. Creating a habit requires work in all three
dimensions.
The being/seeing change is an upward process -- being changing, seeing, which in turn changes
being, and so forth, as we move in an upward spiral of growth. By working on knowledge, skill, and
desire, we can break through to new levels of personal and interpersonal effectiveness as we break with
old paradigms that may have been a source of pseudo-security for years.
It's sometimes a painful process. It's a change that has to be motivated by a higher purpose, by the
willingness to subordinate what you think you want now for what you want later. But this process
produces happiness, "the object and design of our existence." Happiness can be defined, in part at least,
as the fruit of the desire and ability to sacrifice what we want now for what we want eventually.
The Maturity Continuum TM
The Seven Habits are not a set of separate or piecemeal psyche-up formulas. In harmony with the
natural laws of growth, they provide an incremental, sequential, highly integrated approach to the
development of personal and interpersonal effectiveness. They move us progressively on a Maturity
Continuum from dependence to interdependence.
We each begin life as an infant, totally dependent on others. We are directed, nurtured, and
sustained by others. Without this nurturing, we would only live for a few hours or a few days at the
most.
Then gradually, over the ensuing months and years, we become more and more independent --
physically, mentally, emotionally, and financially -- until eventually we can essentially take care of
ourselves, becoming inner-directed and self-reliant.
As we continue to grow and mature, we become increasingly aware that all of nature is
interdependent, that there is an ecological system that governs nature, including society. We further
discover that the higher reaches of our nature have to do with our relationships with others -- that
human life also is interdependent.
Our growth from infancy to adulthood is in accordance with natural law. And there are many
dimensions to growth. Reaching our full physical maturity, for example, does not necessarily assure
us of simultaneous emotional or mental maturity. On the other hand, a person's physical dependence
does not mean that he or she is mentally or emotionally immature.
On the maturity continuum, dependence is the paradigm of you -- you take care of me; you come
through for me; you didn't come through; I blame you for the results.
Independence is the paradigm of I -- I can do it; I am responsible; I am self-reliant; I can choose.
Interdependence is the paradigm of we -- we can do it: we can cooperate; we can combine our
talents and abilities and create something greater together.
Dependent people need others to get what they want. Independent people can get what they want
through their own effort. Interdependent people combine their own efforts with the efforts of others to
achieve their greatest success.
If I were physically dependent -- paralyzed or disabled or limited in some physical way -- I would
need you to help me. If I were emotionally dependent, my sense of worth and security would come
from your opinion of me. If you didn't like me, it could be devastating. If I were intellectually
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
dependent, I would count on you to do my thinking for me, to think through the issues and problems of
my life.
If I were independent, physically, I could pretty well make it on my own. Mentally, I could think
my own thoughts, I could move from one level of abstraction to another. I could think creatively and
analytically and organize and express my thoughts in understandable ways. Emotionally, I would be
validated from within. I would be inner directed. My sense of worth would not be a function of
being liked or treated well.
It's easy to see that independence is much more mature than dependence. Independence is a major
achievement in and of itself. But independence is not supreme.
Nevertheless, the current social paradigm enthrones independence. It is the avowed goal of many
individuals and social movements. Most of the self-improvement material puts independence on a
pedestal, as though communication, teamwork, and cooperation were lesser values.
Nevertheless, the current social paradigm enthrones independence. It is the avowed goal of many
individuals and social movements. Most of the self-improvement material puts independence on a
pedestal, as though communication, teamwork, and cooperation were lesser values.
But much of our current emphasis on independence is a reaction to dependence -- to having others
control us, define us, use us, and manipulate us.
The little understood concept of interdependence appears to many to smack of dependence, and
therefore, we find people often for selfish reasons, leaving their marriages, abandoning their children,
and forsaking all kinds of social responsibility -- all in the name of independence.
The kind of reaction that results in people "throwing off their shackles," becoming "liberated,"
"asserting themselves," and "doing their own thing" often reveals more fundamental dependencies that
cannot be run away from because they are internal rather than external -- dependencies such as letting
the weaknesses of other people ruin our emotional lives or feeling victimized by people and events out
of our control.
Of course, we may need to change our circumstances. But the dependence problem is a personal
maturity issue that has little to do with circumstances. Even with better circumstances, immaturity
and dependence often persist.
True independence of character empowers us to act rather than be acted upon. It frees us from our
dependence on circumstances and other people and is a worthy, liberating goal. But it is not the
ultimate goal in effective living.
Independent thinking alone is not suited to interdependent reality. Independent people who do
not have the maturity to think and act interdependently may be good individual producers, but they
won't be good leaders or team players. They're not coming from the paradigm of interdependence
necessary to succeed in marriage, family, or organizational reality.
Life is, by nature, highly interdependent. To try to achieve maximum effectiveness through
independence is like trying to play tennis with a golf club -- the tool is not suited to the reality.
Interdependence is a far more mature, more advanced concept. If I am physically interdependent, I
am self-reliant and capable, but I also realize that you and I working together can accomplish far more
than, even at my best, I could accomplish alone. If I am emotionally interdependent, I derive a great
sense of worth within myself, but I also recognize the need for love, for giving, and for receiving love
from others. If I am intellectually interdependent, I realize that I need the best thinking of other people
to join with my own.
As an interdependent person, I have the opportunity to share myself deeply, meaningfully, with
others, and I have access to the vast resources and potential of other human beings.
Interdependence is a choice only independent people can make. Dependent people cannot choose
to become interdependent. They don't have the character to do it; they don't own enough of
themselves.
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
That's why Habits 1, 2, and 3 in the following chapters deal with self-mastery. They move a person
from dependence to independence. They are the "Private Victories," the essence of character growth.
Private Victories precede Public Victories. You can't invert that process anymore than you can harvest
a crop before you plant it. It's Inside-Out.

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As you become truly independent, you have the foundation for effective interdependence. You
have the character base from which you can effectively work on the more personality-oriented "Public
Victories" of teamwork, cooperation, and communication in Habits 4, 5, and 6.
That does not mean you have to be perfect in Habits 1, 2, and 3 before working on Habits 4, 5, and 6.
Understanding the sequence will help you manage your growth more effectively, but I'm not
suggesting that you put yourself in isolation for several years until you fully develop Habits 1, 2, and 3.
As part of an interdependent world, you have to relate to that world every day. But the acute
problems of that world can easily obscure the chronic character causes. Understanding how what you
are impacts every interdependent interaction will help you to focus your efforts sequentially, in
harmony with the natural laws of growth.
Habit 7 is the habit of renewal -- a regular, balanced renewal of the four basic dimensions of life. It
circles and embodies all the other habits. It is the habit of continuous improvement that creates the
upward spiral of growth that lifts you to new levels of understanding and living each of the habits as
you come around to them on a progressively higher plane.
The diagram on the next page is a visual representation of the sequence and the interdependence of
the Seven Habits, and will be used throughout this book as we explore both the sequential relationship
between the habits and also their synergy -- how, in relating to each other, they create bold new forms
of each other that add even more to their value. Each concept or habit will be highlighted as it is
introduced.
Effectiveness Defined
The Seven Habits are habits of effectiveness. Because they are based on principles, they bring the
maximum long-term beneficial results possible. They become the basis of a person's character,
creating an empowering center of correct maps from which an individual can effectively solve problems,
maximize opportunities, and continually learn and integrate other principles in an upward spiral of
growth.
They are also habits of effectiveness because they are based on a paradigm of effectiveness that is in
harmony with a natural law, a principle I call the "P/PC Balance," which many people break themselves
against. This principle can be easily understood by remembering Aesop's fable of the Goose and the
Golden Egg TM.
This fable is the story of a poor farmer who one day discovers in the nest of his pet goose a glittering
golden egg. At first, he thinks it must be some kind of trick. But as he starts to throw the egg aside,
he has second thoughts and takes it in to be appraised instead.
The egg is pure gold! The farmer can't believe his good fortune. He becomes even more
incredulous the following day when the experience is repeated. Day after day, he awakens to rush to
the nest and find another golden egg. He becomes fabulously wealthy; it all seems too good to be true.
But with his increasing wealth comes greed and impatience. Unable to wait day after day for the
golden eggs, the farmer decides he will kill the goose and get them all at once. But when he opens the
goose, he finds it empty. There are no golden eggs -- and now there is no way to get any more. The
farmer has destroyed the goose that produced them.
But as the story shows, true effectiveness is a function of two things: what is produced (the golden
eggs) and the producing asset or capacity to produce (the goose).
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
If you adopt a pattern of life that focuses on golden eggs and neglects the goose, you will soon be
without the asset that produces golden eggs. On the other hand, if you only take care of the goose
with no aim toward the golden eggs, you soon won't have the wherewithal to feed yourself or the
goose.
Effectiveness lies in the balance -- what I call the P/PC Balance TM. P stands for production of
desired results, the golden eggs. PC stands for production capability, the ability or asset that produces
the golden eggs.
Three Kinds of Assets
Basically, there are three kinds of assets: physical, financial, and human. Let's look at each one in
turn.
A few years ago, I purchased a physical asset -- a power lawn mower. I used it over and over again
without doing anything to maintain it. The mower worked well for two seasons, but then it began to
break down. When I tried to revive it with service and sharpening, I discovered the engine had lost
over half its original power capacity. It was essentially worthless.
Had I invested in PC -- in preserving and maintaining the asset -- I would still be enjoying its P -- the
mowed lawn. As it was, I had to spend far more time and money replacing the mower than I ever
would have spent, had I maintained it. It simply wasn't effective.
In our quest for short-term returns, or results, we often ruin a prized physical asset -- a car, a
computer, a washer or dryer, even our body or our environment. Keeping P and PC in balance makes
a tremendous difference in the effective use of physical assets.
It also powerfully impacts the effective use of financial assets. How often do people confuse
principal with interest? Have you ever invaded principal to increase your standard of living, to get
more golden eggs? The decreasing principal has decreasing power to produce interest or income. And
the dwindling capital becomes smaller and smaller until it no longer supplies even our basic needs.
Our most important financial asset is our own capacity to earn. If we don't continually invest in
improving our own PC, we severely limit our options. We're locked into our present situation,
running scared of our corporation or our boss's opinion of us, economically dependent and defensive.
Again, it simply isn't effective.
In the human area, the P/PC Balance is equally fundamental, but even more important, because
people control physical and financial assets.
When two people in a marriage are more concerned about getting the golden eggs, the benefits, than
they are in preserving the relationship that makes them possible, they often become insensitive and
inconsiderate, neglecting the little kindnesses and courtesies so important to a deep relationship. They
begin to use control levers to manipulate each other, to focus on their own needs, to justify their own
position and look for evidence to show the wrongness of the other person. The love, the richness, the
softness, and spontaneity begin to deteriorate. The goose gets sicker day by day.
And what about a parent's relationship with a child? When children are little, they are very
dependent, very vulnerable. It becomes so easy to neglect the PC work -- the training, the
communicating, the relating, the listening. It's easy to take advantage, to manipulate, to get what you
want the way you want it -- right now! You're bigger, you're smarter, and you're right! So why not just
tell them what to do? If necessary, yell at them, intimidate them, insist on your way.
Or you can indulge them. You can go for the golden egg of popularity, of pleasing them, giving
them their way all the time. Then they grow up without a personal commitment to being disciplined
or responsible.
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Either way -- authoritarian or permissive -- you have the golden egg mentality. You want to have
your way or you want to be liked. But what happens, meantime, to the goose? What sense of
responsibility, of self-discipline, of confidence in the ability to make good choices or achieve important
goals is a child going to have a few years down the road? And what about your relationship? When he
reaches those critical teenage years, the identity crises, will he know from his experience with you that
you will listen without judging, that you really, deeply care about him as a person, that you can be
trusted, no matter what? Will the relationship be strong enough for you to reach him, to communicate
with him, to influence him?
Suppose you want your daughter to have a clean room -- that's P, production, the golden egg. And
suppose you want her to clean it -- that's PC, Production Capability. Your daughter is the goose, the
asset, that produces the golden egg.
If you have P and PC in balance, she cleans the room cheerfully, without being reminded, because
she is committed and has the discipline to stay with the commitment. She is a valuable asset, a goose
that can produce golden eggs.
But if your paradigm is focused on Production, on getting the room clean, you might find yourself
nagging her to do it. You might even escalate your efforts to threatening or yelling, and in your desire
to get the golden egg, you undermine the health and welfare of the goose.
Let me share with you an interesting PC experience I had with one of my daughters. We were
planning a private date, which is something I enjoy regularly with each of my children. We find that
the anticipation of the date is as satisfying as the realization.
So I approached my daughter and said, "Honey, tonight's your night. What do you want to do?"
"Oh, Dad, that's okay," she replied
"No, really," I said, "What would you like to do?"
"Well," she finally said, "what I want to do, you don't really want to do."
"Really, honey," I said earnestly, "I want to do it. No matter what, it's your choice."
"I want to go see Star Wars," she replied. "But I know you don't like Star Wars. You slept through
it before. You don't like these fantasy movies. That's okay, Dad."
"No, honey, if that's what you'd like to do, I'd like to do it."
"Dad, don't worry about it. We don't always have to have this date." She paused and then added,
"But you know why you don't like Star Wars? It's because you don't understand the philosophy and
training of a Jedi Knight."
"What?"
"You know the things you teach, Dad? Those are the same things that go into the training of a Jedi
Knight."
"Really? Let's go to Star Wars!"
And we did. She sat next me and gave me the paradigm. I became her student, her learner. It
was totally fascinating. I could begin to see out of a new paradigm the whole way a Jedi Knight's basic
philosophy in training is manifested in different circumstances.
That experience was not a planned P experience; it was the serendipitous fruit of a PC investment.
It was bonding and very satisfying. But we enjoyed golden eggs, too, as the goose -- the quality of the
relationship -- was significantly fed.
Organizational PC
One of the immensely valuable aspects of any correct principle is that it is valid and applicable in a
wide variety of circumstances. Throughout this book, I would like to share with you some of the ways
in which these principles apply to organizations, including families, as well as to individuals.
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
When people fail to respect the P/PC Balance in their use of physical assets in organizations, they
decrease organizational effectiveness and often leave others with dying geese.
For example, a person in charge of a physical asset, such as a machine, may be eager to make a good
impression on his superiors. Perhaps the company is in a rapid growth stage and promotions are
coming fast. So he produces at optimum levels -- no downtime, no maintenance. He runs the
machine day and night. The production is phenomenal, costs are down, and profits skyrocket.
Within a short time, he's promoted. Golden eggs.
But suppose you are his successor on the job. You inherit a very sick goose, a machine that, by this
time, is rusted and starts to break down. You have to invest heavily in downtime and maintenance.
Costs skyrocket; profits nose-dive. And who gets blamed for the loss of golden eggs? You do. Your
predecessor liquidated the asset, but the accounting system only reported unit production, costs, and
profit.
The P/PC Balance is particularly important as it applies to the human assets of an organization -- the
customers and the employees.
I know of a restaurant that served a fantastic clam chowder and was packed with customers every
day at lunchtime. Then the business was sold, and the new owner focused on golden eggs -- he
decided to water down the chowder. For about a month, with costs down and revenues constant,
profits zoomed. But little by little, the customers began to disappear. Trust was gone, and business
dwindled to almost nothing. The new owner tried desperately to reclaim it, but he had neglected the
customers, violated their trust, and lost the asset of customer loyalty. There was no more goose to
produce the golden egg.
There are organizations that talk a lot about the customer and then completely neglect the people
that deal with the customer -- the employees. The PC principle is to always treat your employees
exactly as you want them to treat your best customers.
You can buy a person's hand, but you can't buy his heart. His heart is where his enthusiasm, his
loyalty is. You can buy his back, but you can't buy his brain. That's where his creativity is, his
ingenuity, his resourcefulness.
PC work is treating employees as volunteers just as you treat customers as volunteers, because that's
what they are. They volunteer the best part -- their hearts and minds.
I was in a group once where someone asked, "How do you shape up lazy and incompetent
employees?" One man responded, "Drop hand grenades!" Several others cheered that kind of macho
management talk, that "shape up or ship out" supervision approach.
But another person in the group asked, "Who picks up the pieces?"
"No pieces."
"Well, why don't you do that to your customers?" the other man replied. "Just say, 'Listen, if you're
not interested in buying, you can just ship out of this place.'"
He said, "You can't do that to customers."
"Well, how come you can do it to employees?"
"Because they're in your employ."
"I see. Are your employees devoted to you? Do they work hard? How's the turnover?"
"Are you kidding? You can't find good people these days. There's too much turnover, absenteeism,
moonlighting. People just don't care anymore."
That focus on golden eggs -- that attitude, that paradigm -- is totally inadequate to tap into the
powerful energies of the mind and heart of another person. A short-term bottom line is important, but
it isn't all-important.
Effectiveness lies in the balance. Excessive focus on P results in ruined health, worn-out machines,
depleted bank accounts, and broken relationships. Too much focus on PC is like a person who runs
for three or four hours a day, bragging about the extra 10 years of life it creates, unaware he's spending
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
them running. Or a person endlessly going to school, never producing, living on other people's golden
eggs -- the eternal student syndrome.

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To maintain the P/PC Balance, the balance between the golden egg (Production) and the health and
welfare of the goose (Production Capability) is often a difficult judgment call. But I suggest it is the
very essence of effectiveness. It balances short term with long term. It balances going for the grade
and paying the price to get an education. It balances the desire to have a room clean and the building
of a relationship in which the child is internally committed to do it -- cheerfully, willingly, without
external supervision.
It's a principle you can see validated in your own life when you burn the candle at both ends to get
more golden eggs and wind up sick or exhausted, unable to produce any at all; or when you get a good
night's sleep and wake up ready to produce throughout the day.
You can see it when you press to get your own way with someone and somehow feel an emptiness
in the relationship; or when you really take time to invest in a relationship and you find the desire and
ability to work together, to communicate, takes a quantum leap.
The P/PC Balance is the very essence of effectiveness. It's validated in every arena of life. We can
work with it or against it, but it's there. It's a lighthouse. It's the definition and paradigm of
effectiveness upon which the Seven Habits in this book are based.
How to Use This Book
Before we begin work on the Seven Habits of Highly Effective People, I would like to suggest two
Paradigm Shifts that will greatly increase the value you will receive from this material.
First, I would recommend that you not "see" this material as a book, in the sense that it is something
to read once and put on a shelf.
You may choose to read it completely through once for a sense of the whole. But the material is
designed to be a companion in the continual process of change and growth. It is organized
incrementally and with suggestions for application at the end of each habit so that you can study and
focus on any particular habit as you are ready.
As you progress to deeper levels of understanding and implementation, you can go back time and
again to the principles contained in each habit and work to expand your knowledge, skill, and desire.
Second, I would suggest that you shift your paradigm of your own involvement in this material
from the role of learner to that of teacher. Take an Inside-Out approach, and read with the purpose in
mind of sharing or discussing what you learn with someone else within 48 hours after you learn it.
If you had known, for example, that you would be teaching the material on the P/PC Balance
principle to someone else within 48 hours, would it have made a difference in your reading experience?
Try it now as you read the final section in this chapter. Read as though you are going to teach it to
your spouse, your child, a business associate, or a friend today or tomorrow, while it is still fresh, and
notice the difference in your mental and emotional process.
I guarantee that if you approach the material in each of the following chapters in this way, you will
not only better remember what you read, but your perspective will be expanded, your understanding
deepened, and your motivation to apply the material increased.
In addition, as you openly, honestly share what you're learning with others, you may be surprised to
find that negative labels or perceptions others may have of you tend to disappear. Those you teach
will see you as a changing, growing person, and will be more inclined to be helpful and supportive as
you work, perhaps together, to integrate the Seven Habits into your lives.
What You Can Expect
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
In the last analysis, as Marilyn Ferguson observed, "No one can persuade another to change. Each
of us guards a gate of change that can only be opened from the inside. We cannot open the gate of
another, either by argument or by emotional appeal.
If you decide to open your "gate of change" to really understand and live the principles embodied in
the Seven Habits, I feel comfortable in assuring you several positive things will happen.
First, your growth with be evolutionary, but the net effect will be revolutionary. Would you not
agree that the P/PC Balance principle alone, if fully lived, would transform most individuals and
organizations?
The net effect of opening the "gate of change" to the first three habits -- the habits of Private Victory
-- will be significantly increased self-confidence. You will come to know yourself in a deeper, more
meaningful way -- your nature, your deepest values and your unique contribution capacity. As you
live your values, your sense of identity, integrity, control, and inner-directedness will infuse you with
both exhilaration and peace. You will define yourself from within, rather than by people's opinions or
by comparisons to others. "Wrong" and "right" will have little to do with being found out.
Ironically, you'll find that as you care less about what others think of you; you will care more about
what others think of themselves and their worlds, including their relationship with you. You'll no
longer build your emotional life on other people's weaknesses. In addition, you'll find it easier and
more desirable to change because there is something -- some core deep within -- that is essentially
changeless.
As you open yourself to the next three habits -- the habits of Public Victory -- you will discover and
unleash both the desire and the resources to heal and rebuild important relationships that have
deteriorated, or even broken. Good relationships will improve -- become deeper, more solid, more
creative, and more adventuresome.
The seventh habit, if deeply internalized, will renew the first six and will make you truly
independent and capable of effective interdependence. Through it, you can charge your own batteries.
Whatever your present situation, I assure you that you are not your habits. You can replace old
patterns of self-defeating behavior with new patterns, new habits of effectiveness, happiness, and
trust-based relationships.
With genuine caring, I encourage you to open the gate of change and growth as you study these
habits. Be patient with yourself. Self-growth is tender; it's holy ground. There's no greater
investment.
It's obviously not a quick fix. But I assure you, you will feel benefits and see immediate payoffs
that will be encouraging. In the words of Thomas Paine, "That which we obtain too easily, we esteem
too lightly. It is dearness only which gives everything its value. Heaven knows how to put a proper
price on its goods."

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Part Two
Private Victory
Habit 1: Be Proactive -- Principles of Personal Visio
I know of no more encouraging fact than the unquestionable ability of man to elevate his life by
conscious endeavor.
-- Henry David Thorea
As you read this book, try to stand apart from yourself. Try to project your consciousness upward
into a corner of the room and see yourself, in your mind's eye, reading. Can you look at yourself
almost as though you were someone else?
Now try something else. Think about the mood you are now in. Can you identify it? What are
you feeling? How would you describe your present mental state
Now think for a minute about how your mind is working. Is it quick and alert? Do you sense that
you are torn between doing this mental exercise and evaluating the point to be made out of it?
Your ability to do what you just did is uniquely human. Animals do not possess this ability. We
call it "self-awareness" or the ability to think about your very thought process. This is the reason why
man has dominion over all things in the world and why he can make significant advances from
generation to generation.
This is why we can evaluate and learn from others' experiences as well as our own. This is also
why we can make and break our habits.
We are not our feelings. We are not our moods. We are not even our thoughts. The very fact
that we can think about these things separates us from them and from the animal world.
Self-awareness enables us to stand apart and examine even the way we "see" ourselves -- our paradigm,
the most fundamental paradigm of effectiveness. It affects not only our attitudes and behaviors, but
also how we see other people. It becomes our map of the basic nature of mankind.
In fact, until we take how we see ourselves (and how we see others) into account, we will be unable
to understand how others see and feel about themselves and their world. Unaware, we will be unable
to understand how others see and feel about themselves and their world. Unaware, we will project
our intentions on their behavior and call ourselves objective.
This significantly limits our personal potential and our ability to relate to others as well. But
because of the unique human capacity of self-awareness, we can examine our paradigms to determine
whether they are reality- or principle-based or if they are a function of conditioning and conditions.
The Social Mirror
If the only vision we have of ourselves comes from the social mirror -- from the current social
paradigm and from the opinions, perceptions, and paradigms of the people around us -- our view of
ourselves is like the reflection in the crazy mirror room at the carnival.
"You're never on time."
"Why can't you ever keep things in order?"
"You must be an artist!"
"You eat like a horse!"
"I can't believe you won!"
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
"This is so simple. Why can't you understand?"
These visions are disjointed and out of proportion. They are often more projections than reflections,
projecting the concerns and character weaknesses of people giving the input rather than accurately
reflecting what we are.
The reflection of the current social paradigm tells us we are largely determined by conditioning and
conditions. While we have acknowledged the tremendous power of conditioning in our lives, to say
that we are determined by it, that we have no control over that influence, creates quite a different map.
There are actually three social maps -- three theories of determinism widely accepted, independently
or in combination, to explain the nature of man. Genetic determinism basically says your
grandparents did it to you. That's why you have such a temper. Your grandparents had short
tempers and it's in your DNA. It just goes through the generations and you inherited it. In addition,
you're Irish, and that's the nature of Irish people.
Psychic determinism basically says your parents did it to you. Your upbringing, your childhood
experience essentially laid out your personal tendencies and your character structure. That's why
you're afraid to be in front of a group. It's the way your parents brought you up. You feel terribly
guilty if you make a mistake because you "remember" deep inside the emotional scripting when you
were very vulnerable and tender and dependent. You "remember" the emotional punishment, the
rejection, the comparison with somebody else when you didn't perform as well as expected.
Environmental determinism basically says your boss is doing to you -- or your spouse, or that bratty
teenager, or your economic situation, or national policies. Someone or something in your environment
is responsible for your situation.
Each of these maps is based on the stimulus/response theory we most often think of in connection
with Pavlov's experiments with dogs. The basic idea is that we are conditioned to respond in a
particular way to a particular stimulus.
How accurately and functionally do these deterministic maps describe the territory? How clearly do
these mirrors reflect the true nature of man? Do they become self-fulfilling prophecies? Are they based
on principles we can validate within ourselves?
Between Stimulus and Response
In answer to those questions, let me share with you the catalytic story of Viktor Frankl.
Frankl was a determinist raised in the tradition of Freudian psychology, which postulates that
whatever happens to you as a child shapes your character and personality and basically governs your
whole life. The limits and parameters of your life are set, and, basically, you can't do much about it.
Frankl was also a psychiatrist and a Jew. He was imprisoned in the death camps of Nazi Germany,
where he experienced things that were so repugnant to our sense of decency that we shudder to even
repeat them.
His parents, his brother, and his wife died in the camps or were sent to the gas ovens. Except for
his sister, his entire family perished. Frankl himself suffered torture and innumerable indignities,
never knowing from one moment to the next if his path would lead to the ovens or if he would be
among the "saved" who would remove the bodies or shovel out the ashes of those so fated.
One day, naked and alone in a small room, he began to become aware of what he later called "the
last of the human freedoms" -- the freedom his Nazi captors could not take away. They could control
his entire environment, they could do what they wanted to his body, but Viktor Frankl himself was a
self-aware being who could look as an observer at his very involvement. His basic identity was intact.
He could decide within himself how all of this was going to affect him. Between what happened to
him, or the stimulus, and his response to it, was his freedom or power to choose that response.
In the midst of his experiences, Frankl would project himself into different circumstances, such as
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
lecturing to his students after his release from the death camps. He would describe himself in the
classroom, in his mind's eye, and give his students the lessons he was learning during his very torture.
Through a series of such disciplines -- mental, emotional, and moral, principally using memory and
imagination -- he exercised his small, embryonic freedom until it grew larger and larger, until he had
more freedom than his Nazi captors. They had more liberty, more options to choose from in their
environment; but he had more freedom, more internal power to exercise his options. He became an
inspiration to those around him, even to some of the guards. He helped others find meaning in their
suffering and dignity in their prison existence.
In the midst of the most degrading circumstances imaginable, Frankl used the human endowment of
self-awareness to discover a fundamental principle about the nature of man: Between stimulus and
response, man has the freedom to choose.
Within the freedom to choose are those endowments that make us uniquely human. In addition to
self-awareness, we have imagination -- the ability to create in our minds beyond our present reality.
We have conscience -- a deep inner awareness of right and wrong, of the principles that govern our
behavior, and a sense of the degree to which our thoughts and actions are in harmony with them. And
we have independent will -- the ability to act based on our self-awareness, free of all other influences.
Even the most intelligent animals have none of these endowments. To use a computer metaphor,
they are programmed by instinct and/or training. They can be trained to be responsible, but they can't
take responsibility for that training; in other words, they can't direct it. They can't change the
programming. They're not even aware of it.
But because of our unique human endowments, we can write new programs for ourselves totally
apart from our instincts and training. This is why an animal's capacity is relatively limited and man's
is unlimited. But if we live like animals, out of our own instincts and conditioning and conditions, out
of our collective memory, we too will be limited.
The deterministic paradigm comes primarily from the study of animals -- rats, monkeys, pigeons,
dogs -- and neurotic and psychotic people. While this may meet certain criteria of some researchers
because it seems measurable and predictable, the history of mankind and our own self-awareness tell us
that this map doesn't describe the territory at all!
Our unique human endowments lift us above the animal world. The extent to which we exercise
and develop these endowments empowers us to fulfill our uniquely human potential. Between
stimulus and response is our greatest power -- the freedom to choose.

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"Proactivity" Defined
In discovering the basic principle of the nature of man, Frankl described an accurate self-map from
which he began to develop the first and most basic habit of a highly effective person in any
environment, the habit of Proactivity.
While the word proactivity is now fairly common in management literature, it is a word you won't
find in most dictionaries. It means more than merely taking initiative. It means that as human beings,
we are responsible for our own lives. Our behavior is a function of our decisions, not our conditions.
We can subordinate feelings to values. We have the initiative and the responsibility to make things
happen.
Look at the word responsibility -- "response-ability" -- the ability to choose your response. Highly
proactive people recognize that responsibility. They do not blame circumstances, conditions, or
conditioning for their behavior. Their behavior is a product of their own conscious choice, based on
values, rather than a product of their conditions, based on feeling.
Because we are, by nature, proactive, if our lives are a function of conditioning and conditions, it is
because we have, by conscious decision or by default, chosen to empower those things to control us.
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
In making such a choice, we become reactive. Reactive people are often affected by their physical
environment. If the weather is good, they feel good. If it isn't, it affects their attitude and their
performance. Proactive people can carry their own weather with them. Whether it rains or shines
makes no difference to them. They are value driven; and if their value is to produce good quality
work, it isn't a function of whether the weather is conducive to it or not.
Reactive people are also affected by their social environment, by the "social weather." When people
treat them well, they feel well; when people don't, they become defensive or protective. Reactive
people build their emotional lives around the behavior of others, empowering the weaknesses of other
people to control them.
The ability to subordinate an impulse to a value is the essence of the proactive person. Reactive
people are driven by feelings, by circumstances, by conditions, by their environment. Proactive people
are driven by values -- carefully thought about, selected and internalized values.
Proactive people are still influenced by external stimuli, whether physical, social, or psychological.
But their response to the stimuli, conscious or unconscious, is a value-based choice or response.
As Eleanor Roosevelt observed, "No one can hurt you without your consent." In the words of
Gandhi, "They cannot take away our self respect if we do not give it to them." It is our willing
permission, our consent to what happens to us, that hurts us far more than what happens to us in the
first place.
I admit this is very hard to accept emotionally, especially if we have had years and years of
explaining our misery in the name of circumstance or someone else's behavior. But until a person can
say deeply and honestly, "I am what I am today because of the choices I made yesterday," that person
cannot say, "I choose otherwise."
Once in Sacramento when I was speaking on the subject of Proactivity, a woman in the audience
stood up in the middle of my presentation and started talking excitedly. It was a large audience, and
as a number of people turned to look at her, she suddenly became aware of what she was doing, grew
embarrassed and sat back down. But she seemed to find it difficult to restrain herself and started
talking to the people around her. She seemed so happy.
I could hardly wait for a break to find out what had happened. When it finally came, I
immediately went to her and asked if she would be willing to share her experience.
"You just can't imagine what's happened to me!" she exclaimed. "I'm a full-time nurse to the most
miserable, ungrateful man you can possibly imagine. Nothing I do is good enough for him. He never
expresses appreciation; he hardly even acknowledges me. He constantly harps at me and finds fault
with everything I do. This man has made my life miserable and I often take my frustration out on my
family. The other nurses feel the same way. We almost pray for his demise.
"And for you to have the gall to stand up there and suggest that nothing can hurt me, that no one
can hurt me without my consent, and that I have chosen my own emotional life of being miserable --
well, there was just no way I could buy into that.
"But I kept thinking about it. I really went inside myself and began to ask, 'Do I have the power to
choose my response?"
"When I finally realized that I do have that power, when I swallowed that bitter pill and realized
that I had chosen to be miserable, I also realized that I could choose not to be miserable.
"At that moment I stood up. I felt as though I was being let out of San Quentin. I wanted to yell
to the whole world, 'I am free! I am let out of prison! No longer am I going to be controlled by the
treatment of some person.'"
It's not what happens to us, but our response to what happens to us that hurts us. Of course, things
can hurt us physically or economically and can cause sorrow. But our character, our basic identity,
does not have to be hurt at all. In fact, our most difficult experiences become the crucibles that forge
our character and develop the internal powers, the freedom to handle difficult circumstances in the
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
future and to inspire others to do so as well.
Frankl is one of many who have been able to develop the personal freedom in difficult
circumstances to lift and inspire others. The autobiographical accounts of Vietnam prisoners of war
provide additional persuasive testimony of the transforming power of such personal freedom and the
effect of the responsible use of that freedom on the prison culture and on the prisoners, both then and
now.
We have all known individuals in very difficult circumstances, perhaps with a terminal illness or a
severe physical handicap, who maintain magnificent emotional strength. How inspired we are by
their integrity! Nothing has a greater, longer lasting impression upon another person than the
awareness that someone has transcended suffering, has transcended circumstance, and is embodying
and expressing a value that inspires and ennobles and lifts life.
One of the most inspiring times Sandra and I have ever had took place over a four-year period with
a dear friend of ours named Carol, who had a wasting cancer disease. She had been one of Sandra's
bridesmaids, and they had been best friends for over 25 years.
When Carol was in the very last stages of the disease, Sandra spent time at her bedside helping her
write her personal history. She returned from those protracted and difficult sessions almost transfixed
by admiration for her friend's courage and her desire to write special messages to be given to her
children at different stages in their lives.
Carol would take as little pain-killing medication as possible so that she had full access to her mental
and emotional faculties. Then she would whisper into a tape recorder or to Sandra directly as she took
notes. Carol was so proactive, so brave, and so concerned about others that she became an enormous
source of inspiration to many people around her.
I'll never forget the experience of looking deeply into Carol's eyes the day before she passed away
and sensing out of that deep hollowed agony a person of tremendous intrinsic worth. I could see in
her eyes a life of character, contribution, and service as well as love, concern, and appreciation.
Many times over the years, I have asked groups of people how many have ever experienced being in
the presence of a dying individual who had a magnificent attitude and communicated love and
compassion and served in unmatchable ways to the very end. Usually, about one-fourth of the
audience respond in the affirmative. I then ask how many of them will never forget these individuals
-- how many were transformed, at least temporarily, by the inspiration of such courage, and were
deeply moved and motivated to more noble acts of service and compassion. The same people respond
again, almost inevitably.
Viktor Frankl suggests that there are three central values in life -- the experiential, or that which
happens to us; the creative, or that which we bring into existence; and the attitudinal, or our response in
difficult circumstances such as terminal illness.
My own experience with people confirms the point Frankl makes -- that the highest of the three
values is attitudinal, in the paradigm of reframing sense. In other words, what matters most is how we
respond to what we experience in life.
Difficult circumstances often create Paradigm Shifts, whole new frames of reference by which people
see the world and themselves and others in it, and what life is asking of them. Their larger perspective
reflects the attitudinal values that lift and inspire us all.
Taking the Initiative
Our basic nature is to act, and not be acted upon. As well as enabling us to choose our response to
particular circumstances, this empowers us to create circumstances
Taking initiative does not mean being pushy, obnoxious, or aggressive. It does mean recognizing
our responsibility to make things happen.
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
Over the years, I have frequently counseled people who wanted better jobs to show more initiative --
to take interest and aptitude tests, to study the industry, even the specific problems the organizations
they are interested in are facing, and then to develop an effective presentation showing how their
abilities can help solve the organization's problem. It's called "solution selling," and is a key paradigm
in business success.
The response is usually agreement -- most people can see how powerfully such an approach would
affect their opportunities for employment or advancement. But many of them fail to take the
necessary steps, the initiative, to make it happen.
"I don't know where to go to take the interest and aptitude test."
"How do I study industry and organizational problems? No one wants to help me."
Many people wait for something to happen or someone to take care of them. But people who end
up with the good jobs are the proactive ones who are solutions to problems, not problems themselves,
who seize the initiative to do whatever is necessary, consistent with correct principles, to get the job
done.
Whenever someone in our family, even one of the younger children, takes an irresponsible position
and waits for someone else to make things happen or provide a solution, we tell them, "Use your R and
I!" (resourcefulness and initiative). In fact, often before we can say it, they answer their own
complaints, "I know -- use my R and I!"
Holding people to the responsible course is not demeaning; it is affirming. Proactivity is part of
human nature, and although the proactive muscles may be dormant, they are there. By respecting the
proactive nature of other people, we provide them with at least one clear, undistorted reflection from
the social mirror.
Of course, the maturity level of the individual has to be taken into account. We can't expect high
creative cooperation from those who are deep into emotional dependence. But we can, at least, affirm
their basic nature and create an atmosphere where people can seize opportunities and solve problems in
an increasingly self-reliant way.

rhwfyfUID: 201077

感谢分享
小燕辛苦哦～

收着以后慢慢看咯   :p

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Act or be Acted Upon
The difference between people who exercise initiative and those who don't is literally the difference
between night and day. I'm not talking about a 25 to 50 percent difference in effectiveness; I'm talking
about a 5000-plus percent difference, particularly if they are smart, aware, and sensitive to others.
It takes initiative to create the P/PC Balance of effectiveness in your life. It takes initiative to
develop the Seven Habits. As you study the other six habits, you will see that each depends on the
development of your proactive muscles. Each puts the responsibility on you to act. If you wait to be
acted upon, you will be acted upon. And growth and opportunity consequences attend either road.
At one time I worked with a group of people in the home improvement industry, representatives
from 20 different organizations who met quarterly to share their numbers and problems in an
uninhibited way.
This was during a time of heavy recession, and the negative impact on this particular industry was
even heavier than on the economy in general. These people were fairly discouraged as we began.
The first day, our discussion question was "What's happening to us? What's the stimulus?" Many
things were happening. The environmental pressures were powerful. There was widespread
unemployment, and many of these people were laying off friends just to maintain the viability of their
enterprises. By the end of the day, everyone was even more discouraged.
The second day, we addressed the question, "What's going to happen in the future?" We studied
environmental trends with the underlying reactive assumption that those things would create their
future. By the end of the second day, we were even more depressed. Things were going to get worse
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
before they got better, and everyone knew it.
So on the third day, we decided to focus on the proactive question, "What is our response? What are
we going to do? How can we exercise initiative in this situation?" In the morning we talked about
managing and reducing costs. In the afternoon we discussed increasing market share. We
brainstormed both areas, then concentrated on several very practical, very doable things. A new spirit
of excitement, hope, and proactive awareness concluded the meetings.
At the every end of the third day, we summarized the results of the conference in a three-part
answer to the question, "How's business?"
Part one: What's happening to us is not good, and the trends suggest that it will get worse before it
gets better
Part two: But what we are causing to happen is very good, for we are better managing and reducing
our costs and increasing our market share
Part three: Therefore, business is better than ever
Now what would a reactive mind say to that? "Oh, come on. Face facts. You can only carry this
positive thinking and self-psych approach so far. Sooner or later you have to face reality."
But that's the difference between positive thinking and proactivity. We did face reality. We faced
the reality of the current circumstance and of future projections. But we also faced the reality that we
had the power to choose a positive response to those circumstances and projections. Not facing reality
would have been to accept the idea that what's happening in our environment had to determine us.
Businesses, community groups, organizations of every kind -- including families -- can be proactive.
They can combine the creativity and resourcefulness of proactive individuals to create a proactive
culture within the organization. The organization does not have to be at the mercy of the environment;
it can take the initiative to accomplish the shared values and purposes of the individuals involved.
Listening to our Language
Because our attitudes and behaviors flow out of our paradigms, if we use our self-awareness to
examine them, we can often see in them the nature of our underlying maps. Our language, for
example, is a very real indicator of the degree to which we see ourselves as proactive people.
The language of reactive people absolves them of responsibility.
"That's me. That's just the way I am." I am determined. There's nothing I can do about it.
"He makes me so mad!" I'm not responsible. My emotional life is governed by something outside
my control.
"I can't do that. I just don't have the time." Something outside me -- limited time -- is controlling
me.
"If only my wife were more patient." Someone else's behavior is limiting my effectiveness.
"I have to do it." Circumstances or other people are forcing me to do what I do. I'm not free to
choose my own actions.
Reactive Language: There's nothing I can do. That's just the way I am. He makes me so mad.
They won't allow that. I have to do that. I can't. I must. If only.
Proactive Language: Let's look at our alternatives. I can choose a different approach. I control
my own feelings. I can create an effective presentation. I will choose an appropriate response. I
choose. I prefer. I will.
That language comes from a basic paradigm of determinism. And the whole spirit of it is the
transfer of responsibility. I am not responsible, not able to choose my response.
One time a student asked me, "Will you excuse me from class? I have to go on a tennis trip."
"You have to go, or you choose to go?" I asked.
"I really have to," he exclaimed.
THE SEVEN HABITS OF HIGHLY EFFECTIVE PEOPLE Brought to you by FlyHeart
"What will happen if you don't?"
"Why, they'll kick me off the team."
"How would you like that consequence?"
"I wouldn't."
"In other words, you choose to go because you want the consequence of staying on the team. What
will happen if you miss my class?"
"I don't know."
"Think hard. What do you think would be the natural consequence of not coming to class?"
"You wouldn't kick me out, would you?"
"That would be a social consequence. That would be artificial. If you don't participate on the
tennis team, you don't play. That's natural. But if you don't come to class, what would be the natural
consequence?"
"I guess I'll miss the learning."
"That's right. So you have to weigh that consequence against the other consequence and make a
choice. I know if it were me, I'd choose to go on the tennis trip. But never say you have to do
anything."
"I choose to go on the tennis trip," he meekly replied.
"And miss my class?" I replied in mock disbelief.
A serious problem with reactive language is that it becomes a self-fulfilling prophecy. People
become reinforced in the paradigm that they are determined, and they produce evidence to support the
belief. They feel increasingly victimized and out of control, not in charge of their life or their destiny.
They blame outside forces -- other people, circumstances, even the stars -- for their own situation.
At one seminar where I was speaking on the concept of proactivity, a man came up and said,
"Stephen, I like what you're saying. But every situation is so different. Look at my marriage. I'm
really worried. My wife and I just don't have the same feelings for each other we used to have. I
guess I just don't love her anymore and she doesn't love me. What can I do?"
"The feeling isn't there anymore?" I asked.
"That's right," he reaffirmed. "And we have three children we're really concerned about. What do
you suggest?"
"Love her," I replied.
"I told you, the feeling just isn't there anymore."
"Love her."
"You don't understand. The feeling of love just isn't there."
"Then love her. If the feeling isn't there, that's a good reason to love her."
"But how do you love when you don't love?"
"My friend, love is a verb. Love -- the feeling -- is a fruit of love the verb. So love her. Sacrifice.
Listen to her. Empathize. Appreciate. Affirm her. Are you willing to do that?"
In the great literature of all progressive societies, love is a verb. Reactive people make it a feeling.
They're driven by feelings. Hollywood has generally scripted us to believe that we are not responsible,
that we are a product of our feelings. But the Hollywood script does not describe the reality. If our
feelings control our actions, it is because we have abdicated our responsibility and empowered them to
do so.
Proactive people make love a verb. Love is something you do: the sacrifices you make, the giving
of self, like a mother bringing a newborn into the world. If you want to study love, study those who
sacrifice for others, even for people who offend or do not love in return. If you are a parent, look at the
love you have for the children you sacrificed for. Love is a value that is actualized through loving
actions. Proactive people subordinate feelings to values. Love, the feeling, can be recaptured.

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Circle of Concern. Circle of Influence.
Another excellent way to become more self-aware regarding our own degree of proactivity is to look
at where we focus our time and energy. We each have a wide range of concerns -- our health, our
children, problems at work, the national debt, nuclear war. We could separate those from things in
which we have no particular mental or emotional involvement by creating a "Circle of Concern.
As we look at those things within our Circle of Concern, it becomes apparent that there are some
things over which we have no real control and others that we can do something about. We could
identify those concerns in the latter group by circumscribing them within a smaller Circle of Influence.
By determining which of these two circles is the focus of most of our time and energy, we can discover
much about the degree of our proactivity.
Proactive people focus their efforts in the Circle of Influence. They work on the things they can do
something about. The nature of their energy is positive, enlarging and magnifying, causing their
Circle of Influence to increase.
Reactive people, on the other hand, focus their efforts in the Circle of Concern. They focus on the
weakness of other people, the problems in the environment, and circumstances over which they have
no control. Their focus results in blaming and accusing attitudes, reactive language, and increased
feelings of victimization. The negative energy generated by that focus, combined with neglect in areas
they could do something about, causes their Circle of Influence to shrink.
As long as we are working in our Circle of Concern, we empower the things within it to control us.
We aren't taking the proactive initiative necessary to effect positive change.
Earlier, I shared with you the story of my son who was having serious problems in school. Sandra
and I were deeply concerned about his apparent weaknesses and about the way other people were
treating him.
But those things were in our Circle of Concern. As long as we focused our efforts on those things,
we accomplished nothing, except to increase our own feelings of inadequacy and helplessness and to
reinforce our son's dependence.
It was only when we went to work in our Circle of Influence, when we focused on our own
paradigms, that we began to create a positive energy that changed ourselves and eventually influenced
our son as well. By working on ourselves instead of worrying about conditions, we were able to
influence the conditions.
Because of position, wealth, role, or relationships, there are some circumstances in which a person's
Circle of Influence is larger than his or her Circle of Concern.
This situation reflects on a self-inflicted emotional myopia -- another reactive selfish life-style
focused in the Circle of Concern.
Though they may have to prioritize the use of their influence, proactive people have a Circle of
Concern that is at least as big as their Circle of Influence, accepting the responsibility to use their
influence effectively.
Direct, Indirect, and No Control
The problems we face fall in one of three areas: direct control (problems involving our own
behavior); indirect control (problems involving other people's behavior); or no control (problems we can
do nothing about, such as our past or situational realities). The proactive approach puts the first step
in the solution of all three kinds of problems within our present Circle of Influence.
Direct control problems are solved by working on our habits. They are obviously within our Circle
of Influence. These are the "Private Victories" of Habits 1, 2, and 3.
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Indirect control problems are solved by changing our methods of influence. These are the "Public
Victories" of Habits 4, 5, and 6. I have personally identified over 30 separate methods of human
influence -- as separate as empathy is from confrontation, as separate as example is from persuasion.
Most people have only three or four of these methods in their repertoire, starting usually with
reasoning, and, if that doesn't work, moving to flight or fight. How liberating it is to accept the idea
that I can learn new methods of human influence instead of constantly trying to use old ineffective
methods to "shape up" someone else!
No control problems involve taking the responsibility to change the line on the bottom on our face --
to smile, to genuinely and peacefully accept these problems and learn to live with them, even though
we don't like them. In this way, we do not empower these problems to control us. We share in the
spirit embodied in the Alcoholics Anonymous prayer, "Lord, give me the courage to change the things
which can and ought to be changed, the serenity to accept the things which cannot be changed, and the
wisdom to know the difference."
Whether a problem is direct, indirect, or no control, we have in our hands the first step to the
solution. Changing our habits, changing our methods of influence and changing the way we see our
no control problems are all within our Circle of Influence.
Expanding the Circle of Influence
It is inspiring to realize that in choosing our response to circumstance, we powerfully affect our
circumstance. When we change one part of the chemical formula, we change the nature of the results
I worked with one organization for several years that was headed by a very dynamic person. He
could read trends. He was creative, talented, capable, and brilliant -- and everyone knew it. But he
had a very dictatorial style of management. He tended to treat people like "gofers," as if they didn't
have any judgment. His manner of speaking to those who worked in the organization was, "Go for
this; go for that; now do this; now do that -- I'll make the decisions.
The net effect was that he alienated almost the entire executive team surrounding him. They would
gather in the corridors and complain to each other about him. Their discussion was all very
sophisticated, very articulate, as if they were trying to help the situation. But they did it endlessly,
absolving themselves of responsibility in the name of the president's weaknesses.
"You can't imagine what's happened this time," someone would say. "The other day he went into
my department. I had everything all laid out. But he came in and gave totally different signals.
Everything I'd done for months was shot, just like that. I don't know how I'm supposed to keep
working for him. How long will it be until he retires?"
"He's only fifty-nine," someone else would respond. "Do you think you can survive for six more
years?"
"I don't know. He's the kind of person they probably won't retire anyway."
But one of the executives was proactive. He was driven by values, not feelings. He took initiative
-- he anticipated, he empathized, he read the situation. He was not blind to the president's weaknesses;
but instead of criticizing them, he would compensate for them. Where the president was weak in his
style, he'd try to buffer his own people and make such weaknesses irrelevant. And he'd work with the
president's strengths -- his vision, talent, creativity.
This man focused on his Circle of Influence. He was treated like a gofer, also. But he would do
more than what was expected. He anticipated the president's need. He read with empathy the
president's underlying concern, so when he presented information, he also gave his analysis and his
recommendations based on that analysis.
As I sat one day with the president in an advisory capacity, he said, "Stephen, I just can't believe
what this man has done. He's not only given me the information I requested, but he's provided
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additional information that's exactly what we needed. He even gave me his analysis of it in terms of
my deepest concerns, and a list of his recommendations.
"The recommendations are consistent with the analysis, and the analysis is consistent with the data.
He's remarkable! What a relief not to have to worry about this part of the business."
At the next meeting, it was "go for this" and "go for that" to all the executives but one. To this man,
it was "What's your opinion?" His Circle of Influence had grown
This caused quite a stir in the organization. The reactive minds in the executive corridors began
shooting their vindictive ammunition at this proactive man.
It's the nature of reactive people to absolve themselves of responsibility. It's so much safer to say, "I
am not responsible." If I say "I am responsible," I might have to say, "I am irresponsible." It would be
very hard for me to say that I have the power to choose my response and that the response I have
chosen has resulted in my involvement in a negative, collusive environment, especially if for years I
have absolved myself of responsibility for results in the name of someone else's weaknesses.
So these executives focused on finding more information, more ammunition, more evidence as to
why they weren't responsible.
But this man was proactive toward them, too. Little by little, his Circle of Influence toward them
grew also. It continued to expand to the extent that eventually no one made any significant moves in
the organization without that man's involvement and approval, including the president. But the
president did not feel threatened because this man's strength complemented his strength and
compensated for his weaknesses. So he had the strength of two people, a complementary team.
This man's success was not dependent on his circumstances. Many others were in the same
situation. It was his chosen response to those circumstances, his focus on his Circle of Influence, that
made the difference.
There are some people who interpret "proactive" to mean pushy, aggressive, or insensitive; but that
isn't the case at all. Proactive people aren't pushy. They're smart, they're value driven, they read
reality, and they know what's needed.
Look at Gandhi. While his accusers were in the legislative chambers criticizing him because he
wouldn't join in their Circle of Concern rhetoric condemning the British Empire for their subjugation of
the Indian people, Gandhi was out in the rice paddies, quietly, slowly, imperceptibly expanding his
Circle of Influence with the field laborers. A ground swell of support, of trust, of confidence followed
him through the countryside. Though he held no office or political position, through compassion,
courage, fasting, and moral persuasion he eventually brought England to its knees, breaking political
domination of 300 million people with the power of his greatly expanded Circle of Influence.
The "Have's" and the "Be's"
One way to determine which circle our concern is in is to distinguish between the have's and the be's.
The Circle of Concern is filled with the have's
"I'll be happy when I have my house paid off."
"If only I had a boss who wasn't such a dictator."
"If only I had a more patient husband."
"If I had more obedient kids."
"If I had my degree."
"If I could just have more time to myself."
The Circle of Influence is filled with the be's -- I can be more patient, be wise, be loving. It's the
character focus.
Anytime we think the problem is "out there," that thought is the problem. We empower what's out
there to control us. The change paradigm is "outside-in" -- what's out there has to change before we
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can change.
The proactive approach is to change from the Inside-Out: to be different, and by being different, to
effect positive change in what's out there -- I can be more resourceful, I can be more diligent, I can be
more creative, I can be more cooperative.
One of my favorite stories is one in the Old Testament, part of the fundamental fabric of the
Judeo-Christian tradition. It's the story of Joseph, who was sold into slavery in Egypt by his brothers
at the age of 17. Can you imagine how easy it would have been for him to languish in self-pity as a
servant of Potiphar, to focus on the weaknesses of his brothers and his captors and on all he didn't have?
But Joseph was proactive. He worked on be. And within a short period of time, he was running
Potiphar's household. He was in charge of all that Potiphar had because the trust was so high.
Then the day came when Joseph was caught in a difficult situation and refused to compromise his
integrity. As a result, he was unjustly imprisoned for 13 years. But again he was proactive. He
worked on the inner circle, on being instead of having, and soon he was running the prison and
eventually the entire nation of Egypt, second only to the Pharaoh.
I know this idea is a dramatic Paradigm Shift for many people. It is so much easier to blame other
people, conditioning, or conditions for our own stagnant situation. But we are responsible --
"response-able" -- to control our lives and to powerfully influence our circumstances by working on be,
on what we are.
If I have a problem in my marriage, what do I really gain by continually confessing my wife's sins?
By saying I'm not responsible, I make myself a powerless victim; I immobilize myself in a negative
situation. I also diminish my ability to influence her -- my nagging, accusing, critical attitude only
makes her feel validated in her own weakness. My criticism is worse than the conduct I want to
correct. My ability to positively impact the situation withers and dies.
If I really want to improve my situation, I can work on the one thing over which I have control --
myself. I can stop trying to shape up my wife and work on my own weaknesses. I can focus on being
a great marriage partner, a source of unconditional love and support. Hopefully, my wife will feel the
power of proactive example and respond in kind. But whether she does or doesn't, the most positive
way I can influence my situation is to work on myself, on my being.
There are so many ways to work in the Circle of Influence -- to be a better listener, to be a more
loving marriage partner, to be a better student, to be a more cooperative and dedicated employee.
Sometimes the most proactive thing we can do is to be happy, just to genuinely smile. Happiness, like
unhappiness, is a proactive choice. There are things, like the weather, that our Circle of Influence will
never include. But as proactive people, we can carry our own physical or social weather with us. We
can be happy and accept those things that at present we can't control, while we focus our efforts on the
things that we can.