Issue130 第二篇，写了好久，改了好久，郁闷~

小玩UID: 2111777

和别人约好的，昨天的作业，现在才完成，汗颜－___－\\\

自己先说一下
1. 提纲没写清楚，不知道怎么表达？只有麻烦各位自己看看了；
2. 论证了半天好像也没说清楚，（尤其是论证的第一点）又不知道怎么改，大家帮忙提提建议，谢谢：）
3. 老问题：开头、结尾、语言、句型……555
4. 花的时间也太多了点，简直……自己都无语了

ISSUE
130"How children are socialized today determines the destiny of society. Unfortunately, we have not yet learned how to raise children who can help bring about a better society."

提纲：同意题目前一句：人具有社会性；缺乏社会意识不利于社会进步
        不同意题目后一句：正在尝试、探索；已经有些成果

I fundamentally agree with the speaker that the fate of our society relies heavily on the degree of the socialization of youngsters. However, it seems too pessimistic of him by asserting our failure to seek a sound way to cultivate our children who are effective to build a better society.

As is known to all, human beings are both the master and the element of our society. The prospect of any society is gripped in the fists of human beings, especially young people, who are typical of passionate, vigorous and ambitious. However, no matter how intelligent or ingenious they are, one thing they cannot deny is the fact that they are ingredients of the whole society, hence, social awareness is essential to every member with no exception of youngsters. That is to say, as a component of the an integral whole, each social member should firstly be sensible to current affairs and then try to comply to generally established rules, limits and regulations so as to behave accordingly. Because only by doing this can we guarantee our society on a harmonious phase of development and progress. After all, the advance of our society does not narrowly depend on intellectual or technological efforts, but rather to a larger scope, such as moral, sprit and belief. And socialization refers exactly to the process involved when young children are becoming aware of society and learning how they are expected to behave.

Sometimes inventions or scientific research may arise heated debate partly owing to their inappropriateness in social level. A case in point is the research of human cloning. Though cloning itself indicates a promising future due to its prodigious potential in many fields, especially in the area of medicine and agriculture, the idea of human cloning seems fanatic and is rejected almost all over the world-the reason lies in the fact that it ignores the basic principle of moral establishment. Once cloning human beings is legally permitted worldwide, severe chaos and disturbance are what we can anticipate, which cast threat to the survival of us and existence of society.

Since we have realized the significance of social awareness to youngsters, we should try to breed our children such sense in various approaches. Though challenging, we never give up exploring persistently by designing all kinds of possible approaches. Recent years have seen more or less of our achievements. For example, many schools have introduced a new course named "society" to pupils or teenagers, which focus on current social trends and problems. By informing students the trends such as globalization economically and culturally, or the problems such as racism, alcoholism, drugs, the course actually grant a chance for children to understand what happen outside and thus prepare for them to shape a rational idea for these phenomenon and finally accommodate to this environment. Once they enter society and get involved in social affairs, they will behave naturally and feel easier to adapt to society thanks to school preparation.

In sum, considering the critical role of socialization, we should pay full attention to cultivate people’s social sensibility from their childhood. A tough task may it be, luckily, we are already on the way of seeking and creating. With our constant effort we should have confidence in successfully raise the next generation to be cut in the society.

jeffu-uh-ohUID: 205335

首先这是个很难的topic。辛苦小玩同学了，呵呵。

其实我自己看了老半天也不知道如何写起。 所以我自己也是半桶水，更何谈帮她修改啊~~!

所以我也没什么可帮她改的，只是小提一点意见。

另外，我很impressed by 你的词句，小玩。You might spend time working on your wording, huh. 很漂亮。基于这点，给你5.5分吧。 呵呵。

I fundamentally agree with the speaker that the fate of our society relies heavily on the degree of the socialization of youngsters. However, it seems too pessimistic of him by asserting our failure to seek a sound way to cultivate our children who are effective to build a better society.

As is known to all, human beings are both the master and the element of our society. The prospect of any society is gripped in the fists of human beings, especially young people, who are typical of passionate, vigorous and ambitious. However, no matter how intelligent or ingenious they are, one thing they cannot deny is the fact that they are ingredients of the whole society, hence, social awareness is essential to every member with no exception of youngsters. That is to say, as a component of the an integral whole, each social member should firstly be sensible to current affairs and then try to comply to generally established rules, limits and regulations so as to behave accordingly. Because only by doing this can we guarantee our society on a harmonious phase of development and progress. After all, the advance of our society does not narrowly depend on intellectual or technological efforts, but rather to a larger scope, such as moral, sprit and belief. And socialization refers exactly to the process involved when young children are becoming aware of society and learning how they are expected to behave.

我觉得 Socialization 应该是说 interact with other people 吧。但好象作者没有突出这点。

Sometimes inventions or scientific research may arise heated debate partly owing to their inappropriateness in social level. A case in point is the research of human cloning. Though cloning itself indicates a promising future due to its prodigious potential in many fields, especially in the area of medicine and agriculture, the idea of human cloning seems fanatic and is rejected almost all over the world-the reason lies in the fact that it ignores the basic principle of moral establishment. Once cloning human beings is legally permitted worldwide, severe chaos and disturbance are what we can anticipate, which cast threat to the survival of us and existence of society.

你是想指缺乏社会意识不利于社会进步吗？单独成段，又没有特别指出，人们可能看不出这和你的论点有什么联系。而且，这个的论点好象跟how children are socialized 没什么联系。

Since we have realized the significance of social awareness to youngsters, we should try to breed our children such sense in various approaches. Though challenging, we never give up exploring persistently by designing all kinds of possible approaches. Recent years have seen more or less of our achievements. For example, many schools have introduced a new course named "society" to pupils or teenagers, which focus on current social trends and problems. By informing students the trends such as globalization economically and culturally, or the problems such as racism, alcoholism, drugs, the course actually grant a chance for children to understand what happen outside and thus prepare for them to shape a rational idea for these phenomenon and finally accommodate to this environment. Once they enter society and get involved in social affairs, they will behave naturally and feel easier to adapt to society thanks to school preparation.

我想，谈一点如何教导学生怎样social interaction比较有反驳力吧。

In sum, considering the critical role of socialization, we should pay full attention to cultivate people’s social sensibility from their childhood. A tough task may it be, luckily, we are already on the way of seeking and creating. With our constant effort we should have confidence in successfully raise the next generation to be cut in the society.

我想在开始写这篇文章，我们应该先定义以下什么是：socialization 吧

keeponUID: 2109847

I fundamentally agree with the speaker that the fate of our society relies heavily on the degree of the socialization of youngsters. However, it seems too pessimistic of him by asserting our failure to seek a sound way to cultivate our children who are effective to build a better society.（这句感觉不好，读着有点别扭）

As is known to all, human beings are both the master and the element of our society. The prospect of any society is gripped in the fists of human beings, especially young people, who are typical of passionate, vigorous and ambitious. However, no matter how intelligent or ingenious they are, one thing they cannot deny is the fact that they are ingredients of the whole society, hence, social awareness is essential to every member with no exception of youngsters. That is to say, as a component of the an integral whole, each social member should firstly be sensible to current affairs and then try to comply to generally established rules, limits and regulations so as to behave accordingly. Because only by doing this can we guarantee our society on a harmonious phase of development and progress. After all, the advance of our society does not narrowly depend on intellectual or technological efforts, but rather to a larger scope, such as moral, sprit and belief. And socialization refers exactly to the process involved when young children are becoming aware of society and learning how they are expected to behave.

Sometimes inventions or scientific research may arise（from） heated debate partly owing to their inappropriateness in social level. A case in point is the research of human cloning. Though cloning itself indicates a promising future due to its prodigious potential in many fields, especially in the area of medicine and agriculture, the idea of human cloning seems fanatic and is rejected almost all over the world-the reason lies in the fact that it ignores the basic principle of moral establishment. Once cloning human beings is legally permitted worldwide（ly）, severe chaos and disturbance are what we can anticipate, which cast threat to（on） the survival of us and existence of society.
我觉得两个正面观点好像都不太好，第一个不清楚，第二个与children完全无关；

Since we have realized the significance of social awareness to youngsters, we should try to breed our children such sense in various approaches. Though challenging, we never give up exploring persistently by designing all kinds of possible approaches. Recent years have seen(witnessed) more or less of our achievements. For example, many schools have introduced a new course named "society" to pupils or teenagers, which focus on current social trends and problems. By informing students the trends such as globalization economically and culturally(e and c globalization), or the problems such as racism, alcoholism, drugs, the course actually grant a chance for children to understand what happen outside and thus prepare for them to shape a rational idea for these phenomenon and finally accommodate to this environment. Once they enter society and get involved in social affairs, they will behave naturally and feel easier to adapt to society thanks to school preparation.
这段基于例子的论证不能支撑观点，就是说学校已经提供了课程，与观点（我们会培养孩子）之间的联系，而你的论证在于说这样做的好处，实际上，这部分应该在前面讲的。

In sum, considering the critical role of socialization, we should pay full attention to cultivate people’s social sensibility from their childhood. A tough task may it be, luckily, we are already on the way of seeking and creating. With our constant effort we should have confidence in successfully raise the next generation to be cut in the society.


看了两篇你的文章，觉得第一篇比较好一点，清楚；
可能这一篇题目比较难一点吧~
个人意见，可能很多地方不对，见谅

有空帮我看看：http://edu.gter.net/bbs/viewthre ... &extra=page%3D1
thx

[ Last edited by keepon on 2005-6-30 at 11:21 ]

小玩UID: 2111777

我觉得 Socialization 应该是说 interact with other people 吧。但好象作者没有突出这点。

“socialization refers exactly to the process involved when young children are becoming aware of society and learning how they are expected to behave.”这个就是我查的socialization的定义。不查的话，我的理解也跟你一样；但看了这个定义我觉得interact with other people包括在 learning how they are expected to behave里面了。但我的确没有展开说。我困惑的就是很多东西都有丰富的内涵，要都展开根本不可能；光是一些套话就占很大篇幅了，不知道该怎么安排？

你是想指缺乏社会意识不利于社会进步吗？单独成段，又没有特别指出，人们可能看不出这和你的论点有什么联系。而且，这个的论点好象跟how children are socialized 没什么联系。

单独成段又是败笔……我经常都是大点套小点，所以分段总成问题？

我想，谈一点如何教导学生怎样social interaction比较有反驳力吧。

我觉得我谈了的，但是针对的是一个宏观的，确实不具体……

我想在开始写这篇文章，我们应该先定义以下什么是：socialization 吧

嘿嘿，上面已经说了哈

最后对jeffu-uh-oh同学的细心批改表示衷心感谢:)

小玩UID: 2111777

Originally posted by keepon at 2005-6-30 11:19

我觉得两个正面观点好像都不太好，第一个不清楚，第二个与children完全无关；

这段基于例子的论证不能支撑观点，就是说学校已经提供了课程，与观点（我们会培养孩子）之间的联系，而你的论证在于说这样做的好处，实际上，这部分应该在前面讲的。

谢谢啊~~看来要动大手术，真的是那样我就完了~~~~~语言那些可以润色，“论点不好、论证不能支撑论点”就比较麻烦了，研究一下……

你的作文呆会帮你看哈！！

the_acropolisUID: 2104375

我认为关键词是socialization，一方面是interact with other people，一方面是有社会责任感，因为现在的社会是个interliving的社会

I fundamentally agree with the speaker that the fate of our society relies heavily on the degree of the socialization of youngsters. However, it seems too pessimistic of him by asserting our failure to seek a sound way to cultivate our children who are effective to build a better society.

As is known to all, human beings are both the master and the element of our society. The prospect of any society is gripped in the fists of human beings, especially young people, who are typical of passionate, vigorous and ambitious. However, no matter how intelligent or ingenious they are, one thing they cannot deny is the fact that they are ingredients of the whole society, hence, social awareness is essential to every member with no exception of youngsters.
That is to say, as a component of the an integral whole, each social member should firstly be sensible to current affairs and then try to comply to generally established rules, limits and regulations so as to behave accordingly.
觉得这里socialization这个词没有阐释完备，除了关心国事遵守道德还得有社会责任感，比如对弱势群体的compassion，对驱除危害社会问题的责任感等等。
还有这种责任感必须从小抓起才有效果。
Because only by doing this can we guarantee our society on a harmonious phase of development and progress. After all, the advance of our society does not narrowly depend on intellectual or technological efforts, but rather to a larger scope, such as moral, sprit and belief. And socialization refers exactly to the process involved when young children are becoming aware of society and learning how they are expected to behave.

Sometimes inventions or scientific research may arise heated debate partly owing to their inappropriateness in social level. A case in point is the research of human cloning. Though cloning itself indicates a promising future due to its prodigious potential in many fields, especially in the area of medicine and agriculture, the idea of human cloning seems fanatic and is rejected almost all over the world-the reason lies in the fact that it ignores the basic principle of moral establishment. Once cloning human beings is legally permitted worldwide, severe chaos and disturbance are what we can anticipate, which cast threat to the survival of us and existence of society.

觉得这个例子不是很恰当，它更多地牵涉了科学与道德的问题，跟社会意识的关系相对小。Since we have realized the significance of social awareness to youngsters, we should try to breed our children such sense in various approaches. Though challenging, we never give up exploring persistently by designing all kinds of possible approaches. Recent years have seen more or less of our achievements. For example, many schools have introduced a new course named "society" to pupils or teenagers, which focus on current social trends and problems. By informing students the trends such as globalization economically and culturally, or the problems such as racism, alcoholism, drugs, the course actually grant a chance for children to understand what happen outside and thus prepare for them to shape a rational idea for these phenomenon and finally accommodate to this environment. Once they enter society and get involved in social affairs, they will behave naturally and feel easier to adapt to society thanks to school preparation.

In sum, considering the critical role of socialization, we should pay full attention to cultivate people’s social sensibility from their childhood. A tough task may it be, luckily, we are already on the way of seeking and creating. With our constant effort we should have confidence in successfully raise the next generation to be cut in the society.结尾很好

题目挺难写的，不过写的真不错，结构清晰，词句也很漂亮！赞～～～～

小玩UID: 2111777

Originally posted by the_acropolis at 2005-6-30 12:09
觉得这里socialization这个词没有阐释完备，除了关心国事遵守道德还得有社会责任感，比如对弱势群体的compassion，对驱除危害社会问题的责任感等等。
还有这种责任感必须从小抓起才有效果。

觉得这个例子不是很恰当，它更多地牵涉了科学与道德的问题，跟社会意识的关系相对小。

觉得楼上的同学说得以上两点都很有道理……我写的时候就没想到啊~~谢谢哈！

至于那个例子，偷懒的说，攒再下次用，嘿嘿

看来这篇要好好改一下了~~

还有，语言我是改过的:L一次写是绝对写不出来的……什么时候可以一次写出来就happy了，呵呵

[ Last edited by 小玩 on 2005-6-30 at 12:46 ]