issue11 我的第一篇修改稿，全球性大学，欢迎拍

ahqiuUID: 207682

Issue11
——题目——
All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world’s most persistent social problems.
——正文——
Nowadays, as the development of the society and technology, the growing problems, such as energy crisis, environmental problems, healthy problems of people and so on, have become worldwide instead of being typical of a certain area. I agree with the speaker that all the nations should help support to design a global university which engages the students to solve the world's most persistent social problems, in so far as these problems are not concerned with codes of ethic and customs. I will show my evidence as follows.

To begin with, it is necessary to establish a global university because the complexity of these social problems has already outweighed the ability of a single country or that of a few united countries. As we know, environmental problems have badly influenced on every corner of the earth, see greenhouse effect, environmental contaminations and so forth. Although scientists from different countries have done every effort to study these subjects respectively, they have not yet found out any economical methods to solve them thoroughly by themselves, such as global warming, Admittedly, there are some global organizations assemble efforts from a few counties of the world, and they have got some optimistic effect, but if the cooperation is augmented to a larger scale, say, a global university which gather the youths and experts all around the world, the result will be more outstanding.

Moreover, it is through international communication in global university that students and experts can understand different situation of their countries deeply, and more valid methods could be figure out. As is known to all, the same problem may appear to have different effects on every part of the world. Taking environment problem for example, Indians may suffer from oppressive hot weather, whereas Chinese were besieged by the floods. Comparing these situations, students under the guidance of experts may realize the essence of abominable climate, and then work out the solution which is able to prevent the hot weather in India as well as stop the flood in China from then on. In this process, students can not only learn much knowledge according to their studies, but also develop analyzing and discussing skills which provide them with capability to solve practical problems in future.

However, some people may argue that social problem is such a large category, and some social problems, like codes for ethics and customs, may probably not be solved by the global university. Take juvenile crime for example, an African young boy commit crime of property for survive, but the reason why an American boy commit the same crime is that they pursue that exciting experience. We can hardly expect to foreign people to understand such problems for they are so related to the history and culture of one's own country.

To sum up, as the speaker suggest it is advantageous to set up a global university with the help of all the nations, for it not only provide students with a large sale of knowledge which may not be learnt in their own country, but also equip them with deep insight to social problems as well as analyzing skill. And the most important is that these persistent social problems have more chance to be settled.

fhxyweiUID: 157384

what does global university truly mean?  how to define it?
定义了没有？

回头再仔细看你的文章

ahqiuUID: 207682

怎么定义呢，我也觉得这个大学好奇怪啊

cssUID: 173612

Issue11
——题目——
All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world’s most persistent social problems.
——正文——
Before discussing this complex issue, it is necessary for us to have a true understanding of what the global university is. As far as I concerned, global university can be broadly defined as a university that engages some excellent students and professors to study the most persistent social problems of the world. (定义得不好，再想) 我觉得可以定义为全世界各民族学生为研究全球性的问题组成的大学In this sense, I would like to agree with the speaker that all the nations should help support to design a global university, in so far as these problems are not concerned with codes of ethic and customs.

To begin with, it is necessary to establish a global university because the complexity of these social problems has already outweighed 这个词不太搭配，主要将重要性和价值的，这里显然是讲能力，建议改成exceed或beyond the ability of a single country or that of a few united countries. Nowadays, as the development of the society and technology, the growing problems, such as energy crisis, environmental problems, healthy problems of people and so on, have become worldwide instead of being typical of a certain area. As we know, environmental problems have badly influenced on every corner of the earth, see 太口语了吧！就用such as 不行吗？ greenhouse effect, environmental contaminations and so forth. Although scientists from different countries have done every effort to study these subjects respectively, they have not yet found out any economical methods to solve them thoroughly by themselves, 用结果不好来推翻原论点，好像不是很有说服力，觉得分析一下原因——为什么各自国家干各自的不好——更好 such as global warming, Admittedly, there are some global organizations assemble efforts from a few counties of the world, and they have got some optimistic effect, but if the cooperation is augmented to a larger scale, say,怀疑issue可以这么口语？ a global university which gather the youths and experts all around the world, the result will be more outstanding. 如果你不分析原因，就得出这个结论，俺是不服地

Moreover, it is through international communication in global university that students and experts can understand different situation of their countries deeply, and more valid methods could be figure out. As is known to all, the same problem may appear to have different effects on every part of the world. Taking environment problem for example, Indians may suffer from oppressive hot weather, whereas Chinese were besieged by the floods. 为什么？厄尔尼诺？是本来如此还是problem?如果是自然规律，下面论证就没什么道理Comparing these situations, students under the guidance of experts may realize the essence of abominable climate, and then work out the solution which is able to prevent the hot weather in India as well as stop the flood in China from then on. In this process, students can not only learn much knowledge according to their studies, but also develop analyzing and discussing skills which provide them with capability to solve practical problems in future. 学生长知识了由怎样？与解决问题有何关系？没有展开论述

However, some people may argue that social problem is such a large category, and some social problems, like codes for ethics and customs, may probably not be solved by the global university. Take juvenile crime for example, an African young boy commit crime of property for survive, but the reason why an American boy commit the same crime is 用may be 好些that they pursue that exciting experience. We can hardly expect to foreign people to understand such problems for they are so related to the history and culture of one's own country.觉得这个例子有点牵强阿

To sum up, as the speaker suggest it is advantageous to set up a global university with the help of all the nations, for it not only provide students with a large sale of knowledge which may not be learnt in their own country, but also equip them with deep insight to social problems as well as analyzing skill. 忘了讲你的however了And the most important is that these persistent social problems have more chance to be settled.  

语言基本没什么问题，就是论述上还要加油哈！

[ Last edited by css on 2005-7-13 at 14:33 ]

ahqiuUID: 207682

根据fhxywei的建议，我刚才又修改了一下，呵呵，多谢
Issue11
——题目——
All nations should help support the development of a global university designed to engage students in the process of solving the world’s most persistent social problems.
——正文——
Before discussing this complex issue, it is necessary for us to have a true understanding of what the global university is. As far as I concerned, global university can be broadly defined as a university that engages some excellent students and professors to study the most persistent social problems of the world. (定义得不好，再想)In this sense, I would like to agree with the speaker that all the nations should help support to design a global university, in so far as these problems are not concerned with codes of ethic and customs.

To begin with, it is necessary to establish a global university because the complexity of these social problems has already outweighed the ability of a single country or that of a few united countries. Nowadays, as the development of the society and technology, the growing problems, such as energy crisis, environmental problems, healthy problems of people and so on, have become worldwide instead of being typical of a certain area. As we know, environmental problems have badly influenced on every corner of the earth, see greenhouse effect, environmental contaminations and so forth. Although scientists from different countries have done every effort to study these subjects respectively, they have not yet found out any economical methods to solve them thoroughly by themselves, such as global warming, Admittedly, there are some global organizations assemble efforts from a few counties of the world, and they have got some optimistic effect, but if the cooperation is augmented to a larger scale, say, a global university which gather the youths and experts all around the world, the result will be more outstanding.

Moreover, it is through international communication in global university that students and experts can understand different situation of their countries deeply, and more valid methods could be figure out. As is known to all, the same problem may appear to have different effects on every part of the world. Taking environment problem for example, Indians may suffer from oppressive hot weather, whereas Chinese were besieged by the floods. Comparing these situations, students under the guidance of experts may realize the essence of abominable climate, and then work out the solution which is able to prevent the hot weather in India as well as stop the flood in China from then on. In this process, students can not only learn much knowledge according to their studies, but also develop analyzing and discussing skills which provide them with capability to solve practical problems in future.

However, some people may argue that social problem is such a large category, and some social problems, like codes for ethics and customs, may probably not be solved by the global university. Take juvenile crime for example, an African young boy commit crime of property for survive, but the reason why an American boy commit the same crime is that they pursue that exciting experience. We can hardly expect to foreign people to understand such problems for they are so related to the history and culture of one's own country.

To sum up, as the speaker suggest it is advantageous to set up a global university with the help of all the nations, for it not only provide students with a large sale of knowledge which may not be learnt in their own country, but also equip them with deep insight to social problems as well as analyzing skill. And the most important is that these persistent social problems have more chance to be settled.

lingli_xiaoaiUID: 172506

Before discussing this complex issue, it is necessary for us to have a true understanding of what the global university is. As far as I concerned, global university can be broadly defined as a university that engages some excellent students and professors to study the most persistent social problems of the world. (定义得不好，再想)In this sense, I would like to agree with the speaker that all the nations should help support to design a global university, in so far as these problems are not concerned with codes of ethic and customs. 不明白你这半句话是用来表达什么意思的。

To begin with, it is necessary to establish a global university because the complexity of these social problems has already outweighed the ability of a single country or that of a few united countries. Nowadays, as the development of the society and technology, the growing problems, such as energy crisis, environmental problems, healthy problems of people and so on, have become worldwide instead of being typical of a certain area. As we know, environmental problems have badly influenced on every corner of the earth, see 这种用法不是很好greenhouse effect, environmental contaminations and so forth. Although scientists from different countries have done every effort to study these subjects respectively, they have not yet found out any economical methods to solve them thoroughly by themselves, such as global warming,句号 Admittedly, 这个词用在这里很奇怪。there are some global organizations assemble efforts from a few counties of the world, and they have got some optimistic effect, but if the cooperation is augmented to a larger scale, say, a global university 这个表达很啰嗦，况且会让人想，世界性的大学只是方法的一种，是不是还有别的更好的组织，况且一个大学的能力是有限的，因为大学的目的永远都是教育和研究，至于问题的解决，取决于经济实力，对于这个一个大学也许不如一个组织。况且你说一个组织扩大就是大学，很奇怪。 which gather the youths and experts all around the world, the result will be more outstanding. 最后一句过长。

Moreover, it is through international communication in global university that students and experts can understand different situation of their countries deeply,你这句话在后面的论证中根本没有提到，说过的东西就要证明，什么叫做更深入得了解他们的国家，总不至于就是你后面的说得洪水和干旱的比较八。 and more valid methods could be figure out. 对于什么的办法，与什么比较用more As is known to all, the same problem may appear to have different effects on every part of the world. Taking environment problem for example, Indians may suffer from oppressive hot weather, whereas Chinese were besieged by the floods. Comparing these situations, students under the guidance of experts may realize the essence of abominable climate, and then work out the solution which is able to prevent the hot weather in India as well as stop the flood in China from then on. 我觉得你这个例子让人费解，你的意思是他们同时学习怎么治水和治干旱就能达到这个效果，那不需要一个世界大学，一般的大学也能做，况且我感觉不出这样就会有你后面的结果。而且后面的提高能力和解决问题都是一般学校都可以做的，没有体现出世界大学有什么必要。In this process, students can not only learn much knowledge according to their studies, but also develop analyzing and discussing skills which provide them with capability to solve practical problems in future.

However, some people may argue that social problem is such a large category, and some social problems, like codes for ethics and customs, may probably not be solved by the global university. Take juvenile crime for example, an African young boy commit crime of property for survive, but the reason why an American boy commit the same crime is that they pursue that exciting experience. We can hardly expect to foreign people to understand such problems for they are so related to the history and culture of one's own country.你的意见是什么，这一段全是在讲some people，而且你在开头用了however，这个词是一个强转折，就是说你对建世界大学已经完全转变了观点。这不是一个让步，而是代表你对前面的论述已经否定了，比如她是个美女，however，她的心肠不好，那么你的关键和重点是在批评这个人，而不是在表扬。

To sum up, as the speaker suggest it is advantageous to set up a global university with the help of all the nations, for it not only provide students with a large sale of knowledge which may not be learnt in their own country, but also equip them with deep insight to social problems as well as analyzing skill. And the most important is that these persistent social problems have more chance to be settled.

cssUID: 173612

楼主也帮我改改吧，希望加入你们组队互改！

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

https://bbs.gter.net/viewthre ... type%26typeid%3D101

欢迎互改！

ahqiuUID: 207682

好的，一定帮你改
多谢大家的宝贵意见，真的很感谢，呵呵