Issue48 互改留连接，必回拍

bennUID: 2113048

Issue48  第3篇 让砖头来得更猛烈些吧！
------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：59分41秒     324 words
从2005年6月17日14时39分到2005年6月17日15时59分
------题目------
The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.
------正文------
I agree with the speaker to the point that history is mainly writtened by the events about the groups of people. However, to be subjective, I should say that those famous few as well contribute to the progress of humanity in certain degree. Therefore my point is that in the study historians should ignore the significance of neither the populace nor the few famous.

To begin with, the context of history consists of  series of chapters about the people as a whole. I find quite telling the fact that it was the power of people that put forward the creation of those greatest signs and wonders, such as the Pyramid in Egypt, the Great Wall, etc.. It is hard to imagine few people could have the capabilities to accomplish such tremendous achievements, no matter how talented or powerful they are.

Nevertheless, the famous few play actually key role in the humanity process, and it should never be denied. Those few serves to incite people passionately, to address pressing problems lied in the way forward, and to look for the direct and most efficient way to triumph preventing the people from wasting too much. For instance, during WWII, Winston Churchill insisted to ally with US and USSR, in spite of the rejection from domestic. And it turned out to be a critical and sensible choice of an individual that summoned the sooner coming of peace throughout the world.

Finally, consider the relationship between the few and the groups. Supports from the popular render possible the accomplishment aquired by the few. Would a general win any  battle with a army of no soldier? It seems to be hardly difficult, even if his name happen to be Cesar or Napoleon. Besides, the few highlights the story of humanity.
After all, though we have owned millions of thousands of soldiers in the long history,  only one man is named Napoleon Bonaparte.

In sum, in the study of history we should remember that the main body of human progress is constituted by the endeavor of the gorups, and that the famous few indeed serves as a catalyst to promote forward the events of people. Neither of them should be neglected.

fircattyUID: 166248

保存下来了，明天贴上来~

fircattyUID: 166248

------题目------
The study of history places too much emphasis on individuals. The most significant events and trends in history were made possible not by the famous few, but by groups of people whose identities have long been forgotten.
------正文------
I agree with the speaker to the point that history is mainly writtened by the events about the groups of people. However, to be subjective 你是想说objective吧, I should say that those famous few as well contribute to the progress of humanity in certain degree. Therefore my point is that in the study historians should ignore the significance of neither the populace nor the few famous.

To begin with, the context of history consists of  series of chapters about the people as a whole. I find quite telling the fact 请教一下，可以这么说吗？我没找到类似的说法，读者觉得怪怪的 that it was the power of people that put forward the creation of those greatest signs and wonders, such as the Pyramid in Egypt, the Great Wall, etc.. It is hard to imagine few people could have the capabilities to accomplish such tremendous achievements, no matter how talented or powerful they are.

Nevertheless, the famous few play actually key role in the humanity process, and it should never be denied. Those few serves 复数 to incite people passionately, to address pressing problems lied 你应该是想写lain，但我觉得应该是lying in the way forward, and to look for the direct and most efficient way to triumph preventing the people from wasting too much这句啥意思，防止浪费？？. For instance, during WWII, Winston Churchill insisted to ally with US and USSR, in spite of the rejection from domestic. And it turned out to be a critical and sensible choice of an individual that summoned the sooner coming of peace throughout the world.例子说完了，总要简单总结一下吧，不能扔着就不管了啊

Finally, consider the relationship between the few and the groups ???难道这是一个祈使句？如果是topic sentence的话最好说得清楚一点. Supports from the popular render possible the accomplishment aquired by the few. Would a general win any  battle with a army of no soldier? It seems to be hardly difficult, even if his name happen happens to be Cesar or Napoleon. Besides, the few highlights the story of humanity.After all, though we have owned millions of thousands of soldiers in the long history,  only one man is named Napoleon Bonaparte.这个分论点不对啊,我以为你要说伟人的贡献并举一个伟人贡献的例子,而你所说的这个好像是宿命论

In sum, in the study of history we should remember that the main body of human progress is constituted by the endeavor of the gorups, and that the famous few indeed serves as a catalyst to promote forward the events of people. Neither of them should be neglected

这是限时的文章吗?字数有点少,作者在修改的时候应该充实一下内容,比如将例子充分展开等等，语言上太过于随意,短句太多了,你是八月份考的吧,平时多练习一下语言吧, 尽量写一些长句子,从句,倒装阿强调阿什么的。

bennUID: 2113048

谢谢，受益匪浅，共同努力吧

fircattyUID: 166248

批得有点狠，北美范文我没怎么看，太深奥了，如果是上面的话应该没什么问题，呵呵太地道了所以没看懂。建议你抽半天时间好好研究一下6分范文，才是真正的受益匪浅。

bennUID: 2113048

不，很重肯。问个超级傻弱的问题，哪里查六分范文滴？谢谢哈

fircattyUID: 166248

我是上新东方，发的教材里有ETS范文，网上应该也有，稍微看看结构逻辑就行，他的语言咱就权当欣赏了，一时半会也没办法。嗬嗬，我是9号的，比你晚一天，一起努力啦，加油！:)

[ Last edited by fircatty on 2005-7-19 at 21:34 ]