issue104 谢谢各位大虾，就要考了，急死了！！

welvetUID: 2115361

“It is primarily through formal education that a culture tries to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears.”


Every culture has its own ideas, including it favors or it fears How to perpetuate the former and discredit the latter is then a fundamental problem of every nation. In this issue, the speaker asserts that this function is mainly achieved by the formal education which is basically systematically structured and sequentially organized. In my opinion, I agree with the speaker in general, however, I still believe that there are many other things that need to be considered.

Without question, the formal education is one of the most important forms of education in most societies and markedly contributes to the culture transmission to some extent. In the formal education, the teachers try to teach the educatee the most essential value of the nation, and the latter will gradually have the criterions of themselves to tell with the good and the bad things in their daily life. In another word, the educators transmit the mainly belief and the attitude towards life of their own nation through education from one generation to another. For example, in our country the first lesson every pupil taught is always the the love of our homeland, which naturally becomes one of the important parts of every person’s life attitude. During the over 5000 years of the Chinese history, the belief of the love of one’s country is always a main melody of our nation.

Nevertheless, though the formal education is one of the most important forms of education, it dose not mean that the functions of other forms could be ignored, and the limitation of formal education is sometimes hard to avoid. In fact, during the childhood of one’s life, the most important time to form one’s view towards the world, what effects one greatest is not the formal education but the every trivial thing in the ordinary life. The behaviors of one’s parents, though not have  intention can deeply influence the whole life of the child. Ten words of  preach hardly equal the importance of only one act. Usually, the informal education plays a vital role in a nation’s belief and culture.

From the analysis above, what I try explain is the function of the perpetuating and discrediting in the culture are hard to be achieved by the formal education, and other forms of education is also necessary and should not be neglected. However, we still have a vital issue that has to be explained right now. We should point out the culture that we favor or fear is hard to be completely transmitted to the next generation only by education. In fact, the main goal of education is to cultivate a generation of their own ideas and having the ability of justifying what is good and what is not. The simple manner of teach would only lead to some mood of disgust, and ultimately make a kind of  deviant view to the life, which is the result that every educator is not willing to see.

Above all, I agree with the speaker that the formal education is important to make the next generation to perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears. However, in my opinion, we should not ignore other forms of education, for they are all play a vital role in the whole transmission of the culture in every nation. What is more, we should also clearly realize the fact that the culture one nation favors or fears is not a thing that cannot change, and the ultimate function of all kinds of education is to cultivate a generation of their own wise mind, who will decide the tomorrow of the nation in the true meaning.  
(607)

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-7-18 at 17:45 ]

welvetUID: 2115361

welvetUID: 2115361

dr_greenUID: 193584

Every culture has its own ideas, including it favors or it fears [‘including what it favors or fears’]. How to perpetuate the former and discredit the latter is then a fundamental problem of every nation [I don’t know whether this should be considered a problem. But I insist that a culture is not equal to a nation]. In this issue, the speaker asserts that this function is mainly achieved by the [不要the]formal education which is basically systematically structured and sequentially organized. In my opinion, I agree with the speaker in general, however, [好像分成两句比较好，不然一句话里面出现两次主谓结构了]I still believe that there are many other things that need to be considered.

Without question, the formal education is one of the most important forms of education in most societies and markedly contributes to the culture transmission to some extent. In the [不要the] formal education, the [不要the] teachers try to teach the educatee [educatees? Btw, there’s no such word in MWC.] the most essential value of the nation, and the latter will gradually have [pick up /take; ‘have’ doesn’t sounds like an progress which can be described as ‘gradually’] the criterions of themselves to tell with the good and the bad things in their daily life. In another word, the educators transmit the mainly [main?] belief and the attitude towards life of their own nation through education from one generation to another. For example, in our country the first lesson every pupil taught [being taught? Ur sentence read like “the 1st lesson every pupil teaches” in the past] is always the love of our homeland, which naturally becomes one of the important parts of every person’s life attitude [attitude towards life]. During the over 5000 years of the Chinese history, the belief of the love of one’s country is always a main melody of our nation.
[这一段的例子我觉得可以写得更简单直接一点，这样就不用花掉这么长的篇幅，也可以为后面的论证留出更多的时间]

Nevertheless, though the formal education is one of the most important forms of education, it dose [does] not mean that the functions [influence / effect] of other forms could be ignored, and the limitation of formal education is sometimes hard to avoid [could be written in separate sentences]. In fact, during the childhood of one’s life, the most important time [period; ‘time’ read like a point of time, while ‘period’ could last for a while. As I see it, anyway.] to form one’s view towards the world, what [which] effects [affects] one greatest [the most] is not the [不要the] formal education but the every trivial thing in the [不要the] ordinary life. The behaviors of one’s parents, though not have intention,[unintentionally though,] can deeply influence the whole life of the child. Ten words of preach hardly equal the importance of only one act [emmm, I like this sentence!! Brilliant!]. Usually, the [不要the] informal education plays a vital role in a nation’s [the national?] belief and culture.
[]
From the analysis above, what I try [to] explain is the function of the [不要the] perpetuating and discrediting in the [不要the; or ‘a’] culture are [‘is’; or change ‘function’ into its plural from] hard to be achieved by the [不要the] formal education, and other forms of education is [are] also necessary and should not be neglected.[If the former 2 paragraphs have shown ur points clearly, this summary is not very necessary as I see it. If u just want to make ur work transmit more naturally, then I recommend u to make it briefer and leave this part to the paragraph above.] However, we still have a vital issue that has to be explained right now. We should point out the culture that we favor or fear is hard to be completely transmitted to the next generation only by education. In fact, the main goal of education is to cultivate a generation of their own ideas and having the ability of justifying what is good and what is not. The simple manner of teach [teaching] would only lead to some mood of disgust, and ultimately make a kind of deviant view to the life, which is the result that every educator is not willing to see.
[Actually, I don’t quite catch the main purpose of writing this paragraph. U’d better give out the ts at the beginning. And restructure it if u really think that this part is important to ur dissertation.]

Above all, I agree with the speaker that the [不要the] formal education is important to make [making; ‘to make’ and ‘to making’ mean very differently] the next generation to [不要to] perpetuate the ideas it favors and discredit the ideas it fears. However, in my opinion, we should not ignore other forms of education, for they are [不要are] all play a vital role in the whole transmission of the culture in every nation. What is more, we should also clearly realize the fact that the culture one nation favors or fears is [I just wonder, are ‘the ideas a culture favors’ identical to ‘the culture a nation favors’?] not a thing that cannot change, and the ultimate function of all kinds of education is to cultivate a generation of their own wise mind, who will decide the tomorrow of the nation in the true meaning.  
[我觉得你从各种教育形式出发来写的选择很明智的说，不像我，一开始就把范围圈太大了，结果最后一部分论证不下去了。。。狂汗
就是冠词有些地方其实不用加的，加上就相当于是对formal education加了一个限定 而读者又不知道你那什么去限定它了；还有就是我觉得倒数第二段有凑字数之嫌，要不就是我没看懂。。。汗// 前面的部分可以把语言再精简一下。唉这种话都是说着容易做着难啊～～～我写的还不如你呢～～～加油！！]