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真是佩服你,写那么难的题目,呵呵
Education, as a part which is of paramount importance in our society, provides students many kinds of skills besides questioning and criticizing. And it does promote social harmony.
To maintain social harmony means to make balance between different interest groups in the whole society and to make eclectic solutions that can maximize the benefit of both sides. For instance, the balance between supplier and demander, dominator and citizen, or majority and minority etc.. Accordingly, the methods which will promote social harmony are various. By understanding and negotiating with each other, maybe they will come to a compromised solution, to attain a win-win situation for both sides. Or, in some interdependent interest groups, the balance will be stable spontaneously due to the interaction between themselves. Either, it is possible that one side gives up, though it is not good method, it will not impede social harmony after all. Besides, there is ultimate measure if all the ways above are useless: the governmental restriction. It is the most powerful approach to guarantee our harmonious society.
文笔很好,特别是那几个排比,呵呵,学习ing,
When it(it指代什么) comes to education, before we discuss whether it can promote social harmony or not, let us get down to details which it (同问)can bring us first. (这句话好像有点问题,再仔细看看)As far as I am concerned, what true education brings in this civilized society is not only the innumerous historical facts, principles and laws, but also, the "life-skills": logical thinking, questioning and criticizing, analysis, creative problem-solving, (重点是讲question和criticize)which would enable child to handle whatever life may present, including all the unknowns of the future, and the improvement of the students’ personal quality. Knowing that, now we can conclude(这个词还是用在理由之后比较合适) education does promote the social harmony. For one thing, through questioning and criticizing, the different social groups will understand each other better. Because when you do this, actually you will make detailed observation on this issue, uncover assumptions and evaluate the benefit you can get from the possible negotiation. Under this circumstance, the compromised resolution may be relatively easy to get. For example, by inquiring for the citizen's satisfied ticket price in the price testimony, the price agency and the citizens will probably get a moderate ticket price which both of them will accept.(例子好像不太恰当,谁去inquire,与question 和criticize 有什么关系?) And no conflicts will arise. (文章缺个中心句,前面说的多了一些,抓住question和criticize就可以了)For another, questioning and criticizing do not lead to unbelieving or cynicism which will undermine the harmony of the society. Since the purpose of which we emphasize in education is not simply doubt or distrust, but to grasp the eternal method for self-study, that is, through the questions you bring forward, you can learn everything by yourselves rather than taught(不要说那么绝对的话哦,没有例子叫人家怎么服你呢。举个例子吧,这对harmony有什么作用?). Meanwhile, through your questioning, you know more about the world, you are exposed to opinions from different angles, you understand human joys and sorrows(为什么?), thus, you would not attribute any actions to people’s selfish motivations. If then, how can you be a cynic? Also, thanks to the virtues that education teaches us(为别人考虑和站在别人的立场想问题好像是两回事), we can think from the other’s stand, and we are taught to be tolerant at attitudes differ from ours. Hence, if many diversified attitudes are compatible one another, how can it be impossible to keep balance in contrast groups?(这句话也太绝对了。这段话的说理好像欠缺了一些阿,我觉得meanwhile和also 后面的内容其实是一个层面上的东西,不需要分开写的,在考虑一下的好,这样给人感觉有点不清晰)
你实在是考我的能力,呵呵,居然是没有分段的,这样写可不好,太长了,for one thing与for another 隔了好远啊)To sum up, education provides us uncountable things to improve ourselves, and also, it indeed plays a very important role in promoting social harmony.(从你的文章看不出来uncountable)
整篇文章来看,你的文笔很好,驾驭语言的能力惊人阿,一点模版的痕迹都没有,看来是要向六分靠拢的人了
提个意见吧,说理上稍微欠缺了一些,特别是在for one thing, 与for another的两部分,是从正反两方面写的,但实际上内容是重复的,建议最好不要这样写
其实对harmony的那一段写的很精彩,不过后面与教育联系起来就差了些
你的整篇文章就一个意思,question and criticize可以使人们学会站在对方的角度想问题,达到折中的目的
多一个层面的意思就更好了,比如你后面写的教会学生一种self-study的方法,这种方法最后在harmony中是怎么体现的呢,学生自觉地去促进社会的和谐~~在考虑一下吧。我还没写过这篇,就只能给这些建议了,加油!! |
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