本年度最搞笑email。。。 [复制链接]

digitcla
UID: 150299

荣誉版主

Rank: 9 Rank: 9 Rank: 9

声望: 286
寄托币: 9821
注册时间: 2003-11-24
精华: 13
帖子: 383

发表于 2005-8-3 15:28:49 |显示全部楼层

刚收到的全校email。。。笑翻
Davey本校校友, 接到了前女友的email提出一些要求,以下是原信和Davey的回复. 虽然比较长, 可是已被誉为地球上最牛email之一，被广为传播。。。

Okay, I don't usually forward these things, but this one is funny (cruel, but
funny).  Also, when Steve was a camp counselor years ago, Davey was one of
his
campers who later attended Wabash, and the legitimacy of this e-mail has been
verified.

-----Original Message-----
From: StevenWoods@indy.rr.com [mailto:StevenWoods@indy.rr.com]
Sent: Thursday, June 02, 2005 7:00 AM
To: Woods, Shelese
Subject: FW: Davey Neal presents: "An Ode to Instability"

Friends, Some of you may remember by ex-girlfriend Sarah.  I recently
recieved a letter from her.  I would appreciate it if you would take the
time to read it and review my response.  I hope
all of you are well.

May 23, 2005

Dear Davey:

      I have had a difficult time, over the past few years, achieving
closure of our relationship.  It is time for me to seek this.  I have gone
through the appropriate stages of anger, remorse, sadness. It is now time
for me to close this chapter of my life.

      I am trying to recapture my life and gain a sense of identity back.
In my professional life I have done this, but my personal life struggles.
For so long I/We were "Sarah and Davey", that it is hard to gain my own
identity back.  I am not worried about my career; I will soon succeed even
my wildest dreams.  I am just stunted by my personal life.

      I am ready to release you from my life.  I also on a weekly basis
encounter people who want to tell me about you or have a discussion about
you. I do not want to deal with this anymore.  I do have a proposal on how
to handle this

      I am ready to no longer be forced to deal with your presence.  As
to how to deal with it, I propose the following:

1.       I've heard you have an apartment on the West side.  You need to
move
out of the West side of Indianapolis, this has always been my side of town,
I own a house here, and do not rent like you.  I grew up here, and always
want to live here.  I would prefer if you were to leave Indianapolis all
together, but I know this is more than I can ask.  I do not want to risk
running into you at any store.

2.       We should officially divide our friends.  Particularly Jim,
Jillian,
Amy, and Ed.  You should write them, thanking them for the opportunity to be
their friend and explain why you can no longer be in contact with them.  I
can provide you with addresses, if you need.

3.       I will stay out of Republican politics.  I promise not to get
involved with any Republican politics, unless my father runs for judge, and
than I reserve the right to work on his campaign.

4.       I would like you to not have anything to do with all things
Cathedral.  I feel I should have ownership of the school since my mother
works there and my brother and sisters went there.  You are more tied to
Wabash.  This should be where you dedicate your alumni status.  I will be
involved in Cathedral.  When the time of reunions comes up, I am willing to
say that you can have the reunions ending in "0" years and I will take
the"5" years.  So you can have 10 years and I will take 25 years.

5.       I will avoid Wabash contacts.  The few guys from the house I still
speak to on a rare basis, I will not.  I will also discourage any male
offspring I have from attending Wabash.

I know some of these things seem a bit harsh, but I feel they are for the
best.  I do not ever really wish to see you again.  I know that this will of
course happen beyond my control, but I think we should do our best to avoid
what we can.

It is my sincere hope that you understand, and do take the time to
respond.  This is my last request of you.

With fondness,

Sarah

May 31, 2005

Dear Sarah,

Thanks for your letter.  We broke up 3 years ago.  Knowing that and taking
into consideration you believe me to be a cold, career focused, ego-maniac,
what on earth makes you think I would take the time to think about you or
agree to your proposal?  But since I clearly have taken the time to respond,
please take a moment to review some comments and counterproposals I have
crafted.

1.    First, I will have to resist the burning urge to move RIGHT NEXT
DOOR TO YOU.  After that deep desire subsides, I will vacate the Westside
and return to my roots:  The Snooty Northside, as you used to call it.
However, since I was born on the Northside and I have Northside in my veins
you must abdicate all ties to the North.  This includes: Living on the
Northside, living on the Northeastside, walking down North Street, being a
fan of the Dallas Stars (formerly the Minnesota North Stars), weari ng North
Face apparel or telling your children that Santa lives at the North Pole.  1
(B). I was born in Indianapolis before you were so I should really get to
determine who stays and who goes.  In my benevolence I will let you exist
here only within the St. Michael's Parish boundary (MLK Dr. to High School
Rd. and 56th Street to 10th St.)  We will call this the SarahZone.  This
should be acceptable for you as your family lives across the street and
there is a gas station, grocery, convenience store, your place of employment
and a fire station.  Exceptions can be made with my expressed written
consent.  You will be required to display a large tag in your windshield
giving you permission to travel beyond the SarahZone.

2.    I haven't talked to your friends since we broke up.  I think they
got the message.  However since we apparently are still in fourth grade,
please have your friends meet me by the playground at recess so that I can
tell them they have big fat heads and they aren't my friends anymore.  Do
you agree? _______Yes ________No ________Maybe  2 (B).  One of the few
times you let us do something fun, we visited some of my family friends on
Geist.  It was about eight years ago.  We enjoyed their boat and home for
several hours during a pre-500 party.  Please jot them a note saying you are
going to forget that ever happened.  Please also offer to reimburse them for
the boat gas, pool chlorine, air conditioning Freon, Dr. Pepper and anything
else you consumed while you were there. I don't have their address anymore,
you can look it up.

3.    Please let me know when your father runs for anything.  I'm going to
run against him.  3 (B).  Thanks for staying out of Republican politics.
Your heavyweight presence in the party will be sorely missed.  I am very
involved in ice hockey.  I play recreationally and coach a youth team in the
winter.  I would prefer it if you could stop being involved in all things
related to ice and ice hockey .  You can use those instant first aid
coldpaks to cool your drinks from now on.  Also, my parents have been very
involved with the Indianapolis 500 Festival for nearly 20 years.  The month
of May is really a big month for us.  While I am not able to honor your
request of moving out of Indianapolis, I would ask that you just leave town
during May.  With 250,000 fans going to the race and 35,000 runners in the
Mini-Marathon, I don't want to run the risk of bumping into you.  I know
your birthday is in May, but man, I just don't care.

4.    Christ, I don't have the energy for this one.

5.    If any of my friends from Wabash actually still talk to you, they
are fucking fired as friends. 5 (B).  I'm not going to tell my kids anything
about you.  But speaking of kids, it would be okay with me if my son was a
crack addict, just as long as he got your kids hooked on it and became their
dealer.

In closing, I will never make decisions about my life or my family based on
whether I might run into you at the store.  I am now convinced that if we
ever do bump into each other, you will spontaneously combust.  I wish you
the best of luck find a spouse.  Seriously.  It won't be easy to find a
person who is willing to spend the rest of his life raising children and
making decisions based on your crazy-ass proposal to an ex-boyfriend and
your inability to act like a rational human being.

All my best,

Davey

[ Last edited by Rittub on 2005-8-3 at 15:29 ]