Issue7 留链接 大家互拍 呵呵

zhizhiUID: 2123761

Issue7  模考第2篇
为了限时 质量就:L 语言和用词可能都比较单调吧 大家帮我提提意见:) 谢了:D

------摘要------
作者：寄托家园作文版普通用户     共用时间：42分40秒     561 words
从2005年7月13日8时45分到2005年7月13日9时42分
------题目------
The video camera provides such an accurate and convincing record of contemporary life that it has become a more important form of documentation than written records.
------正文------
    Since the development of the video camera technology is getting more and more advanced in the modern time, someone may claims that such technique will play a more important role and even take place of the traditional documentation-written records. However, in my opinion, it is true that the recent video camera is advantageous in many respects, yet there are some special functions of written records that can not be gained by video cameras, at least now.

    Admittedly, in many respects, the video camera is much more advantageous than written records. The most obvious advantage is that the video camera can put down every details of an event as sincerely as possible. For a recorder such as a journalist or a writer, no matter how predominant he or she is, it is much difficult and even impossible to describe every aspects of an event or a movement. Besides, it is inevitable to bring into the records the recorder's own subjective perception or emotions, which makes the written records not objective enough. What is more, the written records are vulnerable to time, while the video records can be independent of chronology, thus providing a more everlasting way to be handed down. The last but not least, the video camera is much more vivid than written records by putting down the sound as well as the images sincerely.

     However, written records also have some exclusive shining points, and play a very important role in some other respects. Firstly, in most conditions, what are necessary to be recorded are not only the subjective events or practical movements, but also the intentions, perspectives, interpretations or even emotions of people, in which respects video camera can do nothing. It is unreasonable to expect the video camera to put down one's inner thinking when it is needed. Besides, as for statistical information, written records play a much better role. Limiting to space and time, it is far away from practice for the recent video cameras to make a record of the population of a major city or everyone's living conditions in each corner of the world. However, written records can describe such information in a pellucid way, thus allowing us to get a general view of the overall conditions.

     Moreover, as the technique gets more and more advanced, the distinctive weakness of the video camera is getting obvious. Since there are more and more image manipulation computer programs created, such as Photoshop, Poser, 3D-Max and so forth, making it possible to edit, clip or even rearrange the video records, thus there is no guarantee that the video records are always in accordance with the truth. The advanced technique helps to mix the false to genuine, which thus seems to be backfired. So the video records will be not as reliable as most people claims now.

     In sum, although there are much obvious advantages in video camera, it can only be an alternative way of documentation, which cannot replace at least in a short period the written records. If there is one day in the future, when the technology can be verified to do a much better job in every respects and are even able to make a record of the emotions or perspectives of an individual, then it will be hard to say, whether the video camera can replace of written records or not.

wineyreUID: 2106739

占位了,晚点帮你改.

arron200UID: 2118852

any way, I'll revise for you, and attach it after finishing....

wineyreUID: 2106739

Since the development of the 貌似没必要用thevideo camera technology is getting more and more advanced in the modern time, someonesome就可以了 may claimsmay后面用claims?建议下次自己先检查一遍 that such technique will play a more important role and even take place sth take place是发生的意思,如果要说代替的话,一定要用应该加the的吧, take the place of,我会用substituteof the traditional documentation-written records. However, in my opinion, it is true that the recent video camera is advantageous 表打我,有中式英语的味道,不如直接说has advantagesin many respectS, yet there are some many?special functions of written records that can not be gained by video cameras用gain感觉有点怪,也许是我少见多怪, at least now.
语言比我好多了,观点也鲜明.开头能写那么多.看看我自己经常就是反问+TS,怎么也凑不出字数来

    Admittedly, in many respects, the video camera is much more advantageous大概是个人习惯问题,advantageous这个字,我怎么看都不是很顺呢 than written records. The most obvious advantage is that the 改过的几篇都有差不多的问题,注意一下the的用法,大多数时候似乎没必要video camera can put downput down是to written down的意思,查词霸的吧,看看英文解释 every detailsevery details?貌似有问题. of an event as sincerely这个词貌似不能这样用. as possible. For a recorder such as a journalist or a writer, no matter how predominant he or she is, it is much difficult and even impossible to describe every aspects of an event or a movement. Besides, it is inevitable to bring into the records the recorder's own subjective perception or emotions, which makes the written records not objective enough. What is more, the written records are vulnerable to time, while the video records can be independent of chronology, thus providing a more everlasting way to be handed down. The last but not least应该是last but not least,呵呵,我也长了见识了,我自己本来记成last but not the least, the video camera is much more vivid than written records by putting down the sound as well as the images sincerely.

     However, written records also have some exclusive shining points不确定可不可以这样说, and play a very important role in some other respects. Firstly, in most conditions, what are necessary to be recorded are not only the subjective events or practical movements, but also the intentions, perspectives, interpretations or even emotions of people, in which respects video camera can do nothing. It is unreasonable to expect the video camera to put down one's inner thinking when it is needed. Besides, as for statistical information, written records play a much better role. Limiting to space and time, it is far away from practice for the recent video cameras to make a record of the population of a major city or everyone's living conditions in each corner of the world. However, written records can describe such information in a pellucid觉得如果用intuitive可能会比较合适一点 way, thus allowing us to get a general view of the overall conditions.
有一个问题值得讨论一下,是不是在firstly之后,一定要至少出现一个secondly. 我在看的时候,一直在找这个标志词.

     Moreover, as the technique gets more and more advanced, the distinctive请教一下,这个字可以这样用吗?还是你根据词霸的意思填上去的? weakness of the video camera is getting obvious. Since there are more and more image manipulation computer programs created, such as Photoshop, Poser, 3D-Max and so forth, making it possible to edit, clip or even rearrange the video records, thus there is no guarantee that the video records are always in accordance with the truth. The advanced technique helps to mix the false to genuine是形容词,不是名词, which thus seems to be backfired. So the video records will be not as reliable as most people claims 动词单复数,语法细节注意一下,否则很亏的now.

     In sum, although there are much manyobvious advantages in video camera, it can only be an alternative way of documentation, which cannot replace at least in a short period the written records. If there is one day in the future, when the technology can be verified to do a much better job in every respects and are even able to make a record of the emotions or perspectives of an individual, then it will be hard to say, whether the video camera can replace of written records or not.
总体感觉还不错,不过中式英语的味道重了一些.
举一些例子可以让文章丰满一些

[ Last edited by wineyre on 2005-8-13 at 19:22 ]

zhizhiUID: 2123761

万分感激 呵呵 我以为在word里面查过语法错就没问题了 没想到…… :)下次会注意的

另外distinctive应该可以形容一个事物独有的或者有特色的性质吧。

再次谢谢你的建议 呵呵

zhizhiUID: 2123761

to arron200 先谢谢了 砖头多多 进步多多 大家互勉 呵呵:)

arron200UID: 2118852

Since the development of the video camera technology is getting more and more advanced in the(删 the) modern time, someone may claims that such technique will play a more important role and even take (加 the) place of the traditional documentation-written records. However, in my opinion, it is true that the recent video camera is advantageous in many respects (aspects?), yet there are some special functions of written records that can not be gained by video cameras, at least now.

    Admittedly, in many respects (aspects?), the video camera is much more advantageous than written records. The most obvious advantage is that the video camera can put down every details(改为detail) of an event as sincerely(改为accurate,个人感觉sincerely用在这里不大适合) as possible. For a recorder such as a journalist or a writer, no matter how predominant he or she is, it is much difficult and even impossible to describe every aspects(改为aspect, every后是加可数单数名词的) of an event or a movement. Besides, it is inevitable to bring into the(删the) records the recorder's own subjective perception or emotions, which makes the written records not objective enough. What is more, the written records are vulnerable to time, while the video records can be independent of chronology(这句话个人感觉有问题，如果是我，我会这样写：written records can’t last long due to the erodical media as carriers while video records can easily evade this problem by utilizing the advantages of modern technique), thus providing a more everlasting way to be handed down. The last but not least, the video camera is much more vivid than written records by putting down the sound as well as the images sincerely(改为simultaneously).

     However, written records also have some exclusive shining points, and play a very important role in some other respects. Firstly, in most conditions, what are necessary to be recorded are(改为is) not only the subjective events or practical movements, but also the intentions, perspectives, interpretations or even emotions of people, in which respects(改为aspects,你把两个词混淆了) video camera can do nothing(video records不能记录practical movements and emotions?). It is unreasonable to expect the video camera to put down one's inner thinking when it is needed. Besides, as for statistical information, written records play a much better role. Limiting to (改为limited by) space and time, it is far away from practice for the recent video cameras to make a record(个人感觉改为records比较好) of the population of a major city or everyone's living conditions in each corner of the world. However, written records can describe such information in a pellucid way, thus allowing us to get a general view of the overall conditions.

     Moreover, as the technique gets more and more advanced, the distinctive weakness of the video camera(改为video cameras) is getting obvious. Since there are more and more image manipulation computer programs created, such as Photoshop, Poser, 3D-Max and so forth, making it possible to edit, clip or even rearrange the video records, thus(删除thus) there is no guarantee that the video records are always in accordance with the truth. The advanced technique helps to mix the false to genuine(改为the fact), which thus(看来你真的很喜欢用thus^.^) seems to be backfired. So the video records will be not(改为will not be) as(改为so) reliable as most people claims(改为claim) now.

     In sum, although there are much(改为many, much只能修饰不可数名词) obvious advantages in video camera, it can only be an alternative way of documentation, which cannot replace ,at least in a short period, the written records. If there is one day in the future, when the technology can be verified to do a much better job in every respects(改为aspects,你这个词用了5次，只有一次是对的，如果不确定的话，考试的时候建议你用自己比较有掌握的词，要不，真的很可惜) and are(改为is,主语是technology) even able to make a record of the emotions or perspectives of an individual, then it will be hard to say, whether the video camera can replace of(删除of, replace是及物动词) written records or not.

zhizhiUID: 2123761

万分感激 好仔细阿 :)