issue207 决战830拍砖组！狂拍啊！ 仪式和文化

bythewayUID: 2120441

issue207
topic:
"Rituals and ceremonies help define a culture. Without them, societies or groups of people have a diminished sense of who they are."

正文：
   When traveling to a new place, enjoying distinct view of nature or man-made things and meeting residents of different races, colors and culture, you must be interested get contact of their unique culture and life style. What is the most effective way? To know something or even experience their ritual and ceremonies could be one of the answers.
   I agreed that rituals and ceremonies help to get in touch, understand, or even to define a culture. Most rituals have been existing for quite a long time, from the germinal generation of culture, through the development and amelioration of it and to present time. By getting in touch with distinctive rituals and ceremonies can we get a direct impression of the values, folks, principles and traditions that emphasize in the core of the culture. Countless ceremonies of Indians show their traditional owl to the cryptic nature, respect their homeland, and worship to their great ancestors; The ceremony of Christmas represent their religionary believe to Christ; and the spring festival of China show a traditional emphasize on family welfare and a optimist emotion that wish tomorrow be better. So we could see, divergent forms of rituals and ceremonies stand for distinct values of cultures, we could get a nature and vivid impression and understanding of the culture by studying their rituals and ceremonies.
   Yet on the other hand, not all of the rituals and ceremonies could effectively represent the present culture. With the pass of time, some cultures survive while others get diminished, and the shrink of culture cause a essentially alternate of rituals and ceremonies. Many of rituals lost his primary meaning and turn into nothing more than a vague single and meaningless form.
   Further more, rituals and ceremonies are not the only way to understand cultures. Not only does the essence of culture live in the rituals, they also live in our everyday life. The way we think, the things we value, the way we solve problems, even a slight detail of our behavior, are largely influence by our culture, the thinking pattern and value principles passed down generation by generation from thousands of years ago. It is culture that makes a joke that make an Englishman laugh to tears bores a Frenchman; it is culture that makes American open-minded and aggressive and Chinese implicative and modest; and it is culture make there are a lot of french artists and German scientists. In other word, not only does culture live in the forms of rituals and ceremonies, it also lives in every aspects of our society, continually influencing our daily behaviors and thoughts.
   In sum, most of the rituals and ceremonies greatly represent cultures. But cultures are not depending on them. A culture which exists only in the form of rituals is a culture existing no more and no longer. True cultures have rooted deeply and firmly in our thoughts and spirits, after all, we are the vehicles by which cultures transport though thousands of years of time.

[ Last edited by staralways on 2005-8-21 at 01:03 ]

nanziUID: 2126362

When traveling to a new place, enjoying distinct view of nature or man-made things and meeting residents of different races, colors（这个colors用在这里很怪，如果想指肤色的话，前面的races已经有这个意思了，可以去掉colors） and culture, you must be interested （少了to）get contact of(改为with) their unique culture and life style. What is the most effective way(这句话好像没说完，应该加上to define a culture之类)? To know something or even experience their ritual and ceremonies could be one of the answers.
   I agreed that rituals and ceremonies help to get in touch, understand, or even to define a culture. Most rituals have been existing for quite a long time, from the germinal generation of culture, through the development and amelioration of it and to present time.（这句话说得很好！） By getting in touch with distinctive rituals and ceremonies can we get a direct impression of the values, folks, principles and traditions that emphasize in the core of the culture. Countless ceremonies of Indians show their traditional owl（这个词怎么讲？） to the cryptic nature, respect their homeland, and worship to their great ancestors; The ceremony of Christmas represent their religionary believe to Christ; and the spring festival of China show a traditional emphasize on family welfare and a optimist emotion that wish tomorrow be better. So we could see,（去掉这几个词） divergent forms of rituals and ceremonies stand for distinct values of cultures, we could get a nature and vivid impression and understanding of the culture by studying their rituals and ceremonies. （这段例子举的非常好，语言也不错！）   
Yet on the other hand, not all of the rituals and ceremonies could effectively represent the present culture. With the pass of time, some cultures survive while others get diminished, and the shrink of culture cause a essentially alternate of rituals and ceremonies. Many of rituals lost his primary meaning and turn into nothing more than a vague single and meaningless form. （这段是明显的反面论证，好！赞一个！）
   Further more, rituals and ceremonies are not the only way to understand cultures. Not only does the essence of culture live in the rituals, they also live in our everyday life. The way we think, the things we value, the way we solve problems, even a slight detail of our behavior, are largely influenced by our culture, (本句中间加上 “more directly,”可能会避免语法上的混乱) the thinking pattern and value principles passed down generation by generation from thousands of years ago. It is culture that makes a joke that make an Englishman laugh to tears bores a Frenchman; it is culture that makes American open-minded and aggressive and Chinese implicative and modest; and it is culture make there are a lot of French artists and German scientists. In other word, not only does culture live in the forms of rituals and ceremonies, it also lives in every aspects of our society, continually influencing our daily behaviors and thoughts.（例子举的很好！！）
   In sum, most of the rituals and ceremonies greatly represent cultures. But cultures are not depending on them. A culture which exists only in the form of rituals is a culture existing no more and no longer（这几个词重复，可去掉）. True cultures have rooted deeply and firmly in our thoughts and spirits, after all, we are the vehicles by which cultures transport though thousands of years of time.

文章总体来说是相当不错的，不论从语言上和结构上。
提一点小小的建议，
感觉如果首段和末段能够更明确的呼应中间论证部分的观点可能会更好，你在文章中的观点好像是在承认topic正确性的前提下又偏向于反对，这一点应在第一段和最后一段中更明确的说明。
相当值得肯定和学习的一篇文章！

bythewayUID: 2120441

多谢帮我拍的那么认真，而且很多建议也挺有启发的。谢谢阿！

caogenmanchiUID: 2127136

正文：
   When traveling to a new place, enjoying distinct view of nature or man-made things and meeting residents of different races, colors and culture, you must be interested (to) get contact of(是不是该with) their unique culture and life style. What is the most effective way? To know something （on）or even experience their ritual and ceremonies could be one of the answers.

   I agreed that rituals and ceremonies help to get in touch, understand, or even to define a culture. Most rituals have been existing(existed) for quite a long time, from the germinal generation of culture, through the development and amelioration of it and to present time. By getting in touch with distinctive rituals and ceremonies can we (要倒装吗？)get a direct impression of the values, folks, principles and traditions that emphasize in the core of the culture. Countless ceremonies of Indians show their traditional owl to the cryptic nature, respect their homeland, and worship to their great ancestors; The ceremony of Christmas represent their religionary believe（？） to Christ; and the spring festival of China show a traditional emphasis on family welfare and a optimist emotion that wish tomorrow be better. So we could see, divergent forms of rituals and ceremonies stand for distinct values of cultures, we could get a nature and vivid impression and understanding of the culture by studying their rituals and ceremonies.

   Yet on the other hand, not all of the rituals and ceremonies could effectively represent the present culture. With the pass of time, some cultures survive while others get diminished（become extinct）, and the shrink of culture cause a essentially alternative of rituals and ceremonies. Many of rituals lost his primary meaning and turn into nothing more than a vague single and meaningless form.

   Further more, rituals and ceremonies are not the only way to understand cultures. Not only does the essence of culture live in the rituals, they(指代有问题) also live in our everyday life. The way we think, the things we value, the way we solve problems, even a slight detail of our behaviors, are largely influence by our culture, the thinking pattern and value principles passed down generation by generation from thousands of years ago(这句改写一下吧). It is culture that makes a joke that makes an Englishman laugh to tears bores a Frenchman; it is culture that makes American open-minded and aggressive and Chinese implicative and modest; and it is culture make there are a lot of french artists and German scientists. In other word, not only does culture live in the forms of rituals and ceremonies, it also lives in every aspects of our society, continually influencing our daily behaviors and thoughts.

   In sum, most of the rituals and ceremonies greatly represent cultures. But cultures are not depending on them. A culture which exists only in the form of rituals is a culture existing no more and no longer. True cultures have rooted deeply and firmly in our thoughts and spirits, after all, we are the vehicles by which cultures transport though thousands of years of time.
用词很丰富，举例很恰当，但结构有点松散。

特别欢迎对我有疑问和犯错的地方进行回复

[ Last edited by caogenmanchi on 2005-8-21 at 20:11 ]

bythewayUID: 2120441

对于几个有疑问的地方的说明或修改：

1、
By getting in touch with distinctive rituals and ceremonies can we (要倒装吗？)get a direct impression of。。。。。
这里不倒装也行，但 we can 前面就要加逗号：
By getting in touch with distinctive rituals and ceremonies，we can get a direct impression of。。。。。 或者是
we get a direct impression of。。。。。 by getting in touch with distinctive rituals and ceremonies can we get a direct impression of
这三种表述方式都行，我比较倾向第一种咯，呵呵:lol

2、
The ceremony of Christmas represent their religionary believe（？） to Christ
这里多谢指出，我打错了 本来想的是
The ceremony of Christmas represent the Americans' religionary believe to Christ
不过这样意思也不是很好，这句话不太满意，换一个例子好一点吧：
The ceremony of Thanks giving represent the Americans' traditional religionary believes and grateful hearts.

3、
Not only does the essence of culture live in the rituals, they(指代有问题) also live in our everyday life.
这里你说的对， 我老是犯这种错误：
Not only does the essence of culture live in the rituals, it also lives in our everyday life. 这样应该就没问题了吧，呵呵

4、
。。。。。the thinking pattern and value principles passed down generation by generation from thousands of years ago(这句改写一下吧).
这句改成。。。。。the thinking pattern and value principles passed down from our ancestors thousands of years ago. 会简洁一点吧

多谢拍我，你还有什么新作直接在回复里发给我。

cruiserjiaUID: 2102784

When traveling to a new place, enjoying distinct view of nature or man-made things and meeting residents of different races, colors(与races重复) and culture, you must be interested get contact of their unique culture and life style. What is the most effective way? To know something or even experience their ritual and ceremonies could be one of the answers.
  
I agreed that rituals and ceremonies help to get in touch, understand, or even to define a culture. Most rituals have been existing for quite a long time, from the germinal generation of culture, through the development and amelioration of it and to present time. By getting in touch with distinctive rituals and ceremonies can we（we can） get a direct impression of the values, folks, principles and traditions that emphasize in the core of the culture. Countless ceremonies of Indians show their traditional owl to the cryptic nature, respect their homeland, and worship to their great ancestors; The ceremony of Christmas represent their religionary believe to Christ; and the spring festival of China show a traditional emphasize on family welfare and a(an) optimist emotion that wish tomorrow be better. So we could see, divergent forms of rituals and ceremonies stand for distinct values of cultures, we could get a nature and vivid impression and understanding of the culture by studying their rituals and ceremonies.
  
Yet on the other hand, not all of the rituals and ceremonies could effectively represent the present culture. With the pass of time, some cultures survive while others get(去掉get ) diminished, and the shrink of culture cause a essentially alternate of rituals and ceremonies. Many of rituals lost his primary meaning and turn into nothing more than a vague single and meaningless form.
   
Further more, rituals and ceremonies are not the only way to understand cultures. Not only does the essence of culture live in the rituals, they also live in our everyday life. The way we think, the things we value, the way we solve problems, even a slight detail of our behavior, are largely influenced by our culture, the thinking pattern and value principles passed down generation by generation from thousands of years ago. It is culture that makes a joke that make an Englishman laugh to tears bores a Frenchman; it is culture that makes American open-minded and aggressive and Chinese implicative and modest; and it is culture make there are a lot of french artists and German scientists. （In other word, not only does culture live in the forms of rituals and ceremonies, it also lives in every aspects of our society, continually influencing our daily behaviors and thoughts.）排比例子，用得很有气势。但是你括号里面的这句话河泥本段开头的话是重复的，这不叫前后呼应，你想前后呼应的话就换一种说法表达相同的意思）  
In sum, most of the rituals and ceremonies greatly represent cultures. But cultures are not depending on them. A culture which exists only in the form of rituals is a culture existing no more and no longer. True cultures have rooted deeply and firmly in our thoughts and spirits, after all, we are the vehicles by which cultures transport though(through) thousands of years of time.

bythewayUID: 2120441

多谢给建议！ 呵呵