Issue232 请G友在遣词造句上给予指点！

bayern_scienceUID: 2102974

Issue 232-"The purpose of education should be to create an academic environment that is separate from the outside world. This kind of environment is ideal because it allows students to focus on important ideas without being held back by practical concerns."


Response:

Nowadays schools, as one ingredient of the entire society are subject to the influence of society. They have to be responsive to the economical upswing or downturn, to the social and political movements and to the scientific and technological breakthroughs. The impact of the changes in society is so prominent that someone raise the concern of isolating schools from them, creating an environment in which students can concentrate on important ideas without being distracted from what happens outside the campuses. However, I assert that education should be open to the society, the practical world. Studying in such an isolated environment as someone have suggested is either imfeasible or unbeneficial.

It has long been prevalent that universities are likened as ivory towers, in which students only pay attention to their study. This is based on the misconception that the important ideas and the state-of-the-art knowledge has nothing to do with the outside world. Nevertheless, one can easily discover the rebuttal to this narrow mindedness. In fact, some of the newly established branchs of study originates from the practical need of the outside world, bioinformatics being one paradigm. The study of bioinformatics came into being because of the information need of the soceity. Facing the boom of biology which leads to the abounding of experimental results, an effective way of organizing, storing and communicating these valuable data are in desperate demand for the utilization of them in both research and production and that is the genesis of bioinformatics. Another epitome is the network security, one of the most popular branch of computer engineering. It was born to address the exigent problem of hacking, which has resulted in billions of loss in business domain and imposed a direct threat on national security. Thus many important subjects students learn in schools are directly related to the practical concern.

In addition, students in those fields of study which have no immidiate connection with the outside world can still benefit from practicing thus enhance what they have acquired through education. For instant, literature students can participate in social activities and be exposed to the oral literature--the creation of ordinary "wordsmiths" from different social classes and occupations, which they may never have access to via books and formal education. Such exposure may turn out to be a distinguishing feature of their work at a later time. So do arts students, for whom the exposure to the outside world can provide themes and inspirations for their artistic composition. Therefore even though it is not necessary for them to be involved in the outside world, students can, to some extent, benefit from such involvement.

Furthermore, for some fields of study with the ultimate goal of serving the society, the connection to the outside world is a necessity. For example, by interning in hospitals, students who major in medicine can discover what their future workplace look like, which is far from the ideal environment provided by the schools. They have to cope with the constraints, which have been eliminated or at least minimized in school's laboratories. Besides, they have to make diagnosis for patients with atypical and complex syndromes. Only through field practice, can medicine students can attain the necessary skills to pursue their future careers.

In sum, the education should allow students to have access to the society outside the campuses, only through which they can acquire the necessary skills of pursuing their future professions as well as what they cannot learn from libraries and laboratories,

Word Count: 578

bayern_scienceUID: 2102974

Revised:

Nowadays schools, as one ingredient of society are accessible to its influence. They have to be responsive to the economical upswing or downturn, to the social and political movements and to the scientific and technological breakthroughs. The impact of the changes in society is so prominent that some raise the concern of isolating schools from them, creating an environment in which students can concentrate on important ideas without being distracted from what happens outside the campuses. However, I assert that education should be open to the society, the practical world. Studying in such an isolated environment as someone have suggested is either infeasible or unbeneficial.

It has long been prevalent that universities are likened as ivory towers, in which students only pay attention to their study. This is based on the misconception that the important ideas and the state-of-the-art knowledge has nothing to do with the outside world. Nevertheless, one can easily discover the rebuttal to this narrow mindedness. In fact, some of the newly established branches of study originate from the practical need of the outside world, bioinformatics being one paradigm. The study of bioinformatics came into being because of the information need of the society. Facing the boom of biology which leads to the abounding of experimental results, an effective way of organizing, storing and communicating these valuable data are in desperate demand for the utilization of them in both research and production and that is the genesis of bioinformatics. Another epitome is the network security, one of the most popular branches of computer engineering. It was introduced to address the exigent problem of hacking, which has resulted in billions of loss in business domain and imposed a direct threat on national security. Thus many important subjects students learn in schools are directly related to the practical concern.

In addition, students in those fields of study which have no immediate connection with the outside world can still benefit from practicing thus enhance what they have acquired through education. For instant, literature students can participate in social activities and be exposed to the oral literature--the creation of ordinary "wordsmiths" from different social classes and occupations, which they may never have access to via books and formal education. Such exposure may turn out to be a distinguishing feature of their work at a later time. So do arts students, for whom the exposure to the outside world can provide themes and inspirations for their artistic composition. Therefore even though it is not necessary for them to be involved in the outside world, students can, to some extent, benefit from such involvement.

Furthermore, for some fields of study with the ultimate goal of serving the society, the connection to the outside world is a necessity. For example, by interning in hospitals, students who major in medicine can discover what their future workplace look like, which is far from the ideal environment provided by the schools. They have to cope with the constraints, which have been eliminated or at least minimized in schools’ laboratories. Besides, no longer being able to solely rely on the textbooks, they have to make diagnosis for patients with atypical and complex syndromes. Only through field practice, can medicine students can attain the necessary skills to pursue their future careers. For business schools, such practice in the real situation is not just a requirement but also a criterion for granting admission to MBA applicants since without such exposure it is meaningless to discuss how to relate the management principles with the practice as well as how to identify and classify the practice with reference to the doctrines held by the business sector.

In sum, education should allow students to have access to the society outside the campuses, only through which they can acquire the necessary skills of pursuing their future professions as well as what they cannot learn from libraries and laboratories.

Word Count: 645

andycuiUID: 2132332

Nowadays schools, as one ingredient of society are accessible to its influence. They have to be responsive to the economical upswing or downturn, to the social and political movements and to the scientific and technological breakthroughs. The impact of the changes in society is so prominent that some raise the concern of isolating schools from them, creating an environment in which students can concentrate on important ideas without being distracted from what happens outside the campuses. However, I assert that education should be open to the society, the practical world. Studying in such an isolated environment as someone have suggested is either infeasible or unbeneficial.

It has long been prevalent that universities are likened as ivory towers, in which students only pay attention to their study. This is based on the misconception that the important ideas and the state-of-the-art knowledge has nothing to do with the outside world. Nevertheless, one can easily discover the rebuttal to this narrow mindedness. In fact, some of the newly established branches of study originate from the practical need of the outside world, bioinformatics being one paradigm. The study of bioinformatics came into being because of the information need of the society. Facing the boom of biology which leads to the abounding (abounds)of experimental results, an effective way of organizing, storing and communicating these valuable data are in desperate ( very derogative I think)demand for the utilization of them in both research and production and that is the genesis of bioinformatics. Another epitome is the network security, one of the most popular branches of computer engineering. It was introduced to address the exigent problem of hacking, which has resulted in billions of loss in business domain and imposed a direct threat on national security. Thus many important subjects students learn in schools are directly related to the practical concern.

In addition, students in those fields of study which have no immediate connection with the outside world can still benefit from practicing thus enhance what they have acquired through education. For instant (instance), literature students can participate in social activities and be exposed to the oral literature--the creation of ordinary "wordsmiths" from different social classes and occupations, which they may never have access to via books and formal education. Such exposure may turn out to be a distinguishing feature of their work at a later time. So do arts students, for whom the exposure to the outside world can provide themes and inspirations for their artistic composition. Therefore even though it is not necessary for them to be involved in the outside world, students can, to some extent, benefit from such involvement.

Furthermore, for some fields of study with the ultimate goal of serving the society, the connection to the outside world is a necessity. For example, by interning in hospitals, students who (whose)major in medicine can discover what their future workplace look like, which is far from the ideal environment provided by the schools. They have to cope with the constraints, which have been eliminated or at least minimized in schools’ laboratories. Besides, no longer being able to solely rely on the textbooks, they have to make diagnosis for patients with atypical and complex syndromes. Only through field practice, can medicine students can attain the necessary skills to pursue their future careers. For business schools, such practice in the real situation is not just a requirement but also a criterion for granting admission to MBA applicants since without such exposure it is meaningless to discuss how to relate the management principles with the practice as well as how to identify and classify the practice with reference to the doctrines held by the business sector.

In sum, education should allow students to have access to the society outside the campuses, only through which they can acquire the necessary skills of pursuing their future professions as well as what they cannot learn from libraries and laboratories.
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Overall:
Your first and third viewpoints are a bit overlapping I think. Because originating from the society and having the goal to serve the society are different although, they both need to consider the real situation and apply to the real case.

bayern_scienceUID: 2102974

Revised again:

Nowadays schools, as one ingredient of society are accessible to its influence. They have to be responsive to the economical upswing or downturn, to the social and political movements and to the scientific and technological breakthroughs. The impact of the changes in society is so prominent that some raise the concern of isolating schools from them, creating an environment in which students can concentrate on important ideas without being distracted from what happens outside the campuses. However, I assert that education should be open to the society, the practical world. Studying in such an isolated environment as someone have suggested is either infeasible or disadvantageous.

It has long been prevalent that universities are likened as ivory towers, in which students only pay attention to their study. This is based on the misconception that the important ideas and the state-of-the-art knowledge has nothing to do with the outside world. Nevertheless, one can easily discover the rebuttal to this narrow mindedness. In fact, some of the newly established branches of study originate from the practical need of the outside world, bioinformatics being one paradigm. The study of bioinformatics came into being because of the information need of the society. Facing the boom of biology which leads to the abounding of experimental results, an effective way of organizing, storing and communicating these valuable data are in great demand for the utilization of them in both research and production and that is the genesis of bioinformatics. Another epitome is the network security, one of the most popular branches of computer engineering. With some established findings in the field being unable to find their immediate application in the real world, network security was nevertheless introduced to address the practical problem of hacking, which has resulted in billions of loss in business domain and imposed a direct threat on national security. Thus many important subjects students learn in schools are directly related to the practical concern.

In addition, students in those fields of study which have no immediate connection with the outside world can still benefit from practicing thus enhance what they have acquired through education. For instance, literature students can participate in social activities and be exposed to the oral literature--the creation of ordinary "wordsmiths" from different social classes and occupations, which they may never have access to via books and formal education. Such exposure may turn out to be a distinguishing feature of their work at a later time. So do arts students, for whom the exposure to the outside world can provide themes and inspirations for their artistic composition. Therefore even though it is not necessary for them to be involved in the outside world, students can, to some extent, benefit from such involvement.

Furthermore, for some fields of study with the ultimate goal of producing PRACTITIONERS like doctors, accountants and business managers for the society, the connection to the outside world is a necessity. For example, by interning in hospitals, students who major in medicine can discover what their future workplace look like, which is far from the ideal environment provided by the schools. They have to cope with the constraints, which have been eliminated or at least minimized in schools’ laboratories. Besides, no longer being able to solely rely on the textbooks, they have to make diagnosis for patients with atypical and complex syndromes. Only through field practice, can medicine students can attain the necessary skills to pursue their future careers. For business schools, such practice in the real situation is not just a requirement but also a criterion for granting admission to MBA applicants since without such exposure it is meaningless to discuss how to relate the management principles with the practice as well as how to identify and classify the practice with reference to the doctrines held by the business sector.

In sum, education should allow students to have access to the society outside the campuses, only through which they can acquire the necessary skills of pursuing their future professions as well as what they cannot learn from libraries and laboratories.

Word Count: 673

bayern_scienceUID: 2102974

Originally posted by andycui at 2005-10-4 18:02
Overall:
Your first and third viewpoints are a bit overlapping I think. Because originating from the society and having the goal to serve the society are different although, they both need to consider the real situation and apply to the real case.

Hi, please have a look at the revised version (those marked in red). Hope I have managered to make sharp contrast between network security research students and medicine students

andycuiUID: 2132332

I will look at the detail tmr

andycuiUID: 2132332

Ya, i think that is much better

bayern_scienceUID: 2102974

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