请大家帮我改改作文

wapiUID: 209274

9．It's hard to choose to live in a small town or a big city. People may have different opinions, amony which there are two conspicuous aspects age and hometown influencing the choice of living. (以上是题目)

Young people often want to have a passionate life style. They are eager to meet challenges and intense life which would be provided in big cities where are full of skyscrapers and high speed of traffic and telecom system. In big cities, people also would have better chances to get good jobs and decent payments from some international companies. Some public utilities like theater, museums also give feast to people's eyes. Many exhibits, concerts and performances from all over the world give people a good chance to feel the pulse of world, to hear different sounds and to imbibe the elite thinking and cultures from other countries and nations. It is easy for people and their children to get better educations and other services compare with people who live in small towns.

However, old people usually prefer small towns where have a better environment and a lighter life stress to stay. They are mature enough to understand the wax and wane of human life and want to have a tranquil living situation to enjoy life. The atmosphere of small towns is suitable for this kind of love knot. People live there may more healthy attributed to harmonious relationship with both nature and others. Unlike the numerous work need to finish everyday in big city, people work in small town have more time to approach nature and entertain themselves with their friends. Though the salary would be less than that of big city, the price of necessity will also lower.

Where people are born also have a great effect. People often want to have their life in a familiar place like hometown no matter a big city or a small town. I was born and lived in Hangzhou, a big city for more than twenty years. For cozy living situation and familiar relationship with many friends and my family, my hometown would become the first choice to live.

wapiUID: 209274

为什么没有反应啊？自己顶。

wapiUID: 209274

继续顶

Rock_LuoUID: 193815

作者的遣词造句不错啊

Rock_LuoUID: 193815

不过我认为可以加强对自己观点的叙述

wapiUID: 209274

Originally posted by Rock_Luo at 2005-11-15 15:17
不过我认为可以加强对自己观点的叙述

再问：这个需要吗？我不太懂，我以为GRE作文需要如此，TOEFL只要句子通顺，词藻丰富就可以了。

wapiUID: 209274

自己发现第二段最后少了一个be。呵呵

samkidUID: 157194

开头段好长啊

wapiUID: 209274

完了，发现一个大问题。第一段不是题目，是我的开头。重发一个。

samkidUID: 157194

个人觉得有5分

avexUID: 159089

Originally posted by wapi at 2005-11-15 15:28

再问：这个需要吗？我不太懂，我以为GRE作文需要如此，TOEFL只要句子通顺，词藻丰富就可以了。

赫赫，我好像一直写这种essay都是issue风格的
还真没想过区别

但是觉得gre的辞藻丰富程度基本要超过t的