能帮我改改第一篇作文么？

larrypjpUID: 2132266

TOPIC：Why do you think people attend college or university?
348 words
“Why have I chosen to attend college?IS it worthwhile spending four years
on the academic life here?”This is a confusing question haunting me for a
long time.After pondering it on many occasions,I finally have reached the
conclusion that I have come to college not to get fame or money but to
expand my knowledge,realize my ideal,and prepare for my vocational life.

First of all,we can gain more new knowledge from studying in college.Francis
Bacon ,a famous British philosopher, once said,”Knowledge is power.”
According to his words,I would like to say that it is college with its
profound culture that give us more power.In college,we can not only learn
some professional knowledge from our professors who are also experts in the
specific fields,but also discuss some problems puzzling us with either our
teachers or classmates to solve them.In this way,we expand our knowledge
gradually.

Secondly,as far as I am concerned,it is quite a good way to realize my own
ideal by attending college.”Ideal is the beacon.Without ideal,there is no
secure direction;without direction,there is no life.”A great writer said
so.Everyone has his or her individual ideal,and these ideals,obviously,are
somewhat different.However,I believe that most people are dreaming for a
more successful and colorful life.As to me,college life is a typical kind of
that.We,for instance,make great effort to solving an academic problem or
whatever,and we may luckily succeed which turns out to be an excellent
result.In more case,however,we may fail any way.But,that is why it is
colorful,isn’t that?Forthurmore,college life enhances our various abilities
to pursue more dreams we are wandering.

Thirdly,attending college gives a better preparation for our career life,or
a better opportunity to get a satisfactory job.This may be the most
realistic consideration. Indeed,through our efforts,we may eventually
acquire some knowledge and technology requisite for our future work,get
accustomed to live more independently,and learn how to live and work with
other people,especially how to corporate with our collegues,as long as we
make enough efforts.

In conclusion,we can not only obtain more knowledge,achieve our ideals,but
also prepare for our career life by attending college.Therefore,studing in
college is worthwhile,and moreover,of great importance for us.

P.S
not only...but also 结构是否可以用于三个并列词呢？
“按照他的说法”怎么翻译？
引用名言的写法，sb said,""这里是用逗号吗？
能不能提供点关于表示好 大 不好 等方面的词汇
谢谢大家

GTUUID: 2165072

楼主的写作水准让我望尘莫及啊!!!!!!PFPF
按照他的说法能不能翻译成: according to what he said      or
                                      according to his theory

larrypjpUID: 2132266

晕 都烂成嘴了  肯定一大嘴毛病
我想的是from his standpoint 或者 from his view
谢谢关注呵呵

olive8310UID: 2164907

We,for instance,make great effort to solving an academic problem or
whatever,and we may luckily succeed which turns out to be an excellent
result.In more case,however,we may fail any way
很拗口```
We,for instance,make great effort to solving an academic problem,however, we may luckily succeed which turns out to be an excellent result orwe may fail in more cases:confused:

[ Last edited by olive8310 on 2005-12-12 at 12:44 ]

larrypjpUID: 2132266

有时候我感觉我是故意为了让句式更加复杂搞得自己都有点莫名其妙的哎

olive8310UID: 2164907

写作文其实就是在sell你的idea  基本上每个文章都是带有special这个要求吧  句型上我觉得长句有就可以了 太复杂会不会不太好 毕竟不是GRE之类的??