[作文互改第二十七组]stoneSQ

stoneSQUID: 2145827

文章在斑竹的帖子上贴过了，根据gters的宝贵意见，改了几个地方而已。

If I say that all of us live in the ocean of advertising, none will disagree with my viewpoint completely. It is the truth that our living environment are full of a variety of advertisements, including those of clothing, foods, housing and so forth. Attitudes towards advertising are different. Some people blame advertisements for misleading customers to buy things that they do not need any more, while other people like me believe that advertisements are helpful for us to improve our lives.

Advertising serves as an important source of information on products that people need. Nowadays, one of the most fundamental features of our society is information explosion, which means that the amount of information around us increases exponentially day by day. In other words, no one can master all the information that he or she wants to acquire. It is also true for a person who intends to purchase something, such as cars. There are so many manufacturers and kinds of cars on sale in the market and which one is suitable for us. At this time, most people will first collect abundant information through advertising and narrow down their targets that meet their needs after comparing advantages and disadvantages of different types of cars. If no such comprehensive and specific information is provided to customers by advertising, customers are less likely to buy what they really expect. As long as we think about our daily life, it is evident that how much percentage of information that we need, on earth, comes from advertising.

Advertising, as a means of marketing to propagate new products utilized by merchants, also play an active part to improve people’s living quality. In fact, merchants are not likely to develop products blindly. By contrast, they have made a great number of surveys that give the conclusion: the market of the new product is promising, which is to say that many people has developed need for this kind of product to facilitate their lives. Once such product is put into markets, these persons who already have potential needs will be delighted to purchase it and those who might not have realized their own needs will be reminded. So those people who criticize that advertisements encourage customers to make unnecessary purchase are not cogent.

To conclude, I believe that advertising as an essential source of information and an effective method to improve people’s lives will play a more and more important role in our daily life.

stoneSQUID: 2145827

相对大的改动后：
If I say that all of us live in the ocean of advertising, none will disagree with my viewpoint completely, because the fact just is that our living environment is full of a variety of advertisements, from clothing to foods, to daily items. Attitudes towards advertising are different, positive or negative. Some people blame advertisements for misleading customers to buy things that they do not need at all, while other people like me believe that advertisements are helpful in improving our lives.

In modern society where people rush about for their prosperous future with the annoyance of a tremendous amount of information, which is no matter desired or unexpected, advertising has already served as an indispensable source of information and a way to access products when people plan to buy things. Take the purchase of cars for example. There are so many manufacturers and cars of different performances, prices, colors and styles on sale in the market that it is a hard job to select suitable ones which will meet customers’ demands best. Under this circumstances, customers can first collect abundant information through advertising and then narrow down their targets that are relatively satisfactory and worth stopping by shops in person. Advertising simplifies the purchase process greatly.

Practically speaking, in spite of a means of marketing to propagate new products utilized by merchants, advertising also plays an active part to improve people’s living quality. New products are put in the markets mainly because they can satisfy people’s needs further by providing more comfortable experience or more advanced technologies. Customers receive this information conveyed through advertisements and update their aged items, with extra improved concept towards life.

Another point should be mentioned here is that advertising has developed a part of popular culture and a form of art. Modern advertisements are not merely words on the screen read by someone any longer, but multimedia combining with images, sounds and words. People can enjoy vivid pictures, humorous performance, euphonious music and philosophical words presented by excellent advertisements.

Based on the above reasons, I believe that advertising, as an essential source of information, an effective method to improve people’s lives as well as a kind of entertainment, will play a more and more important role in our daily life.

zhangheng1020UID: 2130513

我的意见：
写的很用心，看出来下功夫的，不知道用了多少时间？但是用词略显生硬，不够灵活。从结构上看，首段有一点多了，最后一段相对淡薄。这只是个人意见。具体修改见附件原文
谢谢！
If I say that all of us live in the ocean of advertising, none will disagree with my viewpoint completely, because the fact just is that our living environment is full of a variety of advertisements, from clothing to foods, to daily items. Attitudes towards advertising are different, positive or negative. Some people blame advertisements for misleading customers to buy things that they do not need at all, while other people like me believe that advertisements are helpful in improving our lives.开头的观点很明确，很好，但是第一句不知道这样写可不可以？It is unassailable that we live in the ocean of advertising, which covers our living environment like clothing, foods or other daily items.

In modern society where people rush about （没有必要用这个about） for their prosperous future with the annoyance of a tremendous amount of information, which is no matter desired or unexpected, advertising has already served as an indispensable source of information and a way to access products when people plan to buy things. Take the purchase of cars for example. There are so many manufacturers and cars of different performances, prices, colors and styles on sale in the market that it is a hard job to select suitable ones, which will meet customers’ demands best. Under these circumstances, customers can first collect abundant information through advertising and then narrow down their targets that are relatively satisfactory and worth stopping by shops in person. Advertising simplifies the purchase process greatly.第一句不知道这样写可不可以？ With the fast exchanging of our rushing modern society, expanded information, which is no matter desired or unexpected, is more and more like an annoyance when people want to pick up the exactly message they wanted. However, adv gives us a solution as it served as an indispensable source of information and a way to access products when people plan to buy things.      

Practically speaking, in spite of a means of marketing to propagate new products utilized by merchants, advertising also plays an active part to improve people’s living quality. New products are put in the markets mainly because they can satisfy people’s needs further by providing more comfortable experience or more advanced technologies. Customers receive this information conveyed through advertisements and update their aged items, with extra improved concept towards life.

Another point should be mentioned here is that advertising has developed a part of popular culture and a form of art. Modern advertisements are not merely words on the screen read by someone any longer, but multimedia combining with images, sounds and words. People can enjoy vivid pictures, humorous performance, euphonious music and philosophical words presented by excellent advertisements.

Based on the above reasons, I believe that advertising, as an essential source of information, an effective method to improve people’s lives as well as a kind of entertainment, will play a more and more important role in our daily life.

[ Last edited by zhangheng1020 on 2005-12-16 at 19:46 ]

westcowerUID: 2123051

确实写得不错,也看了改稿..但我觉得最好也写一点缺点.毕竟广告不是十全十美.

stoneSQUID: 2145827

你的意见非常的中肯，切中要害。自己感觉也是首段有点长（第一句一直就争议颇多，不知道怎么说才地道），尾段力度不够，苦于没有有效的解决办法，经你的点拨，于是乎有了个想法：
首段第一句：It is unassailable that we live in the ocean of advertising which, like clothing, foods and other daily items, floods our everyday life. （新学了个词unassailable; flood似乎更形象些）；
尾段：To conclude, although intentional exaggerating, disguising and distorting exist in some advertisements, I believe that advertising, as an essential source of information, an effective method to improve people’s lives as well as a kind of entertainment, will play a more and more important role in our daily life, because all these fraudulent tricks will be eliminated with relevant systems establishment.（加了让步在里边）

正文第一段是煞费苦心想写出个出彩的ts，可是能力有限啊！努力又改了一下：
In our modern rushing society, a tremendous amount of information which is no matter desired or not has become an exponentially increasing annoyance when people intend to pick up what they exactly request. Fortunately, advertising gives us a solution as it serves as an indispensable source of information and a way to access products when people plan to buy things.（你的exchanging,和expanded的使用有些不理解；however,逻辑上是不是有些不妥，容易引起误会呢？）

至于rush about，将about作为副词似乎也说得过去哈。

你的一席话使我受益非浅哈！thanks very much!

stoneSQUID: 2145827

就是就是，我让在尾段了。你的一句话解决了我的两个问题：尾段无力，逻辑不缜密。

高！实在是高！有时间常来看看哈，热烈欢迎！

smiling-djUID: 182272

stoneSQ 的进步很大，不得不说了。

stoneSQUID: 2145827

都是大家帮助的结果，继续努力。。。

yogurt4UID: 198389

Originally posted by zhangheng1020 at 2005-12-16 23:57
大家早点休息。身体要紧，要长期作战的！

你的作文呢?我找了一圈都没看到:mad: