[第9组] 38 关于进步是否都是好的

armstrongUID: 204256

写的没收住, min45 470  
Is progress always beneficial to our human beings?  It is  undeniable that with the development of various facets, whatever scince and technology, medicine, and economy, they have meaningful impacts on our quotidian life, and to some extent elevate our living qualities. Nevertheless, as far as I am concerned, it is these progresses that also generate gaint side-effects and negative effectsm in our society. My point is very convincing due to the following reasons.

First, while playing a housepower role in accomulating wealth for our society, we also suffer myriad problems. Today,  under the profit-oriented circumstances, some companies, epspecially transnational firms, in order to embrace the ability to compete with their counterparts are dirved to build numerous factories and workhouses, so that they exert great effort to maximize earn interests, which seriously extaminate and pollute our enviromnent. They drain a large quantities of chemicals harming people’s health. At the same vein, due to lacking of raw materials, particularly lumbers, they unduly deforest in tropical rain forest to meet their unsatisfactory appetite. So stupid behaviors is returned by the alwuful atmosphere situation, the globe warming. On the other hand, the gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly extended by this developmental trendency. Therefore, the social stability has been  thwarted, and  the criminal rate reachs a unprecedented level.

While arguing the development of technology spawn a great number of jobs, combing whith great conveinent for our life, it flies in the face of diasters brought by it. For instance, some argue that researching nuclear energy provide an alternative endless source for us. However, history shows is replete with real fact that untold innocent people,  entangling women and children, are maimed and murdered by atomic blasts.
Likewise,  modern vechile making our life more conveinent, it also generate a great scale exhusts to threaten our respiratory system.

Finally, we can not deny that today human beings’ long life span mainly rely on the progress of the realm of medine. At the same time, we encounter a more terrible product of modern medicine-coloning human.  If governments fail to prohibit this research applying people as a subject, the social order and would be disturbed and devolved into anarchic state. We are easy to imagine that if under the dircting of molecular biology , the possibity that human being can survive three hundred years would come ture. As a result, our limited natural resurces wuold be absent the ability to sustain so colossus the scale of population.

Of course, in my view it do not meant that we should not refuse the progress, adhereing to stasis stage for ever due to its unbeneficial facets. Instead, people should figure out and revalue the results that will be come into being, and thus minimize its negative points, while making use of and enjoy the fruits of the progress.

avexUID: 159089

这道题是属于狂型大发的那种

先占坐

ps:有点晕了，明天上班闲的时候改
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avexUID: 159089

Is progress always beneficial to our human beings?  It is  undeniable that with the development of various facets, whatever whatever有语法问题scince and technology, medicine, and economy, they have meaningful impacts on our quotidian life, and to some extent elevate our living qualities. Nevertheless, as far as I am concerned, it is these progresses that 不用强调句，比较舒服also generate gaint side-effects and negative effectsm多个m吧 in our society. My point is very convincing due to the following reasons.

First, while playing a housepower没有这个词 role in accomulating wealth for our society, we also suffer myriad problems. Today,  under the profit-oriented circumstances, some companies, epspecially transnational firms, in order to embrace the ability to compete with their counterparts are dirved to build numerous factories and workhouses, so that they exert great effort to maximize earn interests, which seriously extaminate and pollute our enviromnent. They drain a large quantities of chemicals harming people’s health. 这句写得很乱，要改进可以用little这个词试试看At the same vein ?这在这啥意思,due to 用了几遍换一个把因果的词那么多lacking lack就够了不用ing of raw materials, particularly lumbers, they unduly deforest in tropical rain forest to meet their unsatisfactory appetite. So - such stupid behaviors is - are returned by the alwuful atmosphere situation, the globe warming. 这句用倒装更出彩On the other hand, the gap between the rich and the poor is increasingly extended by this developmental trendency. Therefore, the social stability has been  thwarted, and  the criminal rate reachs a unprecedented level.

While arguing注意同主 the development of technology spawn a great number of jobs, combing whith great conveinent for our life, it flies in the face of diasters brought by it. 这句太乱了吧，好多语法错误For instance, some argue that researching nuclear energy provide s an alternative endless source for us. However, history shows语法错误 is replete with real fact that untold innocent people,  entangling women and children, are maimed and murdered by atomic blasts.Likewise,  modern vechile making our life more conveinent, it also generate s a great scale exhusts to threaten our respiratory system.

Finally, we can not deny that today human beings’ long life span ?这个表达不太好吧 mainly rely语法错误 on the progress of the realm of medine. At the same time, we encounter a more terrible product of modern medicine-coloning human.  If governments fail to prohibit this research applying people as a subject, the social order and 这个and是？ would be disturbed and devolved into anarchic state 限定词 . We are easy to imagine that if under the dircting of molecular biology , the possibity that human being can survive three hundred years would come ture. As a result, our limited natural resurces wuold be absent the ability to sustain so colossus the scale of population. 这句也有大问题要改

Of course, in my view it do not meant mean that we should not refuse the progress, adhereing to stasis stage for ever due to its unbeneficial facets. Instead, people should 不要用should这个词figure out and revalue ？ 动词吧，语法错误 the results that will be come into being, and thus minimize its negative points, while 这又有问题making use of and enjoy the fruits of the progress.

frankly，lz语法和句型错误太多了。
我觉得这篇不重写是不行了，要改得太多了
还有就是这篇写的没有调理，逻辑论证很差
基本是在列举fact，文章三个要点evidence,warrant,conclusion作者只做了第一点，后两点都没有做好，第二点几乎没有

ps:拍得很重，别介意

[ Last edited by avex on 2005-12-20 at 00:33 ]

yogurt4UID: 198389

楼主许久不见了
我以马甲真身来给你加油!!

armstrongUID: 204256

谢谢avex
和酸奶斑竹， （呵呵现在混迹t版了 好久没去作文版看看了， 汗！！）