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[i习作temp] ISSUE61[Coursework-01]-Coffee Team Of Latte@Hunson [复制链接]

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发表于 2005-12-20 23:03:49 |只看该作者 |倒序浏览
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61. "High-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are actually damaging to society because they suggest that only a few people deserve such recognition."
提纲:
0:反对有害论,简要指出其认知错误
1:象nobel这样的奖是为有益于社会的人所设立,比如和平奖的实践者mother Teresa很多人从中受益
2:尽管奖项比较少,但以此为目标在自己领域做出成就的人很多,即使没得奖,也没有放弃为社会做贡献。并不是为了仅仅得奖而作哪些事
3:总结以上2段指出此类奖项无害反对社会有大作用  
正文:
  Confessedly some high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are widely esteemed as the most honored awards given for intellectual achievement in the world, by only five prizes annually and actually not for the masses. So and forth, According to some people's reflection present, it would not cast positive effect on recognition of society and impair one's ambition as a result to deserve the consummation. But this allegation does not rationally reckon on a judgment weight the core meaning of the awards, because it reflects a warp discernment of some high-profile awards' intention and overlooks the social functions in which those take part.

   Some people partially think that only a few hap of taking awards, such as the Nobel Prize’s scantly five favorites annually, is the only significance that the high-profile awards show to everybody and thus most people will severely frustrated or be deprived of impetus to come through. Yet the purpose of high-profile awards' conferment is not merely prizes by all appearances, but shall be conferred in form of prizes to those who, in specific time or fields, have work the greatest discovery or improvement on mankind. For example, The Blessed Mother Teresa, who own The Nobel Prize in her life, is only a grocer's daughter without any admirable social background .What are the facts cause her own the Prize? Beneath the halo, it is the fact that Mother Teresa had persisted all her life long for helping numerous people in great sense of humanity, for the aged and young, and for the sick and poor. The Noble Prize by itself is a confirmation more of his or her great beneficial devotion to society than of merely individual’s achievements. Hence, the high-profile awards is not only in the term of money or title, but the symbol of light that enlighten social members with their doing to fulfill, so as to can help society to constitute a true value of social virtue and propensity.

   Further more, to the high-profile awards’ followers, The Prizes are not their social starts or just endings. As the case stands, it is undoubtedly his or her devotional career with which unforced derive to. Many people may do dream of someday been award of high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize, And by that dream in mind, day by day try hard to carry out their ambition. The Nobel Prize, for instance, maybe just like a seed that embed itself into every aggressive individual's heart and then is put in growth. Because well informed and perceptive individuals who strife for the prizes are in great amount in deed, effect of such incisively by concourse would thrive our society than bring on harm to it. Just as the Nobel Prize, the nominators may multiply the prize winner, and the elites out of nomination so much as could not be numbered. They are all pith of stratum including scientists, social conductors and professors of various industries, would make our society even more hopeful by performing his or her role. No one would regard the unavailable of the Nobel Prize as blockage or obstacle that will bilk one's individual improvement.

  On all accounts, the high-profile such as Nobel Prize can call within a call is only a impetus to spur up one’s ambition to discover or improve for mankind, but not to serve merely for one's particular purpose. Thus these prizes would conduce a good social atmosphere, every social member in that will do great efforts to boost our society to a splendid vista. Therefore, no damaging effect will be imposed upon the society no matter how much quota the prize will offer
=====================================================
修改后的作业---第一次修改
=====================================================
让砖头,鸡蛋,西红柿来的更猛烈些吧
********************************************************************

Confessedly some high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are widely esteemed as the most honored awards given for intellectual achievement in the world, by only five prizes are awarded to individuals annually and actually these prizes are not for the masses. So and forth, According to some people's reflection presented, it would not cast positive effect on recognition of society, and it may impair one's ambition as a result to lose the motivity to success. But this allegation does not rationally reckon on a judgment weight the core meaning of the awards, because it reflects a warp discernment of some high-profile awards' intention and overlooks the social functions in which those take part.

Some people partially think that only a few hap of taking awards, such as the Nobel Prize’s scantly five favorites annually, is the only significance that the high-profile awards show to everybody and thus most people will be severely frustrated or deprived of impetus to come through. Yet the purpose of high-profile awards' conferment is not merely prizes by all appearances, it is only qualified in form of prizes to those who, in specific time or fields, have work the greatest discovery or improvement on mankind. For example, the Blessed Mother Teresa, who owns The Nobel Prize in her life, is only a grocer's daughter without any admirable social background .What are the facts cause her own the Prize? Beneath the halo, it is the fact that the Blessed Mother Teresa has persisted all her life long for helping numerous people in great sense of humanity, for the aged and young, and for the sick and poor. The Noble Prize by itself is a confirmation more of his or her great beneficial devotion to society than of merely individual’s achievements. Hence, the high-profile awards is not only in the term of money or title, but also of the symbol of light that enlighten social members with their doing to fulfill, so as to help society to constitute a true value of social virtue and propensity.

Further more, to the high-profile awards’ followers, the Prizes are not their social starts or just endings. As the case stands, it is undoubtedly his or her devotional career that spontaneously keep up with. Many people may dream of someday being awarded of high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize, and with that dream in mind, day by day trying hard to carry out their ambition. The Nobel Prize, for instance, may be just like a seed that embeds itself into every ambitious individual's heart and then is put in growth. Because well informed and perceptive individuals who strife for the prizes are in great number in deed, effect of such incisively by concourse would thrive our society than bringing on harm to it. Behind the Nobel Prize, the nominators may multiply the prize winner, and indeed the elites out of nomination could not be numbered. They are all pith of stratum including scientists, social conductors and professors of various industries. They would make our society even more hopeful by performing his or her role. No one would regard the unavailable of the Nobel Prize as blockage or obstacle that will bilk one's individual improvement.

Someone may say that, just like coin has it’s double faces, there is no reason that the high-profile awards could be ruled out. Obviously the view above may have it’s stands, it is possible that warp qualification, unjust assessment, or unfair stipulator, would engender unqualified awarding. If it occurs, people would lose their relief, and the awards also would be bankrupt in it’s faith, even severely the society's good atmosphere would be depressed. Fortunately, it is without question that most of high-profile awards have their inward character of going well, and the unfaith ones in fact usually fade away without any wake. Therefore, the everlasting high-profile awards such as Nobel Prize, always intend to present people with it's obverse face, not the inverse one in stead.

On all accounts, the high-profile such as Nobel Prize can call within a call is only a impetus to spur up one’s ambition to discover or improve for mankind, but not to serve merely for one's particular purpose. Thus these prizes would conduce a good social atmosphere, every social member under that circumstance will boost our society to a splendid vista. Therefore, no damaging effect will be imposed upon the society no matter how much quota the prize will offer.
********************************************************************

[ Last edited by hunson on 2005-12-23 at 08:04 ]
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Golden Apple

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发表于 2005-12-20 23:09:34 |只看该作者
加油哦,不过貌似你的发贴方式有些不对哦,恩呢,看看其他人发的格式吧,西西一起努力哦

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荣誉版主 挑战ETS奖章 寄托之心勋章 Aries白羊座 GRE斩浪之魂

板凳
发表于 2005-12-20 23:13:02 |只看该作者
吼吼,我先帮你改过来了。记得看置顶NEEDLE的帖子:)
色不迷人人自迷。
天佑中华!!Bless bless bless

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地板
发表于 2005-12-21 00:12:58 |只看该作者
Originally posted by yogurt4 at 2005-12-20 23:13
吼吼,我先帮你改过来了。记得看置顶NEEDLE的帖子:)


谢谢酸奶大人的提醒~~
呵呵~~我们新建的Coffee小组还需要大家多多帮助啊:)
去IIT的联系我MSN噢:isabel_0522@hotmail.com
我的BLOG:  http://blog.sina.com.cn/moonsetbeach

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发表于 2005-12-21 16:48:03 |只看该作者
冒个泡,一会儿就来学习,组长隆重地向我推荐了你的帖子!不急啊,我办事情就是有点慢!

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发表于 2005-12-21 18:01:30 |只看该作者
呵呵~~写的很好啊~~我觉得都改不出什么东东出来~~~

就随便说几句吧:
1. 论证的深度够了,但广度还不够
2. 论证的层次性不是很强,结构组织还可以更上一层楼
去IIT的联系我MSN噢:isabel_0522@hotmail.com
我的BLOG:  http://blog.sina.com.cn/moonsetbeach

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发表于 2005-12-21 18:03:18 |只看该作者
呵呵,小菜我来了,改到一个牛牛
大家一起看看HUSON的语言表达,不错不错!

Confessedly some high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are widely esteemed as the most honored awards given for intellectual achievement in the world, by only five prizes annually and actually not for the masses. So and forth, According to some people's reflection present, it would not cast positive effect on recognition of society and impair one's ambition as a result to deserve the consummation. But this allegation does not rationally reckon on a judgment weight the core meaning of the awards, because it reflects a warp discernment of some high-profile awards' intention and overlooks the social functions in which those take part.后面再跟一句你明确的观点(比如IN MY VIEW,…)强调一下就更棒了!
   Some people partially think that only a few hap of taking awards, such as the Nobel Prize’s scantly five favorites annually, is the only significance that the high-profile awards show to everybody and thus most people will severely frustrated or be deprived of impetus to come through. Yet the purpose of high-profile awards' conferment is not merely prizes by all appearances, but shall be conferred in form of prizes to those who, in specific time or fields, have work(worked) the greatest discovery or improvement on mankind. For example, The Blessed Mother Teresa, who own The Nobel Prize in her life, is only a grocer's daughter without any admirable social background .What are the facts cause her own the Prize? Beneath the halo, it is the fact that Mother Teresa had persisted all her life long for helping numerous people in great sense of humanity, for the aged and young, and for the sick and poor. The Noble Prize by itself is a confirmation more of his or her great beneficial devotion to society than of merely individual’s achievements.这句很切题! Hence, the high-profile awards is not only in the term of money or title, but the symbol of light that enlighten social members with their doing to fulfill, so as to can help society to constitute a true value of social virtue and propensity.

   Further more, to the high-profile awards’ followers, The Prizes are not their social starts or just endings. As the case stands, it is undoubtedly his or her devotional career with which unforced derive to. Many people may do dream of someday been award of high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize, And by that dream in mind, day by day try hard to carry out their ambition. The Nobel Prize, for instance, maybe just like a seed that embed itself into every aggressive individual's heart and then is put in growth. (比喻不错!值得我好好学习)Because well informed and perceptive individuals who strife for the prizes are in great amount in deed, effect of such incisively by concourse would thrive our society than bring on harm to it. Just as the Nobel Prize, the nominators may multiply the prize winner, and the elites out of nomination so much as could not be numbered. They are all(太绝对吧,有些领域因为没包含在内,使一些优秀的成果没被奖励,也可以批判作者的观点) pith of stratum including scientists, social conductors and professors of various industries, would make our society even more hopeful by performing his or her role. No one would regard the unavailable of the Nobel Prize as blockage or obstacle that will bilk one's individual improvement.(再强调一下从这个角度对社会的影响就更不错!)
  On all accounts, the high-profile such as Nobel Prize can call within a call is only a impetus to spur up one’s ambition to discover or improve for mankind, but not to serve merely for one's particular purpose. Thus these prizes would conduce a good social atmosphere, every social member in that will do great efforts to boost our society to a splendid vista. Therefore, no damaging effect will be imposed upon the society no matter how much quota the prize will offer.
总的来说,语言表达流畅,逻辑论证严密,但是没有让步,从前人经验总结有一个让步段就更完美,不会让人有漏洞可钻!
很厉害啊,我的比起来太菜了,还请多多指教!
每天都是SUNNY DAY

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发表于 2005-12-21 20:33:06 |只看该作者
Originally posted by taotaoQ at 2005-12-21 18:03
呵呵,小菜我来了,改到一个牛牛
大家一起看看HUSON的语言表达,不错不错!

Confessedly some high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are widely esteemed as the most honored awards given for intelle ...
谢谢taotaoq给我改文,我也觉得有让步比较好,但刚开始写没找到思路,看来你的习作受到了不少启发,谢谢

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发表于 2005-12-21 20:40:34 |只看该作者

我想到的关于这个issu的让步段的关注点

1:nobel奖等hi-profile awards的后台操作人员假如有失公允的话,会起反作用
2:比如nobel奖设立范围比较窄,比如数学奖就没有,导致很多学数学的改行来争经济学奖,也许会对经济学奖的研究方向产生一定的不利影响
就想到这么多,不知道大家有没在这个issu上让步的其他闪光点

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发表于 2005-12-21 22:03:33 |只看该作者
我的让步里想弄但没弄出来的例子
比如NOBEL等奖颁发失误,会产生不良后果,比如NOBLE有一年颁的一个啥化学方面的,XX毒剂,广泛使用后导致环境污染(记不清了,找到了再贴回来)
每天都是SUNNY DAY

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发表于 2005-12-21 22:50:33 |只看该作者
Originally posted by Cappuccino☆ at 2005-12-21 18:01
呵呵~~写的很好啊~~我觉得都改不出什么东东出来~~~

就随便说几句吧:
1. 论证的深度够了,但广度还不够
2. 论证的层次性不是很强,结构组织还可以更上一层楼

说得很在理,能不能详细提示些东西,老了,脑精不灵活了

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发表于 2005-12-21 22:55:32 |只看该作者

一个考今年gre和gmat双料的牛牛给我改的

占位

[ Last edited by hunson on 2005-12-21 at 23:14 ]

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发表于 2005-12-21 22:58:57 |只看该作者

一个考今年gre和gmat双料的牛牛给我改的,感谢

正文:
  Confessedly some high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are widely esteemed as the most honored awards given for intellectual achievement in the world, by only five prizes are awarded to individuals annually and actually these prizes are not for the masses. So and forth, According to some people's reflection presented, it would not cast positive effect on recognition of society, and it may impair one's ambition as a result to deserve the consummation (sorry, I don't quite catch you, what does this mean?). But this allegation does not rationally reckon on a judgment weight the core meaning of the awards, because it reflects a warp discernment of some high-profile awards' intention and overlooks the social functions in which those take part.

   Some people partially think that only a few hap of taking awards, such as the Nobel Prize’s scantly five favorites annually, is the only significance that the high-profile awards show to everybody and thus most people will be severely frustrated or be deprived of impetus to come through. Yet the purpose of high-profile awards' conferment is not merely prizes by all appearances, but shall be conferred (again I do not quite understand…) in form of prizes to those who, in specific time or fields, have work the greatest discovery or improvement on mankind. For example, the Blessed Mother Teresa, who owns The Nobel Prize in her life, is only a grocer's daughter without any admirable social background .What are the facts cause her own the Prize? Beneath the halo, it is the fact that Mother Teresa had (have) persisted all her life long for helping numerous people in great sense of humanity, for the aged and young, and for the sick and poor. The Noble Prize by itself is a confirmation more of his or her great beneficial devotion to society than of merely individual’s achievements. Hence, the high-profile awards is not only in the term of money or title, but also of the symbol of light that enlighten social members with their doing to fulfill, so as to can help society to constitute a true value of social virtue and propensity.

   Further more, to the high-profile awards’ followers, the Prizes are not their social starts or just endings. As the case stands, it is undoubtedly his or her devotional career with which unforced derive to (I do not understand…). Many people may do dream of someday been award (being awarded) of high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize, and by (with) that dream in mind, day by day trying hard to carry out their ambition. The Nobel Prize, for instance, may be just like a seed that embeds itself into every aggressive (aggressive is not appropriate, use ambitious instead)individual's heart and then is put in growth. Because well informed and perceptive individuals who strife for the prizes are in great amount (number) in deed, effect of such incisively by concourse would thrive our society than bringing on harm to it. Just as (there is no relationship for which you can use “just as”) the Nobel Prize, the nominators may multiply the prize winner, and the elites out of nomination so much as could not be numbered. They are all pith of stratum including scientists, social conductors and professors of various industries. They would make our society even more hopeful by performing his or her role. No one would regard the unavailable of the Nobel Prize as blockage or obstacle that will bilk one's individual improvement.

  On all accounts, the high-profile such as Nobel Prize can call within a call is only a impetus to spur up one’s ambition to discover or improve for mankind, but not to serve merely for one's particular purpose. Thus these prizes would conduce a good social atmosphere, every social member in (under) that circumstance will do great efforts (contribute) to boost our society to a splendid vista. Therefore, no damaging effect will be imposed upon the society no matter how much quota the prize will offer.

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发表于 2005-12-22 07:09:52 |只看该作者
Confessedly some high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize are widely esteemed as the most honored awards given for intellectual achievement in the world, by(请教,我怎么就是没看懂by 是啥意思?) only five prizes are awarded to individuals annually and actually these prizes are not for the masses. So and forth, According(小写,呵呵!) to some people's reflection presented, it would not cast positive effect on recognition of society, and it may impair one's ambition as a result to deserve the consummation (sorry, I don't quite catch you, what does this mean?). But this allegation does not rationally reckon on a judgment weight the core meaning of the awards, because it reflects a warp discernment of some high-profile awards' intention and overlooks the social functions in which those take part.

   Some people partially think that only a few hap of taking awards, such as the Nobel Prize’s scantly(是副词么?) five favorites annually, is the only significance that the high-profile awards show to everybody and thus most people will be severely frustrated or be deprived of impetus to come through. (还是欣赏简洁一点的TS!)Yet the purpose of high-profile awards' conferment is not merely prizes by all appearances, but shall be conferred (again I do not quite understand…) in form of prizes to those who, in specific time or fields, have work the greatest discovery or improvement on mankind. For example, the Blessed Mother Teresa, who owns The (t小写!)Nobel Prize in her life, is only a grocer's daughter without any admirable social background .What are the facts cause her own the Prize? Beneath the halo, it is the fact that Mother Teresa had (have) persisted all her life long for helping numerous people in great sense of humanity, for the aged and young, and for the sick and poor. The Noble Prize by itself is a confirmation more of his or her great beneficial devotion to society than of merely individual’s achievements. Hence, the high-profile awards is not only in the term of (in terms of ?)money or title, but also of the symbol of light that enlighten social members with their doing to fulfill, so as to can help society to constitute a true value of social virtue and propensity.

   Further more, to the high-profile awards’ followers, the Prizes are not their social starts or just endings. As the case stands, it is undoubtedly his or her devotional career with which unforced derive to (I do not understand…). Many people may do dream of someday been award (being awarded) of high-profile awards such as the Nobel Prize, and by (with) that dream in mind, day by day trying hard to carry out their ambition. The Nobel Prize, for instance, may be just like a seed that embeds itself into every aggressive (aggressive is not appropriate, use ambitious instead)individual's heart and then is put in growth. Because well informed and perceptive individuals who strife for the prizes are in great amount (number) in deed, effect of such incisively by concourse would thrive our society than bringing(?) on harm to it. Just as (there is no relationship for which you can use “just as”) the Nobel Prize, the nominators may multiply the prize winner, and the elites out of nomination so much as could not be numbered. They are all pith of stratum including scientists, social conductors and professors of various industries. They would make our society even more hopeful by performing his or her role. No one would regard the unavailable of the Nobel Prize as blockage or obstacle that will bilk one's individual improvement.

  On all accounts, the high-profile such as Nobel Prize can call within a call is only a impetus to spur up one’s ambition to discover or improve for mankind, but not to serve merely for one's particular purpose. Thus these prizes would conduce a good social atmosphere, every social member in (under) that circumstance will do great efforts (contribute) to boost our society to a splendid vista. Therefore, no damaging effect will be imposed upon the society no matter how much quota the prize will offer.

语言不是一般的好,确实不同反响!我很多单词都不认识,就象看北美范文,又象在做G的阅读。我该怎么办啊?:L:L:L:L:L:L

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发表于 2005-12-23 13:52:04 |只看该作者
呵呵,路过看coffee组的总结贴的时候看到这篇作为范文了,所以进来拍拍!
好话不说了,不过认为写得太长了,45分钟可能没有时间写这么多。
另外,issue评分的标准首要的是内容——符合逻辑,其次是结构——构架清晰。最后才是语言。
以下简单地拍了一下,都是说的问题,值得赞的地方也很多,不过你们组的都赞过了!
希望互相交流和学习!
也来看看GoGoGo组的文章!
06年6G加入QQ群17938345!

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RE: ISSUE61[Coursework-01]-Coffee Team Of Latte@Hunson [修改]

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