issue177 历时3小时的呕心沥血之作 :P 大家看看~

azaleaUID: 196122

issue177. "The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."


1更客观
2更深入
3更全面
4 aethetically


I strongly agree that the study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. Before we are exposed to academic education, we view the world with our own eyes, using only our assumption and imagination. However, when we study the discipline, we will perceive the world in a different way, which is more objective, more profound, more holistic and more aesthetic.

Academic education equips us with objective eyes to perceive the world and ourselves. With the knowledge of a discipline, we can cast away the ridiculous cognition we once held due to our innocence in that field. For example, I used to think that the stars were like light bulbs hanging up in the sky. After I leant some fundamentals of astronomy, I began to laugh at my naive imagination. The stars are actually celestial bodies like the sun which generates light by atomic fusion reaction. Certainly I can still compare the stars to light bulbs, but I no longer believe they are, since I know the truth thanks to the discipline of astronomy. This topic also reminds me of those people who are easily seduced by pseudoscience. They are talked into believing the supernatural power of a 'master' can cure them of diseases without medical treatment and medicine, as a result, many of the patients die by refusal to treatment. If they know a little about pathology and have a scientific mind, they will look at their diseases with an objective view, and soon recover with appropriate treatment. In this sense, the study of academic disciplines is important for us to form a objective perspective of the world and even more important, of our bodies.  

Moreover, through the study of academic disciplines we learn to ponder over problems much deeper than before. Apart from recognition of the superficial relationship, we try to grope for the in-depth correlation between different things. To illustrate, consider the situation that the central bank increases the interest rate. Our first reaction is probably that 'Great! Let's deposit our savings in the bank! We can gain more interest than before.' Nevertheless, If we understand the discipline of macro-economy, we can give the issue a deeper elaboration. We may infer that our nation wants to cool down the over-investment thus expecting the price of real estate will go down a little bit. Also, we may predict that the stock market is subject to suffer for a while since investors may withdraw some of their money to deposit. After studying economy, we obtain a profound eye to see through the economic phenomena. Similar miracles will take place after we study other disciplines.

At the same time, the study of academic disciplines will render us an integrated head to consider world affairs. As the globe is becoming a village day by day, problems in one country is very likely to influence other countries. We should be armed with knowledge of different disciplines in order to deal with world affairs effectively. Consider the issue of global warming. We cannot fully understand the necessity and urgency of overall reduction of carbon dioxide emission unless we know the mechanism of circulation of atmosphere by studying the discipline of environmental science. Also, we learn to deal with global issues in a broad and holistic way. Economic development and harmonious existence of human beings, which should be taken priority of?(Word说这句有语法错误 大家帮忙看看) Without the knowledge of many disciplines, we are deprived of the privilege to express our opinions on this issue.

Last but not least, we can better explore the beauty of the world by the study of an academic discipline. Not only art teaches us to appreciate the exquisiteness of a painting or sculpture, but other disciplines also inspire us to see the beauty behind the order and regulation of the universe. Every time I am shown the complex regulatory pathways of various genes, I will admire the beauty of the intelligent organization of every creature. Every time I observe the dainty arrangement of a crystal, I am overwhelmed by the force that creates such elegancy. （这句也有语法错误？？）Every time I see the marvelous spectacles of sunrises and sunsets, I want to sing for the physical regulation that governs the earth to orbit the sun. Admittedly without any knowledge of academic discipline, we can still admire the apparent beauty of universe, but only after we learn many disciplines can we can see the elegant string of the universe.

In short, the world remains what it is, but our perspective changes, thanks to the study of an academic discipline.

755words, 3 hours

legendhfwangUID: 191674

在第一段你用了however,给人感觉就是I strongly agree that the study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. Before we are exposed to academic education, we view the world with our own eyes, using only our assumption and imagination 和when we study the discipline, we will perceive the world in a different way, which is more objective, more profound, more holistic and more aesthetic.是一个转折关系，很自然我就回去找下面的admittedly,后来一看没有才重新看了第一段，仔细一看应当是递进关系。所以建议还是不要用however好。

Certainly I can still compare the stars to light bulbs, but I no longer believe they are, since I know the truth thanks to the discipline of astronomy.改成 I may still compare the stars to light bulbs, but I know they are actually not due to my knowledge of astronomy. 这样的例子挺多的，楼主是不是在内容以外看看句子的细节?

They are talked into believing the supernatural power of a 'master'
我知道这段话是写邪教的危害的，不过上面的话我没看懂,似乎句子不通.

例子举的都很好,不过有一点是关于加息的，美国人加息主要是为了抑制通货膨胀,所以加上一个control inflation更好.

最后感觉你思路挺开阔的，这样很有利与以后的写作,不过还是建议能够把字数限制在500以内，呵呵.

好久没有修改作文了，说的话不知道对不对，呵呵.

azaleaUID: 196122

在第一段你用了however,给人感觉就是I strongly agree that the study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. Before we are exposed to academic education, we view the world with our own eyes, using only our assumption and imagination 和when we study the discipline, we will perceive the world in a different way, which is more objective, more profound, more holistic and more aesthetic.是一个转折关系，很自然我就回去找下面的admittedly,后来一看没有才重新看了第一段，仔细一看应当是递进关系。所以建议还是不要用however好。[说的很对啊 谢谢！]

Certainly I can still compare the stars to light bulbs, but I no longer believe they are, since I know the truth thanks to the discipline of astronomy.改成 I may still compare the stars to light bulbs, but I know they are actually not due to my knowledge of astronomy. [改得很赞啊！简洁不少]这样的例子挺多的，楼主是不是在内容以外看看句子的细节?[@@没理解 什么意思啊？]

They are talked into believing the supernatural power of a 'master'
我知道这段话是写邪教的危害的，不过上面的话我没看懂,似乎句子不通.
[可能是这里吧 be talked into doing=be persuaded 我当时觉得persuade有点不恰当 于是换了个。。确实读着不大通诶]


例子举的都很好,不过有一点是关于加息的，美国人加息主要是为了抑制通货膨胀,所以加上一个control inflation更好.[恩恩 有道理]

最后感觉你思路挺开阔的，这样很有利与以后的写作,不过还是建议能够把字数限制在500以内，呵呵.
[这个题目看似简单 其实很难写的 因为角度太多了 真不知道怎么概括到一篇文章里 所以放开写了 写完才知道这么多。。]

好久没有修改作文了，说的话不知道对不对，呵呵.
[说得都很对啊 谢谢！]

pioneercpuUID: 2139317

我看了issue题目半天,没有思路,没有例子,所以来看看你的

呵呵 真不错,尤其是举的例子啊  也很能说明问题

1.把星星看成电灯泡;还有一些封建迷信
2.关于银行利率提高,控制通货膨胀,宏观调控,避免经济过热,影响股票市场
3.看问题更全面:包括环境问题


最后还有排比 好气势啊

赞一个!!:victory::victory::victory:

Cappuccino☆UID: 2155660

1. 观点不错,赞一个！
2. 语言上对句子的驾驭能力不错,但是能不能少用点We.....开头的,显得太主观了
3. 感觉你的观点有很多,但在论证的过程中没有做一个恰当的安排,有的地方稍显的混乱
仅个人愚见, 不要见怪~~

呵呵~~刚刚看到你们组长来Coffee晃悠, 我也过来看看, 大家要互相帮助啊

azaleaUID: 196122

4楼 你说了和没说一样哦 我就不回拍你了

azaleaUID: 196122

谢谢光临:)
2. 语言上对句子的驾驭能力不错,但是能不能少用点We.....开头的,显得太主观了
这个意见很对啊！ 我写的时候确实没考虑这点！谢谢指出~

3. 感觉你的观点有很多,但在论证的过程中没有做一个恰当的安排,有的地方稍显的混乱
我的中间4段只是并列关系了 确实没考虑更好的安排 其他的论证具体哪里有问题呢？
请帮忙指出下~谢谢！

happy_shirleyUID: 2155516

I strongly agree that the study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. Before we are exposed to academic education, we view the world with our own eyes, using only our assumption and imagination. However, when （after） we study the discipline (这个说法有点不太妥) , we will perceive the world in a different way （different ways）, which is more objective, more profound, more holistic and more aesthetic.

Academic education equips us with objective eyes to perceive the world and ourselves. With the knowledge of a discipline, we can cast away the ridiculous cognition we once held due to our innocence in that field. For example, I used to think that the stars were like light bulbs hanging up in the sky. After I leant some fundamentals of astronomy, I began to laugh at my naive imagination. The stars are actually celestial bodies like the sun which generates light by atomic fusion reaction. Certainly I can still compare the stars to light bulbs, but I no longer believe they are, since I know the truth thanks to the discipline of astronomy. （如果这个例子不说I，改成when a child 会不会好一些，就是在讲一般的情况）This topic also reminds me of those people who are easily seduced by pseudoscience. They are talked into believing the supernatural power of a 'master' can cure them of diseases without medical treatment and medicine, as a result, many of the patients die by refusal to treatment. If they know a little about pathology and have a scientific mind, they will look at their diseases with an objective view, and soon recover with appropriate treatment. In this sense, the study of academic disciplines is important for us to form a objective perspective of the world and even more important, of our bodies.  

Moreover, through the study of academic disciplines we learn to ponder over problems much deeper than before. Apart from recognition of the superficial relationship, we try to grope for the in-depth correlation between different things. To illustrate, consider the situation that the central bank increases the interest rate. Our first reaction is probably that 'Great! Let's deposit our savings in the bank! We can gain more interest than before.' Nevertheless, If we understand the discipline of macro-economy, we can give the issue a deeper elaboration. We may infer that our nation wants to cool down the over-investment thus expecting the price of real estate will go down a little bit. Also, we may predict that the stock market is subject to suffer for a while since investors may withdraw some of their money to deposit. After studying economy, we obtain a profound eye to see through the economic phenomena（这句话放在前面一点比较好，再说具体）. Similar miracles （phenomena appear in other discipilines)will take place after we study other disciplines.

At the same time, the study of academic disciplines will render us an integrated head to consider world affairs. As the globe is becoming a village day by day, problems in one country is very likely to influence other countries. We should be armed with knowledge of different disciplines in order to deal with world affairs effectively. Consider the issue of global warming. We cannot fully understand the necessity and urgency of overall reduction of carbon dioxide emission unless we know the mechanism of circulation of atmosphere by studying the discipline of environmental science. Also, we learn to deal with global issues in a broad and holistic way. Economic development and harmonious existence of human beings, which should be taken priority of?(颠倒一下顺序就可以了，which 放到前面，否则可能理解为非限制性定语从句Word说这句有语法错误 大家帮忙看看) Without the knowledge of many disciplines, we are deprived of the privilege to express our opinions on this issue.

前三段的三个方面：更客观、更深入、更全面，本身这三个方面就不太容易分开，但是举的例子好像不是特别有针对性！建议能够从别的更有区分度的角度来展开论述。

Last but not least, we can better explore the beauty of the world by the study of an academic discipline.(个人觉得这个论据好像并不直接证明论点，不过可以放在最后总结的时候说一下) Not only art teaches us to appreciate the exquisiteness of a painting or sculpture, but other disciplines also inspire us to see the beauty behind the order and regulation of the universe. Every time I am shown the complex regulatory pathways of various genes, I will admire the beauty of the intelligent organization of every creature. Every time I observe the dainty arrangement of a crystal, I am overwhelmed by the force that creates such elegancy. （这句也有语法错误？？）Every time I see the marvelous spectacles of sunrises and sunsets, I want to sing for the physical regulation that governs the earth to orbit the sun. Admittedly without any knowledge of academic discipline, we can still admire the apparent beauty of universe, but only after we learn many disciplines can we can see the elegant string of the universe.

In short, the world remains what it is, but our perspective changes, thanks to the study of an academic discipline.

755words, 3 hours

好长，我终于看完了。以后楼主还是限时写吧:L
我看到另一种观点也挺好的，就是专业的学习也会限制我们看待世界的方式。所以可以从反面论述一下。
楼主的文章语言很流畅，词汇很丰富，但其实可以简洁一点！意思表达清楚最重要了！
：）

[ Last edited by happy_shirley on 2005-12-24 at 22:54 ]

azaleaUID: 196122

恩 那我先回拍一半

第一段最后一句4个形容词是分别对应下面4个分论点的 这个定语从句是修饰a different way的

其实就是 a more..,more..,more..,more..way，不过这么写太长的 就写成定语从句了

这么说组长理解了么？

下面继续回

这个题目我其实也不知道怎么写才好 因为角度太多了 我本来是想分对世界和对自身认识2方面
但对世界下面又要分很多论点 合并起来说不清楚 分开的话界限也不是很明显 实在不好写唉

还是写得太少 不知道怎么选择最好的思路:(

[ Last edited by azalea on 2005-12-25 at 08:17 ]