issue208

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TOPIC:  208"The way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. You can tell much about a society's ideas and values by observing the appearance and behavior of its people."
提纲：
观点：虽然外貌、行为等对我们了解一个国家的价值系统也有许多积极作用，但是，从本质上来说， 一个国家的价值观是由该国家的发展状况、生活方式、宗教信仰甚至地理环境等多方面影响的结果。
1）：外貌、行为等在某中意义上可以做为鉴别某个国家或地区价值观的一种手段；
2）：本质上，一个国家的价值观有发展状况、生活方式、宗教信仰甚至地理环境等多方面影响的结果。
分析有点不全面，因为提干还有一个说法就是外表和行为可以反映个人的性格和态度，而作者把重点全部放在了对国家的考虑

Can you gain much information of a society’s ideas and values from the appearance and behavior of its people? The speaker claims so, for the reason the way people look, dress, and act reveals their attitudes and interests. I concede that the appearance and behavior of a society’s people can illuminate its ideas and values in some respects. Otherwise,nevertheless in my opinion a society’s ideas and values would be represented, more often than not, by the degree of the society’s development, people’s religious belief system, the mode of life and even the geographical conditions of the society, etc.
显然这是一个另起炉灶的写法，完全否定作者的观点，而提出自己的意见，认为国家的价值取向是由社会发展，宗教信仰等方面左右的．这种写法不多见，但若能分析透彻仍然能是一篇好文章．

Admittedly, in some respects 在可以的情况下尽量注意选词的多变，上面用了这个词，这里可以用aspects we can tell much about a society’s ideas and values from the appearance and behavior of its people. Fox example, jeans wear represents the culture and social circumstances of the 1920’s and 1930’s in the U.S.A; Western-style clothes can reveal much about western country’s ideas and values;这个例子显得有点大而空了，没有牛仔的例子有说服力，必定西式服装是一个太大的概念 Sun yat sen’s uniform 请教一下这是什么服装啊？illuminates the development of 1960’s and 1970’s in China. Moreover, shrug is usually considered as a symbolic pose which belongs to Europeans and Americans; in ancient China, people meeting each other often carry时态！ fists instead of saying ‘Hello’ or ‘ Hi’. With the development of a society, each country has distinctive customs and traditional culture. It is throught society’s ideas and values that we can recognize each country and nation.最后一句可以再考虑一下，你的论证重点是外表和语言推出society's ideas and value，而不是society's ideas and value 推出country and nation．另外，这里的country and nation重复，而且太抽象了，别人会问；推出国家的什么呢？？　
另外，这段总的来说对于服装的论述明显多于了对行为的论述，可以稍微权衡一下，尽量两个方面的重点一样

Aside from the foregoing two provisos, however, I fundamentally disagree with the speaker’s claim. First of all, consider, for instance, yellow race, Black people and Caucasian非常棒的一个词语，忍不住要赞一个！！ who are different in the color of skin.  As we all know, European and American are Caucasian mostly. But, they are part of many different nations  and each country has distinctive values and ideas,这句有两个动词了 so in this circumstances just depending on their appearance concerning about their skin color we can not 这是一个词语cannot learn more about their society’s ideas and values. It is also very possible that your conclusions about a society’s ideas and values are inaccuracy and partial just according to its people’s appearance and behavior.

Secondly, the people who live in tropical region may dress similarly and behave alike around the whole world. Can you say that their ideas and values are analogical or their very different values can be told by these similar appearance and behavior? 语法有问题，再检查Of course can not. Geographical conditions sometimes effect a society’s values and customs too.
这段太以点概面了，而且论述不详细，所以不是很有说服力．有些句子的语法结构我不是很能理解你的意思．呵呵．如果这段就是从热带人论述，我觉得完全可以和前面一段合并而不必另起．

As a matter of fact, more often than not in most events，注意短语多变the degree of a society’s development, people’s religious belief system and the mode of life reveal a lot about the society’s ideas and values in nature. Factually the degree of a society’s development decides almost everything of the society. Everything is vacant without the development of the society. People’s religious belief system consists of the whole society’s cultural development direction and value system. Generally speaking, different religious belief system generates different value system. In addition, the mode of life can attribute more or less to the formation of a society’s ideas and values. For example, value system is undoubtedly different between an Agricultural-centered society and a Industrial-centered society. In a word, the construction of a society’s ideas and values are substantially in the base of the degree of the society’s development, people’s religious belief system and the mode of life.
用词等没仔细看了，大概看了下结构，感觉有点乱，可以调整一下，而且，整个感觉除了for example 后面的有点象是在喊口号，提出观点但没有令人信服的论证

In sum, l concede that the appearance and behavior of a society’s people can illuminate its ideas and values in some respects. Otherwise, other important factors, such as the degree of a society’s development, people’s religious belief system, the mode of life and even the geographical conditions of a society, are also ignored, also carry weight in evaluating a society's value.because they are essential decisions concerning about the society’s ideas and values. Accordingly, on balance the speaker is fundamentally correct.这句作为总结性的话不太好吧．

总的来说文章的结构不是很好，刚开始让人感觉市另起炉灶的写作方式，但从后面的论证看却有不是，因为也论述了衣服和行为方面。没有相互呼应好。个别段落的分析有点空，句子之间的衔接可以再加强，有些句子的语法有小错误，今后注意了．但是，楼主的个别用词还是非常好的，将人种不同那段尤为精彩．继续坚持

仅为一家之言，评论得不好的地方还望keto包涵