issue177 GOGOGO

加一UID: 2168628

177. "The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."

    对于一门学科的研究会改变我们对世界的看法。在学习这门学科之后，我们看到的世界一如既往，但是我们本身的角度和眼光已然不同。

OUTLINE:
1.明确同意此观点
2.获得知识的重要性，知识对人类的影响。（进化论、相对论）
3.没有知识的指引，我们的世界将会...（迷信，殉葬）
4.结尾
    As the speaker asserts, the way we perceive the world would be altered after the study of an academic discipline. We see the same world with different eyes only because of the knowledge we obtained. I do agree with the issue that obtaining knowledge is a significant way to change our mind.
  Admittedly, the study of an academic discipline would influence our life strongly. When I was a child, I always believe that the stars which hang on the sky are the children of moon and sun. In order to know more about stars, I was beginning to learn the academic discipline of astronomy. Then I was shocked by the knowledge that many of the stars are much bigger than the sun. After learning the evolutionism, we are realized that all living creatures on the earth are sharing the same ancestor from the very beginning. Without learning the principle of relativity created by Einstein, it is impossible to convince me that the beginning of real time would have been a singularity. The more knowledge we obtained, the more maturity we are. As the Francis Bacon who is a famous British Philosopher said that Histories make men wise; poems witty; the mathematics subtle; natural philosophy deep; moral grave; logic and rhetoric able to contend. Although the world is not changed, we are changed after the study of an academic discipline.
  However, without the guide of academic knowledge, we may confuse when some unusual affairs come. In the early of society, many children would be buried with the dead king of the country because the lord believes that the children will take care of the king forever. Despite of the development of the modren science, the superstition remains in the world. At the end of 2005, A heavy snowstorm with lightning and thundering came to South Korea and Japan. Due to lack of some basic knowledge of weather, many citizens were quite scared. They believed that the god got angry because of the extravagance of human. In fact, the reason of the blizzard is the influence a huge cyclone comes from China. Superstition comes into the world only because people are devoid of knowledge.
  In conclusion, the study of academic disciplines do change the way we perceptive the world. I do believe that the more deep study of the academic disciplines, the more broadly view we got.

pioneercpuUID: 2139317

azaleaUID: 196122

As the speaker asserts, the way we perceive the world would be altered after the study of an academic discipline. We see the same world with different eyes only[题目没说only哦 不要这么绝对] because of the knowledge we [have好些] obtained. I do agree with the issue[这个词不恰当 可以用view] that obtaining knowledge is a significant way to change our mind.
  Admittedly[一般用于让步 这里用不恰当哦], the study of an academic discipline would influence our life strongly. [For example,不加的话从论理转到举例太突兀了]When I was a child, I always believe[-d] that the stars which hang[过去时hung] on the sky are[were] the children of moon and sun. [haha, interesting这是题外话~]In order to know more about stars, I was beginning[I began，注意begin一般不用进行时的] to learn the academic discipline of astronomy. Then I was shocked by the knowledge that many of the stars are much bigger than the sun. [这里举新的例子 同样需要过渡 比如Another case in point is as follows.]After learning the evolutionism, we are realized[we realize主动] that all living creatures on the earth are sharing[share 表示一般情况] the same ancestor from the very beginning. Without learning the principle of relativity created by Einstein, it is impossible to convince me that the beginning of real time would have been a singularity. The more knowledge we obtained[obtain], the more maturity[mature] we are.[这句没有说明中心哦 一定要紧扣中心 有机会就点题 different eyes] As the Francis Bacon who is a famous British Philosopher said that Histories make men wise; poems witty; the mathematics subtle; natural philosophy deep; moral grave; logic and rhetoric able to contend.[这个论据很好 很恰当的 不过有语法问题 我重写一下As Francis Bacon, a famous British Philosopher said that Histories make men wise; ...]Although the world is not changed, we are[have] changed after the study of an academic discipline.

对了 这段3个例子 有些多余 一般证明一个分论点 2个论据足矣 建议你在这段下面再分层 每层用一个例子说明 而且举例不是把例子放那里就完了 要有对论据的分析 这个你要注意哦
  However[改为On the contrary用于对比], without the guide of academic knowledge, we may confuse[may be confused] when some[去掉some尽量少用] unusual affairs come. In the early of[去掉of] society, many children would be [killed and这样让人容易理解] buried with the dead king of the country because the lord believes that the children will take care of the king forever. Despite of the development of the modren science, the superstition remains in [part of说话不可太绝对哦 ]the world. At the end of 2005, A heavy snowstorm with lightning and thundering came to South Korea and Japan. Due to lack of some basic knowledge of weather, many citizens were quite scared. They believed that the god got angry because of the extravagance of human. In fact, the reason of the blizzard is the influence a huge cyclone comes[coming] from China. Superstition comes into the world[come into existence的说法比较常见] only because people are devoid of knowledge. [be devoid of 用的不错]
  In conclusion, the study of academic disciplines do[does] change the way we perceptive[perceive] the world. I do believe that the [more deep] [deeper..]study of the academic disciplines, the more broadly view we got[attain，get尽量少用 太口语化].

有进步哦 文章思路清晰 句子也比较流畅
正反论述比较有新意 不过每方面内部再分层详细论述就好了
也不会这么少字了哈

[ Last edited by azalea on 2005-12-25 at 10:20 ]

pioneercpuUID: 2139317

177. "The study of an academic discipline alters the way we perceive the world. After studying the discipline, we see the same world as before, but with different eyes."

    对于一门学科的研究会改变我们对世界的看法。在学习这门学科之后，我们看到的世界一如既往，但是我们本身的角度和眼光已然不同。

OUTLINE:
1.明确同意此观点
2.获得知识的重要性，知识对人类的影响。（进化论、相对论）
3.没有知识的指引，我们的世界将会...（迷信，殉葬）
4.结尾
    As the speaker asserts, the way we perceive the world would be altered after the study of an academic discipline. We see the same world with different eyes only because of the knowledge we obtained. I do agree with the issue that obtaining knowledge is a significant way to change our mind.
(注意格式啊,顶头写,开头不空两格.)
  Admittedly, the study of an academic discipline would influence our life strongly. When I was a child, I always believe that the stars which hang on the sky are the children of moon and sun.(真有想像力). In order to know more about stars, I was beginning to learn the academic discipline of astronomy. Then I was shocked by the knowledge(这个词不妥啊,) that many of the stars are much bigger than the sun. (这两个例子之间要有个好的过渡的)After learning the evolutionism, we are(多余) realized that all living creatures on the earth are sharing the same ancestor from the very beginning. Without learning the principle of relativity created by Einstein, it is impossible to convince me that the beginning of real time would have been a singularity.(汗,这句话是什么意思啊,能不能用汉语给我解释一下先) The more knowledge we obtained, the more maturity we are. As the Francis Bacon who is a famous British Philosopher said that Histories make men wise; poems witty; the mathematics subtle; natural philosophy deep; moral grave; logic and rhetoric able to contend. Although the world is not changed, we are changed(有问题吧) after the study of an academic discipline.

  However, without the guide of academic knowledge, we may confuse when some unusual affairs come.(改成 We may confuse about unusual affairs 怎样,复合句是不是太生硬了.) In the early of society,(在社会的早期? In the early society可以表达这个意思吗) many children would be buried(alive) with the dead king of the country because the lord believes that the children will take care of the king forever. Despite of the development of the modren science, the superstition remains in the world. At the end of 2005,(这个例子好新啊) A heavy snowstorm with lightning and thundering came to South Korea and Japan. Due to lack of some basic knowledge of weather, many citizens were quite scared. They believed that the god got angry because of the extravagance of human. In fact, the reason of the blizzard is the influence a huge cyclone comes from China. Superstition comes into the world only because people are devoid of knowledge. (能不能在概括的终结一下这段呢)

  In conclusion, the study of academic disciplines do change the way we perceptive the world. I do believe that the more deep study of the academic disciplines, the more broadly view we got.
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观点1.获得知识的重要性，知识对人类的影响。（进化论、相对论）,感觉你论证的比较充分,例子比较多了

但是3.没有知识的指引，我们的世界将会...（迷信，殉葬）,觉得稍稍偏题啊,题目主要是要讲我们看世界的眼光不同啊,而你的侧重点却再了迷信是因为没有知识,好像一直在说知识的重要性啊

自己的感觉, 呵呵  你听听啦  

可以回拍,讨论一下了.

pioneercpuUID: 2139317

我改的太慢了  呵呵

azaleaUID: 196122

你改得比我认真哦 我累死了 有错误都没看出来 汗。。

加一UID: 2168628

As the speaker asserts, the way we perceive the world would be altered after the study of an academic discipline. We see the same world with different eyes only because of the knowledge we obtained. I do agree with the issue that obtaining knowledge is a significant way to change our mind.
  Admittedly, the study of an academic discipline would influence our life strongly. When I was a child, I always believe that the stars which hang on the sky are the children of moon and sun.其实之前看了看azalea的文章,发现有个小时侯看星星的例子,我想那就也写一个吧,就胡扯出这个来了.俺小时侯的想象力那有这么夸张:$ In order to know more about stars, I was beginning to learn the academic discipline of astronomy. Then I was shocked by the knowledge that many of the stars are much bigger than the sun. After learning the evolutionism, we are realized that all living creatures on the earth are sharing the same ancestor from the very beginning. Without learning the principle of relativity created by Einstein, it is impossible to convince me that the beginning of real time would have been a singularity. (宇宙在形成之初是个奇点)The more knowledge we obtained, the more maturity we are. As the Francis Bacon who is a famous British Philosopher said that Histories make men wise; poems witty; the mathematics subtle; natural philosophy deep; moral grave; logic and rhetoric able to contend. Although the world is not changed, we are changed after the study of an academic discipline.
  However, without the guide of academic knowledge, we may confuse when some unusual affairs come. In the early of society, many children would be buried with the dead king of the country because the lord believes that the children will take care of the king forever. Despite of the development of the modren science, the superstition remains in the world. At the end of 2005, A heavy snowstorm with lightning and thundering came to South Korea and Japan. Due to lack of some basic knowledge of weather, many citizens were quite scared. They believed that the god got angry because of the extravagance of human. In fact, the reason of the blizzard is the influence a huge cyclone comes from China. Superstition comes into the world only because people are devoid of knowledge.
  In conclusion, the study of academic disciplines do change the way we perceptive the world. I do believe that the more deep study of the academic disciplines, the more broadly view we got.

呵呵,这篇写的有点着急.昨天发完了就跑到北京的西什库教堂作弥撒去了,还不错~
其实真的不知道怎么写好,如cpu兄所言,确实有些跑题.本来可以按时交的,后来上网看了看大家的文章,发现跑的太凶...我写成了"知识对人类的影响",呵呵.感觉题目比较2,所以只能正写加反写,于是发现字数不够,就加了几个例子...
哎,都被两位看出来了,佩服!!!