请教一篇twe：政府花钱问题

wishuangUID: 2112728

Topic:  
Should governments spend more money on improving roads and highways, or should governments spend more money on improving public transportation (buses, trains, subways)? Why? Use specific reasons and details to develop your essay.
It is indubitable that governments should spend money on both roads, highways and public transportation. But when faced with the problem that which more money should be spent on, different governments have different decisions according to their own countries’ national condition. For our country, in which a number of traffic jams and air pollutions are doing seriously and have a detrimental effect on our quality of life, I believe that it would be most beneficial if our government spent more money on improving public transportation. This would result in substantial standard of living improvements.

To improve public transportation, at first, we could expand subway lines and upgrade railway systems. Consequently, we do not have to only rely on trucks and buses for ground transportation of passengers and freight. That means the volume of cars and trucks hitting the highways and roads would not be dramatically rising as it does nowadays. As a result, removing this kind of traffic from the highways and encouraging the use of trains and subways would result in a reduction of traffic congestions on the freeways.

Then developing an effective plan to combine buses and subway routes is another good idea to reduce the carbon monoxide emissions. For example, if subway lines could reach every corner of our country, people would not have to use their cars to commute. It represents fewer cars on the road, which lead to less carbon monoxide emissions into the atmosphere. Therefore, the air we breathe would be more pure. Similarly, fewer cars also mean less traffic jams, which translates into better living conditions.

Admittedly it is necessary to keep roads and highways in good conditions in our country. Running on the roads in bad conditions, cars are apt to break down which confuses the drivers all the time. In addition, accidents often occur on the highways in bad conditions. However, if government could improve public transportation to reduce congestions on the roads and highways, the possibility of accidents would be reduced.

To sum up, I think government in our country should pay more on improving public transportation, which will help reduce traffic jams, accidents and air pollution. A safer, healthier and more enjoyable place to live waits for us in the future.    372字
望互拍！

manmoondonkeyUID: 2160026

我认为第二段有点问题，整个第二段你再写how to improve public transportation,我认为你应该说why,不是how.应该写public transportation如何如何重要。

wishuangUID: 2112728

我是想说expand the subway lines 是一种improve public transportation 的方法，以这种方法为例说明他的好处：可以解决congestion的问题，来解释why，可能第二段第一句主题句写的不好，
As an example ,expanding subway lines and upgrade railway systems is one of the effective way to improve public transportation .你觉得呢？

Zeus_NeoUID: 2126641

个人感觉
开头和中间的理由段比起来比重有些大了，会让人有一点议论多于例证的感觉。

我觉得实际的例子、数据、调查结果等等会给文章充实的内容 Make it more convinciable and more supported.

你怎么看？

祝好运！ ：D

wishuangUID: 2112728

有道理！
还想问大牛们：像我把题目的范围化小，针对our government写算不算跑题啊？